Song: Runaway by AURORA

I broke down in math today because of multiple stupid reasons. That resulted in looking like a stupid crybaby(they call you cRY BABY, CRY BABY, BUT YOU DON'T FUCKIN' CARE-), a lot of weird looks, an awkward conversation with my teacher, and people I've never talked to before trying to "help" me. Life is great :')

Y/n's POV

The cabinets had a lot of food inside them, but it felt like nothing was there. My stomach was grumbling loudly as I searched for something to eat. Mark sat quietly in the living room not to far away from me, searching through Netflix on the TV mounted on the wall opposite him. His back was facing me, so all I could see was his dampened hair and broad shoulders.

The two of us just got back from the dock. The sun was completely down and the clock read 10:13pm. We were down there for a few more hours after the whole police incident. Mark hid our bags behind a big rock by the dock when I was already under the dock waiting for Mark. Nothing else weird has happened and we haven't had to be worried about something going wrong, which was really nice. We've spent the day down on the dock messing around and sometimes sitting in silence, knowing the other is comfortably next to us. It's all been nice.

Back at the house, I felt like I had an opportunity to get to know Mark better. To possibly get him to open up and maybe confide in me. I'm not getting my hopes up, though. I knew he may shut down my every attempt, but I had to at least try. I wanted to be someone he could trust, someone who he look to if he needed any help. I couldn't just stand by his side and let him do everything on his own like he wanted to. Though he may act like he can handle all of it, I knew it was going to become too much for him one day. He needed help but he wouldn't admit it. I could be the person to help him. We're all we have.

Opening another cabinet, I spot a pack of beer. Why am I not surprised? Looking back to Mark, I decided to use this to start a conversation.

"Something Seth always has to have near him: Beer." I stated, pointing to the box as Mark glanced back. He slightly shook his head with a small grin. I would be lying if I said I wasn't proud of making him smile, even if it was just a little thing you could barely see. I turn back to the case, debating if I should take one or not. "You want one?" I asked Mark.

"Can't drink, remember?" He grumbled.

The feeling of guilt came over me. I quietly closed the small door and gave up on finding something to eat. Maybe we could just order something. Silently, I fell back onto the couch next to Mark.

"Why can't you drink, anyway?" I asked, fearing the outcome this may have. "You don't look underage. And out of all laws, I highly doubt that would be the one you'd follow."

Mark sighed. "It's something most Koreans have. It's called 'Asian flush.' Something about enzymes, blah blah. Basically, I can't process and assimilate alcohol correctly."

I nodded, making sure to remember the information. Suddenly, I remember the party I went to with Amora. "That party we first met at, you were drinking alcohol."

Mark shook his head. "No, I didn't. I was drinking Coke."

"Are you sure?" I grin, not sure about his answer.

He let out an airy laugh. "Yes, I think I know what I didn't drink because I knew it would kill me."

I released a small laugh. Mark returned to searching Netflix for anything that sounded interesting. Sitting on the white couch, facing the only person I knew at the moment, and my arm propped on the back of the sofa, my mind began to wander off.

Amora. Isaiah. Lucas.

My friends.

What did they think of me? I disappeared with no explanation. I fought with my best friend who was worried about me. The police showing up on campus, news stories everywhere. They must hate me. They must think I'm some monster who should be hunted and killed. Right now, I wanted to laugh with them more than ever. I wanted to go back to LA and explain to them everything that happened. I wanted to hug them tightly until my muscles gave out and I couldn't anymore.

And my family. My family hated me, no doubt about it. They always cared about how we represented the family. Now that this happened, they look the worst than they ever have. They never wanted me to come home. If I showed up on their doorstep at this moment, they would've held me in one spot and called the police. Though, they are still my family and I loved and missed them a lot. I wish I could go back home and watch a movie with them, or just have a regular dinner. I missed the joked we'd tell and the fun things we'd do together.

I missed my family. I missed my friends. I missed my regular life. I don't belong here in this madness. This was not how my life was supposed to go. I shouldn't be here. I can't handle all this. I didn't know how to live in a life like this. It's not like there are guides out there to lead me through this, to teach me how to go through this correctly. I couldn't do this, and I was going to get Mark caught if I continue living as if I wasn't a criminal on the run.

