Chad thought a lot about out-of-body experiences that night. How peopledescribed it as being there but not connecting to your body. He almost felt asif he was watching himself through someone else's eyes. Arriving at Steal's extravagant five-hundred-guest strong wedding reception with June gliding armin arm, felt a little like watching someone else. This couldn't be him.

I have got to cut down on coffee and sugar. He stared at her hand in his as they approached the regal bride and groom adorned in a sea of red and gold, and he couldn't quite feel it. Her touch. She had a smile on her face. He had a giant one on him. Yet, he couldn't feel her presence. Was she there? Was he touching her? Yet, he was.

The couple ahead of them strutted up the steps to the extravagantly glitzy stage, complete with his and hers high-backed thrones. The photographers and the many phones clicked away like paparazzi and Setal was lapping it up, smiling, posing, and greeting each guest with her face forever turned to the lenses.

"Gee, do they have to do that with every guest here?" June whispered in shock, her hand leaving his and flying to her mouth. Her voice was louder than it would have been if not for the music drowning them out.

"I guess." He watched her from the corner of his eyes nervously. He couldn't find the words or the ease he had established once upon a time. It was back to the park and the first day of meeting all over again. A little ball of nervous energy sat in the pit of his stomach. He was waiting for her to explode at him again. Maybe then it would feel real. Her being there with him.

June approached the steps and Setal caught sight of them. She waved them up with such enthusiasm that to anyone who was looking; they looked like the best of pals.

June smiled back and thrust her hand out to Chad, trailing behind her, turning to say, "Hold my hand."

Chad complied, though terror swarmed his heart. He clasped his sweaty palm in hers, hoping it wouldn't slide off. Her grip tightened around his and she pulled him up onto the stage.

"Oh my God, you two came!" Setal squealed as she eyed their faces before glancing at their hands. A flicker of anger danced over her caked face for a tiny moment. Chad missed it because he was concentrating hard on making June and him look believable. But June didn't.

"You look lovely, Setal," she said as sweetly as she could manage and gave a quick customary hug to the bride.

"Oh, thank you so much," Setal too gushed, sweetly, and held onto June a little longer, whispering something in her ear. She let go of June perfunctory and turned all of her attention to Chad. He hadn't looked too shabby in the hour he'd run around like a headless chicken, getting ready: showering, shaving, and finding his 'good' suit.

"Arvind, you already know Chad, and this is June," she introduced the two to her husband without glancing at June as she told him her name. "This is my husband, Arvind. He's a financial controller at..." At that moment, her 'husband' held her back by her arm and inched forward to shake Chad and June's hand.

"Please honey, they don't want to be bored with work talk. Nice to see you again, Chad, and you June," he said with a genuine smile on his handsome face. "Setal tells me you go back a while?"

Despite the awkward situation, Chad thought, he is a pleasant bloke. What the hell is he doing with her?

"Uh... we.. uh...," he again couldn't find the words or a lie convincingly. How do you tell the man his bride was the girlfriend he'd proposed months ago? It was impossible. The few times Chad had met Arvind at a gym, Setal used to force him to go to when they'd just started dating many moons ago. He now recalled she had only ever introduced him as a 'friend' and never a 'boyfriend' to the guy.

"Oh, this is awkward, isn't it?" June giggled beside him to his surprise, leaning against his body, gushing. Chad smiled back, unsure where she was going with this, but it was better than his stammering.

June smiled at Arvind before fiercely fixing her eyes on Setal. Watch me, she was saying, and Chad worried.

"Chad and Setal dated for a while, right babe?" she asked, caressing Chad's chest with her hand. "In fact, if she hadn't walked out on him a year ago, I wouldn't be standing here with him tonight. I guess I owe her thanks."

That was when she leaned in and kissed Chad's cheeks with such flourish, even he would have bought her love for him. If only he didn't know she hated his guts and probably wanted tonight over already.

Arvind's gaze turned suspiciously to his bride. "Well. This is certainly awkward."

