Chapter song: Wait by NF

"I'm holding on the pieces of us...that I just can't let go. I know this is a desperate kind of love. But it feels like it's home."

"Hello, can I sit with you?"

The little girl glanced up at me, her dark brown eyes similar to a lost puppy's.  I gave her the friendliest smile I could and before long, the small corners of her lips lifted.

"Yes," she uttered shyly.  I pulled out the chair and sat down, laying my paper flat on the table.

"Your name is Violet, is that right?" I asked.

She nodded her head, her eyes darting to her paper.

"You're an amazing artist," I said, studying her drawing.  In the middle of it was a red brick house, a mommy and a daddy holding a little girl's hands, and a big rainbow arching over everything.

"Thank you," she said timidly as she filled in the grass with the green crayon.

"Do you like to draw?" I asked, and she nodded.  "What do you like to draw?"

"Anything. I draw anything that comes to my mind. Mountains, flowers, houses, anything like that."

"That's awesome to know."

"Do you like to take pictures?" Violet asked, pointing to my poorly drawn camera.

"Yeah, I do. It's one of my favorite things to do. And it makes me happy. What else do you like to do, Violet?"

"I like to read and write," she answered. "And I like to play with my friends when I can."

Her eyes darted behind me for a second before she looked at me. "Are you Nick's girlfriend?"

"No," I immediately put down her question.  "Nick is a good friend of mine."

"Then how come you're wearing a ring on your ring finger?"  She asked.  This girl was very observant for a girl her age.  I softly clamped my lips as I wriggled the ring around my finger.

"My husband gave it to me."

"Your husband? Who's he? Shouldn't he be here with you?"

"He's a little busy today," I said, smiling at her.  He was always conveniently busy. 

Juliet signaled everyone a two minute warning before we would split off into small groups for us to share our drawings.

"Did you want to be in a group with me?" I asked, Violet's eyes lighting up at my suggestion.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay," Violet grinned.

After two minutes, we joined another two other children, Tyler and Heather.  They seemed to be the same age as Violet and they were the closest to us.

After rotating around groups and reiterating our stories, Nick and I passed out the gifts he had brought for the children. Juliet made sure the children thanked us and to leave the toys in the playroom.  As we turned to leave, someone called out my name just above a whisper. I turned around to find Violet standing behind us, her dark brown eyes no longer holding the same aggression as they did earlier.

"What is it, Violet?" I asked.

"This is for you," she replied, handing me the picture with both hands. "I want you to keep it."

"Are you sure?"

Violet nodded with a nervous but steady smile.

"Thank you. I'll take very good care of it," I promised.

"Will you come visit again?"

"Yes, I definitely will."

I gave her bangs a tousle, earning me a chuckle. 

"Can I give you a hug?" She asked, and I nodded.  Her skinny arms wrapped around my waist, and I leaned down to rest my cheek on her head.  Though I loved Alexis and Eason as my own, as of this moment, I've never felt more like a mother.

.....

"Did you have a good time?" Nick asked.

"I did. I always loved spending time with children.  It makes me feel relieved to see them in a place that can help," I replied. "How about you?"

"I had a lot of fun, surprisingly," he replied, smiling to himself.

"What did you draw? We were both rotating so we never got to hear your's."

"It's a secret," he winked at me making me chuckle.  "Anyways, here we are. New car?"

Nick crossed his brows as he pointed to Nancy's red Subaru.

"Actually, that's Nancy's car.  I sold mine the other day."

"You sold it?" He asked, his tone concerned.  "Why would you do that?"

"You know, with the baby and all. I just want to be prepared."

"Ally, if you ever need anything--"

"Nick, no," I interrupted him.   "I can't accept any more of your help.  Because you've already given me a job.  That's more than anyone could ask for.  I know you want to help me, but sometimes, I need to do things for myself.  Like I told you before, I can take care of myself."

"I'm just trying to be a good friend, Ally.  What's wrong with that?"

"Why do you want to be my friend?"

"What?"

"Why are we friends, Nick?  We barely know anything about each other.  Would you still be my friend if I wasn't married to Henry?" I asked him. Nick wistfully gazed at me, unable to reply. "Can you answer that or is that a secret too?"

"I don't know," he shook his head.  "The reason we're friends...I don't know."

"Well, let me know when you do," I said to him. 

We ended the conversation just like that.  It didn't sit well with me.  Especially because it was my fault.  The mood was perfectly fine this afternoon.  Why did I have to ruin it?

When I walked through the front door, I saw Nancy sitting alone in the kitchen going through some paperwork. Taking out the envelope from my purse, I walked over to her and sat across from her.

"Here, Nancy," I said as I took one of her hands and placed the envelope in it.

"What is this, dear?" She asked as she glanced up at me, her glasses magnifying her eyes.

"It's just a little something to cover some of the funeral cost."