How did Mark do this everyday with a tough face. He never once looked upset or regretful. I didn't get it. Doesn't he miss his family? He just left a bunch of his friends behind because of me, isn't he mad or upset about that? Doesn't he feel the need to explain to his family what happened and why he did it? Didn't he care that he is in danger right now because of his choices?

"You okay?" Mark asked, looking at me with a brow raised. Only now did I realize my eyes were filling of tears, short on time before one slipped out and down my cheek. I quickly wiped them clear from my eyes and nodded my head, giving him a false smile. I couldn't look weak in front of him. Who knows what he might think. Of course, he didn't believe me. Slinging his arm around to lay on the back of the couch and face me, he placed his left leg bent in the same way my right one was.

He sent me a soft look, an unusual expression to see on him. "What's really wrong?"

With hesitance clear in my voice, I began speaking. "How do you do this?" He raised an eyebrow in confusion as to what I was talking about. "I want nothing more than to go back home and be with my friends who now hate me and see my family back in (home state/continent). I don't belong here in this world of being considered a criminal. I can't live hiding all the time, keeping my presence unnoticed everywhere I go, I can't take it!" Mark's hand moves from the back of the couch to my shoulder as I realised I began yelling. His thumb rubbed against my shoulder in a soothing way as tears slipped from my eyes.

I feel pathetic. Absolutely weak. He probably thinks I'm some crybaby. Mark- the most toughest guy to understand due to his constant stone face- wouldn't shed a tear if he had just watched a family member die. But here I am, breaking down over missing my old life too much. Crying like a child past their bedtime as they demand to stay up longer.

Tears fell left and right as quiet sobs left my throat. Mark didn't say smart ass remark like I expected. Instead, he sat quietly in front of me, rubbing my upper back in attempt to calm me down. He slid a little closer to me, wrapping his left arm around my back and pulling me to his chest as his right hand continued rubbing circles on my back. His chin rested on my head, sometimes coming down to the side of my face to whisper something calming in my ear, then returning to to top of my head.

"Don't think about it too much about it." He said, barely above a whisper as I began to calm down. He still held me close to him, even after my breathing had slowed down and my eyes had dried.

His chest slowly moved as he breathed, helping me steady my breathing as I tried to match mine with his. My head on his chest, I could hear his heartbeat against his warm body. He used his soothing words and deep voice to calm me down, but really, it made me want to fall asleep. The tears that fled from my eyes took my energy with them when the escaped. Mark's body was comfortable and warm and his voice kept pulling me closer and closer to sleep the more he spoke. I wanted to fall asleep right there.

Not wanting to, but also not wanting to make a bigger fool of myself than I already have, I pulled away from Mark's embrace and sit up straight. He still had his soft eyes on me, almost looking sympathetic.

"How do you do this?" I mumbled in a rough voice.

He looked at me with a different look now. The sympathetic one was painted over with a sad one. Mark- the Mark I had watched kill someone and didn't feel one ounce of regret- had look of a lost puppy as he stared down at his hands. "It wasn't easy at first, lemme tell you right now. It still isn't easy. I miss my mother like hell. My brother was my best friend." Mark let out a small laugh. "But I guess...I just got used to it. Y'know?"

I didn't give a response. He still hasn't looked up from his hands so I felt like he wasn't done. There was no need to answer.

"It's like moving out of state, or somewhere far away from your family." He finally looked up at me, his stone face back on his face. "You miss them a fuck ton when you first move away, but you gradually get used to not seeing them. Yeah, you could still call them and visit them before, and even after you get used to not seeing them, you still have the pain of not having them in your life anymore, but it gets better. As long as you don't think about it, you'll be fine. Ya just gotta adapt to the new life."

I nodded, hoping my experience will be the same as his. I remember the messages they all sent me the day after. My friend's were all worried and wanted an explanation, but my mother kicked me straight out of her life. Gone forever, never to be associated with them again. I will miss them, I do miss them, but maybe what Mark said was true. Maybe, just maybe, will I get used to it.