"Oh, don't worry about it, Arvind, it was a while ago." June waved her hand to say water under the bridge. "Setal tells us how much she loves you. Chad was just a fuck boy, I'm sure. Chad's loaded and famous, so a bit of fun on the side. I wouldn't think much of it," she added with a breezy laugh.

Setal turned red, Arvind looked to Chad with comprehension, and Chad stood there, unnerved that June had destroyed a joyous wedding for the poor groom. He nudged June then. "We should go."

June smiled wider. She may as well have said 'make me'. She turned to the newly wedded couple again. "Congratulations again."

Chad mumbled to the pair, "I'm so sorry. Truly, congratulations!" and pushed June to the other end of the stage and off it. The line behind them was long and getting impatient. "Will you stop? Please?"

She laughed as she stepped onto the floor, and he realised then that it was all part of his punishment.

They found their table in the far corner of the hall, near the toilets, bumping past a crowd of people before they reached it and sat down. June turned her body away from his. "Thank God she can't see us from there. What a bitch!"

Chad sat down, already exhausted. It was true he hadn't slept the last few nights, but June's little performance had blitzed all the sugar and caffeine from his system. Things were going to shit, so what the hell. He eyed her profile, trying to not sound angry and ungrateful. "What was that? We didn't have to come if you didn't want to."

She rolled her eyes, and adding a scoff, said, "And miss putting that princess in her place?" She stopped a waiter walking past and asked for a hard drink. Then she grabbed the breadstick sitting in a basket in front of her and started breaking off bits. "Do you know what she said to me just now? This is her wedding, for fuck's sake."

"What did she say?" Chad asked. It dawning on him that Setal must have done a Setal, goaded someone. "What did she say?" he asked again.

June's jaw clenched, and she flashed him a fake smile, grabbing two drinks off the tray and tossed one back. "That she can come back and have you any time she wants, married or not and there's nothing I can do about it..."

Chad stared at June in shock. Setal had made him sound like a spineless boy, not a man, but a boy. "No... We're done. It's done..."

"It doesn't matter anyway, not anymore." June interrupted, eyes that could set the stage on fire is she could, glaring at him for a moment. Then she tossed the second drink back and pulled a face. "We're just pretending." She waved down another waiter after that.

He cleared his clamped throat, stung, and turned to watch the proceedings. There was nothing more to say, and she clearly didn't want to talk to him. So he held up his end of the bargain and left her be for the rest of the evening. They ate, and they watched speeches and dance performances. They heard terrible jokes bordering on narcissism from the drunken bride, and elegant saves from the man she'd married. It was a waste of a wonderful man, and by the end of the evening, Chad felt a little sorry for the bastard, even though, a year ago, he'd made a fool of himself, asking her to marry him. Poor bloke, stuck with that mess for life.

The party slowed down after dessert and June rose from her seat, a little tipsy. "Shall we?" She held her hand out to him one last time.

This was it. The charade was over. It was time to go home. Chad stood from his chair and slipped his hand into hers. And they headed off on a final pilgrimage to say adios to the bride-groom. When they got there, however, the mob around the couple was thick and neither was in any mood to wait.

"Fuck it," Chad mumbled, releasing June from her obligation and started for the exit. "We came. That's enough."

June's heels rang loud in the quiet car park until she stopped.

"What's wrong?" He turned.

It was clear from her stance that this was as far as she wished to go with him tonight.

Chad ploughed ahead through a flash of anger and hurt. "At least let me drop you off, wherever you're staying, as a thank you."

She shook her head. "I'll call a cab."

Chad couldn't quite believe she thought he would leave her alone out there in the middle of the night. He was a dimwit, but not a complete asshole. "It's the least I can do," he said, adamant.

"No. Thank you." She too held her ground. It was like a Mexican standoff, except she wasn't ready to shoot him with bullets. Her words were enough, and he was taking quite a few blows.

"For heaven's sake, June, get in the damn car! I know I messed up and you have every right not to forgive me. Hell, hate me for the rest of your life, but don't make me that asshole that doesn't see a girl home, safe, at the end of the night." He regretted his rant the moment he finished it, but it was too late and he knew he was right. Besides, he wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, even if she was.

She heaved a sigh of resignation and without a word, walked towards his car.

