verb ~ become aware or conscious of

NOVA

Usually, I huffed and puffed at going on these pack visits with Phoenix. They were as tedious as they were awkward, and I always felt too nosey for my own good.

I was nosey.

I could be nosey.

But looking into every aspect of a pack was very repetitive. Most of them so far have been practically perfect. Only a few needed guidance, and that was for things that were way too simple to fix. Taxes, patrol routes, food supplies... They weren't challenging and didn't take away the niggling in my mind that I was away from my babies.

My hand curled around my stomach as we jerked in the car, and I gazed out of the window with a desperation to rid myself of the nausea.

Fifteen weeks pregnant and it was in full swing.

Funnily enough, it wasn't as bad as it was with the twins. I wasn't sure if that was because of fewer hormones carrying only one, but it was... just less.

Unless I have now jinxed myself.

Anyway, morning sickness was quickly turning into travel sickness. With a muffled groan, I reached into the door pocket and pulled out a sick bag. Before I could even unfurl the contents of my stomach into the bag, Phoenix's warm hand sprawled across my back, and it seemed to simmer.

If I wasn't about to hurl, I would smack his hand away for taking away the pain and soothing me with the bond.

It felt like cheating.

His thumb traced circled into my lower back and stayed there even when the moment passed. I noticed a breeze on my face and blinked away the burning tears to face the newly open window. I sighed heavily, wiping them away with the back of my hand. Phoenix nudged my fingers away, wiping them for me. I scowled at him, but he merely smiled, running his thumb across my cheek.

"Don't look at me like that."

"I can handle it." I murmured.

"I know you can," He mused. "But you should've eaten before we left."

"That makes it worse." I groaned. "If I ate, then one bump in this car would've had me hurling."

His eyes softened, his hand moving to cup my jaw. "Only five more minutes and then we've arrived."

I sighed, nodding and turning back to the open window. The weather was still warm, but it was finally cooling down. My heart ached with the loss of the summer, but a whole new excitement burned at the prospect of winter and cosy nights with my family.

It would be our first winter holidays, and I couldn't wait to decorate a tree with all the babies.

We had passed the pack border a while ago, and were now readily approaching a pack house. The pack house was large, and instead of the usual wood or brick, someone had painted it white. My lips pursed, eyeing the building with unease.

I didn't really want to be here. I felt like I was intruding on somebody else's secrets.

The car drifted to a stop, and I watched as the driver rushed to open the side door. It slid open with a metallic groan, and I sympathised with its effort. I, too, felt like a heavy piece of metal who just wanted to stay in one piece.

Sean and James were with us today; which meant Leo was in charge of the pack. I could still picture his face as Phoenix told him so.

He'd never turned so pale.

But cool and composed, he accepted his alpha's wish before scurrying from the room. Later that evening, I was invited to their home where he, and Molly, both gushed about being in power for a day.

Jame was here as an extra protective detail. He was my usual 'guard' and with the pregnancy, I was lucky Phoenix didn't bring the entire entourage.

No offence to James, but we didn't need him.

We'd be fine.

But it calmed Phoenix's wolf, so it was worth it.

Sean climbed out first, scouring the area before nodding slightly. Phoenix was next, and I slid down the seat to take his outstretched hand. He pulled me to my shaky knees, and I swallowed back the sudden dizziness. His arm curled around my waist with a low growl, and I softly laughed in return.

I'm fine.

His eyes had darkened, and I avoided them completely as James came out next and stood behind us. The driver closed the door before getting back in and moving the car elsewhere.

We had come on the plane; Gaia refused to teleport us when it was such a brief journey. She blamed it on the pregnancy, and I listened to her concerns. It wasn't worth the risk, and she'd only do it if it was life or death.

I wish I had forced her now because the nausea was going to kill me before Phoenix did.

"Alpha Titan!"

My head spun, catching the sudden appearance of a woman waltzing down the stairs. Inhaling her scent, I recognised the alpha blood in her veins waiting to be activated. My eyes widened, suddenly interested in the woman Phoenix appointed as stand-in alpha for this pack.

"Welcome to the Valborga pack." She greeted, stopping a few feet before us.

Her dark blue eyes scanned my mate before locking onto Sean, James and then finally me. They widened with a grin, creasing in the corners. Her dark hair swayed with the movement as she leaned forward to shake my hand.

"Luna, it is an honour to meet you." She bowed her head. "I am Alpha Penny."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, hating how people always treated me higher because of my blood and title. Phoenix, and even Charlie, loved it, but I always felt... itchy.

I took her hand, anyway, squeezing it in return. "Thank you, but there is no need."

"Please." she squeaked before clearing her throat. "Your family has given mine life many moons ago. You are our founders, and you deserve that recognition."

I chewed back the urge to blush and thanked her softly.

"Shall we get right into it?" She wondered, facing my mate.

Phoenix hummed, agreeing. "Start with the inner sanctum, then we can look at... everything else."

Her smiling gaze dimmed slightly at the reminder of the horrific death that still seeped through the earth. I could smell it. I could feel it in every breath I took, sizzling my body and curling my stomach. The lack of life, the sadness... But the anger lingered, and I knew it would only grow the further into it we waltzed.

