"So, it sounds like you've dealt with a great deal of trauma from your childhood."

"You could say that again."

I was at my second session with Tara, and I dove more into my childhood with her.

My first session with her was more of an intake, not as much as discussing deep-rooted trauma.

I was nervous for my first session, extremely nervous. Tara, however, made me feel very comfortable. She asked the questions, and I gave her answers.

Today, however, I told her more about my dad, my mom, and his abusive behaviors.

"Have you ever seen a therapist before?" Tara asked me as we sat in her office. I sat on a cozy gray couch, and she sat on a chair across from me

"I tried to see one in college once, at the student services center. But I hate talking about my problems. I'm surprised I've opened up to you as much as I have."

"What made you stop going?"

"I found that talking about my issues made me feel worse. It brought them to light more, and I couldn't handle that. I also felt like a burden talking about my problems to someone else."

"Why did you feel like you were being a burden? That's what student services are there for."

I shrugged, "It probably also stems from my childhood. I was told multiple times, by both parents, that I was nothing but a burden. My dad when he was drunk, and my mom a few times when she was frustrated."

I then continued, "I was feeling that way with Kori when I started getting like this. Like I was nothing but a burden to her."

"Did she do anything to make you feel that way?"

"Never. She's...great. Kori is wonderful," I said, feeling a lump form in my throat.

"You miss her, don't you?"

I nodded, "It's been 11 days since we've spoken, and I've hated every second of it. I understand why she went no contact with me. But I really don't like it."

I honestly had no clue how I was going each day without talking to Kori. I had started the Wellbutrin, and I did think it was starting to take the edge off of my depression symptoms, at least a little bit. But not talking to Kori each day was rough to say the least. She was on my mind every waking moment. Every time I got a text, I hoped it was her.

But it wasn't.

When it had been exactly 2 weeks since we had spoken, Grace texted me at around 6 PM that day. I had spoken to Grace somewhat since I was fired. She would text me sometimes, and I would respond. Even though I really wasn't in the mood to.

Grace's text simply asked me: Did you and Kori break up?

I texted her back: Hey. Why do you ask?

She said: I saw her and Lisa grabbing coffee today. They were sitting together. I thought it was weird. Kori has also seemed off these past couple of weeks.

Right when I read the message, my blood ran cold.

Kori was getting coffee with Lisa? Of all people??

I had been sitting in my bed, but now I was pacing around my room.

What. The. Fuck.

At that point, I didn't even care. I found myself not even responding to Grace, but instead calling Kori.

She answered on the second ring, "Ashley...is everything okay?"

Just hearing Kori's voice again tugged at my heartstrings, but I had to focus on why I was calling.

"Really, Kori? Lisa, of all people?" I spoke.

"Did Grace text you?" Kori asked me in an even tone, "I had a feeling she would when she saw Lisa and I at the coffee shop."

"Yes, Grace texted me."

"Lisa and I were grabbing coffee. That's all."

"You've got to be fucking with me. Why in the world would you be grabbing coffee with her? She's part of the reason I got fired!"

"Well first off, she apologized while we were drinking said coffee."

"Let me guess, she tried to charm the pants off you too?"

"No, she didn't. Ashley, I'm allowed to talk to who I want to talk to."

"What, are you planning on hooking up with her again?"

I knew I probably shouldn't have asked that, but it just came out. It was a deep rooted fear coming straight to the surface.

There was silence for a moment, and then Kori said, "No, Ashley. I'm surprised you'd even ask me that."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."

Kori sighed, "I know that you're the one going through a lot right now. But that doesn't mean I'm not suffering either. Not talking to you has been incredibly difficult, and then for you to call me and basically accuse me of trying to hook up with Lisa hurts. A lot. I need to keep on upholding not speaking to you, for now at least."

"Kori, I'm sorry," I said again, "I know you're suffering too, I just-"

"I don't think you realize how much I am. Like I said to you a couple of weeks ago, for now I have to protect my peace. Just know that I've been thinking about you all the time."

"So have I."

"Bye, Ashley," Kori said with a sigh.

The call ended before I could respond, and as I sat back on my bed, my eyes welled with tears.

I reached for my phone again a few minutes after and texted Grace confirming that Kori and I broke up.

I just really hoped it wasn't for good.

Trey's birthday was on Friday of that week, and for the first time in months, I was going to be going out. He wanted to go to Glow, and even though I still didn't have much energy for it, I wasn't going to miss out. He did so much for me, I wasn't going to skip out on his birthday.

For the first time in months, I got ready. As in, I did my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and I put on a gray corset tank top and a black miniskirt. Rachel sat with me in my room and we got ready together.

"I'm glad to see you getting all dolled up," Rachel said to me, putting on some berry colored lip gloss, "Ash, I know I haven't been around as much these past couple months, but I've been worried about you. Are you doing any better?"