"Thank you," Chad uttered and followed.

The ride was silent, other than the GPS spewing out instructions for him to take. Not once did she look his way.

Chad pulled up outside a Newtown residence, so close to his own home, and wondered who it belonged to. He didn't have to wait long to find out.

June grabbed her purse, thanked him for the ride and slipped out, striding across the street to the opposite side. He had to dip his head to see below past a low-hanging branch at the house she was approaching.

The door opened, and June gave someone a kiss. The man wrapped his strong, tattooed arms around her petite waist and scooped her up. And at that moment, Chad saw the distinct mane. Ben.

Ben spotted Chad watching from his car and waved. Through the open window, Chad could hear, "Hey man! Thanks for dropping off my girl."

Chad forced a smile and waved back, hating the grin on the guy's smug face.

Chad should have left then, peeled off down the street. Instead, he waited for her to turn, to wave, something. Her indifference crushed his soul instead.

June wrapped her arms around Ben's waist. Not a breath of air left between their taut bodies. She leaned up and whispered something in Ben's ear. It caused the widest of grins on his face and Ben scooped her up. She wrapped her long legs around his waist as Chad heard Ben's faint "Heck yeah!" It wasn't until Chad saw the man kiss her the way he wanted to that he understood what he'd done. He'd pushed her into Ben's hands, hands that were all too willing to explore her body.

He'd done that.

Chad watched Ben take June in and slam the door shut, cutting him off. Not that he wanted to see what was about to happen in that house. June. Ben. Ben and June. He could picture their perfect bodies messing together as their silhouettes appeared against the dim light of a bedroom upstairs.

He shook his head. He shouldn't even be there, feeling jealous as if he were a boyfriend she'd left for Ben. He started the car after a long moment, prying his gaze away from the window and figures he could no longer see there.

He pulled into the driveway, hating himself and unable to enter the cold, lonely house. He stayed in the car for till his bum was going numb before dragging himself inside. He stripped away his constricting shirt and tie, smashing them into the laundry basket. He was not a shirt person, and he'd worn his best one tonight to impress her. But all he could see was Ben hoisting June upon his hips and that deep kiss that that spoke too loudly of the lust, and the copious sex they may still be having. Ben had been lusting after June since day one, and now she was all his. All night... He'd done that...

It was well past midnight, and Chad was in his underway, in a sorry mood and feeling the tears threatening his eyes. He wanted to drink himself silly till he could drop in a puddle and have a good cry. However, he also didn't want to be alone, and the only woman he could cry in front of was Jo, but she was out of commission and 'in love'.

Chad didn't need to feel envious of Jo. He wanted Jo to be happy. It wasn't her fault he was a self-sabotaging man, who loathed to be alone, yet was destined for it for the rest of his life.

He grabbed himself a bottle of wine, fetched the corkscrew from the kitchen, and for a moment, even thought about grabbing a glass, then thought, who am I kidding, I'll finish the whole thing. Then he grabbed a packet of corn chips because he was still hungry, having barely touched the food at the wedding because of his nerves. He then waltzed into his study, raided his 'secret' drawer filled with his favourite movies and chose the one that suited his mood best.

He took his plunder to the lounge, put the DVD on, turned off the lights, uncorked the wine, and opened the packet of chips. Then, he sat there drinking, munching, crying, in his underwear, and singing along to 'All by myself,' with the wonderful Bridget Jones. Like she was a friend who understood where he was in life, where his head was that night.

She was real to him, real and messy, complicated-but-not-complicated, and a tad clumsy at life, like he was. Except she was female, and she made 'messy' look cute and lovable. He couldn't say the same about himself. More like, he looked like Leonard having a meltdown... around his Penny.

Chad stuffed more chips into his mouth, the crumbs going everywhere. No, Bridget was a friend, a friend who had seen him through many breakups and fuckups and she did not judge him. And tonight, he didn't need judgment.

"All by myself! That's how I'm gonna be," he wailed off-key, wiping his tears like a child, singing into the wine bottle turned mic, belting out his own rendition. "All by myself!"

(Image by Engin_akyurt on Pixabay)