I can't believe this is happening to me.

I mean, I shouldn't care. I shouldn't be uncomfortable. It felt like a lifetime ago since we were alone together like this. So why on earth did I feel like running away?

"Dapat two rooms yung kinuha natin," I said.

"Fully booked na daw," he replied, dumping his bags by the closet and turning to me. "This was the only room available."

I sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, covering my face. "I'm sorry. Kasalanan ko 'to."

If only I ran fast enough, we wouldn't have missed the last bullet train to Kyoto. The rest of our friends were already inside the train and hindi na sila makalabas when they noticed we were left behind. Jesse was pissed, but he was relieved na kasama ko si Oliver.

"Thanks for staying behind," I murmured.

I felt Oliver sit beside me, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "I couldn't leave you alone – even if I wanted to."

Bakit ganun? It felt like he meant more to it than what we were talking about.

I brought my hands down and turned to face him, taking the chance that he was up close to study his handsome face. He still looked good and fresh, despite our slight panic in finding a place to spend the night kanina.

"Tumanda ka," I blurted out.

He snorted, but looked amused. "That's random."

"You really did!" I insisted. "You don't look like a bad boy with a gentle face anymore." I patted his shoulder proudly. "Mukha ka nang kagalang-galang."

Chuckling, he said, "Thanks."

I bowed. "You're welcome. Now, it's my turn." I stopped, and gestured eagerly to myself. "What changed with me?"

With eyes never leaving mine, he wore a small smile. But for some reason, I thought he looked somewhat sad. "Everything, and nothing."

I stared at him for what felt like forever, before laying back on the bed. "I forgot you liked talking in riddles nga pala."

"You used to like deciphering them."

"I used to like a lot of things."

He was quiet for a second or two, before saying, "Including me?"

I blinked before looking at him with wide eyes, medyo in disbelief that he was opening up that subject. Why here? Why now? Why at all?

"I never got over you, though," he added quietly.

My eyes widened even more at that, while my heartbeat accelerated like that first time he called me 'Angel.' Oh, my gosh. Did he just...? Nope. No, don't even go there.

"I think I'm gonna take a walk," I declared suddenly, as I got up and grabbed my thick coat from the chair near the coffee table. Hindi ako prepared for this.

"Samahan kita," stated Oliver, standing up as well.

I held up a palm, stopping him. "No, I'm good. Nakapag-travel ako on my own for almost a year, remember?"

He nodded. "I remember."

"So... I think that's proof enough that I'm capable of taking care of myself."

"Never doubted it." He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Alright, then. See you later." I was about to turn around but saw Oliver shaking his head with a small smile, and I halted.

"I'm still going with you."

I opened my mouth to protest.

"I told you," he said. "I can't leave you alone, especially not when you're in front of me."

I raised an eyebrow, with a little sneer appearing on my face. "You've been doing it just fine for almost a decade. I don't see what changed."

He met my stare with a hard one. "Do you honestly believe that?"

I remembered the times he always managed to find a way to see me, to come to me, and to spend time with me – no matter what. There were gaps throughout the years, but in a way, he was always there... even if it was just in the background, like I was with him.

"No," I admitted. "You're right, you can't leave me alone – yet you won't let yourself have me either." I shrugged, with a smile that didn't reach my eyes. "In the end, sinong nasaktan?"

He took a step forward, and replied, "We both did."

May point naman siya. Perhaps he struggled in a different way, but I wouldn't know kasi nga he never shared that vulnerable side with anybody else other than to himself.

"And whose fault is that?" I asked.

His jaw clenched, but he didn't answer. As always, mukha na naman siyang nagpipigil. He was always hesitant, always torn, kapag nasa harapan niya ako. Maybe that was the reason why we wouldn't work. I was breaking out of my shell while he was still stuck in his.

We couldn't go on like this, though. We couldn't tiptoe around each other forever. Hindi ko alam how we managed to ignore that gaping hole between us and pretend everything's okay in front of our friends for so long.

All I knew was that what we needed was closure.

I sighed. "You know what, let's just forget about all that. It's the past, ancient history na. If you wanna take a walk with me, then let's go."

I headed to the door and left the room before he could say more.

About half an hour later, we were eating onigiri sa park malapit sa hotel. Nagutom kami, but neither of us wanted to go back yet. So we settled for each other's silent company.

"Wala na bang chance?" he asked out of the blue.