"What? No, no, no, Ally.  It's your's. I can't --"

"I want to give it to you.  I overheard you on the phone the other day about money issues. I want to help."  I enclosed her fragile hands with both of mine, pleading her with pouting lips. "Please accept it, Nancy."

I could see the tiredness in Nancy's eyes.  She was exhausted, not only from her age but from the events happening in her life. And I couldn't just watch and sit back while she was in this vulnerable state. I knew the feeling of losing someone you loved.  I knew it all too well. 

"Nancy," I rose from my chair and bent down next to her, placing my head on her lap and wrapped my arms around her small waist.

"You've always been there for us, Nancy.  You helped Eve, Chris, and me when our mother left.  Consoled us when Papa passed.  Please. Now let me be here for you. I'd feel bad if you didn't take it."

I raised my head, looking at her with an urging smile.  She let out a breath of relief and wiped away at her tears.

"Thank you, Ally.  From the bottom of my heart.  I hope someday, someone will see the goodness in you and love you just the way you deserved to be loved."

I only smiled, feeling a heat of guilt sear my skin at hearing her words.

"Where did you get the money?"

"I've been saving up as I was living here."  Lie.  It was from my car.  I told Nancy I lent my car to Adam since he had taken a job outside of the city, explaining the disappearance of it.  

She only nodded, before briefly mentioning there was some leftover meatloaf in the fridge.  Meatloaf.  The opposite of appetizing right now.  I lied again and told her I already ate.  Besides, I was too tired to think of anything else but sleep. 

.....

Two weeks had gone by since Nancy's mother's funeral. Nancy seemed to be alright, at least on the surface.  She'd force on a smile whenever she saw me.  She wasn't as cheerful and talkative as usual which was completely understandable.  Saying goodbye to someone forever is never ever easy.  So I did the best I could to support her and simply be here for her when she needed it.

When we lost Papa, it was as if the world had stopped turning.  Everything froze - life, friends, family, time. I couldn't come to terms with what happened.  I was in denial for weeks.  But with time, I accepted it.  Having family and friends with me was probably the only thing that kept me sane.

The decision I made the other day.  I was ready to go through with it.  We were supposed to meet during lunch. I texted him that I needed to talk about something. He didn't get back to me for two days. And it wasn't even him when I picked up the phone call.  It was his assistant.  She explained his busy situation and set up an appointment that would work for the both of us. 

Somehow, I always knew this was how it was going to be.  But instead of Henry being my boyfriend like it was in the past, he's my husband.  He was no longer going to be after today.

I waited for him in one of Pearce Hotel's restaurant, my hands folded tightly on top of the tabletop.  I glanced at my watch, growing more aggravated by the minute.  He was unusually fifteen minutes late. He was always a punctual person.

At the half hour mark, I convinced myself he wasn't going to come. As I stood up to leave, I saw him standing several feet away, his green eyes glued on me.

"You're late," I uttered sternly.

"Sorry," he said.  "You know me. Work --"

"Comes first. I get it. It's fine," I sighed and turned around to sit back down while Henry took the chair across from me.  "I know it must be difficult to find time in your hectic work schedule, but thank you for meeting with me."

"I'll always make time for you.  You hardly want to see me these days," he muttered, and I lifted my gaze to see him staring at me.  There was a long pause between us.  "Why don't we begin? What did you need to discuss with me?"

I cleared my throat and kept my focus on him. "I want a divorce."

Henry narrowed his eyes at me, disbelief written all over his expression.

"No."

"No?" I stammered. "Henry, I'm not asking for your permission."

"I don't care," he spat. "I don't want one."

"Why?"

"Just because."

"Just because is your answer," I scoffed.  I knew he was going to be like this so why was I so surprised.  "Why are you being so unreasonable?  You know that we can't continue on this path. A divorce is the only solution for the both of us."

"Is it because of him that you're doing this?"

"What?"

"Nick."

"You're unbelievable.  This has nothing to do with Nick. I've told you that before."

"Fine.  If it isn't him, then give me one good reason why you want this."

The main reason, I knew I should've told him.  But it was always easier said than done.  Words were unable to form as I sat, struggling between telling him the truth.  Henry suddenly stood up to leave and I immediately shot up from my chair.

"Henry, wait," I called out, making Henry stopped in his tracks. "You and I ... Aren't good together. You accuse me of adultery.  You don't trust me.  And I don't trust you. Not anymore. We don't love each other.  Is that good enough reason for you?"

No reply.

"Why can't you give me this?" I prodded.

"I can give you anything in this world," he said before turning around to face me, and I swore I saw a glimmer fall down his cheek. "Except a divorce. As I have nothing else to say, I will leave first."

I watched as he trumped out of the restaurant, feeling defeated.  My eyes began to sting as I felt a sudden pang swelling in my stomach.  I placed a hand over it, trying to appease the pulsing ache.  Within seconds, it disappeared.  That was ...

My phone rang in my purse, distracting me from the current situation. 

