"Don't Play" by Ozzie

Stop playing with my heart. I don't know what you want. Is it love or lust?

"What do you mean, Ally?" he asked, his eyes narrowed with confusion. His smile from earlier diminished, replaced with a stoic expression.

"I wanted you to know how it felt to be like me. How you treated me. Hurts, doesn't it?" I snickered sarcastically.

I spun around and continued hobbling on the trail as fast as I could from Henry. Before I knew it, my feet detached from the ground and my center of gravity shifted. Henry had heaved my body into him with one arm securing my dangling legs and the other supporting my back.

"Henry, put me down," I said in a low voice. I didn't want to make a scene on the trail so early in the morning. My hands pounced on his chest, trying to make him let me down, but he didn't care.

His face leaned in towards me, and I turned my face so that his lips landed on my cheek.

"Henry..." I spoke his name firmly. "Let me down now."

"Why?" he asked, repositioning me so that I was tighter in his grasp.

"I'm no longer that toy you can just play with however you feel like. I have feelings, too. I have a heart just like you, Henry."

His smile faded, along with the playful gleam in his eye. He finally set my feet down, freeing me, and I started back down the snow-covered path where I came from.

"Ally, please listen to me," he begged. I stopped in my tracks. "I want us to go back to the way things were. Before when we were still happy together. No, I want us to start over. Can we?"

I couldn't let his words manipulate me like before. The old Ally would have given in, but not this one. This Ally wasn't naïve anymore.

"No," I blurted out. "Even if we could go back to the way things were before, I wouldn't. I would go back to the time when I never met you, the time when I never knew or laid eyes on a person named Henry Cavill. That's when."

"Does that mean everything we had up to now...our times together, the things we been through...means nothing to you anymore? Are you just going to throw everything we had away-just like that?"

I faced him, my eyes lifting up to meet his. "We were over a long time ago-even before it all started."

"I'm trying, remember." I tried to shake off the pleading he made evident in his green eyes.

"Trying is not good enough."

I marched pass Henry, but his hand tenderly grasped onto my wrist. He did this way too many times. Yet every time, my heart still fluttered. "Then tell me. What do I need to do for you to come back to me?"

"Nothing. There is nothing that you can do."

"How long are you going to be like this, Ally?"

"I don't know. All I know is that you're the one who started this. I won't lose to you again. Your nice and gentle Ally is no longer here. She died a long time ago."

"I know you still love me, Ally," he said loud enough just for me to hear.

"Love? You don't have the right to say that word. You don't know what love is, Henry," I removed his hand and continued back to towards the village.

My emotions were all over the place today, and I detested myself for being so mean and stubborn to Henry. My feelings and emotions conflicted every cell in my being. My words came out one way, but my heart demanded another.

I morphed into the very thing that I feared to become.

Why are human beings like this? Why do we hurt the ones that we love the most? Why was I being like this...a vicious, heartless person?

No-person wasn't the right term.

Monster.

I was a monster-one of my own demons' creation. I needed to stop myself before I hurt anyone else.

We returned back to the Windy City that Sunday night and during the whole flight back, Henry didn't speak a single word to me. He couldn't even look me in the eye.

He dropped me back at his house without saying "good night" or "good bye" and reversed out of the driveway before I could even take two steps towards the front door. He didn't say where he was headed, but I already figured he was staying at the office.

The events that happened between the both of us-my words, my actions-placed a strain on our already-deteriorating relationship, driving us further apart.

I could feel it.

On Wednesday evening, I picked up Nancy after work for dinner. She had called me earlier that day because we hadn't seen each other since I left her house. I really missed seeing her optimistic face. Maybe she could talk some sense into me.

We arrived at her favorite family restaurant, which wasn't too far from her home. Also, the friendly, down-to-earth environment was just what I needed.

"You look so much healthier than when you left my house," Nancy said.

I beamed at her, hiding the reality of my bruised smile. "I am well. I've been eating better, and I've taken care of myself. I promised you I would, didn't I?"