He gazed at me, with a face so solemn under the moonlight na hindi kaagad nag-register sa'kin yung sinabi niya. When it finally did, I was taken aback.

"What?"

"Can't we go back to how we used to be?" he pleaded, his voice sounding dejected.

Oh, wow. It was totally weird hearing this sort of tone come from Oliver. He was always so calm, collected, and sometimes even void of emotion. Now, he sounded... desperate.

Bakit ganon? Why did it feel like someone was squeezing my heart?

But I had to be strong.

Magpaka-tatag ka, Angelica. Don't melt over Oliver's stare, as if you were his lifeline. You already know that you're not.

"No," I told him, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. "I don't think we can ever go back to that time." So much had happened. We were now two different people.

He nodded, accepting it. "Then, can we at least start over?" His eyes went down to his gloved hands before traveling up and locking with mine, looking suddenly shy.

I frowned at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He straightened up and cleared his throat in the most adorable way possible, before saying, "Hi, I'm Oliver." He reached out a shaking hand, wearing a reluctant smile.

"Ollie." I rolled my eyes but I was smiling despite myself, kasi he looked beyond cute and embarrassed while doing it na hindi ko mapigilang mag-smile!

"What's your name?"

He really looked like he was dying inside by the cheesiness of what he was doing. I had to bite my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing.

"Are we really doing this?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he just looked at me and waited.

Maybe imagination ko lang but I caught fear in his eyes, fear na baka hindi ako mag go along and he'd look stupid for doing this. I could go and let him think that.

But... this is Oliver. And for him to do something so childish... It was saying something. It was saying something BIG. So giving in, I sighed and played along.

"Hello, I'm Angelica," I said, accepting his hand and shaking it.

"What brought you to Japan?"

"I'm on a trip with my friends."

"Nice." He nodded in approval. "Ako din, actually."

I pretended to be surprised. "Really? Wow, we must have friends who think alike."

He smiled, glancing at the street lights. "Probably."

"Saan na sila?"

"Nauna na sa Kyoto. I missed the train."

"Why'd you miss the train?"

He shrugged. "I didn't want to leave someone behind."

I stared at him for what felt like a minute. "Why?"

"'Cause she's the person I care about the most." He met my eyes, and added with a smile, "And I swore to myself that I'll always stay by her side – as long as she wants me."

Tears stung the back of my eyes bigla, daring to come out. But I blinked them away and I averted his gaze. He was very forward tonight. Ano ba nakain nito?

"Ask me more about myself," he stage-whispered.

I let out a small giggle and shook my head in amusement, playing along to distract myself from what he just said. "Alright, Oliver. Tell me. What's your story?"

He leaned back on the bench and looked up, pretending to think.

"My story started when I went to Silvestre University, where I also got my Masters. I used to play football, you know. I was good at it, but I quit 'cause it wasn't really something I loved doing. What I loved was... racing. I loved the rush, the smell of gasoline, the sound of the engine revving... and I loved winning."

He paused, wringing his hands together. "Being quiet and reserved, it was hard for me to make friends. Enrique only became my friend 'cause I had to tutor him in Physics back in high school, then we bonded over video games and comic books. When we got to college, it was him who made friends first with Jesse and Paolo."

I always knew Enrique was the glue of the group. Kaya naman when he went away, it was hard for everyone. We managed to stay close, but it was Enrique who brought us all together.

Oliver chuckled. "Funny thing is, Jesse and I got closer instead. To be honest, he was the one who pushed me to join my first race. I didn't want to at first, but you know how persuasive he can be. He was confident I'd win." He smiled at the memory. "That night changed my life. In time, I gained the confidence I didn't know I had, I learned to be more open with people, and I became the version of me that I always wanted to be. All because of him."

I... didn't know his relationship with Jesse was that deep.

"Then I met you," he said, looking at me.

I almost stopped breathing – almost lang kasi if I stopped breathing, I would die and I couldn't die without knowing the rest of Oliver's kwento.

"You were the most angelic thing I've ever seen."

He took a deep breath and turned away, too shy siguro to face me but that was okay because I was definitely blushing red right now.

"You looked too pure for this world that I wanted to shield you from all the bad."

Oh, gosh. That was so cute.

Rubbing his face, Oliver laughed weakly. "At first, I thought that my being protective was 'cause you reminded me of my little sister, Jinny. Looking back, I was just fooling myself into thinking that 'cause I knew that I couldn't have you."

