@IBurntYourToast

In the end,
I'd do it all again,
I think you're my best friend.
Don't you know that the kids aren't all,
Kids aren't alright.

   - The Kids Aren't Alright, Fall Out Boy

I know I didn't say anything to you for Christmas, but that was because I was saving it for New Year's.
It's not as poetic and beautiful as your message was, but I hope it gets across what I want to say well enough. I'm also not going to check it, so hopefully my autocorrect hasn't pulled one on me.

  Here goes:

I'm not going to go on some kind of long rant about my past, and about the problems I've had, but let's just say, I was in a very, very bad place in 2015. I started secondary school and literally had no friends, I was bullied, the lot. I've been slowly pulling  myself out of the hole I dug since, and I thought was almost fully better in 2017.

   I reached my happiest point this year, over the summer. No school, no stress, it was just what I finally needed to help me out, along with the release of Pray For The Wicked, I can't lie. But, as I started back at school again, I suddenly got very stressed, very quickly, and things turned bad again. I lost a lot of friends, leaving me with one friend while all the others turned against me and took the other side.

   I thought things were about to go back to how they were, and I was scared, I didn't want to let it get that bad again. But then, two things happened.

Number one, I took up drumming seriously, rather than just an occasional thing.

Number two, a certain person decided to creep into my life and make it a whole lot better.

It feels a little strange to be saying this now, but I've only known you since about September, I'd say. I can't remember the exact time, but I know that it was roughly around there. I believe it started because you did something for me, and I decided to write you a story. Again, I don't remember what it was that you did, but I remember you offered to write on for me in return. You finished the story quickly, and I loved it, probably.more than I should have done.
You and I both know I haven't finished yours.

   We got talking, and eventually ended up bonding over Achievement Hunter and Panic! At The Disco. We got each other's emails, eventually, and then, sometime in November, I gave you my number so that I could message you when I went to my friends birthday party. You never knew this, but you actually stopped me from having a panic attack that evening. There were a lot of people at that party, and I felt like I was getting ignored, and even when I want talking to you, just looking down at my phone and seeing your contact there reminded my that someone was there, someone was friends with me for a reason.

   Quite a while later, you added me to your group chat, where I met MetalGuy3000 and MikeyWayzowski , and I don't think I could be without any of you guys now. You've all helped me a lot, sometimes without even knowing it. But, we'll get to that later.

   We've made plans recently to write a story together, and I don't think I've ever been so enthusiastic to write anything before. I love the ideas you came up with for it.

   For Christmas, you wrote a paragraph for me, saying, semi-indirectly, what I meant to you. You wrote in your bio 'Honestly, would heccing die without @Slendermoon' and I don't know if you meant it seriously, but it means an awful lot to me.

   I literally talk to you more than any of my school friends, and I'm totally okay with that. I can literally see notifications from your messages as I'm writing this. We have a lot more inside jokes, and you make me feel a lot happier than any of them, too.
We talk way more often than my other internet friends, too, but with all my other internet friends I've had in the past, it never lasted more  than a couple of months.

It makes me sad sometimes to think that maybe I'll never get to meet you, that we'll stop talking and forget about each other in a few months, because I don't want to forget you. *insert 'Doubt' by TOP*

You know that I've been feeling down lately, and you've done your best to help, and even if I didn't really show it, I really appreciated everything you said. The messages you sent me, asking what was wrong and reassuring me, made me cry even more because it was like someone actually cared about how I felt. And, don't get me wrong, everyone else's concern meant a lot to me, too, but coming from you I just felt... A lot more cared for. And that's what I needed.

(Also, I'm fairly sure it was the use of 'bub' in those messages that fucked me up, I have no idea why, but don't stop doing that. )

I'm sort of writing this all out as I think it, so it's probably a mess, but I hope it gets the message across:

Basically, I love you. Probably a hell of a lot more than I should, but I love you, and I'm insanely grateful that you're here in my life.

   Happy New Year, you ginger son of a bitch. See you in 2019.

🖤