Class time wasn't peachy. I mean it hardly ever was but right now it really wasn't. My stomach was broiling, my hands were shaky. Cor hadn't even glanced at me, meanwhile Philip kept looking from his sister to me. I didn't know which was worse.

Leona was back, still acting kind of weird but that was expected. She knew who was going to die. I couldn't imagine how she felt, knowing that kind of information could lead to nothing but guilt and nightmares.

Arius was solemn but he seemed... at peace. He seemed less tense and more serene. I felt a slight sense of happiness for him. I didn't know if he lived or died, something told me he'd be fine, considering his mom working with the elders and all. But I figured that either way, Arius was okay. He'd be okay.

And I... well I felt like the world was on my shoulders. I felt like Atlas, holding up Earth with all my strength. Like I was being crushed under a thousand islands.

"Gem?"

I looked up. It was the teacher, the fake looking teacher. She seemed so... perfect. "Yes?" I asked. She was slightly ticked but so was I.

"I've called your name five times." She smiled falsely at me. Give it a break. Nobody is that happy at a time like this.

I looked down at my empty paper. "Oh, sorry." I wasn't sorry. I wasn't paying attention to class. Who could in my situation? I was facing issues no person could even come up with in their Nightmares.

She tilted her head. "It's quite alright. I'm asking if you can tell me the square root of—"

"Screw you." I said randomly. I mean why not say it? I can't be punished. Nobody is foolish enough to call me out and argue me. I'm gunna be an Elder. And I could execute whoever I wanted with no rhyme or reason. Martha from another class in third grade who stole my Twinkie? Gone.

She widened her eyes. "Excuse you?"

"You heard me. Fuck you!" I yelled. I stood up and pushed my chair in. "Do you understand what we're going through!? None of us care about square roots! We care about whether or not we're going to live or die. Teach us how to die peacefully, something we all want to learn to do."

She took a step back, shocked by my little outburst. I hope I was leaving an imprint that would last in her mind for forever. "Dying peaceful isn't taught, it's given. To the half that die, it will be done peacefully!" Water formed in her eyes but it wasn't like she actually cared about us.

That was the first time we've been given any information about the subject. That any adult has really talked about it and given us details.

They'd die peacefully.

For some reason, the detail made me shut my mouth. It was so real. It was planned. It was close. It wasn't some event in the far future, it was something I could put on a calendar.

"So sit down. Would you rather us talk non stop about it? Drill it in that you're going to die!? That this is the last week of your life? Ruin it?" She asked, looking at me sadly. She wiped her hands on her shirt and then faced back to the board as f the argument had never happened. "Someone tell..." she continued but I stopped listening.

My storm had calmed, but I wasn't sure if I was just stuck in the eye of it or if it had actually passed.

***

I slammed my door shut and jumped when I saw Phillip standing there, his eyes an oddity as they stared at me. "She'll do it." He clarified. "At the ceremony."

I tilted my head at him, making sure a smile never swept itself up onto my face. "What ceremony?"

"When... half of you guys are called off. To die. To live. We'll pick our uh... who we stay with after high school." He winks at me.

I froze. "So you pick who you stay with at the ceremony?" I ask.

He nodded. "Yes... that's who we stay with after high school. The half that survives gets their other half, why?"

I frowned. "So... if you choose to stay with me after high school you won't get to save someone?"

He wiped his face. "No."

Saving Cor meant killing another person. "Can't we make a different deal."

Phillip bit his lip. "Nope. I don't know or care about any one else in this class."

"Why me?" I shouted.

"Why not you?" Phillip laughed. "You're easy. You're fun. You can be manipulated or—"

I slapped him. Hard. He turned his head back to me. "Slapping is getting old."

I growled at him. "You're an asshole."

"She'll do it. Ophelia said she'd do it. Do you want me to cancel the deal?" He said. "Tell her to pick whoever she wants." He was pushing me.

Was I selfish? Would I be able to let another person die when we could save someone? Could I do that for Cor? Would I do that for Cor? Would he do it for me?

I gulped. "No. I'll take your deal." I said.

Phillip didn't smirk like I expected him to. Instead, he leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear. "We're just alike, Gem." He took steps back and away.

I opened my car door back up when someone put their hand on it. I knew that hand. I spun and Cor's dark eyes looked at me angrily.

"Really, Gem?" He asked.

I shrugged and pulled my door open against his grip. "Really, what?" I asked.

He slammed the door. "Don't act innocent. You're having Ophelia save me. How do you know I'm go—"

"BECAUSE LEONA's SEEN THE LIST!" I screamed at him. "She's seen it."

Cor let go of the door and put his hand over his mouth. "Don't save me. Please. My dad has it—"

"Don't you get it? No he doesn't." I argued.

"What did she want?" He asked. "Huh? In return? What are you giving?"

"I'm staying with Phillip after school." It came out quick, guilty.

He widened his eyes. "Like Hell."

"I don't want to." I offered. He was pissed, steaming at the edges. Boiling in his skin.

"Stop it Gem! We're over. Done. Don't protect me. Stop caring about me!" He screamed, pointing at himself.

"Like you got over me?" I wasn't crying, I wasn't going to. I felt like it, but fuck that.

His persona faltered for a second, just a second. But that was enough to tell me that what he said next was a lie. "Yes. Like how I got over you."

Liar. What a liar. Who knew a Scorpio could lie. Certainly not me. "Too bad. I'm not over you. I won't ever be. And so I'm making the deal." I whispered. "Whether you like it or not." I opened the door, deciding that yeah, I was going to take a half day. I got in the car and locked the doors, taking off out of the school parking lot.

So many things were happening at once. I needed a break. From Cor, from the supposed ceremony, from Phillip. Phillip especially. Even from myself.

I drove until the sun disappeared behind the horizon, casting darkness across the ground. I didn't realize where I was until I saw the familiar looking chain link fence.

The Car Dealership on the edge of town, the one that has never brought me any good. Ever.

I parked my car and stepped out, freezing as I walked to the pond. Ice had formed over the top, making the pond nearly invisible.

But I knew where it was. My heart raced as I sat at the edge of the bowl, shivering in the cold.

I almost died here. And I remembered that feeling very well, more than any memory or idea. My bones chilling, my breath gone and my lungs empty.

Death wasn't peaceful. I didn't care what Mrs. Teacher had to say. If you knew you were going to die, it wasn't peaceful.

And quite frankly, I didn't think living would be peaceful either. At this point, I'd rather find my name on the same side of the list as Cor's and whoever else is leaving.

At least then I wouldn't haven't to put up with much more.

"Why are you out here!?" Someone yelled.