She grinned, believing my words-hopefully. "I'm glad."

"How about you, Nancy? How are you doing these days?"

"You know, it's the same every day. I get up to make breakfast, I run errands in the middle of the day, and then I come home to an empty house to make dinner. Ever since you left, the house isn't as warm as it used to be, but I'm happy knowing that you're happy."

If only I was happy ... I wish I could share my pain with you-what kind of person I turned into, how cruel and despicable I became-but I couldn't. If Nancy knew, it would only hurt her more and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want her to worry about me anymore.

"Nancy, I know you're not going to like this, but...here." I retrieved an envelope from my bag and placed it on the table, sliding it across the wooden surface to Nancy.

"What is this, Ally?" She reluctantly grabbed the envelope with a cautious eye and opened it. Her gaze flicked up to mine and immediately, she placed it back in and slid it back over to me. "What is this for? You know I can't accept this, Ally."

"I promise it's the last thing I'm giving to you. I just want to take care of you and this is the only way I know how. You can use it to open up a new flower shop, buy a home, or take a very long vacation."

"Ally," she said, taking my hands into hers. "Did you forget how we raised you? Money isn't happiness. It never was and never will be."

"I know that. But what he did to you and your shop. He took that away from you-"

"It's in the past, Ally," Nancy said. "Don't dwell in the past any more. It'll only cause you more pain. Let it go, dear."

I remained silent, looking at her with wary eyes.

"I don't want you to do anything that you will regret later," she continued with her lecture.

"I don't regret doing this for you."

"Not for me."

"Then what do you mean?"

"You're still young. There's more that you don't know yet. When you do, it'll open your eyes."

"So you won't accept this?"

"You know I can't."

I sighed, but smiled at her. I wish I could be like Nancy-her words, the morals she lived by. I could never be like that.

"Have you seen Chris lately?" she asked, changing the subject.

My expression faded even more and guilt spread through my chest. I felt ashamed of myself and embarrassed. I wouldn't know what to say to him.

"I haven't seen him in a while now," I muttered. "I've been meaning to, but with work and everything else, I just hadn't had a chance to."

"You should. He's waiting for you, Ally. He always asks about you."

I felt like crying at this point but pulled back from it. "I will, Nancy. I will soon. When I'm ready."

Nancy took a sip of her glass water and cleared her throat before continuing. "There is something I've been meaning to tell you."

"What is it, Nancy?"

"It's about your mother."

"My mother?"

"Ally," Nancy sighed heavily. "Your father lied. Your mother, Sue...she's still alive."

"What do you mean?"

"She's here in Chicago. She's always been here."

I furrowed my brows, trying to make sense of her words-my mother is alive. She had been here all along. I recalled the flowers on my father's grave. That must have been her then, that day I visited Papa. "I don't want to see her face."

"But she's your mother."

"Yes, I can't deny that part, Nancy. But she left us."

"So you're sure you don't want to see her?"

"No. I don't," I answered flatly.

Nancy and I finished the remainder of dinner in hushed small talk. So much for her talking sense into me.

As I walked into Henry's bedroom later in the evening after dropping Nancy off at her house, my eyes traveled to his empty side of the bed. I took a deep breath as I sat down on the edge of the king-sized bed. I grabbed my iPhone from my purse and scrolled to Henry's number with the temptation to call him.

I wondered where he was-I always do. I hadn't seen him since our return home from the ski trip. He must still be angry with me. We didn't talk much. We rarely talk these days anyways.

I placed my elbows on my lap with my hands covering my head, frustrated with myself-frustrated with the person I have turned into. A cold person...no...monster.

Henry...

Chris...

My mother...

Everything seems to be attacking me from all sides. I just want everything to end already.

Papa help me, please...

What should I do?

...

"Where are you taking us today?" Adam asked from the back seat when I picked them up the next morning.

"Somewhere you'll like, I promise," I replied, keeping my eyes on the road.

