Ilang beses kong tinext at tinawagan si Emerald pero hindi siya sumasagot.

The last time I called, out-of-service na ang phone.

It made me worry.

Pinuntahan ko siya sa apartment pero ang sabi ng babae sa katabing unit niya, umalis daw si Emerald four days ago at hindi pa bumabalik.

I find it odd na alam niya na hindi pa bumabalik si Emerald pero okay.

Useful naman sa akin dahil nalaman ko na wala pala siya.

Just the same, hindi ko mapigil ang mag-alala.

Saan kaya siya nagpunta?

She left without telling me.

But wait.

After what I did to her, dapat ba akong magtaka na bigla na lang siyang umalis?

I was the first one to ignore her.

Karma ko na she did the same thing to me.

But it still doesn't make sense.

What if something happened to her?

I have to find out or else hindi ako mapapakali.

I decided to call her sister.

Masaya ang tono ni Ate Ruby when she answered.

That's a good sign.

If something happened to Emerald, hindi ganito ang tono niya.

"Ate, nasaan po si Emerald?"

"Hindi ba niya sinabi sa'yo?"

"Hindi po eh."

"Joy, drop the po. You're making me feel old and I'm only thirty five."

"Sorry po."

Tumawa siya.

"She's in Victoria."

"BC?"

"Yeah. Kinasal kasi yung friend niya."

"Ganun po ba?"

"She didn't tell you about the wedding?"

"Hindi pa po kasi kami nag-uusap after..." Hindi ko maituloy ang sasabihin.

Bigla akong nahiya kay Ate Ruby.

"I see." I could hear her shuffling papers and I thought I should say goodbye.

Nakakahiya naman at baka nakakaabala ako.

"She'll be back on Saturday. I'll let her know na tumawag ka."

"Thank you, Ate."

Nagpaalam na ako.

Nanlulumo ako after the phone call.

Ganito pala ang feeling ng dinededma.

Kaya naman galit na galit sa akin si Mama at si Vanessa kapag hindi ko sila kinikibo.

Feeling ko, itsapwera ako.

Masakit.

Lalo na when you care about the person.

Laging sinasabi sa akin ni Mama na I shouldn't do this to her or to anyone.

I make her feel na she doesn't matter daw.

I told her that's not the case.

"Then tigilan mo ang ganito dahil baka atakihin ako sa puso sa pag-aalala sa'yo."

Now that Emerald did the same thing, hindi ko alam kung matatawa or maiinis.

Karma really is a bitch.

But at least I know where she is and that she's coming back.

The only thing to do now is wait.

Sana maalala niyang i-text ako.

I really want to talk to her.

I want to know the reason why she didn't want kids.

Gusto kong malaman ang iba pang bagay na hindi namin mapagkakasunduan.

I know it's not possible to know everything in one sitting but we can try.

I will try.

Kahit paunti-unti, I want to know more about her.

I want to take a chance on us.

I want to give myself the chance to fall in love with her even more.

I counted the days.

Dalawang araw lang naman till she gets back.

It felt like a century.

Kahit pa I have work to keep me occupied, lagi ko siyang iniisip.

I miss her.

Yung mga gala namin, the coffee and movie dates and the shopping.

Mahilig siyang magwindow shop.

Siya yung tipo who would check all the aisles sa grocery kasi she wants to see what they have on the shelf.

Siya rin yung tipong pupunta sa lahat ng floors ng mall to check for sales.

Pati yung mga lugar na hindi namin usually pinupuntahan tulad ng fishing stores o di kaya Home Depot, pinapasok namin.

You'll never know daw if you'll need to fix the faucet or change the light bulb.

Ako ang kabaliktaran.

I'm the type of person who goes to the mall with a purpose.

Emerald taught me how to live a little.

Ironic ano?

She who doesn't want to live taught me how to enjoy the moment.

We would go to the park sometimes and lay down on the blanket just to stare at the leaves on the trees.

Magical ang dating sa akin ng sunlight as it slowly travels through every leaf.

Umiindayog sa hangin ang liwanag leaving me in a trance.

Kahit hindi kami nag-uusap ni Emerald, I felt so in touch with her.

Those are one of the things I miss about her.

Yung feeling na she gets me kahit hindi ko sabihin kung ano ang nararamdaman ko.

Pagdating ng Sabado, the first thing I did was to check my phone.

No message.

Oo nga pala.

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras siya babalik.

I got out of bed, had cereal for breakfast, naligo at pumunta sa grocery to shop for food.

Wala din akong tigil sa kakacheck ng phone ko.

Wala pa ding message.

I glanced at my Apple watch while waiting at the checkout counter.

1:35 pm na.

Gabi ba ang uwi niya?

Nakauwi na ako at lahat, naisalansan ko na ang mga pinamili, nagbihis na ulit ng pambahay, umupo sa sofa at pilit na naghanap ng mapapanood sa Netflix pero wala pa din siyang text.

I have a growing sense of dread.

Nangangati ang kamay at gustong tawagan ulit si Ate Ruby.

Pero baka naman mainis na siya sa akin dahil ang kulit ko.

Or isipin niya na ang needy ko?

To hell with that.

I want to know what time Emerald is coming back.

Kinuha ko ang phone sa sofa and dialed Ate Ruby's number.

Ring lang ng ring.

I dropped the call.

Should I try again?

I did.

Bahala na si Batman.

I must have called five times bago sumagot si Ate Ruby.

With every minute na hindi siya sumasagot, lalong lumalakas ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang takot na nararamdaman.

All these wild thoughts came to my head and made me frantic.

Para akong mababaliw.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan ng ganito dahil hindi ko macontact si Emerald.

She's in Victoria for chrissake!

She attended a freaking wedding.

Why am I panicking?

Nang marinig ko ang boses ni Ate, lalo akong ninerbiyos.

She wasn't as happy when I answered the phone.

Ang totoo nga, parang hindi niya ako kilala.

"Ate, is everything okay?"

"Joy," There was a long pause.

"Si Emerald po? Is she back in Calgary?"

"Joy," This time, narinig ko ang paghikbi niya.

"Ate, please say something." Humigpit ang hawak ko sa phone.

Parang may dumagan sa dibdib ko.

"There's been an accident."