This beats all the birthday parties I ever had.

I never really enjoyed being in the spotlight, kaya I dreaded the thought of a traditional debut party. And that was why when Jesse proposed going on a night out with the group as an alternative, I immediately agreed.

I wouldn't normally go to a club like this but since I was with my closest friends naman, okay lang. Besides, Jesse was here with us.

As I swayed to the beat of the music (they were playing a 90's song), hindi ko na-realize that I was stepping outside our circle na.

Oh, no. I realized it too late. I tried to get back in pero since they were all facing away from me, none of my friends could see me. What should I do?

In a crowded place like this and it was dark pa, I was so out of my comfort zone. Hindi ko lang pinapahalata. Kaya naman I slightly panicked and inwardly freaked out.

Okay. Calm down, Angelica. Just reach out and squeeze back in. Easy peasy. Don't let your anxiety win. Just reach out. You'll be fine.

I raised a hand and I was about to tap Paolo but then I was dragged away by a rowdy crowd. My heartbeat accelerated as my panic rose. No, no, no.

Thankfully, Oliver caught my eye. He instantly moved and broke the circle to go over to me. He put a hand behind my back and brought me back inside the circle.

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. I sometimes hated yung pagiging introvert ko. I get scared too easy by big crowds like this. I tried to fight it, and I win most of time naman. May mga times lang talaga like this one na medyo matindi yung panic ko for no reason.

When I calmed down, I noticed that Oliver had stayed behind me so I wouldn't be able to stray away again. That made me smile.

It was a small gesture, but it meant a lot to me.

An hour later, Oliver and I were sitting side by side while our friends were spread out in the club. I got some ice from the ice bucket and munched on some, just for something to do since hindi din naman ako pala-inom.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to my right. Oliver nodded to the ice bucket, gesturing wordlessly for me to get him some, too.

I put a few in an empty glass and gave it to him.

"Thanks," he said.

"You're welcome."

"Can you drink?"

I glanced at my older brother, Jesse, who was chatting with a teammate at the bar. Then, I shrugged at Oliver and answered, "It's my birthday."

"Sige. Just this one, then," he decided, before pouring a couple of shots and handing me one. "Cheers, Angel."

I tried not to blush at hearing him say his nickname for me. Siya lang yung tumatawag sa akin ng 'Angel.' He started calling me that right before Christmas last year, during one of our night drives. When I asked him why, he simply answered, "It suits you."

Oliver clinked his glass with mine, then I closed my eyes and drank it. The thing was, it was my first time taking a shot. And I almost puked as I made a disgusted face.

Yuck, people drink that stuff talaga? Why? Hindi naman masarap e.

I heard Oliver burst out laughing from beside me. Apparently, he hadn't taken his shot pa. I gasped and punched him on the arm.

"That's not fair!" I exclaimed, pointing to his shot and practically forcing him to take it.

He grinned and took it in one go, like it was nothing. "There, happy?"

I nodded and beamed at him. "Yup!"

He chuckled, shaking his head as he took the glass from me and placed our glasses on the table. Just then, a figure was running towards us.

"Ollieeeee! Help me out here!"

It was Paolo. He sat on the other side of Oliver and looked desperately at him. The latter just looked at him questioningly.

"Be my wingman naman oh," Paolo whined, hanging his head back. "Jesse ditched me." He glared in my brother's direction, and added, "Ass."

I covered my mouth with a hand, keeping myself from laughing. Oliver met my eyes for a split second before shaking his head at Paolo.

"You're on your own, bro."

"Why?" Paolo asked in disbelief. "You never said no before."

Oliver shrugged and leaned back. "Not in the mood."

Paolo's jaw dropped, and I had to stop myself from doing the same. Quiet si Oliver, but I already saw him on the move before. He was discreet lang, pero he was as good as Jesse.

"What the hell is up with you guys tonight?" Paolo grumbled, grabbing the bottle of black and pouring himself a shot to the brim. He downed it in one gulp.

"Easy lang, Pao," I told him.

When he saw me, his eyes lit up and hugged me over Oliver who was between us.

"Happy Birthday, Gellyyy!"

I laughed. "You already greeted me kanina."

"Okay, now I get why Jesse's being sober as fuck," he said, ignoring my statement. Yeah, lasing na siya for sure. "It's your first time to go out with us na he finally allowed you to drink, 'di ba?"

