People eventually cleared out of the gymnasium until it was only me, sitting behind the stage, and Red, unhooking the projector.

"That went well." He remarked as he wheeled the cart to the side.

"I think so, yeah."

"I hope...I hope Elise makes it. I'm really sorry about what happened." He apologized and sat down next to me.

"You shouldn't be sorry. It was my fault, and if she dies I will personally write Satan a note requesting a special place in hell." I said.

Red gave me a sorry smile before opening his bag and pulling out a cigarette and lighter.

"I haven't seen you smoke in a while." I said.

"Maybe it's cause I haven't smoked in a while."

"Why?" I asked.

"I dunno. There just doesn't seem like a point. But it calms me down sometimes and you know...I'm not exactly calm right now." His hand shook slightly as he brought it up to his lips and took a deep breath.

"Some people cried." I remembered. "That's good, right?"

"It is." He nodded. "I think maybe you changed the way people will think about rumors for now."

My phone buzzed with a text message from an unknown number.

Recorded your whole speech. Show it to her when she gets better.
- angel

Along with the message was the video of my speech.

"Angel recorded it, look." I said, scooting closer to him and shoving the phone in his face.

"That's awesome. I was going to, but I really just wanted to watch you so I didn't." He smiled.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You wanted to watch me?"

"Well, I...you know with the speech...and all, I wanted to just- watch..." he stuttered with a blush on his cheeks.

"You're red." I hummed.

"You're Chance." He said, sticking his tongue out as me like a child.

"Do you still like me?" I asked him nervously after a moment of silence.

"Yes." He frowned. "You?"

I nodded. "For some reason..."

"Shut up." He scowled at me, getting even redder.

"I feel like I'm about to pass out. Promise you'll catch me." I laughed.

"I'll speak at your funeral instead." He offered.

"Shame, I never even got to take you on a date."

"I thought I would take you on a date."

"No, I'm not the girl." I frowned.

"Yes you are. I'm way manlier than you." He argued.

"There's no way I'm the girl." I said, rolling my eyes at him.

"Isn't the point that we're both guys?" He asked after a minute of debating.

"I guess." I sighed.

"Let's get back to class."

So we stood up and went back to class, though the whole school knew things wouldn't be the same. And I didn't want them to be.

*******

I walked home alone, glancing over my shoulder every now and then, half-expecting to see Elise walking on the other side of the street the way she did, because she was mad at me.

And she hates me.

I entered an empty house, and scanned my eyes over the kitchen, covered in shards of glass and blood.

Mom was still at the hospital, and when she came home, I didn't think she'd want to see the remains of her daughter's -possibly last- tantrum. So I made my way over to the closet and took out the broom and pan, sucking in a shaky breath.

Starting from the counter, I worked my way across the kitchen, sweeping up the shards of glass into the trash.

A tear fell down my cheek and Elise popped into my mind. I hoped she woke up, so I could say sorry. So I could show her my speech to the grade, so I could tell her I loved her. And apologize for everything I did. And tell her about Red, because I like him and I hope she'd be happy for me, even though she shouldn't be.

I wanted her to wake up because without her my life wouldn't be the same. I would have to tell my kids about how they would've had an aunt, if she hadn't killed herself. I would have to tolerate people apologizing and giving me their condolences when I would know they didn't give a shit. I would have to tolerate losing my sister, and living knowing it was my fault, but for now, all I could do was sweep.

I finished about an hour later, double checking every corner of the kitchen, before I decided I should call my mom.

I took a deep breath as I dialed the number, not really knowing what to expect. Elise could be awake and doing well, or she could be dying. She could be dead.

"Chance." My mother whispered, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"How is she?" I asked nervously.

"She..." mom let out a sob, "she lost a lot of blood Chance."

"Is she...?" I bit my lip hard to choke back tears.

"She's unresponsive. Has been the whole time. Well, she opened her eyes once, but only for about 5 seconds. They're stitching her up as best they can and trying to save her but..." she sobbed again. "I don't know if they can." Mom's voice was shaky and tired, as if she hadn't slept for a whole year.

"Can I see her? I have a friend who can drive me." I asked, feeling the pit in my stomach grow.

"Only if you really want to." She said.

"Okay." Not knowing what else to say, I hung up and dialed Red.

"Hey." He answered.

"I need you to drive me to the hospital." I told him.

"I'll be there in five." He replied, hanging up.

I threw a jacket on and sat on my front step, picking at my fingernails anxiously as I waited for him.

When I spotted his car, I jumped up and rushed towards him.

"Thanks so much." I rushed out, sliding into the passenger seat.

"No problem." He answered as I buckled my seatbelt.

I was about to close my eyes and lean back when I felt him put a hand on my cheek and lean over, hovering over me. I glanced over to him, inches away from me. He smiled and leaned in, kissing me softly before returning to his seat and hitting the gas pedal.

