Warning:
Cussing, Death, self-blame, suicide mentions, trauma, sex mention

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SABAKU-NO-GAARA was emotionally constipated.

He didn't have a very loving or normal childhood, if such a thing exists.

Mothers. Apparently no one can love another like a mother loves her child. Gaara would appreciate having someone who would adore him regardless of his faults and flaws. Who would punish him, yes, but forgive him nonetheless for his guiltiest of mistakes.

Gaara never knew his mother cause he- well, he killed her.

He swear he didn't mean to- he loved her. Heck, everyone loved her. It wasn't his fault and if- if he could turn back time then he would bring her back even if it's the last thing he would do.

Karura Kazekage was the First Woman of Sunagakure, a supportive wife, a selfless mother and a humble woman.

He didn't mean to kill her really.

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"That monster! The red one! He killed her!"

"K-kaa-chan? Ishi-sensei (doctor sir)! What's wrong with her?!"

"Temari, Temari! Why isn't Kaa-chan waking up!?"

"Oh Karura... I love you."

"Karura Kazekage died at childbirth."

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He didn't ask to be born but his mother gave her life so he could live on. And he would fulfill her wishes.

Karura Kazekage was the First Woman of Sunagakure, a supportive wife, a selfless mother and a humble woman.
And her son Sabaku no Gaara was loathed by Sunagakure, neglected by his father, ignored by siblings and thus he turned out be a monstrous young man.

If Gaara said he grew up alone, without love and care, then he would be lying. He had Uncle Yashamaru who loved him.

But if he loved Gaara then why did he hang himself with only a letter and memories left behind?

'I can't do this anymore. Sorry and I love you. Always remember that, Gaara'

And those memories seem so far away.

It was Gaara's fault, again. And this time, no one blamed him, no one except he himself. Yashamaru was a bright young man with a big future ahead of him but he died because he related himself to Gaara, because he loved Gaara.

Since that day Gaara believed himself to be a curse of sorts. A bad luck charm who brings nothing but death and sadness upon those who cared for him.

He ceased his attempts at social acceptance, Temari and Kankurō got a little nicer to him, his father started worrying about him and Suna folks were thrown into a dilemma; whether to pity this lonely suffering child or hate him.

Huh. Sometimes Gaara wonders if Yashamaru knew this would happen.
That he shut his eyes so they could see Gaara.

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Gaara doesn't know why his father sent him to Konoha. Rasa said it was to help him. But he wonders if it was just to get rid of him. Or maybe it's part of a bigger conspiracy. Maybe we all are a part of a bigger conspiracy. Wouldn't that be fun?

Being pawns to some greater beings. He wonders if they place bets on who would die next. Do they cry for those who have been chosen to burden a sadness? Do they cry for Gaara? Oo do they have popularity votes? Gaara wonders on which number he would be. Surely Uchiha Itachi-sensei would be number one. Naruto would be high up on the scale too, huh?

Uzumaki Naruto.. the blonde idiot, popular kid, good-for-nothing brat, spoiled crybaby, arrogant fucktard, sorry-ass retarded bitch, man-whore, little fucker, cunt, the motherfu- ray of sunshine.

As an exchange student from Suna and the Kazekage's son, it was a no brainer that no less than the Hokage's son would be his escort/therapist/friend. If you can say that anymore.

Naruto- he blew Gaara away with his sheer kindness, optimism, self-confidence, courage and unorthodox impulsiveness.

The Idiot opened Gaara's eyes and made him see that he was not a burden. That he was someone to be appreciated. That he was worth it. That he is loved. By his new friends, siblings, mother, Yashamaru, even father. He didn't feel so alone anymore.

And then Naruto left. He went back to his daily life.

Sure he would wave at Gaara when they would pass each other in the hallways. Naruto would still reply to his calls and texts but he would never make an effort to approach Gaara himself. Gaara felt alone again.

And then Sakura swooped in.

