noun ~ feelings of extreme nervousness

NOVA

I was full of jittery energy today. We had the first baby scan before breakfast and the moment I woke with the sunrise, I couldn't stop thinking about it. The twins seemed to notice my mood, fussing and wanting more attention than usual.

We booked the scan as early in the day as we could because I knew I wouldn't be able to stand waiting all day long for the result. Plus, it gave Kate a better reading of my bloods and hormone levels if it was early in the morning.

The twins were sleeping better and so was I, but last night was the worst that I'd slept in a while. It was part excitement and part nerves. Excited because I got to see the life I was growing inside of me, and nervous because what if it was a multiple pregnancy? Twins again?

My back was already screaming at me.

Goddess forbid it was anything over two. If life really hated me, it would give me three, and then Phoenix would never let me leave the house without bubble wrap.

After hugging the toiler and hoping for hell to swallow me whole, I finally sobered enough to leave the bathroom. Phoenix had looked after me until the twins started to cry about being alone, and I found him in the living room making a coffee. Frowning at the scent of coffee beans so early in the morning, I meandered toward the fridge. Using the built in water and ice dispenser, I washed away the curling tension in my chest and stomach.

Hands curled around my waist, settling on my stomach. "Feel any better?"

I nodded, swallowing. "For now. I'm just... nervous."

"Everything will be fine." He murmured, kissing my throat.

"Will it? How would we know?" I shook my head. "I've been working out, eating bad, and stressed out of my mind. What if-

"Everything will be fine." He interrupted. "I may not be able to see the future like a certain someone, but I can certainly smell and feel. And everything appears fine."

My shoulders sagged, my head falling back to his shoulder in defeat. He peered down at me, and I smirked as I got a glimpse of his chins and nose hairs.

Ha, not so perfect. He had a bogey.

"Come on, the twins are looking for you."

"More like my boobs." I snorted a laugh. "Shit, what if I had to feed four babies?"

"The twins will be nearly one. You don't have to breastfeed them and the new baby." His chuckle vibrated my back. "They'll be on food and can have a different milk."

I frowned, knowing I'd have to think about it.

I had a lot to think about, really.

Perhaps we should've been more careful and waited a few more months. At least my body has healed, unlike humans that take an entire year. Boy, magic was a wonderful healer.

After half an hour of feeding the twins, I occupied my mind by preparing for the day. After the scan, I had brunch with the girls, so I didn't need to do anything for lunch. I technically was still on maternity leave from my luna duties, but even that hasn't stopped me so far. Phoenix was hovering nearby, having taken the morning off so he could be with me. But even his mere presence was triggering me, and I was placing the twins into their pushchair ten minutes early.

"Are we going already?" Phoenix wondered.

"I just think a walk is needed. Before the sun disappears for five months."

He nodded, a knowing smirk on his face as he agreed with me. It was a measly excuse, and he knew it.

We plodded through the forest, the twins babbling and giggling whenever one of us peered our head over the pushchair. Before I knew it, we were in the hospital and eagerly waiting for Kate to call us through. My knee bounced impatiently as I stared down the hallway. Phoenix's hand smoothed over my knee, grasping it in his large grip.

"She's coming." He murmured.

True to his word, Kate rounded the corner with a broad grin. She didn't even have to call our name before I was rising from my chair and heaving the pushchair her way. Her eyes widened, a giggle escaping her as I approached.

"Well, I guess you're eager." She mused.

"She has been running ragged all morning." Phoenix commented.

I scowled, thanking Kate as she held the door open for me. I hope the door didn't hit him on the way in.

'Naughty thoughts.' Phoenix purred.

My scowl deepened as I hitched myself up onto the hospital bed. Kate ran us through the basics of getting myself sorted and pulling up my records.

"How is Ella doing?"

"She's good. Crawling already!"

"Already?" I breathed, eyes wide. "She's only a month older than these two!"

"It's more of an army crawl than anything." She mused. "Is Freddy not sitting yet?"

"No, the stubborn little shit just falls over. At least Belle can hold it for a few moments."

As if knowing we were talking about him, Freddy gurgled a laugh, reaching out toward Phoenix.

"Crazy how fast the time flies." Kate sighed.

I let out a low breath, nodding with understanding. Time has surely flown.

"So, are we celebrating or are we... not so celebratory?" She mused.

"It's a lot to get our heads around. Especially when we've only just gained sleep back." I shrugged. "Let's just see how many I have to worry over."

She laughed at my joke, nodding as she passed me some tissue to cover my pant line with. I eyed the soft bump of my womb with curiosity as she then dolloped the warm gel onto my skin.

"We're guessing twelve weeks, right?" She wondered, hovering the probe over my stomach.

Nervous anticipation gurgled my stomach, and I clutched onto Phoenix for dear life. His touch was comforting and warm, a reminder to ground myself and not get lost in my worry.

"Yeah. Around there." I mumbled.

"Okay, let's see what we got cooking and then we will take it from there."

I held my breath as she placed the probe-wand on my stomach and twirled it around. The screen flickered to life as Kate searched for my womb. It took her a moment, and she had to dive deeper into my pelvic bone. Every passing second of silence deepened the pit of dread in my stomach, and as she pressed things on the keyboard, my heart raced.