"It's okay, I know you've been busy with your new relationship and I don't blame you for that. I do think the medication I got prescribed is helping a bit. It's taking the edge off, I'm able to get out of bed more. I think therapy is going to help me as well. But I miss Kori. I'm not doing great without her."

Rachel looked at me, "So why don't you call her and tell her that?"

"She doesn't want to talk to me right now, and I don't blame her. I thought that because of how depressed I was, I'd be better off alone."

"I'm sure she would be more than glad to hear from you, Ash," Rachel said gently, "Especially if you're expressing that you miss her."

I hesitated before saying, "I've thought about it. I guess I just worry that she will tell me that she still wants time apart. Which would really destroy me."

"You'll never know unless you try," Rachel said to me, "You look beautiful tonight, though. I'm excited to go dancing."

It was just going to be four of us going to Glow. Trey, Colin, Rachel, and I. Rachel's new boyfriend, Jordan, was working, he was a Physicians. Assistant, they met at the hospital. Admittedly, I was glad he was working, as I didn't want to be a fifth wheel.

Colin drove the four of us, and I sat in the backseat with Rachel in the car. Colin blasted Chappell Roan on the way to Glow, which was very fitting.

As we approached Glow, all I could think about was how close I was to Kori's place. That I still had a key to.

I wonder if she's going to want it back at some point?

When we walked into Glow, I was immediately overwhelmed by all of the people inside and the song that was blasting, "LoveGame" by Lady Gaga.

Rachel put her arm around me and said, "Just stick with me. It's going to be fun."

"I think I need a drink to relax me."

I hadn't had a sip of alcohol in months.

The four of us went to the bar, and as we waited for our drinks, I looked to my left and saw who I assumed was a couple dancing.

It was two women, one of them was tall and appeared more masculine, and the other was shorter with long, pretty blonde ombré hair. The tall woman had her hands on the blonde's waist, and they were looking into each other's eyes as they danced. Like they were the only two people in the room. (A/N - if you've read my other story, "A Splash of Color", you might recognize who these two are - Brooke and Jules!) 

I felt a pang in my chest, as that reminded me of Kori and I at the wedding we went to.

Fuck, I miss her.

After we got our drinks, Trey dragged us out to the dance floor. The four of us danced together, and I tried my best to have fun. I didn't quite have it in me, but I was trying to not show it for Trey's sake.

A few feet away, I saw a woman glancing my way. She looked to be around my age, and she had her hair in a low bun and she wore a short sleeved button up shirt.

At one point I glanced back at her, and she started making her way over to me.

Oh god. That wasn't an invitation.

Nonetheless, she approached and Rachel said to me, "Looks like you have an admirer."

The woman stood in front of me, and I could smell heavy cologne.

"You look really good," she said to me, "My name is Dana. Want to dance?"

I looked at Dana for a second, unsure of what to do. The only thing that was playing over and over again in my mind was Kori.

At that moment, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

"I'm sorry," I said to Dana, "I can't, I'm...in a relationship."

Dana nodded toward Rachel, "Is this your girlfriend?"

"No, she's not here."

"Then what's the problem? It's just a dance."

"I just can't," I said back to Dana, "I'm not trying to be rude, I just can't dance with you."

Dana shrugged, "Whatever."

She then started to walk away and Rachel turned to me, "Are you sure you didn't at least want to dance with her?"

I shook my head, "I want to call Kori. I know that we're out for Trey's birthday, but I really need to call her."

Rachel nodded, "I understand. I'll tell Trey you're calling her. Don't worry, he'll understand as well."

I took my phone out of my skirt pocket and as I made my way through the crowds of people to the outside of the club, my heart raced as I called Kori.

This was my second time standing outside of Glow, calling her. However, this time it was purely intentional.

Kori picked up on the second ring, and when I heard her voice, my heart hammered.

"Hi, Ashley. Are you okay?

"I miss you," I said to Kori, "I'm out at Glow and you're all I can think about. I miss you so fucking much."

"I miss you so much," Kori said back to me, and I swore I heard relief in her voice, "Are you planning on staying at Glow, or can I come pick you up?"

"Pick me up. Please," I said to her, "I need to see you."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes."

"Okay, I'll be out front waiting for you."

A moment after I hung up with Kori, I turned to see Trey, Colin, and Rachel coming outside.

"Did you call Kori?" Trey asked me. His forehead was glistening with sweat from dancing.

"I did," I looked at Trey, "She's coming to pick me up. Are you mad?"

"Not at all! You need this, Ash. Go get your woman back."

"We'll wait out here with you," Colin said, "Just to make sure you're alright."

It didn't even take Kori ten minutes to get there, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw her Range Rover pull up.

She made eye contact with me from the driver's side, and Trey gave me a gentle push and said, "Go."

Finally, I'm seeing Kori again.