It was my turn to lean my back on the bench, as his words started to sink in.

"I settled on just being your friend," he continued. "Kaso habang tumatagal, lalo kitang nakikilala. And I liked what I was learning about you. I liked how we were whenever we were together. I liked who I was when I was with you. I liked it so much that I feared people would start to see right through me, most of all Jesse."

A tear escaped, knowing where he was going with this, but I quickly wiped it away.

"But he did – and he talked to me, straight up grilled me about you." He released a deep sigh. "God, I respect him so much." He paused, lowering his head and shaking it. "And the first thing he told us was not to touch you, never ever to go after you. I knew where he was coming from, dahil may kapatid din ako."

Raising his head, he rubbed his mouth as he looked far away. "He changed my life. The least I could do was honor his wishes."

I gritted my teeth and clenched my jaw, breathing hard through my nose as I tried not to make a sound kasi I might whimper and start crying.

"It didn't matter that I already fell in love with you."

Wait...

What?!

He was in love with me since then?

No, he was in love with me – period?!

"Or that I was dying each time I saw you with that little fu – with Michael. I still stayed away, distracted myself with new friends and new surroundings. But it didn't last long." He sighed and shook his head. "Especially that night when I almost lost my shit seeing you drink yourself to death at Haut. Pasalamat ka wala nun si Jesse."

He laughed humorlessly. "I lost my shit, anyway. I gave in to sweet temptation and... you know what happened next."

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "You freaked out the next morning."

"I did," he agreed, looking a tad bit ashamed. "I shouldn't have, though. 'Cause despite everything, I was fucking happy."

"Hindi halata," I muttered.

"I know, I'm sorry," he said, staring at me as he said that.

"You didn't speak to me for more than a year."

"I did, but you didn't," he argued, in a gentle tone. "You avoided me."

I didn't answer, because again, he had a point. It was always him who started the small talks, while I tried to pretend that he didn't exist.

"I was trying to figure out what to do," he explained. "And how to break it to Jesse that I'm going to pursue you."

I watched as my fingers played with each other, mumbling, "It's been years, Ollie."

"I know, it's just..." He took a moment, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked up at the starless night sky. "Not everyone just knows right off the bat if it's the right girl. Sometimes, it takes time. Sometimes, it's a choice between losing my best friend and being with the girl I love. And I was about to make that choice, but then you went and sent that text."

Being with the girl he loved... Was he going to choose her after all?

I closed my eyes and crossed my arms, as if shielding myself from any hope that might've sprung inside me. Hindi pwede. I couldn't let myself hope again.

"God, I don't think I've ever driven that fast in my entire life." That was big, coming from him. "I made a ten hour drive into just five hours."

"That's not safe," I couldn't help but mumble.

"I had to make sure you were okay," he said gently. "Scared the shit out of me, but it was the push I needed to talk to your brother. I was planning on it as soon as we came back."

My eyes sprang open and I whipped my head to face him, obviously shocked by that tiny information. Gosh, he was going to talk to Jesse that time?

Shrugging, Oliver let out a small laugh. "But again, you ran away from everyone and left the country without telling anybody."

"I didn't know..."

"Hey, at least I had eleven months to figure out how to get you back. Kaso..." He gave me a sheepish smile, and gestured between us. "This is the best I could come up with."

I pressed my lips together and tightened my hold on my arms to stop myself from giving him a hug. Not yet.

"I know this is cheesy as hell, and this is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do with anyone... But I choose you to see this side of me. Only you."

In other words, this was him being vulnerable with me.

My lower lip quivered, as tears started pooling in my eyes. I still had to ask, "What about Kuya Jesse? I don't want you to risk losing him." Especially after knowing their history.

Oliver reached out a hand and wiped the tears that rolled down my cheeks. With a smile, he said, "I choose you. I'd rather lose his friendship than spend another day not being with you."

I started sobbing then, while he cupped my face and looked into my eyes.

"For me, it's you. It's always been you, Angel."

That did it, I was full on crying now.

"Bakit mo 'ko pinapaiyak? It's too cold for me to be crying right now!"

He burst out laughing, before pulling me close and wrapping me in his arms for a hug. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you're still a crybaby. Glad to know that hasn't changed."

I sniffed. "You still need to prove to me you mean all those things you said, Ollie."

"I will," he assured me, kissing the side of my head.

Maybe marupok lang talaga ako pagdating kay Oliver, but...

I believed him.