But then, just when I thought all hope was lost, a blob flickered onto the screen. Kate's breath hitched, a soft laugh escaping her as she angled the device once more. And then there it was. A black echoing tissue with a tiny, tiny human inside of it. It was wriggling a lot; its tiny arms and legs flaying around.

"Apologies for that. I hadn't zoomed in far enough." Kate gushed. "I swear this new machine is out to get me killed by the alpha."

Phoenix hummed with agreement, but I remained transfixed on the screen before me. The baby twirled, rippling inside of me. Kate mumbled something, but the white noise that ran in my ears overpowered all sense of reality. Then came a click, and with a simple hum, a heartbeat. I strained my ears, committing the rapid thumping to memory.

It was real.

There was a baby inside of me.

A soft laugh of surprise escaped me, reality rippling around me. Every bad thought, every second gaze vanished from my mind the moment I set my eyes on that greyish white blur.

I felt Phoenix's hands shift and move from my hand to my face. A moment of déjà vu occurred as he turned my shocked face to his. He was grinning as he whispered my name before sealing it with a soft kiss. My heart and mind flooded with his adoration, barely restrained by the bond. It hit me like a tidal wave, and my stomach filled with butterflies at his raw emotion.

When he released me, I turned to Kate with wide-eyes.

"They're okay?"

"Of course, everything sounds great. I will look at the finer details once your heart calms." She grinned.

"And there's just one?" I breathed.

"Just one."

"My back thanks you." I sighed, my head falling into the pillows.

Her laugh was soft as she led us through the basic twelve-week checks. She measured the baby, confirming they were a few days over twelve weeks old, closer to thirteen than I thought. They were long, and I feared I was going to have to birth another Phoenix-sized infant.

Wiping the gel off my stomach as it finished, I could help but laugh. Phoenix, previously occupied with the twins, turned to raise an eyebrow at me.

"One baby." I shook my head. "I only have to push out one."

He smirked. "Yes, I suppose that is a benefit."

"Plus, you can go longer with just one baby."

My eyes bugged. "Don't say that. The last three weeks of pregnancy felt like a decade."

Kate grinned, disposing of her gloves and turning off the screen. "Sorry, Nova. It's true though. I won't have to monitor you as much, either. But, if you want, of course, you can come to me whenever you want."

I thanked her, sitting upright. Phoenix was fast to dart a hand out and help me, and I clutched onto him in return. I couldn't help rolling my eyes, but I secretly enjoyed his attention. I knew in a few weeks I'd find it overbearing, but for now, it was sweet.

We parted ways with Kate, grey-scale baby photos in hand.

"How do you feel?" Phoenix asked me as we strolled toward the pack house.

My shoulders deflated. "Relieved everything is okay. She really had me for a moment."

"I know." Phoenix chuckled. "Me too, if I am being honest. I thought something bad happened."

My head snapped to the side, looking up at him in surprise. Phoenix admitting he was scared was rare, and usually only reserved for moments in a sleep-fuelled haze.

I curled my arm through his as he pushed the twins along, squeezing him tightly. He smiled softly, appreciating the silent gesture.

"I can't believe there's a real baby inside of me."

Phoenix quirked an eyebrow. "What else would there be?"

"A dream." I shrugged. "That I'd wake up and nothing would be real."

"Well, it most definitely is real. Baby three on its way." He mused. "Don't forget to call your brother after lunch."

"I won't." I shook my head. "Hopefully, he takes it well."

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Well... The whole reason he felt left out is because we're all... living differently. Things didn't go well with Clover. I don't want to upset him more."

"He never spoke about Clover." Phoenix shook his head. "How do you know it went badly?"

"Exactly." I sighed. "He didn't speak about it. Just told me he was leaving Arleybay and moving on."

He hummed, approaching the pack house. "Got an appetite yet?"

"A little." I shrugged, opening the front door.

With the morning sickness came a lack of hunger, and I knew it would either get better or worse. Whenever I was hungry, it was worse. So, I needed to eat something before my entire day was ruined.

"Good, because Sean just told me Molly is coming."

I laughed at the threatening tone he teased me with. My nearest and dearest already knew about the baby news, my overprotective mate giving it away the day after we found out. We had gone to the pack house for dinner, and immediately my parents were on my case. From there came Molly and Sean, and everyone else in between. I wanted to keep it secret, to keep it mine as I dealt with the emotions that came with it.

Shock. Denial. Disbelief. Even a little horror.

Three babies.

My heart swelled, a warmth filling my chest until it spilled over the sides and affect my mate. He grinned, kissing me goodbye with that starry look in his gaze as we reached the garden room.

"Good luck, my love." He murmured.

I watched him bend down to say goodbye to the twins, murmuring sweet sincerities and not being ashamed of it. It only made my adoration grow, and I knew I was grinning as he walked away. I watched his back as he moved, a stirring in my gut that made him turn to shoot me a teasing grin.

Boy, I was in over my head and I didn't want to swim out.