"You know, Al," Lily started, "You're starting to become like your husband."

"I am?" I glanced over to her and both of them nodded. "Well, when you marry someone, you'll understand."

In half an hour, we arrived at a Mercedes-Benz dealership outside of downtown Chicago and I could make out the confused looks on my friends' faces. The new, shiny cars lined the lot perfectly in rows as I drove through to the front of the shop.

"Are you planning on buying a new car?" Adam asked as we got out and walked towards the dealership entrance.

"Yes, I plan on buying two today."

"Two?" Adam furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Yes. Two, Adam."

"Why two?" Lily chimed in with a suspicious tone.

I walked inside the dealer shop, not answering them to keep them in suspense. A perky salesperson greeted us once we entered with a big smile. "What can I help you with today, ma'am?"

"Hi. We'll take your newest models on the lot. One each for my friends."

"What?!" Lily and Adam exclaimed together.

I motioned to them. "Oh, did I forget to tell you? It's my gift for you two. Take your pick."

Adam's face lit up and he happily skipped away along with the salesperson.

Lily walked over to me and placed the back of her hand to feel my forehead. "Al, are you okay?"

"Lily, I'm fine." I chuckled.

"Why are you doing this? This is so much money."

"I'm just being a good wife and helping my husband use his money. Plus, you and Adam have been such amazing friends to me," I said.

"You don't have to give us anything like this. This is too much."

"This is all I can give you guys."

"Why do I get the feeling you're telling us goodbye."

"Lily, don't be silly," I said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "You're thinking too much again. I'm not going to say goodbye. Never ever. Trust me."

She pulled me into a hug. "Okay, I trust you, Peaches."

I pulled away. "Alright, now go take your pick."

I grabbed her hand as we walked among the many different displays of cars they had inside-black, red, yellow. We test drove a couple of them until Adam and Lily found the ones they wanted. Adam got a white GLS while Lily picked out a yellow AMG.

After the paperwork was filed and the cars were paid for, I followed my friends as they drove their new cars back to their apartment. I hung out with them for a bit in my old place before heading back to the house.

But instead of going back, I took the exit towards downtown and found myself driving towards Pearce Hotel and Resort. I parked in front of the driveway and asked the attendant to leave my car there since I wasn't going to take long.

I stepped into the elevator and pressed on the number to Henry's floor with my card access key. As I strolled nervously down the glass hall, all the offices were empty and desolate. I made my way to Henry's office, and as expected, it was also empty.

No soul lingered here. Only mine.

I entered his office, which was unlocked, and walked towards the same corner view where I had fallen in love.

I stared out into the city of Chicago below with its golden twinkling lights for a moment, cherishing the majestic background.

I paced behind his organized desk and sat down in his black leather chair. My eyes lingered to the sticky note pad, and I grabbed it along with one of his black pens.

After writing down a note, I folded it nicely and placed it far inside his pencil drawer. I didn't know if Henry would ever discover it, but that didn't matter to me.

I stood up and walked back to the exit, taking one last glimpse inside his office. As I walked down the hallway, I remembered the door when Henry took me to the rooftop.

I followed the familiar path and came upon the same door. Even though the odds of opening it was impossible, I placed my finger on the scanner and to my surprise, the door unlocked itself.

The starry night sky and cool winds from the lake greeted me as I stepped onto the rooftop. I entered the restricted section to the same place that Henry cornered me months ago.

He should have pushed me that day. He should have done it. It would have ended all this pain. All this suffering.

I took a deep breath of the cool Chicago winds, feeling liberated for the moment. My footsteps took me closer to the edge, and I could feel my heart picking up its pace. My knees grew weak as the view of the nearby skyscrapers and streets became clearer.

A weakness submerged me and I fell onto my knees only a couple feet from the edge. The way I was feeling-I hated it. I hated every bit of it. I didn't want to feel this way at anymore.

The feeling of sadness.

Hopelessness.