I leaned back and blushed, glaring out the window.

"I used to hate you." I mumbled.

"Is that what I get for kissing you?" He chuckled.

"No, it's just... I really didn't like you. I thought you were annoying and cocky."

"We've come so far, now you only think I'm cocky." He said with a quiet laugh.

I allowed myself to smile and rest for a minute, despite the grim conditions of the car ride. For a moment, I let everything else go and thought about Red.

"You know what?" I mused.

"Obviously. I know everything." He shrugged.

"This is why I think you're cocky." I frowned. "When you punched me, it left this big bruise on my cheek. So I tried to use Elise's makeup to cover it up. But we're either, like, not the same skin tone or I suck at putting on makeup."

"Is 'both' and option?" He interrupted. I ignored him and continued.

"My mom noticed and took me downstairs, and I told her I got hit by a baseball in gym."

"That sounds like you." He shrugged with a laugh.

"It's not funny. I panicked for a second, and almost couldn't think of a lie." I whined.

"That also sounds like you." He nodded along. "I have a story."

"Alright." I smiled.

"The day that I met you in the library, when I told you I was gay and the stuff about me being mad at you for taking my chance? Remember that?"

I nodded.

"I went back the day after cause I'd hoped you'd be there. And I go there every morning because of you."

"Really?" I laughed. "You're such a nerd."

"Thanks." He drawled.

"Do you ever think how weird it is that people believed we were actually dating so easily?" I questioned.

"No." He shook his head. "I actually liked you so everything I did was pretty real."

"Oh." I blushed. "I liked you more as we pretended."

"Are you sure?" He teased.

"Yeah." I nodded weakly.

"Oh? Cause, if I recall correctly, people said they saw you looking at me all the time. Remember that?" He poked.

"...maybe." I winced. "Okay, fine. Maybe I was in denial."

"Maybe." He teased, turning and winking at me.

All of the flirting and jokes stopped as soon as we pulled into the hospital parking lot. Red parked the car, but I couldn't bring myself to open the door just yet.

"You know you need to do it." He said softly.

I took a deep breath. "I know."

"Do you want me to stay here?" He asked.

"No, come with me." I begged. He nodded and stepped out of the car as I followed in suit.

I walked into the hospital and was blinded by an overuse of white, white, and oh? more white.

"I don't get why book characters always say the hate hospitals. I mean, they're where people get better, right?" Red hummed.

I shrugged.

"It's also where people die. But I guess you're right too."

We continued to walk until we reached the front desk.

"Hi." I muttered to the woman sitting there.

"How can I help you?" She smiled.

"I think...there's, a per- uh, a girl...." I stuttered, my throat tightening and tears coming to my eyes. I looked down and squeezed them shut.

Things were so much easier when I was a shit person. I thought.

"His sister would have been admitted here yesterday." Red told her, stepping up and taking my hand in his.

"Name?" The lady asked.

"Elise Freeman." He said with a sad smile.

The woman visibly winced. "Is she the one who... you know?"

"That's not very professional. Her brother's right here." Red said to her with a glare, squeezing my hand.

"Floor 3, room 311." She said, turning red with embarrassment.

Red guided me to the elevator and pressed the button for floor three. The shaking of the machine moving up made my stomach drop and I sucked in a shaky breath.

"It's okay, you'll see her soon." Red assured me.

I nodded and closed my eyes for another moment.

When the elevator door opened, Red held his arm out.

"Ready?" When I nodded, he led me to the door of room 311.

He leaned against the wall and nodded to me.

"You can do it." He said.

"Aren't you coming with me?" I turned to him with a frown as I thought of facing mom, and hopefully Elise, alone.

"You need to do this by yourself." He said sternly. "Whenever you're ready."

I sighed and took a step back, looking through the clear part next to the door.

I could see mom sitting in a red chair next to a hospitable bed, and I saw Elise's fingers hanging off of the side of the bed.

I took one last big breath, took hold of the door handle, and pushed the door open.

As soon as it was swung open, mom's eyes flickered at me surprisedly.

"Chance?" She rasped out with a sniffle.

"I..." I was at a loss for words. What do you say to someone when you make their daughter, your sister, attempt...maybe commit...suicide?

How about, "I'm sorry."

"Oh Chance." Mom said with a sob. She stood up from her chair and pulled me towards her in a hug.

"My baby." She cried, pulling me as close as possible.

"It's my fault." I choked out, feeling tears well in my eyes. My throat started aching from trying to hold back a sob.

"It's not. It's not." She said shakily as she rubbed my back.

"It is. You know it." I breathed out loudly.

"No, Chance." She repeated sadly.

"How is she?" I asked, pulling away.