Breaking the silence once again, I asked another question. A question that has been lingering on my mind since the night we left. The very same question he avoided answering before. But this time I won't let him push it off as a question for later. I'm apart of this situation now and I deserve to know, "Why did you kill Vic?"

Mark rolled his eyes, turning his body to face the blank screen of the TV again. "Y/n, that's not-"

"I'm running from the same situation as you are, Mark! What reason is there for me not to know what I'm running from?" I shouted, clearly upset he wouldn't give me an answer.

It was silent after I had stopped yelling. He stared ahead of him with his unreadable expression. I couldn't tell if I angered him or not. How could he blame me for getting upset about this, though? I'm in this situation with him, what reason told him I shouldn't know? Yeah, he's given me an answer to this question, but I want a full explanation of why he did it. He didn't have to kill the guy. I wanted the full story of what happened and why he did it.

Mark took a deep breath before he began speaking. "Vic, his brother, and I used to be close friends. We'd hang out all the time, purposely trying to get thrown out of public places, trying to see who could get kicked out the first." A small smile was present on his face for a few quiet seconds before it began fading away. "Then Vic started taking drugs, telling us it made life even better. I tried knocking some sense into him all the time, but I guess I took it too far one time and his brother, Ryan, told me to leave him alone. I ignored the subject of Vic doing drugs for weeks, but when he became the stereotypical drug addict the schools show students in attempt to scare them away from them, I couldn't sit there and watch himself destroy his life.

"I tried to talk about it calmly with him, but Vic got defensive and started yelling at me telling me, "You don't control me! You don't get it!" I began yelling as well and Ryan defended his brother, telling me to calm down. Ryan and I got into a huge argument which resulted in a fight and Ryan getting sent off to the hospital with a made up story of why he was so messed up.

"Because Vic spent all his money on drugs, he wanted me to pay the hospital fees, saying since I was the one who put him in there, I'm the one who will get him out. But if course, I refused which created another argument. Threats were thrown around, fists were targeted at each other, etcetera. This went on for probably two weeks before the event that you saw took place. I couldn't take it anymore. I thought the gun would scare him off but he knew me too well. He knew I wasn't going to shoot. And for some reason, him knowing me that well urged me to actually shoot him and prove him wrong. So I did. I proved him wrong."

He sat with his shoulders relaxed as if a heavy weight had been lifted off from his shoulders. His head hung slightly as if showing a hint of sadness or regret. I wanted him to wipe off his tough face and let me be the one comforting him this time. I wanted him to know he didn't have to act strong all the time. Human emotions are a normal thing, and I wanted him to know that.

"You don't have to hide everything." I mumbled, leaning a bit closer to him. "You can tell me if something is wrong or show some sort of emotion. You can't just bottle it all up, it's not healthy. I'm here to listen, to help."

As soon as those words left my mouth, the saddened expression on Mark's face disappeared and his signature blank face. He looked at me, stood up, and began walking towards the master bedroom. "Who said I was hiding anything? I'm not bottling anything up, thank you. I don't need you to be my counselor, so don't act like it." He slammed the bedroom door, leaving me in the living room in silence.

The Mark I thought I was getting to trust me, the one who had opened the door to his emotions long enough for me to get the full story of the situation, had nailed the door shut again, only leaving me with a hammer to pull them out again. He began opening up, allowing me to get a start on getting to know him, and put me straight at the very beginning again.

All the progress I had made with him had disappeared in a matter of seconds.

Hey!.....Two months, eh?

Oof...so, uh, I very much apologize for that! I wasn't really feeling like I was in a good place(mentally). I feel like I'm getting a little better though! And I was really busy over that time. Mainly with marching band, which is now finished for this year, giving me a lot more time to write!

*quietly woos to self*

Sooo yeah! I'm going to be updating more!

Also, I just got a new phone today and the keyboard is a lot bigger than the one I used before, so if there are a lot of typos in this chapter, then I'm sorry(I'm too lazy to proofread this...like usual)

I hope you guys had a good Halloween if you celebrate it, a great day of the dead(days? I have no fucking idea :/ ), birthday probably, and whatever else you celebrated over the two months I was gone!

Have a great day, lovelies!(even though it's midnight where I am)