"And what would you tell him if he gave you the chance?"

My hands pressed tighter against my stomach. "That our kid means more to me than anything ever has before. It scares me to feel that much for anyone. It always will. But I'm working through it now. That I'm still scared, and I'm scared about screwing it all up, but I want this with him. I just needed time to work out what I was feeling."

"And that was?"

I smiled at the irony. "So happy I was paralyzed."

"You still believe that everything good will be followed by bad?"

"I haven't for a long time," I shook my head. "But this is a huge deal. I had a relapse."

"Y/N, you're allowed to feel this way. You recognized it and you're working through it. That's all anyone can ask."

We were quiet for a moment as I studied my wedding rings, twisting the bands on my finger. "He hurt me," I whispered, not wanting to admit it out loud.

"Jungkook?"

I nodded.

"He's not perfect, Y/N. You've always known that he was a family man. It must be hard for him to wonder if he's married to a woman who could be unhappy about carrying her own child, his child."

"But he won't let me explain."

She cocked her head to the side, giving me a small, reassuring smile. "Maybe he's afraid to hear what you have to say. So make him listen."

"I would . . . but . . ."

"Y/N—"

"When he's gone, I blame myself," I admitted. "The way I reacted . . . I can see why he would feel this way, act this way. But when he's right in front of me, looking through me, not wanting me to touch him, unable to bear my touch, I almost hate him. I feel so alone." The tears spilled down my cheeks. "And he promised I wouldn't feel that way again."

Dr. Pritchard leaned over and pressed tissues into my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze as she did so. "You have to try to get past that feeling long enough to talk to him. This is a case of total miscommunication, and you two have come too far to let that derail you."

I nodded as I wiped the tears.

"And Y/N."

"Yeah?"

She smiled kindly. "Congratulations."

She was the first person to say it to me in person, and although I understood it was my own fault that no one else had, it was still nice to hear it. "Thank you."

I shut down the laptop after having just bought every self-help book Amazon had on being a first-time mom. After my session with Dr. Pritchard, I'd come home to an empty apartment and gone into this hyper mode, cleaning and tidying, throwing things out. I'd also ignored reminders that Jungkook and I weren't sharing the same bed when I went into the guest room to measure up and saw his stuff scattered everywhere. This was going to be our kid's nursery. I was thinking yellow or green for a color scheme since those were both gender-neutral.

I'd then opened up my laptop to an e-mail from my new agent, telling me she'd sent off my manuscript to the publisher, and she would like me to start thinking up concepts for a new book. For a while, I typed up notes for several ideas I'd come back to, to flesh out later.And then I'd started freaking out that I knew nothing about being a mother and began an online shopping spree.

Nerves frayed, I stood in front of the mirror in our bedroom and lifted my T-shirt.

No bump yet.

I smoothed my hand over my stomach, thinking how weird it was that there was a little person inside of me whom I already loved beyond reason.

Now if only my husband would give me a chance to tell him that.

I glanced at the space between the window and the bed and wondered if there was room to put the baby's crib there for a while. I wanted him or her to be close to us. I already knew I'd find it difficult to sleep if I didn't know our kid was safe and at arm's reach.

After a few minutes of fruitless search for the measuring tape, I wandered back into the guest room to see if I'd left it in there. I found it on the bedside cabinet, but as I moved away, the address on a letter half-hidden under a book drew me up short.

Heart beating obnoxiously loud, I slipped the letter out from under the novel and fear prickled my skin in cold shivers as I read it.

My fingers went numb, and the letter fluttered out of my grasp to the floor.

It was a letter to Jungkook's tenants, asking them to vacate the premises in one month's time. It was his bachelor penthouse in Gangnam. The one he'd put up for rental when he moved in with me.

The one he could take back from tenants on short notice if he needed it for personal usage.

My doorbell rang.

A welcome distraction from the pure fear running cold in my veins.

"Lily?" I said, surprised to see her on my doorstep after I opened my front door.

Lily and I were good friends, but for some reason, she wasn't the first person I expected to see. Jo and I were closer. Lily and I only knew each other because of Jo, but we'd quickly banded together as fellow Americans and book enthusiasts.

Lily's eyes washed over me with concern, and I instantly tensed. I knew what she was seeing: dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, a pale, sickly complexion, and hair that was all over the place.

"Is Jungkook here?" she asked casually as she barged right past me into the apartment.There was no need for barging. I welcomed her presence as long as we talked about anything else but Jungkook and my pregnancy.

"No, he's at work," I replied as I followed her into the kitchen.

When I got there, she was already making coffee. She frowned at me. "You need to take better care of yourself."

"I've been busy," I quickly hopped onto a different subject. "A literary agent in New York now represents me."

Lily smiled in excitement. "She loved your book?"

"She loved my book."

"Y/N, that's amazing."

I smiled back, knowing out of everyone, Lily would be the one to really get how cool it was. Lily was a librarian. Books were her passion.

When her eyes dipped to my stomach, uncertainty entering their depths, I cut off her obvious next question.

"She thinks I should start working on another."

To my relief, Lily let me get away with the distraction, listening to me ramble on about my different ideas as we settled in the living room with coffee and biscuits. Anything, anything, to forget the letter I'd just found.

I was mid-sentence about this crazy dystopian idea I had that was completely not what my agent had in mind when she asked me to think up new concepts when the front door opened.Jungkook.

I felt my whole body lock with tension as I stared, waiting with this horrible sick feeling in my stomach for Jungkook to appear in the doorway and crush me.

He appeared, looking just as tired as I felt, and stopped in the doorway. "Lily," he greeted her before glancing at me. His eyes instantly narrowed at the sight of me. "Did you sleep today?"

Are you leaving me? "I couldn't."

Appearing annoyed, he sighed. "You need to get some sleep." Tugging on his tie, he strode out of sight.

"Y/N?" Lily's whispered anxiety brought my attention back to her. She looked so worried for me.

 "Girl, what are you doing?"

What am I doing? What am I doing? "Don't." She didn't know anything.

We sat in taut silence, sipping on coffee.

"I've got a late meeting with Adam," we heard Jungkook say as he wandered down the hall. Another lie. The front door slammed behind him. I flinched and desperately tried not to cry. This pregnancy was turning me into an emotional black hole.

"Oh, honey," Lily stood up as if she was coming to hug me.

I held up a hand to stop her. "You hug me, and I won't stop crying. And I need to not cry."She froze, looking helpless and angry that she felt that way.

I knew exactly how she felt. "It's not me." I needed someone other than Dr. Pritchard to know that. "I haven't shut him out. I'm just having a really hard time right now, and I ruined it. I ruined this for him."

"He's the one not talking to you?"

"He talks. But it's... it's like he can barely stand to be in the same room as me. He hasn't asked me how I feel about it now that the shock has worn off. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't want me to touch him..."

"I'm sorry, Y/N."

"He's never been like that." The letter came back to mind, and I felt that panic swallow me whole. "I think I've messed up." My hysterical laughter immediately turned into loud, hard sobbing I couldn't control. I couldn't even be mortified that I was breaking down. I was crying too hard to care.

I felt Lily's comforting warmth as she gently nudged me aside on the chair and snuggled in beside me so she could pull me into her arms. And then everything just disappeared as I let her comfort me, the tears soaking her shirt a testament to the fact that I wasn't alone.

I wasn't aware of the shaking stopping or the tears drawing to a halt. Everything was just black as I finally fell into the deep relief of sleep.