"What is the truth if not a sign?"

— Forbidden Fruits

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

»»☆««

Chat Noir wouldn't spare a glance over his shoulder at Tumbleweed Valley.

It was out of his sight now anyway, the hidden village so far that it felt lost in the desert to him now. The last time he visited Tumbleweed Valley, he told himself he would never return, but this time he meant it. There was nothing left for him there besides dreaded memories and part of a haunted past. Nothing good ever came out of that place.

Except for when Marinette admitted her feelings for him and kissed him.

An audible sigh left his lips as he replayed the memory in his head. Marinette was everything he could have possibly imagined. He could still feel the ghost of her soft lips pressed against his, the way their mouths moved in sync as if they had rehearsed such a blissful dance for decades. The lingering soft touches of her fingers could still be felt running along his bare chest and it sent tingles down his spine just at the thought of it. All he wanted was to be able to do it all over again.

But then he remembered why he shouldn't. Marinette had no idea it was her that had caused the destruction of his family. She also wasn't aware of the danger that lingered nearby no matter how far they traveled. It was only a matter of time before his reputation hurt her.

Which is why, since they had shared that kiss, Chat Noir had been keeping a bit of distance between them. He figured it would do her well. To allow her to further her feelings for him now would only hurt her later.

However, Marinette didn't seem to share that same sentiment considering her eyes hadn't left him since they started their trek through the desert once again.

He sighed again, this time sounding defeated. "How long do you plan to stare at me?" He spared a glance at her then, arching a single brow. "Have you even blinked?"

Ironically, she blinked then. He wondered if she had done so on purpose.

He turned to face forward again. "The desert heat can dry out your eyes, in case you were wonderin'."

Marinette ignored his questions, along with his commentary. Instead, she asked, "Why are you acting so odd?"

He found himself rolling his eyes. "Somehow I am the odd one when you are the one who hasn't stopped starin' at me?"

"You know what I mean." Marinette narrowed her eyes at him. Lowering her voice, she added, "Ever since 'you know what' you haven't looked me in the eye for more than five seconds."

He forgot how observant she was.

"You needn't read too much into it."

"And why is that?"

He quickly searched for an excuse. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

"Like..." he cleared his throat. Surprisingly, a truthful thought came to mind fairly quickly. "Like what my next move should be once all the west is made known of Carter Grimes's death. I may have removed one bastard from these parts, but there will be plenty of men enraged to hear I was the one who did it."

Marinette offered a thoughtful hum. "Why does it matter what they think of it, anyhow?"

"Because, unlike Carter Grimes, I have somethin' to lose."

Her features softened at that, and he only spared her a quick glance before he cleared his throat again. "With this new target on my back, there's bound to be a man who wants to shoot a bullet at it—or perhaps he might aim his pistol at somethin' else I consider dear."

He watched as Marinette swallowed. He nodded, gulping down a bit of his own anxiety. "If the Reaper finds out about our little escapade, he will find a way to use it to his advantage. It would be wise if we did not tell a soul 'bout it."

"Understood..." Marinette said slowly, "I do not intend to tell anyone... but... but perhaps it could happen again? When we reach our next destination, of course."

Chat Noir's eyes widened in shock. Out of all the things he expected from her, he surely would've never expected Marinette to initiate a kiss with him, or that she would want to do it again.

Suddenly, his throat felt incredibly dry. "You... you would want that?"

Marinette chuckled and flashed him a smile. "Well, I wouldn't be asking if I didn't."

She made a good point. In fact, he was sure it was meant to make him chuckle. But it didn't.

She quickly noticed his unease, which he had no time to mask. Marinette leaned further over her mare, trying to catch his eyes. "Are you sure everything is alright?"

He didn't want to lie to her, but he found himself nodding nonetheless. Now was not the time to tell her what was troubling him. It would only trouble her anyhow. "For the most part, yes. If you want to know more, wait until we reach our destination. I'll tell you then."

