May 31, 2013

Dear Angelynn,

Lately, I've been thinking, and sometimes I think that I think too much, but I truly think I might be on to something for once in my life.

Like always, it's a question about people and existence, because I suppose that's what worries me the most in the world.

Angelynn, people are always complaining that "no one understands them" through their hardships. I suppose I can agree with that to a certain level, because I'm here typing a letter to someone who doesn't really exist. A figment of perfected imagination... but I'm comforted in the fact that I can create someone to listen. Someone who will always listen and not judge and just totally understand me.

Too bad that this is understanding is only through my imagination. But lately, I've developed a positive outlook on this, which is odd, because I consider myself a pessimistic person. Maybe I can just see two sides of things, which would probably be because I spend too much time thinking.

Anyways, humans are awful, judgmental, prideful beings. Filled to the brim with a countless number of negative adjectives. Sometimes, I think we forget that humans are also caring, open-minded, and loving beings, topped with an insurmountable of positive adjectives. Humans are confusing like that. We're layered with so many descriptors, making us seem so infinitely complex.

It's hard to remember that those adjectives, as many as there are, are not infinite. The situations we are placed into, are not infinite. So for a split second of everyday, shouldn't someone really understand you? Whether you know them or not, shouldn't there be someone out there who can comfort you, because they understand, and despite all their negative qualities, their positive ones show through? I'd like to believe so.

But, Angelynn, why should somebody even have to understand? Why should we have to feel so bad in the first place? 

Because we aren't perfect, yet all of us want to be perfect. We attempt to make ourselves feel better through the rejection of others, whether we do it subconsciously or knowingly, it happens. I  hope that it doesn't happen on purpose, but I know better. In many extreme cases, it happens.

We're all in a diverse world, yet we can't handle differences. Every single difference is a hint at an insecurity. And we're all so insecure, even if we fake it and pretend that everything's all right: we're all insecure in the end. Maybe perhaps, because we think nobody understands /why/ we're insecure, but as previously stated, we do.

I think we should understand that there is no such thing as perfection. That is something that we can all agree on, right? Nobody's perfect, so why do we care when other people aren't perfect? Why do we care when we're not perfect? 

And why are we so quick to point out why other people are imperfect? As if it would make us seem more perfect in comparison? We play this blame game as a way to wipe our imperfect filth onto someone else. The attempt to achieving perfection, backfiring, and everybody is left feeling miserable. Useless. Imperfect.

But Angelynn, it's impossible to be completely imperfect or a complete failure or a complete anything, really. Because that would be perfectly imperfect, a perfect failure, a perfect something. And we don't believe in perfection, right?

Angelynn, I don't understand why so many problems seem to arise from that single word. It's kind of ironic really, how perfection seems to be people's ruin. Not only that, but people fear imperfection, like it's an incurable disease. And I suppose it is, because we've all caught it, haven't we? And there's no cure to imperfection, because perfection doesn't exist, but we keep trying to claw our way to the top, only to fall all over again.

It's kind of pathetic.

We all try for superior and best, and forget that at the end of the day: we're all human. We're all bound to those finite adjectives and feelings. We're all, in a way, equal.

Angelynn, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have goals or dreams to pursue, but can you maybe just realize that while you may fail, there's somebody there to catch you, because they really do understand. Maybe you can show someone that you understand, too.

xx

Angela