Gaara had noticed her before. It was hard not to with her ridiculously obnoxious pink hair. She was also alone. Just alone. She didn't seem to mind it altogether but there was a certain look in her eyes. The same one that stared back at him when he looked in the mirror.

He was already interested, generally and romantically, in her. He thought she was mysteriously beautiful. He never had approached her, he didn't wanted to disturb her. Still he didn't push her away when she herself sought him out.

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"Hey, Gaara is it?"

"Yeah and you are Sakura?"

"Yes, that's me. Wanna get coffee? You look like you need it,"

"Haha, very funny but sure,"

"I know a great place down the street."

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She drew him in. She gave him everything he could ever wish for.

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"Hey Sakura-love, promise you won't leave me,"

"That was totally out of the blue but I promise. Who would anyone wanna leave you anyways?"

Oh so he wonders.

"Promise it back to me?"

"Promise."

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Oh Kami. He fucked up big time, didn't he?

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"I love you, Sakura."

"I love you too Gaara."

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Gaara wasn't lying all those countless time he told Sakura he loved her. Nor was he lying when he kissed her soft, pink, supple lips.

The way his eyes lit up when he saw her ridiculously pink hair can't be faked. The butterflies that fluttered in his stomach at the melodic sound of her ethereal laughter can testify for the same.

But after around a few months or so, the feeling of giddiness around her left. His butterflies flew away. But unbeknown to him, Sakura's winged creatures stayed.

Her laugh didn't seem so lovely anymore, it sounded just like any other. Her mere mention wasn't enough to make cheeks redden these days.

He was slowly falling out of love and he knew it.

Worse, there was nothing he could do about it. He loved her at one time but, just, not anymore. He didn't wanna let go though.

Naruto and Sakura taught him how to fall in love but they forgot to teach him what to do when he fell out of it. So he took his own initiative which was heavily influenced by his less-than-happy childhood.

Sex. He turned to sex.

In some twisted logic he believed that he may fall in love with Sakura again if he had sex with her.

Gaara had heard, read that sex makes people's emotional and spiritual bond grow stronger. He was scared to be lonely so he took up whatever solution he could come up with.

He blamed himself too. Why did he have to be so indecisive? Everything was perfect for everyone yet he just had to ruin it, didn't he? He always ruins things. Gaara was his own biggest monster.

He didn't want to hurt Sakura, oh no that was the last thing on his mind. She gave him everything! He couldn't hurt her. Oh but he did.

He got frustrated when she refused to have sex. He knew to Sakura it might be a little too fast but they didn't have any more time.

She said no.

He knew what that meant.

He knew what he had to do.

But the question was how, how to break up with the one who loved him with everything she had?

His twisted, broken mind and heart fueled by anger and frustration at Sakura's rejection of his previous plan resulted in an awfully rash decision.

And that resulted in the Second Worst Day in Haruno Sakura's life.

And how Gaara lost his virginity. Stupidstupidstupid.

And there was also the whole ordeal with Yamanaka Ino. After school Gaara went to sought out Ino.

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Gaara didn't had to find Ino cause Ino found him. She was still in her cheer costume with only her school blazer draped over it which led Gaara to believe Ino had left practice early to have a chat with him.

And the chat was not gonna be pretty.

"Ino," Gaara nodded in acknowledgment, keeping his face carefully blank.

"Gaara," seems like Ino had the same plans.

Gaara wasn't here for pleasantries so he directly cut to the chase,"Why did you do it? Why did you tell?"

Her seemingly neutral demeanour changed to haughty before you could say 'Sand', "I could ask you the same. Why did you do it Gaara? You were a virgin, am I right? What led you to commit such a treacherous act?" She let a small satisfied smirk crawl up her lips. She had hit the mark and she knew it.

Gaara's beautiful face morphed into an uglier one. The cold glacier had shifted to reveal hot, molten lava,"Don't answer my question with a question! Especially not when you know the answer!" And he hissed like a gas stove cooktop.

