June hovered over Chad in the wee hours of the morning, still unsure whether she was doing the right thing. Would he hate her when he woke? To find that the woman he'd been wanting to spend his life with had abandoned him, like a floozy, spent on a hotel bed, even if it was within an expensive suite?

So many questions she wanted answers to, but all were questions she was forcing on him, them.

Placing the bundle of papers she'd carefully folded on the empty half of the bed beside him, where she should have been, she rose to her feet. The temptation to kiss him goodbye tugged at her heart, yet the fear that she might wake him stopped her. The last thing she wanted was for Chad to wake up and try to stop her from leaving. But she had to hurry. He was usually an early bird, so she had to be gone long before he woke. After all, she still had to get back to the house and throw a few things in a bag and leave. Where to? She still had to figure that out, but at least for now, her plan was to leave, step away from Chad for a bit. Give him the space and the time to work through the torrent of a mess that was her life. A plan she hoped worked. If not, she was possibly destroying the best thing to happen to her.

June slid the heavy ring off her finger with trepidation. She wasn't rejecting him. She wasn't. This wasn't what it was. She was giving him a chance to reject her. Every groom should have that opportunity, just like every bride should have it too. To assess whether their decisions and their partners were wholly what they wanted, scars, warts, and all.

She placed the glinting diamond on top of the letter and, with one longing look at him sleeping, before she grabbed her purse and quietly slipped out of the suite, tears stinging her stubborn eyes. They would not fall. Not if she could help it.

♥

Chad turned on the bed and reached his leg out playfully, as he often did to nudge June's legs. She hated being woken up with a kick, however playful it might be, and he loved fake annoying her as much as he could. Last night had been incredible, and he wanted to stay cuddled up in that opulent bed with her all day if he could. But he had a meeting about a book tour he was leaving on next month and he'd promised to drop June off at the big bookstore in Sydney on his way to Terry's office.

He kicked again, a playful smile quirking his lips, but the space beside him was empty, and unusually so. He peeked at the other side of the bed, thinking perhaps the bed was far too big for them, and thus, she was out of reach. However, the other side of that vast bed was empty.

"June?" He shot up and glanced around the empty room. His ears perked to see if he could hear her in the bathroom. He eyed the radio clock on the stand beside him, wondering about the time. He was usually up before she was. The clock told him it was well on its way to eleven in the morning. "Bloody hell! Why didn't you wake me up already?" He scrambled up and attempted to locate his underwear, which was caught in the shambles of the covers.

"We're meant to check out by midday at the latest! And I'm supposed to be meeting Terry in half-hour. Fuck!" He shuffled himself into his briefs and clamoured to the bathroom. "She's going to kill me for being late again..."

The bathroom, too, was empty. What the? Chad called out for her again. "June?"

He scanned the room dubiously. Had she left for the bookstore and let him sleep? He moved to the table, expecting to see a note, as was customary of her whenever she left to do something, and he wasn't aware. Usually, her messages were short and cute, like 'Going for a jog, would love a coffee when I get back!'

The table, too, was empty. However, he could see that the notepad and pen were in a position as if they'd recently been used. The notepad was rather thin compared to when they had checked in. He lifted it off the table and spied indentations on the blank page. June had written something, and something long. So where was the note?

He spied the room again, catching the creamy edges of the paper barely visible against the white covers he had thrown in search of his underwear. He leaned over and pulled the letter, and with it, the glint of the ring beneath caught his eye. "What?"

His heart plummeted to his stomach as he fetched both the ring and the letter in his hand. What was her ring doing on the bed beside a letter and a fat letter at that? He eyed the pages in his hand.

The two together could only mean one thing. She did not want to marry him. Last night must have been a kind thing she'd done, so a heartbreak would not destroy his wonderful night. Heartbreaks he was getting used to.

Chad dropped on the bed, heavy as lead, unable to feel his legs beneath him. He did not want to read the letter. He closed a fist around the ring and punched the duvet, again and again, until he was taking all his frustration out on it. All the rage of a dream squashed.

By the time his limbs tired and his tears streaked dry on his cheeks, he picked up the scattered pages off the floor and started reading.

'Dear Chad,' she had begun, and his heart twisted sourly. Why start a breakup letter with 'Dear' anything? He clenched his jaws, trying to keep the tears at bay, and continued reading, his heart filled with venom and anger. Why even say yes in the first place?

He steadied his shaking hands and blinked away the tears blearing his vision.

Dear Chad,

You must be wondering what is going on. Why did I even bother to leave you a letter with the ring?

You think? He scoffed, tasting acid in his mouth.

Why didn't I just leave the ring by itself if my answer is no?

He nodded.

It's not a no, Chad. My answer is not a 'no'.

What? He read that line again, and again, slightly confused. "Then why leave at all?"

But there are things you don't know about me, things once you learn, may get you to change your mind about me. Whether I am right for you. Whether you truly want me in your life...

Chad shook his head. "What?"

I am not the person you think I am. I am not this person you see, not all of it. The things I've done, been... if you ever knew, you wouldn't want me. Not really. So before you throw your life away to be with me... before I can say 'Yes' whole-heartedly, I want to see the real me, as I was... am... I owe it to you to let you see all of me, with my warts and all. Perhaps then you won't love me. But at least, it will be a decision that you can make wisely...

Chad shook his head, engrossed in the letter to answer the phone ringing somewhere in the room, discarded amongst his clothes the night before, in the greatest of a hurry. It was probably Terry. He was already late. But she could wait. It was June he was worried about.

He continued reading the letter, and each page turned and twisted him inside. Wrenching his wretched heart some more. It was the last line or so that truly drove the point home, that he may not find her again, if at all, not if he can't figure out what it is she wanted him to learn about her, the things she couldn't speak herself.

I could tell you my story my way, tell you what happened, how it happened, why it happened, but that would be biased. It wouldn't be the whole truth. It'd be tainted because if I could, I would love to shut away the past and pretend I did not do the things I did. If you can find it in your heart to love me after all this, I will wait for you at the place we met, a month from now, chasing that warm sunshine. 

Love, June

Is she back on the street? Chad's heart trembled, shaking the papers in his hand like leaves. It was the last place he wanted her to be. Not after what happened to Bax, what he suspects happens to many like Bax.

"You stupid, stupid woman. I don't care about all that, you should know that by now!" He raged, driven to his feet. He hurriedly dressed and left the suite. I have to find her before it's too late.

As he called the elevator, as he scrambled out of the hotel, and hailed a cab, Chad tried and retried her mobile phone, ignoring the calls from Terry interrupting his effort.

'You've reached June Amari. I'm not able to get to the phone right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.'

"Pick up, dammit!"