Thing Called Love by NF

This thing called love...can be so cold.
Sometimes it's amazing.
Sometimes it's crazy.
This thing called love.

His response caught by complete surprise as I held my breath, thinking of how to respond, but no words came out from my lips.

We both remained in mute silence as we stared back into each other's eyes. Only our breathing could be heard in the room.

After a couple seconds, Henry slowly loosened his grasp on my wrists and I escaped from under him to the head board.

I placed my knees close to my chest, trying to stifle the urge to break down. Tears surfaced on my eyes, blinding my vision a little, but I refused to let them break free down my cheeks.

"I don't believe you," I muttered under my breath, loud enough for him to hear.

Henry didn't utter anything and remained in the same position when he hovered on top of me. His gaze slowly moved up to me, but I continued looking off somewhere to the side, afraid to look into his eyes.

"It's okay if you don't." He climbed off the bed and began walking out of the room, but when he reached the door, he halted. "I'm sorry, Ally."

He didn't say anything else, and turned the doorknob to open the door, leaving me alone.

My gaze shifted over to the closed door and I could hear Henry's footsteps moving further and further away.

I placed my hands over my head.

What Henry said wasn't true? Right?

No. It wasn't. He doesn't love me. This wasn't loved. Not even close to it.

His words? Were they sincere? I had been hurt one too many times to realize what love actually is anymore.

Does he truly love me?

I was so dumbstruck.

No. He doesn't. He only blared those words in the moment.

If you loved someone, you wouldn't do this to them. Would you? If Henry really loved me, he wouldn't treat me this way.

But when I thought about it, the way I treated him over the last few weeks...few days...I became disgusted with myself.

Yes, I still loved Henry-very much so. I couldn't deny that part.

Why do we hurt the ones we loved the most?

Maybe it was better to hurt, then to let others get close and hurt even more.

Why Ally? Why? Why did I have to do this?

My hand balled into a fist, beating my chest repeatedly.

I was no different from Henry. I crossed the line too far and now, I needed to fix us before I made things even worse.

I needed to stop him. I needed to see him. I needed to speak with him and make him understand.

I fell into the very same trap I promised myself I wouldn't fall into again--using my emotions to control my actions.

I rushed downstairs and opened the front door, but I only caught a small glint of the car's lights before it sped off from the driveway into the dark street.

Disappointed with myself, I retreated back inside the house. I sagged against the door, shaking my head.

I was too late. It was too late for us and this was all my fault. What did I wanted to achieve out of it?

I mustered the courage to get up and soon found myself making my way towards Jennifer's room after dinner.

There was now a picture of her by the night stand. Who placed it there? I grabbed the frame and studied it.

The Jennifer in the frame appeared to be in her early teens. She had black hair, just like her brother, but her eyes were not green, but pure crystal blue. The smile on her face revealed to me she must have been happy on that day the picture was taken--one of the better moments in her life.

My fingers scanned over her face and I exhaled a deep breath.

Then a knock came at the door. "It's Nana. May I come in?"

"Yes, Nana."

I controlled myself and Nana opened the door and walked in. She paced over to me and sat down next to me on the bed. Her attention moved over to the frame on my hands. "That was Penny on a summer trip to their grandfather's cabin."

"How old she was she at the time, Nana?"

"I think Pen was about fourteen at the time. I could be wrong though."

I placed the photo back where it was.

She placed an arm around my shoulders. "How are you doing, dear? You don't seem like yourself lately, like the Ally I used to know?"

I looked at Nana--even she could tell.

She asked, "Are you and Henry going through a rough time?"

I nodded. How did she know? "Yes, we are."

"What is going on with you two?"

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and leaned into her warm chest, hearing the beats of her heart. "I don't know, Nana. It's so complicated with us at the moment."

She ruffled my hair with her soft hand. "Love is never easy, dear Ally. It's hard. Painful. Euphoric. Love is hard, because it makes us grow. Love is painful, because we become attached emotionally to that other person. But love can also be euphoric, bring us happiness no other can."

"Yes, Nana. But I think I made a mistake and a big one too."

"What mistake, dear?"

I swallowed hard, afraid to tell Nana how I hurt her Henry. "I told him that I didn't love him anymore."

Nana sighed deeply. "But do you still love him?"

"With all my heart."

She released me and looked at me with wary eyes. Her soft, frail hand touched one side of my cheeks and I could see the sadness developing in her eyes. "Then why don't you tell him the truth?"

"It's too late."

"It's never to late. Tell him how you really feel about him. I know he wants to hear it very much."

My hand caressed over hers, seeing how sad I made her become--another I promised I wouldn't do again. "I'm scared too."

"Why are you scared?"

"I'm scared...that I will be the only one hurt in the end. I'm scared that I crossed the line too far...I'm sorry."

"You should be saying those words to someone else. You need to tell him in person. Put aside your differences and open up to each other. Ally, trust me, he's hurting too. I'm sure of it."

That night in bed, I could barely sleep at all. My mind spun over the things that has occurred between Henry and I.

Nana was right--it was up to me to make things right.

.....

The next day, I woke up extra early and headed over to Pearce Hotel before work. When I approached Henry's receptionist at eight, she informed me he was currently in meeting so I thought I'd check back at lunch.

When lunch time arrived, I went back to the hotel, but this time, the receptionist said Henry was not in the office at the moment and would be returned around four.

I left again with a hefty heart, hoping I'd catch him after work.

Was he trying to avoid me? The thought made me apprehensive. My time was running out. Our time was running out. I could feel it.

