*tw: the word suicide. please don't feel forced to read this chapter if you don't want to <3*

"My mom's old journal."

Namjoon nods, setting his coffee and my bag on a table.

"Can I read it?" He asks, already fascinated by the old binding. "If it's okay with you." I nod and he immediately opens it. 

"It's a little dark," I warn him. Namjoon just waves his hand half-heartedly, not really listening. Sighing, I take a sip of coffee, smiling to myself as the sweetness covers my tongue.

I've never let anyone read her words before. Her journal's the only thing I have left of her, as if it's a letter personally addressed to me. Without it, she feels like a dream or distant memory. Without her journal, I'm scared I'll forget her.

There's a comfortable silence for the next half hour. Joon's so invested in my mom's journal he's forgotten I'm there, which is fine by me. I happened to find "Wuthering Heights" in the bookshelf next to us, and started reading.

(if you haven't read it, go read it. i swear it changed my life. no im not dramatic smh)

With a quiet sigh, Namjoon closes the book carefully before looking over at me. He nudges me a little, making eye contact.

"Why does it end so suddenly?" He perks up, a thought occurring to him. "Is she still journaling and didn't have room here?"

Pinching my lips together, I wince as I try to figure out how to tell him. It's not that I'm still hurting; it's knowing that he'll look at me differently when he knows.

"She died," I whisper, not looking at him. "Suicide."

There's not a response from him for a moment, then a large hand covers mine, making me look up in surprise. Namjoon gives me a small smile, squeezing my hand once and sliding the journal back over to me.

"You know, stars shine the brightest when the night is darkest." Namjoon smiles at me again before retracting his hand. I want to grab his hand back, but I'm scared to, afraid of what he thinks of me now.

Resting his chin on the palm of his hand, Namjoon stares down at the worn journal thoughtfully.

"The night is always darkest before the dawn," he murmurs to himself. Looking up at me suddenly, he lights up. "That's genius."

Pulling out his phone, he types it in his notes. Namjoon smiles at me as he finishes, reaching out and giving me a one sided hug.

"Thank you for being my inspiration."