Chapter song: Love Song Requiem by Trading Yesterday

I die each time you look away.
My heart, my life..will never be the same.
This love will take my everything.

Nana gently took my hand and led me to a secluded door down the hall near Henry's room which I have never noticed before.

Nana motioned to me. "You need to go inside before you make a decision."

"No, I don't want to."

"Please, do it for me," she pleaded.

Something in her eyes disclose me I needed to see what was kept inside, and I was anxious of it. I sighed. "Okay, Nana, for you, I will."

My hand cautiously twisted the doorknob as my breath hitched in my throat.

I flipped on the light switch with my jittery fingers and as the room came in view, my heart broke into a million pieces.

I slowly entered the room and my eyes scanned diligently over the things that Henry kept hidden in here away from me.

By the wall stood a beautiful mahogany crib with a beautiful animal bed set. I paced over to it and my fingers glided on the cool wooden surface.

On one side of the crib was a big mahogany drawer and when I opened it, there were many baby onesies and blankets arranged neatly inside.

A big comfortable white La-Z-Boy rocker glider stood by on the other side of the crib next to the window.

Various toys lined the shift that hung from the wall along--a blue bunny, a white bear, a pink fluffy unicorn, and more.

My eyes landed on the picture, the one that Violet drew at the shelter and gave to me as a gift.

How did it get here?

The pain returned. The same pain I felt that very day. I remembered lying on the ground and reaching for it after the episode.

After all this time, it was here in this room, hanging from the wall in a new unbroken photo frame.

I placed hand over my mouth to keep my from whimpering and turned my attention away to subdued the bad memories.

On the counter of the drawer laid the scrapbook that I was working on throughout my pregnancy. I left it behind at Nancy's and Henry just have gone back to retrieve it.

This was my nursery room.

Henry had it created it for me? Why didn't he ever tell me? Why didn't he say anything? Not even a word? Why would he keep it hidden from me all this time?

I stepped back to look at the view again. Unable to contain the tears pouring from deep inside my soul, I covered my mouth with both my hands.

My legs finally bailed out on me and I dropped onto my knees, all my energy I had left disappeared from my body.

I hunched over to the ground as I sobbed uncontrollably over and over.

I broke down. I wept. I bawled.

When I thought the misery had ended, I was mistaken.

When I thought the storm was over and a rainbow would emerged, it didn't.

"Ally!" Adam rushed over, bending onto his knees, and embraced me on the ground. "Why must it be this guy, Ally? Why must you love the person who always hurt you the most?"

"I don't know either, Adam," I managed to say through my cries.

Lily came over as well and fell to my side, holding onto us two. "You must really love him that much, right?"

I nodded my head in their arms.

Lily sighed. "Why must the people that we love hurt us so much?"

Adam sniffled. "If we didn't love them, then there would be no pain, Lily. It's because we love them, that's why it hurts."

I sobbed even more. I cried every bit and pieces of my heart out in this moment.

I could see Nana from the corner of my eyes crying as Nick held onto her, comforting her from the door way.

I got onto my feet and padded over to them. Nana pulled away from Nick and reached her arms for me which I decided. I hunched over and placed my arms over her tiny shoulders.

"Please don't go, dear Ally," Nana begged. "I love you very much."

I nodded.

.....

Henry never came back. He never called to check up on me or see where I was.

Does he know how much I was hurting?

I decided to stay at home with Nana over the weekend. I didn't want to leave her in this delicate state. No, not like this.

I told myself I'd never make her sad again, but like the person that I was now, I always ended up going back on my words.

.....

Nick told me to stay home on Monday from work, but I needed to go see him. I had to ask him for a favor I had been thinking about over the weekend and I hoped he would offer it to me.

He said he was available during lunch and we agreed to meet by Cloud Gate.

When I arrived, I walked around the bean, studying its beauty and design along with the tourists that were here today.

I came near one of its mirror-like surface sides. Holding out my hands to feel the smooth, metallic exterior, my face reflected back along with the background of Chicago along with the cloudless blue sky.