Penny led us through the pack home, and through the various rooms we passed, everything was up to code. It was quiet, but it wasn't too stricken with sadness. It had been just over two weeks since Calida and Charlie stormed the pack, and people were finally letting go of their burdens and sadness.

"Care to look over the paperwork now or after?" Penny wondered, stopping in her office.

"After." Phoenix stated. "Where is your beta?"

Penny frowned, glancing up. "He'll be in his room."

"How come?" I wondered.

"He..." She hesitated. "Had a meltdown."

My eyebrows furrowed. How was this man supposed to be alpha or even beta when he was cooped up in his room?

"It's not every day!" She insisted. "I am working to help him control his wolf."

"His wolf has outbursts?" I wondered.

"Guilt. Anger... It is still early days. Thankfully, he has not been burdened with alpha responsibilities yet." Her eyes creased with a sad smile. "I have you to thank for that, Alpha Phoenix."

My mate shook his head, his arm tightening around my waist. "You were perfect for the job, Penny."

She blushed, dipping her chin. "Let's take a break. I'll have some drinks made."

Phoenix was quick to agree, and five minutes later I was sitting on a sofa, with a cup of tea, some fruit and a sugary pastry. I insisted it wasn't necessary, and Penny had been on my side until Phoenix told her I skipped a meal, was pregnant, and nearly fell over earlier. Now she was staring at me with a firm frown as much as my mate was.

The two of them watched me, creepily, until I finished the pastry. And when that was done, Penny relaxed, her eyes dropping to my stomach before she took a seat beside me.

"How far along are you?" She beamed.

"Fifteen weeks." I murmured.

"You already have two, right?"

I nodded, a soft smile filling my face as I pictured my babies. "I sure do."

"Close in age?"

"Too close." I muttered.

"Perfectly close." Phoenix interjected.

Penny's eyes brightened and the small talk continued until we all were well-rested and full of tea and sweet snacks. As I rose from the sofa ready for another tour, somebody cleared their throat. I felt the tension immediately, and I eyed my mate curiously as he stared across the room.

Looking over my shoulder, I found a pair of dark eyes staring right at me. I didn't like it. His gaze was harsh and raw, full of something that wasn't surface level. The male's upper lip twitched as he scrutinised me, and instead of ignoring his behaviour, I bared my teeth at him.

"You should drop your gaze before we have to deal with it together." I warned him.

His tongue darted out to wet his lips, but he did as I requested, shifting his gaze to his alpha.

"Beta Jermaine, glad you could make it." Penny chimed. "Staring at the luna's beauty will do you nothing but draw blood, so let's move on."

Her words seemed to snap him out of his daze, and he nodded with a firm smile. "I apologise. Let me show you where things happened."

I didn't like him.

And from the look on Phoenix's face, neither did he.

We fell into our usual formation, with Phoenix locked onto my side. We followed the beta as he took us toward the border, my anxious agitation bristling Celimene's fur to the point she came to my mind. Although reserved to grow the child in my womb, she was not as held back as she was with the twins. My nerves woke her, and I felt the power of her attention curl through my limbs.

Standing by the border of the Valborga pack, my jaw tightened at the dull throbbing of their limits. We silently listened to Jermaine as he took us through the path of destruction, and I couldn't help but notice the patches of blood in the dirt as we walked. It hadn't rained since, and the mud was hard beneath my feet.

I spotted a few splatters of blood up trees that, oddly, had been left and not cleaned. More patches appeared as the scent of death did, and I paused as we came to a stop by some marked graves. There were so many, and I eyed them with a solemn sadness.

I felt bad for those who died protecting their pack.

Except for the alpha, and whoever else Calida and Charlie killed, that deserved it. Whatever they did to her, my wolf and I were pleased that they got what was coming for them. It was a sickening admission, but Calida was my kin, my pack, and they hurt her to the point of no return.

"And this is the home they ransacked." Jermaine's lip down-turned with a growl. "Stormed it and killed the two mates inside."

"There were just two?" I asked. "Nobody else?"

"None." He growled. "They broke her neck before torturing him."

I could feel the death. It lingered, coated in fear as it wrapped around the remains of the house. The door and windows had caved in, but a lot of the house remained intact. It was a deliberate attack, one that had me stepping closer with curiosity.

Phoenix's hand tightened on my wrist, tugging me back. I turned to face him, my mouth in a firm line as I shook my head.

I need to know why.

His eyebrows furrowed, but he sighed and followed me. Beta Jermaine stared at me incredulously as I passed him.

"Where are you going?"

I turned, eyeing him. "Going by the judging you seem to allude me to, I assume you know I am a lycan and know of my gifts."

His throat bobbed, his gaze hard as he nodded. "You are correct."

"Then I am simply having a look." I forced a smile.

His eyes narrowed as I dismissed him and entered the house. I followed the pull of death to a broken bedroom door. I could see the bed frame from the hallway, and paused at the sudden change of emotion.

Anger.

This room was angry.

The fear was pushed aside and filled with so much raw, powerful anger that it made me hesitate.

But it was just a room.

There was nothing in here to scare me. Nothing in here that could cause harm.

But I was determined to figure out why it was so angry.