As I stood in front of the elevator door, I thought about what I'd say to Henry. Definitely that I'm sorry.

The bell chimed and as the elevator door opened, I was surprised to Henry standing inside. His attention immediately landed on me as he walked out, buy he didn't mumble a word and passed me by on his way out.

"Henry, wait." I spurted after him to catch up to his pace and make him stay. Now I was the one chasing after him.

Henry seemed to be in a hurried to go somewhere and never turned his attention back on me. He headed towards the car waiting outside on the driveway.

As I followed him, we reached the car and he opened the door, but my hands lifted up to stop him. "Henry, please."

He turned his glance to me and I was nervous of what he was going to say. "I'm tired, Ally...I don't want to go through this anymore. I'll see you later, alright?"

He gently removed my hands on him, taking one last somber look at me before climbing into the car and shutting the door.

As the car pulled away from the curve into the busy street, I stood watching as the car went out of sight.

I hurt him too much. His bleak expression disclosed how much I hurt him.

Gasping deeply, I began to walk away from the hotel when Katherine dashed through the doors.

"Hello, Ally," she said breathlessly. "Did Mr. Cavill just leave?"

"Yes, he left a minute ago."

"Oh, no!"

"Is there something wrong?" I asked, wondering what could possibly make her so worried and agitated.

"We got a little situation."

"What kind of situation?"

"The floral shop contracted to design the flower decorations for the conference fell through on our order and now, we got nothing and the conference is tomorrow. And Mr. Cavill isn't here either. What am I going to do?"

Watching her being frustrated, I wanted to do something. It was the least I could do for Henry. "I can try to help."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I really want to with what I can."

I couldn't remember the last time I worked with flowers, what arrangement I made, or what event it was for.

After marrying Henry, my life took a one hundred degree turn. I never imagined it to be where it was now.

I missed everything about flowers. The fragrant smell and aroma that just lifts the atmosphere. The soft feels of their fragile petals. The colors that filled the rainbow spectrum.

I went back inside the hotel with Katherine to the conference rooms and asked her to obtain me a list of all the floral shops in Chicago. I needed to call around town and come up with a plan and a quick one too.

After making several successful calls, Katherine sent her assistants out to buy the flowers and supplies that we needed. We need to be fast as we only had a few hours to get all the arrangements finished or we'd all be here into the night.

It was almost eight before all the flowers and supplies were brought back in to the conference rooms. I counted through the things--flower types, cases, tape, marbles, ribbons, Styrofoam's--to make sure everything was accounted for.

The simple arrangements were the centerpieces so thought I showed the assistants on how to make those before I tackled the important piece that will be used for the stage.

I placed my gloves on and slowly demonstrated to the assistants how to put the piece together. I picked the different color flowers-roses, gladiolas, lilies, and other flower kinds that we were able to get a hold off. I cut out a piece of styrofoam and placed it firmly into the top rim of the tall vase, making sure it was snugged in place.

Then I trimmed the stems of the flowers and tuck them into styrofoam, making sure the colors were balanced and arranged perfectly in a beautiful pattern.

When it was done, I set the example in front of the assistants who studied it as they began gathering their supplies to start on their pieces.

There was thirty they had to be done for the thirty tables eat out on the conference floor.

Once everybody learned the process for the centerpiece, I got started on the most important piece, which was going to be placed on the podium by the stage.

The final arrangement took at least an hour to finish as it needed more flowers and supplies to be completed. After tucking in the leaves in their places, I made sure to place the flowers precisely into their correct spots. I wanted the flowers to be blended well with the leaves and baby breaths. When it was finished and placed into the stage, the piece was at least six feet long.

When all the pieces were done, the time on my watch was already close to midnight. By this time, I could see how tired and overworked everybody were.

But I could definitely tell they were glad all the arrangements were finally finished for tomorrow's event.

"Ally!" Katherine's voice came from the revolving doors as I took my leave.

I stopped in my tracks and faced her. "Was there something wrong with the pieces?"

"No, absolutely not. I just wanted to say thank you so much for tonight. I wouldn't know what to do if it weren't for your help. Everything look so beautiful and I'm positive Mr. Cavill will be so happy to know it was because of you, his wife."

I smiled. "Like I said, I wanted to help in any way I can. I know the hotel is a very important part of Henry. Actually...I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell him about today."

"Why? He needs to know how lucky he is to have you in his life."

I smiled, tugging a loose hair strand behind my ear. "There's a lot of things he's been stressed about lately." I was embarrassed to tell her the cause of that was me. "I'll tell him myself when the time is right."

I bade Katherine a good night and headed back.

Henry doesn't need to know about this. It wouldn't make up for my terrible actions or how much I hurt him these days.

.....

This time around, I didn't book with my stylist Cynthia. Although I felt bad for not setting up an appointment since she had been so nice to me, I didn't desire to be dolled up or look fancy anymore.

I returned to the house after leaving work early to get ready.

Sitting in front of the mirror, I thought about how much I wanted to return back to my old self again--the old Ally I used to know. The one who cried when she was hurt, the one who sacrificed anything to her loved ones, the one who wouldn't hurt anybody.

I put on my natural makeup, lightly placing foundation over my face, penciling my eyebrows, and throwing a soft blush on my cheeks. I curled the ends of my shirt hair and pinned it back from both sides. After, I slipped on my off-pink silky dress that I bought the other day from Louis Vuitton when I went shopping with Adam.

When I was ready to go, Nana stopped me on my way out the door. After giving me a peck on the cheek, she held me at arms length. "You look beautiful. Go find Henry and have a good time, Ally."

I nodded. "I will, Nana."