I paced inside under the complex and looked up to the ceiling, seeing a fused image of everyone under it from different perspectives.

I found an open bench to sit down and as I waited for Nick to arrive, I pondered if this was the right decision. A big risk awaited me if I chose this path.

In a few minutes, I saw Nick approaching from the other side of the bean. He walked graciously over and sat on the empty seat next to me.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked, glancing over to the bean structure.

"Yes, it is."

"Do you know what it's designs symbolizes?"

"No, I don't."

"One of the themes of Cloud Gate intended by the artist is ambiguity, or uncertainty--the unknown. Not knowing what's going to happened...being caught between two dualities."

"So you mean like me, right?" I asked, turning my attention to Nick.

"No, it's not like you." He smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, what can I help you with, Ally?"

"I need your help with something. If I ask you, can you make it happen?"

"I will try in what ways I can."

I cleared my throat. "Nick, I want to go to Sydney. Patty told me Horizon opened a location there and I was wondering if you...or your grandmother...can approve my transfer there."

An uneasy look appeared on Nick's face. "Why Ally? Why are you escaping?"

"It's not escaping. I just want to go somewhere new where I can start all over fresh. I need to get away from him, be far away from this place, as far as possible from here. Please, Nick."

He rose from the bench. "You can't run away at this time."

"I'm not running away," I countered standing up to him. My hands reached out for one of his, placing it into mine. "Please, I don't know what else I can do--or who to go to. I really want this."

I sighed deeply with wistful eyes and he finally nodded. "Okay, if that's what you want, Ally, then I'll make it happened. I don't want to see you sad anymore. If this will make you happy, then I'll try...How soon?"

"As soon as possible."

"Let me make some calls and I'll give you a call later, alright?"

I smiled. "Thank you, Nick."

He reciprocated the gesture.

After letting free of Nick's hand, I thought about something else I needed to ask him. "Also, would you be able to find a woman for me?"

After my meeting with Nick, I stopped at the district's office to grabbed some document.

The lady handed me the papers I asked needed, peering down at me suspiciously from behind the counter, but I smiled as I accepted them from her.

Back inside the car, I flipped through the papers, thinking maybe I should have done this a long time ago.

I fumbled in my purse for a pen and quickly located one.

As I began to sign my name on the line, my phone suddenly rang, disturbing my thoughts for the moment. It was from Nick calling to advise me that he had booked a flight tomorrow night for Sydney.

I returned to the house to have one last dinner with Nana. I didn't tell her it was our last one together because if she knew, she would only cry.

Nana would understand later down the road why I chose this path--I hoped.

After getting ready for bed, my phone rang. I picked it up from the dresser, assuming it was from Nick calling again with more information about tomorrow, but it wasn't him.

It was Eve, my sister. "Hello, Ally."

"Hi, Eve," I said, trying not to make my voice cracked. Hearing my sister's voice made me both happy and sad--a bittersweet feeling.

"How are you? I haven't spoken to in forever."

"I'm well. You?"

"Very good. I have something to tell you."

Anxiety filled me. "What is it?"

"The check, Al. Why did you send it?" she asked.

"Because you need it."

"No," Eve answered. "I'm calling to tell you we can't accept it. I'm going to send it back."

"No, please don't, Eve. Why can't you take the money?"

"Ally, we don't need the money. We're doing just fine by ourselves here. We can take care of ourselves. Trust me, honey."

"I just want to help."

"Yes, I know and I understand that," she replied in a warm motherly tone. "I want to tell you more why, but I am not supposed to. I'm sure you'll find out about it sooner or later."

"I don't understand, Eve."

"Trust, Al. You'll understand later. I don't want you to do anything that you'll regret, alright?"

I nodded my head even though I knew she couldn't see it.

"Okay," I whimpered. "Eve, I saw mom the other day."

"You did? But father said she--"

"No, he lied to us. She never died. She was living in Chicago this whole time."

"Are you serious?" Her tone increasing with tension.

"Yes, she came back to see me and I...I...I lost it...and I took it out on her. I blamed her for everything that's happened to us."

"Oh, Al. Why did you do that?"

