There is actually a trigger warning in this one but I put it right before the section because I don't want to spoil the chapter

John pov~

I woke up at around 5 to the sound of my phone ringing. I grabbed it and looked at the screen, ignoring the notification from YouTube.

I didn't recognize the number, so I picked up just to make sure it wasn't important.

"Hello...?"

"Hello? Is this Mr. John Laurens?"

"Yes, why do you want me?"

"It's the hospital, I'm calling to talk about Mr. Alexander Hamilton."

It was weird to hear the caller use Alexander's last name, and I knew he didn't like being called 'Mr.', but I was intrigued so I said nothing of it. "What about him? Is he ok?"

⚠️Trigger warning⚠️: death

"I'm sorry sir... Alexander Hamilton passed away."

I dropped my phone and put my face in my hands, feeling tears start to trickle down my cheeks.

"No no no no no no no no no." I tugged at my hair and pinched myself, praying that this was just a dream. "No he's not... I'm dreaming. No no no no no."

When nothing happened I growled and tossed my phone at the wall, hearing a heavy thud as it hit the wall then fell to the ground.

"God no." I picked something else up to throw. It ended up being a pillow and was very unsatisfactory to throw. "Why?"

I flopped back on my bed and growled again, arms going limp as the realization settled in.

It's my fault.

I didn't notice soon enough that he was sick.

Goddamit, it's my fault.

Please, god, let the diagnostic be wrong.

I stood up, grabbing my shoes, not caring to leave a note for my siblings, and raced out the door downstairs to drive to... somewhere.

Somewhere to just think and process.

I parked my car and went to a park, sitting on a bench and tugging my knees against my chest, feeling tears rush down my face.

—~•~—

Judging from the change in the light, I assumed I'd been out for about an hour.

I stood up and headed back to my car, not bothering to wipe away my tears.

There's no point.

I got in the driver's seat and drove to the hospital. I felt like I was moving in slow motion, everything was laden with sadness. I followed a tiny flicker of hope to the hospital.

The hope seemed to illuminate the building, as if trying to find room 37 and light up the features of a certain red headed YouTuber, finding him very much alive.

I sighed as I parked my car and got out, walking to the building. I walked up to the man at the front desk.

"Excuse me?" I stood behind the desk awkwardly.

"How can I help you?"

"Can you tell me... is Alexander Hamilton here?" I wanted to run away before I got my answer, clinging to the small rat of hope.

He looked at his computer and typed some things, then he frowned. "I'm sorry, Mr. Hamilton died earlier tonight."

I felt my heart stop and I could practically see my hope being shattered. "O-ok, thank you."

"Would you like to speak to Mr. Seabury?"

"Wh-who?" I really didn't want to cry here in front of this random guy who didn't need to deal with my sobbing.

"Hamilton was his patient." The guy explained.

"Oh, I'd l-love to see him, y-yeah."

The man nodded sympathetically and picked up a phone. I tuned him out, focusing on not crying as the world suddenly got just a tad darker and my life got a lot sadder.

At some point, the guy told me to take a seat, which I did, still not concentrating on anything but not crying.

A person sat next to me but I paid them no attention until they clearers their throat.

I turned around and saw a person I recognized, he had reddish hair and wore glasses that made his eyes seem larger then I assumed they were.

"Hey John, I was taking care of Alexander." He explained, holding out a hand for me to shake, I took it and he introduced himself. "Samuel Seabury."

"John Laurens."

"I assume you want an explanation?" I noticed he had a thick British accent and nodded, realizing he'd asked a question that I certainly wanted to agree with.

"He s-said he w-was... he said everything was fine." I stuttered.

Seabury sighed. "Your boyfriend was getting better, momentarily. Then it got worse, which is why he had to stay here last night."

I looked at him, pleading for more information.

"His temperature spiked unexpectedly the other day, but he refused to have me tell you. I let him have his way but apparently he omitted a few details." I nodded at that. "Well fevers become deadly at approximately 111F, and he had a temperature of 109F when you came to visit with your siblings, so he was in risk of not making it." He sighed. "Last night Alexander's temperature rose to a fairly impressive 117F and he died... I'm sorry a John, I'm a new doctor but I should have known to pay more attention."

I stared at the man with a little surprise, but wrapped an arms around him semi-awkwardly. He smiled sympathetically at me, but his face was laden with guilt.

"I'm sorry." He repeated. "I have to go now, hopefully I won't be seeing you again. No offense."

I understood his intent and reassured him that none was taken. I headed back out to my car, checking the time as I started driving home.

7:38. Alexander would be awake now, making himself coffee. If he was still alive to do so.

I parked my car, feeling very disconnected from everything. I got to my appartement, eyes brimming with tears, but when I locked the door behind me I slid down the door, sobbing into my hands.

I heard footsteps and talking, but ignored them, grief taking over me as I cried.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me and I guessed it was Martha. She hugged me, unaware why I was crying but being a good sister nonetheless, and waited for me to calm down enough to talk.

I inclut les from my spot against the door, wiping off my palms on my pants and rubbing my eyes.

"What's wrong?" James asked. "Why you crying?"

I took a shaky breath and steadied myself, struggling to find a way to tell them the love of my life had died without sobbing again. There was no way to do so.

"He's dead." I choked out, before I started crying again.

"Who's dead?" Mary asked, clearly confused.

I just cried harder, trying to formulate the words. It seemed to click for Henry and Martha though, because my brother wrapped his arms around me and my sister led the younger siblings aside to explain.

—~•~—

My siblings were shockingly understanding. I'm not sure why I was surprised, but all their compassion warmed my heart.

I loved my family and all, but when I cried myself to sleep that night my only though was that I wished I had Alexander was with me.