Marinette nodded and asked, "What is our next destination?"

"Our final destination." He paused as if it would give some sort of dramatic effect. "My home."

»»☆««

They rode until the sun started to set over the mountains. Stopping for rest, they decided to spend the night in tents underneath the starry sky that night. Unfortunately, it would take them at least another day to reach his homeland, and although Marinette's curiosity was desperate for answers, he was grateful that she hadn't pushed him further since.

Instead, they were in his tent together, lying side by side and facing each other. Marinette was having a hard time staying awake. Her eyes kept on fluttering open and closed as they talked. He on the other hand couldn't help but silently admire her beauty.

He never thought he would be in such a position. He was right beside the woman he had loved since he was a boy who had admitted to having feelings for him as well. His heart swelled in his chest despite its conflict. For once in his life, he wanted to be selfish and not feel guilty for it.

"Do you think my brothers are out searching for me?" Marinette broke the comfortable silence between them with a question he hadn't thought much about. In most instances, he would have left scouts behind in Deadwood so that he would have answers to that mystery, but at the time, he hadn't deemed it very important.

He knew that even if they were, they had no idea how to track them, let alone catch up with them. If they ever did, he would be home by then, and Marinette would be safe until he figured out what to do with the Reaper.

"I am sure they are." Chat Noir said softly, "Despite what I think 'bout those buffoons you call brothers, they do love you."

Thankfully, Marinette found his insult to be humorous. "What do you think of my brothers?"

"They are a bit... incompetent, don't you think?" He chose the word carefully, despite the truth behind it. Marinette may have had feelings for him, but he also knew she would defend her brothers before she ever defended him. "I think it might be 'cause success to them only means pleasin' your father. Perhaps they should leave Deadwood too."

"I suggested that once," Marinette admitted a bit sadly. "None of them seemed to think that was a good idea."

"Why do you think that might be?"

Her eyes searched his for a moment before she answered him. "Fear. My brothers will say time and time again that they are afraid of nothing, but they are afraid of two things: displeasing our father and leaving Deadwood. Deadwood provides certainty—our ancestors provide that. There is certainty that they will be successful there in their professions or businesses. But there is none of that outside of our hometown because none of them know what lies outside of Deadwood."

"That sounds like a sad life." He admitted truthfully, and he meant every word. He knew the people were ignorant, but he mostly suspected they were that way under their own choosing. But it seemed most people in Deadwood had reason to believe that if they left, their lives would be altered far beyond their control, or worse, ruined.

"It is, indeed." Marinette agreed sadly, "That is why I always told myself I would leave. I could not bear the idea of living in that town for the rest of my life."

Chat Noir found himself smiling. "How did you think you would leave that blasted town?"

"Run away on the back of my horse, I suppose." She replied with a half shrug.

"You wouldn't have made it past the desert."

"Oh, I know that now." She chuckled, her smile showing her dimples. His eyes darted down to the sight, suddenly unable to look away. Her lips continued moving, unaware of his sudden new interest, and he barely heard her words. "Which is why I am glad I didn't dare try it. In a way, I suppose I should be thankful—"

When she suddenly cut herself off unexpectedly, his eyes darted back up to hers. He felt a bit of a blush fan his cheeks underneath his mask when he caught her smirking at him.

"What?" He asked, and even smiled sheepishly.

She didn't answer him with words. Instead, Marinette surprised him again when she leaned forward and pressed a single kiss to his lips. The kiss only lasted for a second before she pulled back to observe his reaction. She giggled loudly when she was met with the sight of his pursed lips, accompanied by eyes so wide they probably looked like they would pop out of his sockets.

His pursed lips turned into a pout, mostly out of embarrassment. "I...I wasn't prepared for you do to that, okay?"

She was still giggling at him. He was in awe to find that even she was blushing slightly, despite her boldness. "Did you even hear a word I said? Or were you too busy staring at my lips?"

