JIMIN'S POV:

It did get lonely without your best friend.

It had been... quite a week. With more and more soccer practice, along with the incoming midterms, my schedule had been more packed than ever. On top of it all, Jungkook going on a date with Mia also had him hanging out with her more recently.

I mean, I did get it. Finally getting the chance to spend time with your crush of one year was definitely a big deal. If I were in Jungkook's place, I would've liked it too... But I think I would've ensured to make some time for Jungkook out of it too.

Especially after the recent... events, I can see that in Jungkook's eyes. The same spark I had been having since forever every time I saw Jungkook. I felt something quite similar reciprocating for me too. I didn't wanna hope for something impossible, but it did feel good to finally have my feelings returned, even if it was false and just my imagination.

I wanted to think it wasn't one not though.

I know, I know. Dumb of me to even think I had a chance with Jungkook when he very clearly was a lovesick puppy for Mia. And the cherry on top was him being straight.

I mean, I was pretty sure he wasn't straight, at least based on every blush that covered his cheeks every time I playfully flirted with him, and the way he didn't push me off that day. That is not how a straight person behaves.

And if he isn't attracted to guys, then why the fuck would he be always drooling over Changmin's biceps... I mean, I don't blame him. That guy even gave me bi panic, but the main difference between me and Jungkook was that only.

I was bisexual.

But all of that was beside the point. The point was, that I was at blame too. I was pushing Jungkook to do more, to be more... intimate with me. It was only natural I was the one influencing his choices. I mean, I was the one who decided to nibble on his lip during our first kiss. And I was the one on top of him, playing with his hair the last time we last hung out. Given he didn't push me off, but still.

My bottom lip trembled as my mind ran with the alternatives of that day. What if he didn't like it? What if he pushed me away and decided to never talk to me ever again? What if he-

I shook my head, throwing it in my palms and hissing at the pain I felt when my fingers pulled on my hair. I was beyond agitated at myself. I had taken such a huge risk at our friendship, just for the sake of what? A little intimacy?

No, it wasn't that either. It was my selfishness. Me being selfish enough to have him close to me, to feel his warm skin under my fingertips and his body under me, fully being aware that our friendship was at stake here.

And the worst of all, I could practically feel my heart eyes every time I looked at him. I had no idea how he was that oblivious to my feelings, especially when Taehyung had already confronted me about them. Well, Taehyung was definitely smarter than he was given credit for.

It did take him a while, a few hours and a huge elaboration of everything he had noted me doing; and that was what made me crack in front of him and spill my guts out. I sobbed in his arms for hours, crying and telling him how I couldn't help but fall deeper, and that I couldn't seem to find a way out.

I had tried, trust me. I did, but that guy was the magic.

The only soul knowing about this was Taehyung, and I hoped to keep it that way. In spite of that, my poor heart had been fluttering after noticing the change in Jungkook's reactions. But all of that came crumbling down the morning he told me that Mia had asked him out.

He had been acting extremely strange though. The giddiness and joy I had expected him to have after his date wasn't there, at all. He just called me, told me a little about how the date went and that was all. No screaming over how beautiful Mia looked and how much she blushed when they held hands. Nothing. He narrated the the whole thing with the same monotonous voice he uses to talk about math, which was very unlike him.

My train of thought was interrupted by my phone ringing and I grinned after seeing the caller ID.

"Jiminieee."

Taehyung's voice sang in my ear through the phone, an instant smile tugging on my lips. There was something about the way he always called me whenever my mood was down. It was like he could practically sense that I had not been feeling my best from miles away.

"What's up?" I asked softly while leaning into the couch and cuddling a yellow and white plushie.

"My soulmate was being a sad baby. I could feel the tingle in my left ear, and so I called!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "I'm glad that you did. It was getting kinda... lonely."

"It always does, right?" Taehyung's voice went down an octave, his tone softening.

I hummed softly, clutching the phone in my palm tighter. "I miss everyone..."

"Want me to come over?"

Chuckling, I shook my head at his quick response. "You have your art project to complete, Tae. You don't need to come over."

"Well, you're more important than that stupid project," he stated. "But Jimin, really, I don't mind staying at your place for a few hours."

"I'll be fine, don't worry." My voice dropped to a quiet whisper as my lips tipped up into a small smile.

"There's something going on in your mind, isn't it? You seem out of it recently..."

"I..." Sighing, I pushed my hesitation down and continued, "It's Jungkook." I let out in a whisper. "I don't know if its just me, but ever since his date with Mia and all, he seems too..."

"Distant?"

"Distant, yeah. I just... I just miss him, that's all."

I shrunk back into the couch, hugging the plushie closer to me. The same one that Jungkook had gifted me on my last birthday. It was a yellow plushie with a white, circular face and black, dog-like ears on it's square-shaped head. It had it's tongue poking out and a button like nose.

"Call it Chimmy," is what he had said. Apparently he had thought of the name after the nickname he has for me: Chim. I didn't know how he started calling me it, but he never let anyone call me that. He called it his 'exclusive nickname' for me.

On the call, Taehyung hummed in response. "I get it, Jimin. I really do, you know? But did you talk to him about this?"

"No..."

I played with Chimmy's ears, my voice lowering even more. I absentmindedly listened to whatever advice Taehyung gave; my mind whirling into its own thoughts. I was grateful for Taehyung's presence on the phone—he made it less lonely.

"And Jimin, dad wanted you to come over to the restaurant. He said that it's been a while since he met you too."

A small smile tugged on my lips. "Deal."

"And, don't tell him I told you, but he's making samgyeopsal for you," Taehyung said in a conspirative whisper, making me snicker.

After half an hour, we hung up the call and I stared blankly at the black screen, looking at my lockscreen: a picture of me and Jungkook in Busan. The day we went to the Haeundae beach together, during our Chuseok break last autumn. Just a goofy selfie of us which somehow made its way to my phone's wallpaper. Funny, isn't it?

I stared at Jungkook, a blue and white horizontal-striped sweatshirt adoring his body as he grinned at the camera while showing his bunny teeth. My white hoodie caught my eye and beside him, I was smiling equally widely, but there was one difference.

He was smiling at the camera while I was smiling at him.

Abruptly, I put my phone face down on the mini center table in front of me and ran my palms across my face. My fingers found their way to my hair, tangling in the blonde locks before tumbling back down.

A trembling breath left past my lips and I sighed deeply. My head hurt. Hurt from playing all my memories with Jungkook over and over like a broken projector. The events rushed past my eyes, as if happening in real-time. The more I tried to shove them down, the more they emerged. More intensely, more vividly.

Moisture formed behind my eyes and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. Not enough to fall down, but enough to make my vision hazy. I chuckled breathlessly, but it lacked any humor. I nodded a few times to myself before standing up and letting out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

A small smile formed on my lips, but it didn't quite reach my eyes. I shook my head at myself, over how idiotic I am. How I was trying to shove my feelings down my throat, but it didn't work. It burnt down my throat and traveled down, melting off my ribs and galling my heart.

Mia could be in love with him, his feelings might be totally reciprocated by her, but one thing was clear to me. And I was too tired to run away from the realization and gaslight myself even more.

My feelings for Jungkook had long crossed the line of best friends.

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