September 7, 2013

Dear Angelynn,

I haven't written to you for a long time. I'm sorry. Although, in all honesty you probably don't mind, because by the time you read this, I hope I have a big 'ol stack of letters for you to read. Sadly, you won't have the satisfaction of picking up a stack of musty old paper and breathing in the scent of age and ink. Maybe you can envision it, but it won't have the same effect. Plus, I imagine if I had penned these down by hand, they would have gotten horribly unorganized over the years and would be all out of order, which might be quite chaotic. I think it would be enjoyable to see your thoughts down chronologically (and without all the doodles and rambling that would be scribbled all along the margins of the paper if I were to write instead of type.)

But the point of this letter wasn't to reminisce about the future.

I'm sure that you picked up that you can't exactly reminsce about the future, and that, Angelynn, is the point.

A horribly, vague, confusing point, but the point I'm trying to convey, nonetheless.

And I think I can tie in that first sentence into what I'm about to say, which wasn't planned out at all.

I think the reason I haven't been writing to you, or writing at all, is because I've been stressing out about the present, or at least the near future. I think I've been missing out on the whole big picture thing for the past couple months or so. I keep bringing up the mistakes of the past (and very near past, the yesterdays and the day-befores) so much that they've been lurking around in my brain and reminding me how much of a failure I really am. I've been analyzing my every action and every look in my direction to some blown-up proportion, which I had sworn to myself that I would never ever do, because I didn't want to end up some self-depricating creature. But, here I am. I always knew I was a hypocrite, Angelynn.

And then of course, school has gotten in the way of writing. But I've stopped writing to you over a month ago, and school's only started up two weeks ago, so I don't really have an excuse.

I'm getting really off topic. I swear, I've been getting more ADD as the years go by. Hopefully you've sorted that out, otherwise Angelynn, you're a wreck.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that everything is at it's strongest in threes. Past, present, future. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Equilateral, isosceles, scalene. (Plus, the triangle is the strongest shape in architecture.) A lot of things come in threes, and most of them are good or at least have the potential to be.

I think I've been dwelling too much in 1D (not One Direction-- that's a whole different problem) or 2D and am not living up to the way life is supposed to be lived in 3D. I've been ignoring this whole other perspective, probably because it's frightening and full of variables that can't be solved with algebra or intense studying. I guess I've been losing sight of you, Angelynn. The future. In ten years, twenty years, thirty years, x years to the nth degree- who knows? 

I keep thinking in tomorrow's. If I can just hold on for one more day...

It's not like I want to eliminate the past or the present, because without those, my life won't function properly either. A triangle needs three legs. If I remember the past to do well in the present, I bet that huge chunk of my life that I've been disregarding will be amazing.

I keep viewing my future as this bleak, dismal oblivion, but it doesn't have to be that way. Right now, I can choose how I want it to turn out.

Angelynn, I hope that you've kept this philosophy in mind, or else use this as a reminder. Seriously, sometimes you just need to step back a little, breathe, and slip those 3D glasses over your face.

xx

Angela