"In my defense, I wasn't starin' at your lips. I was starin' at your dimples."

"Oh, were you now?" She scooted closer towards him, their noses almost touching. With her breath tickling his face, he inhaled slowly through his mouth, hoping it didn't expose his slight nervousness. Despite his mixed feelings, he didn't dare pull away. He couldn't find it in himself to do it, anyway. He was too mesmerized by her.

He simply swallowed and nodded, realizing words were not his best friend at that moment.

"Did you happen to hear anything I said before you became mesmerized by my dimples?" The question came flowing off of her lips in a whisper, sending a thrilling chill down his spine.

His eyebrows lowered and a smirk pulled at his lips. "I think you might've mentioned bein' thankful 'bout somethin'..."

"Mhm." Marinette somehow found a way to scoot even closer towards him. All he had to do was incline his head, and their noses would be touching.

"Were you 'bout to thank me for kidnappin' you?"

The question was asked in a joking manner, but when Marinette nodded, Chat Noir's smirk vanished in an instant. His eyes went partially wide, searching hers in shock. "Wait... really?" He questioned, truly stunned. "I meant that as a joke..."

"I mean it." Marinette's smile had faltered slightly, but only because she was being serious. "I wouldn't be out in the world if it weren't for you."

"I...I am a bit shocked by what I am hearin'." He admitted just as seriously. His smirk reappeared, however, when he added, "But I do recall sayin' that you would thank me one day."

Chat Noir laughed lightly when Marinette frowned at him. This was one of those 'I told you so' moments and he was desperate to rub it in, but instead, he held his tongue and simply laughed. Eventually, Marinette joined him in his quiet laughter. In the back of his mind, he was somewhat worried that their voices would carry on like a gust of wind throughout the camp, reaching the ears of the men who were guarding his tent, or even worse, his sister's ears.

But... he couldn't stop despite his concerns, especially when he was around her. Marinette brought out a part of him that he hadn't seen since he was a child untouched by the horrors of this world. In a way, she helped him remember what true happiness was, and that, despite who he was and all that he had done, he deserved happiness too.

When their laughter died down and Marinette leaned in to kiss him again, Chat Noir was ready to accept her lips. There was no hesitation when his eyes fluttered closed, when his lips perfectly fit with hers when his hand came up to touch her cheek. Reality simply vanished, leaving him with a dream he wished he could never wake up from.

Marinette pressed even closer towards him, and he allowed it. He let her deepen the kiss, he let her press herself fully against him, he let her run her fingers through his hair and gently scrap his scalp, sending a series of chills down his spine. He let her bite his bottom lip and elicit sounds from the pit of his chest that he didn't even know he was capable of making.

He let her steal his breath, and he couldn't find it in himself to mind. He smiled against her lips, simply allowing himself to cherish this moment and leave all of his conflicts to rot in the back of his mind.

But then... he felt Marinette's delicate fingers brush his cheek. He found comfort in her touch and didn't think much of it—in fact, he leaned into it. But then he felt her touch his mask, as if she planned to remove it, and his eyes snapped open.

He quickly pulled away, causing their kiss to break with a loud POP.

When he met her gaze, Marinette was staring at him with wide eyes. Her kissable lips were also agape, surprised at his abrupt departure. Suddenly, he felt incredibly nervous.

No one but his sister knew what he looked like behind the mask. Chat Noir knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved Marinette, but he didn't completely trust her. He had no idea if her feelings for him were genuine, or if she was doing and saying all of these things to get him to lower his guard. He wanted to believe that her intentions were true, but in his line of work, there was always someone looking to double-cross him.

His secret identity is what also kept him alive. If he revealed it to the wrong person, it was only a matter of time before word got around to his worst enemies... like the Reaper.

Chat Noir sighed glumly. With the mood clearly ruined, he sat up in his makeshift bed. He ran a hand over his face, trying to regain his thoughts.