This time she took the audacity to scoff, "Hypocrite, aren't you? You know why I did it, oh-I-fell-out-of-love-and-didn't-know-what-to-do-so-I-had-to-cheat boy!

Did you know I was the Queen Bee of this school-"

Gaara, he knew what she was talking about but he didn't want to hear it, "You still are-" cause he knew he might sympathise with her.

"NO! I am NOT! Previously I had everything. I was at the top- the head cheerleader, the prettiest girl in school, the top student with an army of followers. Sakura was an antisocial, insecure nerd. I made her. Everything she has now is thanks to me! I got her off her knees and put her right back on her feet. I urged her to show the potential in studies when Principle Tsunade took over. I gave her the confidence to ask for that apprenticeship, to run for the President. I transformed her looks. I filled her cup with confidence till it overflowed.

Then she broke her friendship with me cause she didn't want to stay under my wing! She wanted to grow, to shine by herself like a star and not like the moon who reflects the light. I cared for her even when she left the club! I took her in when she came back to me all those years later. And now she is the popular one! What does she have and I don't? You, a boyfriend. But no mind cause I have someone now too."

She swiftly unlocked her phone and showed Gaara the picture of a really pale guy with ink black hair. Sai, if he remembers correctly.

"And she was loved. I wasn't, why? Rumours. Dirty, dirty rumours and most of them aren't even true! Oh it would have been so easy. I just had to make a little slip and there you go. Her reputation be destroyed."

'No..'

"But then you just had to go and cheat on her! The hate that she was to get turned into pity."

'Fuck'

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Gaara was stumped. He really didn't know what to make of this revelation. But his priority was straight: Sakura. He fucked up but he ain't gonna let his ex-girlfriend waste away. He may not love her the same anymore but he still cared for her and he won't ever stop doing that.

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Gaara made Baki stop the car in front of Sakura's house. Instead of going in he stood outside in the rain, ignoring Baki's plea. He glanced over at her room's balcony.

The balcony light was on.

Sakura always turns it off because it hinders her view of the stars in the night sky. But her parents turn it on when she is not home. Sakura is not home.

'Fuck this fucking fuckity fuck.'

He glanced to his right. More resident houses are on that side. He glanced to the left, that way leads to the town centre.

He rushed back inside the car and occupied the shotgun,"We are going left."

Baki drove slowly while also keeping an eye out for 'ridiculously obnoxious pink hair' as Gaara had described but of course he knew who Haruno Sakura was, she literally lived in the Kazekage mansion.

After driving for a while at a slow pace they finally found her. Gaara almost had a seizure right then and there. Drenched in rainwater from head to toe. Her black boots were soiled and her white school shirt was almost transparent making her black bra stand out.

He had never seen Sakura so vulnerable, not even when her cat had died.

He got out of the car and rushed to the poor girl. He almost retracted his hand when it made contact with her skin. She was burning.

He wasted no time in checking her pulse, it was normal but she was fading in and out of consciousness. He picked her up bridal style and carried her to the backseat of his car. He laid her down inside, climbing in after her.

He glanced at Baki who had fetched her bags, placed them in the shotgun and was now climbing in the driver's seat.

Gaara scanned her flushed face. It was not a pretty flush but she still wore it well.

He started undoing her boots and socks as Baki took off the car.

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Gaara remembered back to her talk with Sakura where they had buried the hatchet. Even after everything he had done to her, she still was understanding and supportive. She consoled him when it should've been the other way around. Sakura is truly an Angel to Gaara. Er, an irascible one at that but an angel nonetheless.

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Sakura was lying on Gaara's bed. Gaara had placed Sakura on his bed and fetched Temari so she could take care of the girl.

The sand siblings weren't your typical siblings; they didn't fight or tease each other, only to have their backs when necessary.

They also weren't every parent's dream children; perfect little angels with love and care.

Instead they had a mutual understanding. They help each other out when the situation(like this one) calls for it but other than that they keep their noses out of each other's affairs. They also had breakfast and dinner together everyday as a family.

