On a bright July Friday night, lumabas ako kasama si Vanessa at ang mga barkada niya for a bachelorette party.

Ayoko sanang sumama dahil si Vanessa lang naman ang kaclose ko pero pinilit niya ako.

Mas magi-enjoy daw siya if I went with her.

Hindi ako naniwala sa sinabi niya dahil these people were her friends since high school.

There were five of them and they were all very close.

Nalaman ko ang tunay na reason why she was insistent I go when we got to the club.

May isang babae sa grupo na hindi ko kilala.

Vanessa, it turns out, was setting me up with this chick named Nicole.

At first glance, she's actually pretty hot.

A little taller than I am, with thick wavy hair, a nice smile and glowing caramel colored skin.

She's also very intelligent and once we were all seated at a corner table, we started talking.

Good sense of humor, pays attention to what I'm saying, clean nails and an amazing list of accomplishment as a paralegal who is now studying to be a lawyer.

So why am not interested in her as a potential romantic partner?

Because I was intimidated.

Hindi ko alam kung nahalata niya na everytime she talks about the goings on in their office, the cases na naipanalo ng boss niya with her help (he asks for her opinion though I don't know why), I shut my mouth.

I would smile and politely nod but my brain turned off ages ago.

She talked more about her job than herself.

Right now, I'm really not interested in her work.

The truth was, hindi ako interesado to go on a date.

Si Vanessa lang itong mapilit dahil ayon sa kanya, two years is a long time to be single.

Baka daw may cobwebs na ang vagina ko.

Besides, kung hindi daw ako kikilos, hindi kusang lalapit sa akin ang romance.

"Minsan, Cupid needs a little help." Sabay kindat.

After three glasses of red wine, I found an exit.

Kailangang kong pumunta sa washroom.

Nag-excuse ako kay Nicole who turned her attention to Marcie, the girl who was getting hitched.

There was a line to the bathroom and I stood behind a tall and skinny blonde girl na kumikislap from her gold dress down to her earrings, necklace and bracelet.

Tacky.

Naramdaman ko na may tumayo sa likuran ko so medyo tumagilid ako para makita kung sino ang pumila.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa and my first reaction was sumimangot.

"We should stop meeting like this." Himalang nakangiti si Emerald.

I gave her a once over and she actually looked nice tonight.

She wore a sleeveless red dress that showed a little bit of cleavage and her nice legs.

Pantay ang kulay niya.

Maputi mula ulo hanggang paa.

"Himalang hindi ka galit sakin ngayon." I crossed my arms.

Ngumiti siya at lalo akong nagtaka.

"I'm still not happy sa ginawa mo the last time pero for some reason, lagi tayong nagkikita. It's weird."

Tumango ako dahil totoo naman ang sinabi niya.

Ang weird nga na malimit kaming magkita after what happened sa train station.

"You know my name but I don't think I know yours."

"Joy." Matipid na sagot ko.

"Nice to meet you." Inabot niya ang kanang kamay and I have no choice but to shake her hand.

Malambot ang palad niya.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"I'm waiting to use the washroom."

Tumawa siya.

It was strange to hear her laugh.

Para kasing hindi ako makapaniwala na pagkatapos ng nawitness ko weeks ago, heto siya at tumatawa.

She must be going through a lot.

"Not that. I mean dito sa club." Nakangiti pa din siya and I realized na lalo siyang gumaganda kapag nakangiti.

I have to mentally pinch myself.

Am I checking her out?

"Invited ako sa bachelorette party."

"I see." Tumango siya.

"Are you having fun?"

Nilingon ko ang pwesto kung saan nakaupo sina Vanessa.

They were all laughing.

May kausap na si Nicole na isang butch and they seem to get along very well based on the big smiles on their faces.

"I take that as a no." Sabi ni Emerald.

Binalik ko ang tingin sa kanya.

She was studying me.

I felt self-conscious.

"Ikaw? What are you doing here?"

"It's my friend's birthday."

Mataman ko siyang tiningnan.

She must have seen the look of disbelief on my face.

"I know. Para sa'yo it looks weird na a few weeks ago, I was trying to kill myself."

It made me feel uncomfortable how casually she said it.