Unfortunately, Marinette sat up too and then proceeded to lean over towards him, trying to catch his eyes. "What is the matter with you?"

Her question, although sounding concerned, could have been worded better. He flinched when he realized just how accusatory it sounded.

Marinette didn't seem to notice. If anything, she grew a bit agitated and impatient with his silence. "I do not understand you. One minute you seem like you want to do things with me, but then you pull away without explanation."

He furrowed his brows in slight frustration. "You would not understand."

"Then maybe you would care to explain it to me?"

He wanted to... more than anything. He planned to tell her everything when they reached his homeland, and perhaps that was just his way of stalling the inevitable. Eventually, he was going to have to tell her whether he was ready to or not.

He should tell her now in fact, while the cards were out on the table.

But he couldn't.

Marinette let out a loud scoff when he only offered her his silence. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as she laid back down in his bed. As the silence prolonged, he was certain she had given up on trying to press him for answers and had gone to sleep.

But he should've known better.

"Why did you take me, Chat Noir?"

Her question cut through the silence like a knife. He involuntarily shuddered when the answer formed on the tip of his tongue without hesitation.

"I told you I would answer that question when we reached our final destination." He answered.

"Well, maybe I don't want to wait until then." Marinette replied stubbornly, "Maybe I am tired of being left in the dark, especially when you continue to radiate mixed feelings that I can't seem to understand no matter how hard I try."

He turned to look at her then, his eyes glazed over in an icy glare. "Mixed feelin's, you say?"

"Yes." Marinette's eyes narrowed just as challengingly. "One minute you seem to be so in love with me and then the next you are callous, pulling away without explanation. I at least deserve an answer as to why."

"There is nothin' mixed 'bout my feelin's." His voice dipped so low it usually had those it was directed at quivering in fear, but Marinette didn't waver. She didn't even flinch. She wasn't afraid of him. "If I must admit it aloud, then yes, I do love you... more than you could possibly ever know."

Her gaze softened ever-so-slightly. "So then, why do you pull away?"

"For many reasons, but since you insist, let me list one." His gaze was incredibly dangerous, laced in anger that was directed at the imperfections of their world. "The longer you stay with me, the more you are prone to be in danger. Do you really think that this is the life I wanted for you when I went through all of this just to try and protect you from the Reaper?"

"What about the life I want?" She countered just as quickly. It was enough to have his angered gaze sizzle ever-so-slightly. "I thought you once said that I shouldn't let anyone dictate how to live my life... that I should choose the path I want to take for myself?"

He did say that... but... "You don't want to live your life as an outlaw, I can assure you that."

She didn't seem to agree. "And what if I did? What if I was actually starting to like my life out in the wilderness like this?"

His eyes narrowed in frustration. The naivety of her words only made him realize just how dangerous it really would be for her to be his. "You have only experienced a snippet of this life, Marinette, and what you have seen has been the good side. Trust me when I say, this life is not what I would wish for anyone."

"I should at least be able to see both sides of this life and decide that for myself, shouldn't I?" Marinette remained as stubborn as ever. In most moments, he would have found it attractive, but right now, all he wished was that she would simply listen.

She had no idea what horrors being an outlaw brought. It isolated and excluded them from society. There were bounties on their heads. There were bounty hunters searching for them around every corner. An outlaw had more than just the law as his enemy too. An outlaw's life consisted of always running, hiding, and looking over his shoulder.

What kind of life would that be for Marinette? Why would she want that kind of life?

"Perhaps." He relented when he realized this discussion would never end. Marinette would keep on insisting no matter how hard he tried to convince her that this life was not worth it. Even with all that he knew and had experienced, Marinette seemed to think she knew more than him.

He averted his gaze from hers as the tense silence stretched on and remained sitting up. Suddenly, he found that there was absolutely no way he was going to be able to fall asleep (especially with her beside him) despite his exhaustion. He could feel her pointed gaze in the back of his head, which felt like daggers piercing through his skin.