Sakura joined them quite a lot too. She basically lived here since she'd usually be alone in her own house. Needless to say, Temari and Kankurō had grown a soft spot for her.

Temari had cleaned Sakura up and changed her clothes. Unfortunately all the items in her bag were soiled but luckily her phone, charger and power bank had somehow survived the rain onslaught. Temari had lended her own clothes to the poor Haruno. Most of it fit her okay, except for the chest area because of the pinkett's small breast size but we don't talk about that here.

She had only been out like a light for around 30 minutes before she woke up. Temari had gone to make her soup and Kankurō went to the nearest pharmacy to get some basic meds.

Gaara, on the other hand, was sitting on his chair next to her prone body on his bed. Needless to say when Sakura woke up she was panicking. Gaara had expected her to be mad at him or to excuse him for molestation, but he was nonplussed to see the grateful look in her eyes.

"G-Gaara..?"

"Yes, Sakura?"

"Who changed me?"

"Temari."

The poor girl took a good moment to size Gaara up and down. But then the with the most 'fuck it' expresstion she lunged at him and wrapped her dainty arms around his svelte figure. And then all the hell broke loose.

Gaara's shoulders tensed as Sakura started sobbing in his chest. Temari walked in on them and gave Gaara a somber look before leaving.

Soon enough his shoulders relaxed at the familiar warmth. He let her cry her sorrow out. He knew that's how she dealt with grief. He had seen it when her cat had died.

"Sakura-chan,"

She whimpered in response and he winced at the feeling of snot running down the front of his black cotton t-shirt. He guessed he deserves it after everything he put her through. She had stopped crying now and he waited for her to pull away or look at him but when she didn't he was about to ask her to.

"Can you-"

"No."

He frowned at the finality in her tone. Oh how Sakura could read the stoic redhead so well.

"Listen, I didn't mean to. I- Sakura- I didn't-you and- I well- please"

He felt like crying out in frustration. He knew that Sakura somewhat had an idea on what he wanted to say and that she was purposefully making it hard for him.

Quiet chuckles erupt from her mouth, crying long forgotten, and he felt slightly at ease. His heart may not go doki-doki at the sound anymore but she still had that calming effect on him.

"You don't love me anymore, do you?" Her voice was muffled at her face being planted against his chest. Yet he could still hear the broken heartache in her voice .

His silence was her answer.

"When did I find out? Your eyes didn't seem that bright anymore. I knew you were losing feelings, fast. That's why you suggested sex, didn't you? I could have agreed but I didn't. I don't want to pull you back, Gaara. I don't want to keep you caged. You're a free bird."

He- he felt the same that he did when Naruto had therapy-no-jutsu him. He felt the weight of the world lifted off his chest, well disregarding Sakura's bodyweight. But that's besides the point. Gaara felt like he wasn't the puppet of the higher beings anymore.

But he should be the one comforting her. However Sakura had enough time to think things through.

Love is a beautiful fear. She understands now. Loving is hard and it doesn't always work. All we can do is to try our best to not get hurt. And to have faith that it would be alright. We can't keep someone chained to us cause sometimes it is better to let someone go. She learned it the hard way, but that way is better cause it would stay with her longer.

Love had to be cruel in order to be kind.

"I am so sorry, Sakura. You have always been the one who loved more." They both knew he was referring to Sasuke and Naruto.

Gaara couldn't keep the ocean locked up in his eyes anymore, he let them fall. His face buried in her beautifully eccentric hair.

That moment they both, together alone, held each other and cried.

One cause he couldn't love and the other cause she couldn't stop loving.

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Alrighty mates!
Thoughts on Gaara now?
What about Ino?
And Sakura?

Tbh I lowkey feel
like I'm not pushing
y'all enough.

Also I am putting this book
on a temporary hiatus till
30 September 2020 cause
I've my midterms from 16th.

"Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" or "No" is the answer."

VOTES AND COMMENTS ARE <3

-XOXO TRISZ

Next up:
Interlude- Gaara (Part- 2)