Nodding, I replied, "Yup."

He frowned, pulling away and turning to face Oliver. "So what's your excuse?"

Oliver looked unfazed as he watched the bodies jumping on the dance floor. "Not in the mood," he simply repeated.

Paolo sighed and stood up, looking defeated. "Whatever."

I watched him go and head towards my brother. I guess siya nalang talaga yung chance ni Paolo to get a wingman. Kawawa naman, he really wanted to get some tonight.

"Are you sure you don't wanna go with him?" I asked Oliver.

He looked at me. "You'll be alone."

Oh, my gosh. Ako ba yung reason?

"Don't worry!" I assured him. "Okay lang ako. Some high school friends of mine are here din naman oh." I nodded to the table next to us and waved at the people there.

Since I wasn't having a debut anymore and they found out na lalabas nalang kami, they asked which club and followed para they could still celebrate with me.

Michael (my first heartbreak) was there, and he waved back. Oliver caught it and eyed my ex-boyfriend, until Michael grew uneasy and put down his hand before looking away.

Yikes, I've never seen Oliver look so scary before.

"Good terms na kayo?" he asked, his eyes still on Michael.

"Uh, yeah," I admitted. "We have the same circle of friends in high school kasi kaya it's hard to avoid him sa mga get-together."

Oliver didn't say anything. He just picked up his glass of whiskey and stirred it. Then, he drank it as if he was only drinking water.

"He broke your heart."

My eyes landed on my hands. "I know."

It was quiet between us for a while. Buti nalang we were both used to the silence. From our numerous midnight road trips during the past year, we learned to love the peace that came with the silence. In fact, Subic was becoming 'our place.'

I smiled at the thought.

"Where do you want to go next, Angel?" he asked bigla.

It was sobrang out of the blue na I didn't get to say anything right away.

"Subic is getting old, isn't it?" he continued, flashing me a small smile.

He wanted to go somewhere else – with me. Pero it wasn't like we could go further than that. These midnight road trips only worked kasi we didn't go too far.

"How about somewhere south?" I suggested.

Oliver had a calculated look on his face. "Where in the south, though?"

"Hmm," I hummed, thinking about it. "Tagaytay?"

A wide grin started to appear on his face. "Sure, it's a deal."

"But wait, won't you be busy na soon?" I frowned, tilting my head in wonder. "You'll have that experiment thing in Soledad, 'di ba?"

He only shrugged. "It's only for a short while."

"If you're sure," I mumbled, biting my bottom lip.

"Hey," he called, leaning closer to me. "I won't give up on our night drives."

"We'll see." Then I laughed, deciding to tease him. "You never know, baka you'll find new friends through that experiment and you'll forget all about us."

Oliver's face turned serious, almost solemn. "I'll never forget you, Angel."

I blinked, taken aback.

What in the...? Why did he say that with that face?! My heart was beating so fast na oh! Gosh, anong isasagot ko dun?

But not soon after that, Enrique joined us at the table. Good thing kasi wala pa rin akong reply to Oliver's statement.

"Bro, Jesse's looking for you," Enrique told Oliver.

"I'll be back," he whispered to me, before getting up and leaving.

I only nodded, still pretty much blown away dun sa sinabi niya. Did he mean anything by that? Hindi naman siguro. But what if...?

I shook my head and decided not to think about it. Lalo na, I had a tendency to overthink pa naman. To get my mind off it, I asked Enrique for Ingrid and Frankie. It turned out, Frankie was so drunk na pala na Ingrid took her to the restroom to get refreshed.

I was about to stand up to go to them when Enrique asked for a heart to heart. I was surprised but with him leaving for Australia soon, there was no way na I'll refuse him.

"Listen, take care of Ollie for me," he stated, walang beating around the bush. "You're the sweetest girl I know, Gel."

I raised an eyebrow at him, and replied, "You're going to another country, Enri. You're not totally leaving us."

"Yeah, but still..." He paused, then grinned. "You know you're like a sister I never had?"

I snorted. "Aren't I to all of you?"

Gosh, the last thing I wanted was for Oliver to see me as a little sister.

At that, Enrique laughed. "You're more of a friend to those mofos," he said, pointing to Oliver and Paolo by the bar with Jesse.