He felt a bit overwhelmed, and usually, when he felt that way, he had to get out of his stuffy tent.

Chat Noir slowly stood to his feet and reached for his ringo hat that had been placed on a hook. He placed it on his head, the rim hiding his eyes beneath the shadow. He turned his back toward her, intending to take his leave.

But then he heard the blankets being ruffled as Marinette stood to her feet. "So, you're just going to be angry at me and leave? Just like that?"

He paused, allowing himself a chance to soak in the emotion behind her words. She was angry at him for walking away, and he couldn't blame her. Perhaps this was just another reason to add to the list as to why a relationship between them couldn't work.

Sighing in defeat, Chat Noir slowly turned around to face her. Marinette was staring right into his eyes with a look that conveyed her hurt. His heart fell into the pit of his stomach knowing that he was the cause of it. Without another word being spoken, and the tense silence stretching on like a dreadful play, he slowly approached her.

Marinette remained perfectly still where she stood as he approached. She didn't dare step back, even as he came so close to where their foreheads were practically touching. This time, it was her whose breath shuddered at his closeness. His eyes searched hers for a moment before they fluttered closed.

"I'm not angry at you." He revealed in a whisper. He allowed his forehead to touch hers, and much to his relief, she didn't pull away. "But this is just another reason as to why I pull away."

"What is?" She whispered in response. With his eyes still closed, he couldn't see her reaction. Involuntarily, his hand came around her waist, as if to hold her in place. A part of him was even tempted to pull her closer.

But he didn't.

"I am a troubled person, Marinette." He admitted almost breathlessly between them. "I have burdens and baggage that cause me to act certain ways that you might not understand... and that I cannot yet explain."

"You're not supposed to carry all of that on your own." Her breath kissed his face and he shuddered; a realization of just how close they were. "You're supposed to let someone you love help carry it with you. Someone like me."

He shook his head against hers. "I would never ask that of you."

"What if I offered?"

"Why would you do that?" He countered softly despite all of the conflict he was feeling. In truth, he would give anything to have that type of relationship with her. To have someone like her that he could rely on, and she on him. A partnership that went beyond just a beneficial deal. A connection with someone that outlasted anything he'd ever experienced.  

"Because I care about you." She answered as if it were obvious.

Although that touched his heart, that answer wasn't satisfactory enough. "We haven't known each other for very long." He pointed out matter-of-factly. "You hardly know me. How could you possibly care for me so much that you would be willin' to help me carry my baggage?"

"Maybe not..." she exhaled slowly as if she were considering her next words. "But I cannot deny that I feel some sort of connection to you. Surely you feel the same?"

"Of course." He answered immediately. Ever since he had first laid eyes on her as a child, he knew that he had some kind of unexplainable connection to her. Now that he knew she felt it too, it couldn't be a coincidence.

A few seconds of silence passed before he felt Marinette's hand slowly wander up his clothed chest. He kept his eyes closed, his breaths becoming a bit shuddered as her hand rose to cup his cheek. Thankfully, she didn't wander any higher or even dare to touch his mask, which left him a bit more at ease. He found himself opening his eyes when her hand remained on his cheek, only to find that she was already looking up at him.

Her eyes were searching his as she asked, "That has to count for something, doesn't it?"

His eyes briefly flickered down to her lips. "I don't really understand what our connection means."

One of her brows arched at that. "I think you might understand more than you're willing to believe."

He furrowed his brows slightly. "What do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes somewhat amusingly at him. "Why else would we have such a strong connection that seems unexplainable? We have feelings for one another for a reason. That isn't a coincidence."

He swallowed, unsure of what to say as a response. He wasn't much to believe in fate, but he had reason to believe that whatever connection he shared with Marinette had been a destined feat. He wanted more than anything to be able to explore this connection.