Na para bang normal lang na pag-usapan ang ganitong bagay with someone you just met.

Napatingin ako sa nakasarang pinto ng washroom.

Ano kayang ginagawa ng babaeng nauna sa amin?

"My life is complicated." Dagdag ni Emerald.

"Just like everybody else I guess."

"I don't know about other people's lives." Sabi niya.

"Most days, it's harder to just concentrate on my own."

Nakita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata niya.

I felt uneasy not just with her honesty but with the loneliness I saw in her eyes.

"Are you having fun?" Binalik ko sa kanya ang tanong niya kanina.

"Nope."

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" Bigla na lang lumabas sa bibig ko.

"But what about the washroom?" Tinuro niya ang nakasarang pinto.

"I think she's going to be there a while. We may not want to go in after."

Nakuha niya ang sinabi ko.

Sabay kaming lumabas ng club.

"Text ko lang ang friend ko." Sabay na nasabi naming dalawa.

Tumayo kami sa gilid at mabilis na nagtype ng message sa mga kaibigang basta na lang iniwan.

Maliwanag ang paligid dala ng street lamps.

May mga tao sa labas na nagsisigarilyo at nagkikwentuhan.

Sa may di kalayuan ay dinig ang dagundong ng bass ng electronic music.

Sabay kaming naglakad palayo sa club at papunta sa train station.

"Can I ask you a question?" Nilingon ko si Emerald.

Nakasuksok sa bulsa ng suot niyang cream coat ang mga kamay.

"You already did."

"Why were you trying to jump in front of a train?"

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad.

Kinabahan ako na baka na-offend siya.

"I'm tired of being who I am. Of suffering all the time, of the struggle to be normal when I know that I'm never going to be."

"What is normal?"

"To be honest? Hindi ko alam."

"Normal is not the same for everyone."

"Siguro sa akin, it's normal to talk to a stranger and leave the club with them pero sa ibang tao, this is dangerous."

Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko.

Hindi ko din napigil ang sarili ko.

Nginitian ko siya.

Hindi ko alam pero ngayong hindi na siya hysterical, magaan ang loob ko sa kanya.

It's easy to tell her what's on my mind without fear that I will be judge or one wrong word will be a deal breaker.

Perhaps it was because we're not on a date and I'm not being set up?

"I guess I'm under a lot of pressure."

Lumakad na siya ulit at sumabay ako.

"From everyone. From myself." Dagdag niya.

"Bakit mo pinipressure ang sarili mo?"

"This may sound stupid to you pero gusto ko kasing maging normal."

"Ah. That normal thing again."

"Pero alam ko na I will never be like anyone else. My life will always be complicated gustuhin ko man o hindi. For one, I was gifted with bipolar disorder. That in itself is a lot of pressure to bear. I don't know what to do with this gift which is more like a curse." Bumuntong-hininga siya.

"We're all a little crazy in our own little ways."

She didn't smile this time.

I was afraid I said the wrong thing.

The deal breaker.

Natatanaw na namin ang train station at tumigil ako sa paglalakad.

Napansin ni Emerald na nakatingin lang ako sa malayo.

"Don't worry. I don't feel like dying today." Pabirong sabi niya.

Hindi ako natawa.

"Saan nga pala tayo pupunta?"

Napaisip ako.

When we left the club, hindi ko alam kung saan kami tutuloy.

"Ikaw ang bahala." Sabi ko.

"I don't think I have any idea."

"I live close by." Tinuro ko ang west direction kung saan ang condo ko.

"We just met, Joy. Slow down a bit." Biro niya.

Napailing na lang ako habang tumatawa.

She made me nervous.

"I want to get out of these high heels." Yumuko ako.

I wore three-inch heels that night and my feet are killing me.

"Okay."

Naglalakad na kami ng bigla siyang magsalita.

"You're not a serial killer are you?"

"If I am, then I'm just the one you need to make your dreams come true."

Kumunot ang noo niya.

Sumenyas ako na I was slitting my throat.

"Oh!"

Pagkatapos ay tumawa siya ng malakas.

"You have a weird sense of humor." Sabi niya habang nakatayo kami sa crosswalk at naghihintay for the light to turn.

"But you get me just fine."

Ngumiti lang siya sa sagot ko.