"Pero 'di nga," he started seriously, "please take care of Ollie, Gel. He always takes care of everyone, but no one takes care of him."

"Why are you telling me this?"

With a crooked smile, he said, "Don't you have a crush on him?"

I blinked. "I – I..." I shook my head and tried again. "What? No, I don't."

Enrique's smile turned wider. "Okay lang yan. I promise not to tell."

I very much doubted that, but I had no choice but to trust him.

After our little talk, I went after Ingrid and Frankie. Medyo sobering up na si Frankie, so that was good. But she wanted to go home na so I looked for Jesse to tell him na I was going home with the girls. It was time to call it a night.

I saw him talking to Oliver at the bar, so I headed towards them but then I stopped when I heard Jesse mention my name.

"I swear," Oliver insisted, sounding exasperated.

Jesse frowned. "Why don't I believe you?"

Oliver looked him dead in the eye. "You know my type. She isn't it."

Ouch.

My brother's expression turned menacing, as he said, "I swear to God, Ollie –"

"I'll never make a move on Angelica," Oliver vowed, cutting him off before he could say more. "She's a friend, practically my little sister. It'll never happen, okay?"

I crossed my arms and hugged myself, suddenly feeling cold.

"I'm just being nice," Oliver added. "Gusto mo bang lasing din mga nakapaligid sa kanya tonight?"

Ah, so he was just being nice kaya ayaw niya 'kong iwanan kanina on my own. After all, I was practically his little sister. Now I get it.

"Yeah, you're right." Jesse shook his head, before sighing. "Sorry, man. When it comes to her, I just... I lose my shit."

"I understand. I have a little sister, too."

My feet moved on its own, seeming to realize that I needed to get away from here before my conscious self did. But I wasn't able to go far enough not to hear more.

"I trust you, Ollie. More than anyone."

"I know."

When I finally got to our table, Enrique was still there. He asked me something pero I didn't hear it. I ignored the bottle of Black and went for the Jäger instead.

Ingrid said it was better than Black, especially if I take it with Red Bull. So I took three shots of Jäger and drank Red Bull as my chaser.

I was on the verge of crying but I held it in. Hindi ako iiyak dito. I poured myself two more shots, faintly hearing Enrique's protests but I could only focus on Oliver's words.

'It'll never happen.'

'I'm just being nice.'

'I'll never make a move on Angelica.'

Not 'Angel.' No more 'Angel.'

What was the point of waiting for him if the person I was waiting for didn't want me – will never want me? What was the point of being happy na we were getting really close over the past year? What was the point of our midnight rendezvous?

He saw me as a sister lang pala all this time.

Gosh, I was so stupid.

"Hey."

I whipped around and saw Michael. Nawala yung balance ko. With him being the nearest one, I grabbed onto him. Whoops, that alcohol was kicking in faster than I expected.

"Whoa, easy lang."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Uh, the others and I are heading out to another place and..." He stopped, getting a good look at my face. His brows furrowed in concern, as he added, "You okay?"

I was planning to lie, but what was the point? Really, I was starting to question the point of everything now.

"No," I answered truthfully.

Michael looked genuinely worried. "You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

He glanced over his shoulder. Our friends were waiting for him. Making up his mind, he faced me again and asked, "You wanna go with us?"

I didn't even have to think about it.

"Yes."

"Uy, wait lang," Enrique called, as I made a move to leave with Michael. "Gel, you can't just leave without telling Jesse."

"I'll text him."

"You know hindi yun enough."

"I'll call him."

Enrique frowned. "Did something happen?"

What was the point in telling him? He wouldn't understand.

"It's my birthday and I wanna go out with my friends lang," I told him. "I'm finally able to drink out with them without Kuya's prying eyes."

"You just had five shots in a row."

"Michael will take care of me, 'di ba?" I looked up at Michael expectantly.

He nodded, placing a hand on my back. "I'll bring her home."

Enrique raised both of his hands. "Your funeral."

As I walked out of the club with Michael and the others, I decided to do something I'll probably regret forever. For now, though, I didn't care.

Hindi na 'ko maghihintay sa The One. It's all just a sham, anyway.

At least, first boyfriend ko si Michael. We had our good times naman. Yes, he broke my heart. And I know it's a little late. But might as well give him all my firsts.

It'll be a step towards accepting that Oliver will never be mine.