Marinette's hand lowered from his cheek to his shoulder before wrapping itself around the back of his neck. "I don't trust you completely..." she began as she weaved her fingers around the tuffs of loose, blonde hair. "But I want to."

His eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment as he let out a shuddered breath. Their foreheads were still touching.

"I'm sure you have that same feeling about me." She went on softly when he remained silent. "Don't you want that to change?"

Yes, more than anything, his mind screamed. But years of being a bandit trained to always have his guard up kept him from lowering it so easily. Even for her.

He had already lowered it so much by confessing his feelings, by holding her... by kissing her. He was already in deep waters whether he failed to acknowledge that or not.

But how much deeper was he willing to go? How much more was he willing to risk?

His words were failing him, and so, he nodded against her forehead. Marinette's hand felt hot against the back of his neck.

"You've got to let me in then." She whispered breathlessly between them. "And I have to let you in too." Her fingers continued to twirl through his hair. "It seems easy enough, doesn't it? I mean, what else do we have to lose?"

"For me, everythin'." Somehow, he was able to find his words. His eyes were ablaze as they stared into hers. "I could lose everythin' I have built, everythin' I was taught, everythin' and everyone I care 'bout, ...you."

Marinette's eyes softened at his confession. "It's the same for me, you know. I could lose everything I ever once thought was my home. I could lose my family, my friends back home, and any dreams I ever had before I even considered love."

She had just as much to lose as he did, and yet, she was more willing to risk it all than he was.

"And you would be willin' to risk losin' all of that... for me?" The question felt foreign on his tongue. In fact, the whole concept of it did. The only people who had ever sacrificed anything for him had been his own parents.

She nodded silently against his forehead, no other words escaping her.

He couldn't believe that she would do that so willingly. He couldn't seem to fathom how she could prioritize him, a runaway from the law that she hardly knew, to if not her father, then at least her brothers who were her family and whom she had known her entire life.

"I..." he found himself hesitating. He wanted to be able to say that he could put her before anything else he considered a priority in his life, knowing fully well that he was at risk for losing everything else, but when he thought that he might, his sister always came to mind.

There was no doubt in his mind that Chat Noir was deeply in love with Marinette, but he also loved Kit with everything he had and had devoted himself to keeping her alive. He couldn't bear the risk of losing her. She was his only family left, and despite all the headaches she tended to give him, he couldn't imagine a life without her in it.

"I-I don't know if I could do the same." He finally admitted shamefully. He felt awful saying it, but he supposed he ought to be honest. "I have devoted my entire life to keepin' my sister alive and I don't know if I could be so selfish as to risk losin' her for the sake of my happiness."

He felt Marinette nod against his forehead again. Her hand was still splayed across the back of his neck, gently caressing his skin. It was incredibly soothing. "I would never ask you to choose between me and your sister. You know that don't you?" She asked softly.

"Wouldn't I have to?" His voice sounded troubled; vulnerable. He wasn't used to expressing these emotions so openly.

She pulled away slightly so that she could meet his eyes. Her eyebrows were furrowed slightly in concern. "Of course not. You could have both if you wanted."

It seemed too good to be true to have both. To have his sister alive, well and safe was already hard in itself but happiness with the one he was in love with seemed like an impossible thing to reach with a man of his reputation.

However, Marinette was certain that it could be done. Despite his own troubled thoughts and doubts, he found a bit of hope in her encouraging words.

Offering her somewhat of a sad smile, he said, "I want both."

Marinette matched that smile. "Then both you shall have."

_______________________________

I'M BACKKKKK

(and hopefully to stay)

As an... offering for being gone for so long, I offer you a chapter that is a bit longer than usual AND my word that I intend to update regularly and NOT go on such another (lengthy) break.

Anyway, instead of updating every other week, updates will now be once a month so that I don't encounter writer's block again.

Although the wait will be a bit longer, I think it beats not getting any updates on this story for months at a time 😭

So, I'll be seeing you again on (3/31/2023)!

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