"Hey, Lily."

"Hey girl. Why don't you come over tonight for dinner?"

"Depends on what it is.  The sight of anything is making me wanna gag right now."

"I'll make you anything you want.  I also found a frame that you might be looking for," she added to persuade me.

"Okay," I caved. "I'll be over tonight."

Once I walked through their apartment door, I could already smell the aroma of the dish she was cooking.

"It's almost ready," Lily said, scurrying back to the kitchen after she opened the door for me. "You're earlier than I thought."

"I got off early," I briefly explained. I dropped my bag on the coffee table and walked over to sit on the counter stool. "Did you need any help?"

"No, you just sit right where you are. You said you were craving some garlic sautéed Kale so I wanted to make you some," she said. "I hope you're still craving it."

"Thank you Lil."

"You know, I've never heard of any pregnant women craving kale before. You're the first, Ally," Lily smiled. "Kale...Baby Kale..." she muttered to herself.  "Why don't you name the baby, Kale?"

"Don't be ridiculous," I laughed.

Kale.  Baby Kale.

It wasn't too bad if I really thought about it.  It was better than nothing.

Lily turned around from the sink, pointing her finger towards the living room.  "Oh! Before I forget, I put the photo frame by the TV stand."

"I'll go get it now before I forget," I said. The frame was just big enough to fit the picture.  After placing it in below my purse, I heard a phone buzzing. I took it out to see there were four missed calls from Henry.  My heart stopped for a moment, wondering why he would be calling.

I turned my phone to silent, not wanting to deal with him for just a moment.

While walking towards the house from the bus stop, I suddenly felt that same dull pain again.  So much so that it stopped me from walking. As I noticed a black BMW parked in the driveway, I exhaled harshly, half from the pain, half from knowing who it belonged to.

As I entered the house, Henry and Nancy abruptly stopped talking as I spotted them in the living room. His eyes shot up once he heard me come in.

"Ally, you're back," Nancy said, rushing to me. She leaned in my ear. "Henry's been waiting for you since this afternoon. I'll leave you two to talk."

Nancy left us alone in the living room. Henry didn't move an inch from where he sat.  I glanced over to him, swallowing away the growing numbing in my stomach.

"Why did you come here?  Did you change your mind about the divorce?" I asked casually as I approached him.

"So when were you going to tell me?" He asked, ignoring my question.

"Tell you what?"

He scoffed. "How long were you going to keep this from me? Did you really think you could keep it a secret forever?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I found this in your room," he said, pulling out my scrapbook from beside him.

My eyes widened as they began to realize the magnitude of the situation.  He knows.  He knows I'm pregnant. How ... How could he go through my things like that?

"You went through my room?" I asked, anger boiling through my veins.

"That doesn't matter.  What matters is this," he raised the book in the air.  "Why were you keeping it a secret from me?"

Henry's eyes darted down to my stomach, and I frantically covered it with my purse, afraid he might gauge it out of me or something.

"It's not your's," I rashly said.

"I know it's not mine," he said, confusing me.  His features turned soft as he stood and walked over to me.  I wanted to step back but my feet were glued to the ground.  Henry towered over me as he softly whispered, "It's our baby.  Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because," my voice cracked, unable to speak with him standing so close to me.  Henry remained silent, patiently waiting for my answer. "Because you took everything from me.  My family, my job, my pride...This baby is all I have left.  I didn't doubt for a second that you would take this baby away from me too. But I beg of you Henry, please, don't take this away from me."

"Ally," he whispered my name as he gently laced his fingers through my hair behind my ear. "Trust me. I would never do that to you."

He was definitely lying to me. I can't let myself fall for his words over again. I would be the only one hurt in the end again.  I would only be the one to suffer.

"I don't believe you. Your words are nothing but lies." I pulled away his hands and walked away from him, the abdominal pain amplifying as I moved farther away.

"I'm not lying. Let me prove it to you."

I turned around to look at Henry who had no idea what I was feeling. "If you want to prove it, just please leave us alone.  Give me what I want."

"I won't give you a divorce if that's what you're asking.  I'll leave," Henry advanced towards me again, his eyes regrettably filled with a questionable sincerity. "But I can't give you that."

"Why?"

"I don't know," he shook his head. "All I know is that I can't lose you again.  I won't lose you both."

I held my breath and my muscles tensed as I felt him lean in to hug me.  Whenever he embraced me, it always felt like my soul was being drained from my body. But it was different this time.  It felt ... like I was gaining strength. As my eyes fluttered open, I found myself leaning against the wall with Henry already gone.

"Did Henry just leave?" Nancy's rang in my ears.

"Yes," I barely muttered, trying to keep my eyes open.

Nancy's jaw fell to the floor and her eyes widened so big they almost fall out of their sockets as she stared down at my legs.

"Ally," her voice trembled. "You're bleeding."

Thank you for reading!  ~ A