"I don't know, Eve...I took my frustration out on her," I cried. "I yelled at her and embarrassed her."

"Ally, everything will be okay, alright, sweetie?"

"I hoped so...but I didn't mean to. It was in the moment and I wasn't myself that day. Actually, I haven't been myself lately."

"You can tell me."

"It's too long of a story...but I missed her, Eve. So much."

"I know. I missed her too."

Noise down on the first floor interrupted our phone conversation and I ended the call with Eve. I went downstairs to check out the commotion, wondering who was here this late.

When I stopped at the top of the stairs, Larry was hauling an unconscious Henry up halfway on the steps.

It appeared he had been drinking tonight and a lot too. I had never seen Henry like this before--drinking to the point that he couldn't control himself or his environment.

When they reached over the floor, I rushed over to them to heave Henry's other side. "Larry, thank you for bringing him home."

"Your welcome, Mrs. Cavill. He is clearly not himself tonight. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen."

"It's okay, Larry. He never does."

Larry and I both held Henry as his weight pressed down on our shoulders. It was a struggled, but we both managed to bring him inside the bedroom.

After laying him onto the bed, I went to the bathroom to grabbed a wet towel.

"I can take it from here, Larry. Thanks again for taking care of him and bringing him home."

"Your welcome, Mrs. Cavill. I will leave you two now." He retreated to the door, but midway from opening the door, he halted. "I wanted to let you know, Mrs. Cavill...He hasn't been himself since the day of the conference. I've never seen him like this--after this many years of caring for him when he was a boy. Young master talks much about you to me..." Larry smiled pleasantly, "...that you will never know about. Please give him another chance."

I smiled back. "Larry, thank you for telling me."

"Your welcome. Excuse me now. Good night."

Once Larry left us alone, my gaze moved over to Henry. He was now sleeping soundlessly like a calm child that shouldn't be woken up.

I unlaced his shoes, taking them off from him, and then rests down on the side of the bed next to him, examining his flushed face.

The back of my hand felt this forehead and I noticed his slightly hot temperature. Sighing deeply, I washed his face with the damp towel to calm down his heat as well as the sweat brewing on his skin.

"Ally..." I heard him whispered. "Ally... Please... Don't leave me."

Water lined the rims of my eyes as I watched him in silence. One of his hands reached out into the air as he continually murmur my name over again.

I planted my hand into his and immediately he gripped tight onto it, holding my hand down over his chest.

Unable to control myself, I leaned down into him and rested my head over his heart.

As I wept, my tears stained his white-collared shirt, but he would never know because when he wakes up, they will have become dry, void of any evidence that I was here.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, Henry. I don't want to hurt you anymore...I'm going to go far away...so all this pain will stop. I have to do this...For you...For us...Please forgive me."

I lifted myself up, convincing myself it was time. My hand gently felt the side of his cheek andstudied his features one last time.

His hair. Forehead. Eyes. Nose. Lips.

I bent down again to his face and placed a kiss on his forehead, suppressing the urge to cry out loud.

My lips moved to his right cheek, and I kissed him again softly.

Finally, I gave him a delicate kiss on his lips, letting my lips pressed against his for a long deep moment.

A drop of of my tear fell onto his cheek and he slightly flinched, but luckily didn't wake up.

My lips hovered over his as I whispered, "I love you so much."

I grabbed the paperwork and after quickly signing them, I placed them into a big yellow envelope onto the night stand along with the credit card, house keys, and the iPhone--everything that Henry had given me during my stay here.

They wouldn't be any more use to me now..even though I never needed them. I didn't want to carry anything that would remind me of him.

I retrieved my bags from the closet and stepped away towards the door, but I turned around with a dubious heart--it didn't want to leave.

I didn't want to leave.

But the more this was prolong, the sooner Henry maybe wake up to see me. I stole one last longing view of the person I loved so dearly.

Taking a deep breath, I silently closed the door behind me as I made my way down the stairs to the front door.

Once Lily opened the door when I arrived to my old apartment, my arms swiftly flew around her, holding onto her tightly.