"She..." mom said with a sniffle.

"Mom?" I whispered.

"We're really lucky." She said with a sigh. "I mean, obviously she lost a lot of blood but they said she's gonna be okay."

"Oh my god." I choked out, plopping down into the chair next to mom's. "Oh god. That's so good. I'm- she's gonna be okay." I took a minute to digest the information.

It's gonna be okay. Elise will live. You'll have your sister back....or will you?

After all I have done to her I don't deserve to get her back. She should never have to talk to me again. She doesn't deserve anything I did to her.

I looked up to Elise, who was sleeping in the hospital bed. There were stitches and bandaids all over her arms and too many tubes sticking out of her.

And to think that it was my fault.... I looked away. I couldn't bear to see it anymore. I couldn't see what I had cause any longer.

"She's woken up a few times but she won't... she won't talk yet. The doctors said she might not speak for a while because of, well, obviously she hasn't been doing well for the past few months." Mom said, clearing her throat.

"Oh." I whispered.

"Who's your friend hon?" Mom asked, looking past me and out the door.

"That's..." I took in a deep breath. "That's Red. He's not my boyfriend yet, but... fingers crossed." I said, crossing them and holding my hand up.

"Really?" Mom asked, shocked at my sudden confession. I was too, but I had bigger problems to deal with.

"Don't hate me." I pleaded with a frown.

"You know I could never." She said and looked back towards Elise.

"You should. After all I've done to Elise. I hate myself a little bit too." I huffed.

"Don't say that baby. I don't want to have to worry about you, too."

"Do you want to meet Red?" I offered, taking our minds off of the subject. I wasn't trying to be selfish, but I figured that since Elise was going to be okay, mom and I could use a distraction. And Red was very distracting.

"Of course." She said with a smile.

I stood up and went into the hallway, where I was met with Red sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, half-asleep.

I nudged him with my foot. "Wake up." I mumbled.

"Huh?" He moaned, half-opening his eyes and glancing up at me.

"She's okay." I said, trying to convince myself as much as possible that it was true. "My mom wants to meet you."

Red climbed to his feet and dusted himself off, blushing a bit. "She does?"

"Yeah." I nodded, taking his hand. "C'mon."

Red and I walked through the doorway together and he looked over at Elise in her hospital bed.

"I'm Red. I wanted to say that I'm really sorry about everything that's happened, but I'm glad she's going to be okay." He sat in my chair and I put a hand on his shoulder as my mom took a deep breath and met his eyes.

"Thank you." She started. "Did you know her? In school?" Her eyes pleaded.

"A little bit. I wish I had known her better, maybe I could've helped more."

I winced, thinking about how she needed to be helped because of me. How it was my fault.

"Oh." Mom said. "Well, you and Chance are close then?"

"Um..." Red blushed.

"Are you dating?" She pressed.

"Mom!" I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"It's kind of a long story." Red said with a small smile.

"I'd love to hear it sometime." She replied, giving him a warm look.

"I'd rather you didn't. I'm not proud of most of it. Like I said, it's..." I sniffed. "It's my fault that this happened."

"Chance, you can't keep saying that." Mom said, gazing at me with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Whatever." I grunted, wiping my nose on my sleeve. "Whatever."

"Do you want to go home now, Chance? I'll call you if anything happens. If she wakes up again." Mom suggested. "I'd like you to get some sleep."

"I can drive him." Red offered, standing up and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't really want to leave her." I sighed, looking back at her.

"Chance, she's okay. She going to be okay. You don't have to worry." Mom said with a small smile. She pulled me towards her, hugging me and kissing the top of my head.

"Let's go, Chance." Red said, standing up and leaving the room.

I stood up and walked out of the room, turning before I left.

Mom held her out our, with her fingers crossed. "Good luck." She whispered.

I grinned at her and crossed mine as well, showing her with a proud smile before leaving and meeting Red in the hallway.

"Ready to go? Don't you fee-" I cut him off by kissing him. Because I could, because Elise was okay, because my mom still loved me, because I really, really wanted to.

"I'm ready." I said with a content sigh as I pulled away and walked down the hallway, sensing Red coming up behind me.

"Don't you feel better now?" He continued his sentence from earlier.

I nodded.

"I do. I'm just glad she's gonna be okay." I sniffed again and wiped my eyes dry.

We made our way out the door and into the parking lot, locating the car.

"Do you wanna hang out?" I asked as I climbed into the passenger seat.

"Are you up for it?" He asked.

"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't." I smiled as he pulled out and drove off. "Wanna come to my house?"

"Sure." He nodded. "I'm tired. Aren't you?"

"Of course. I'm gonna skip school tomorrow, too much is going on." I confessed.

"What about your mom?" He asked, raising his eyebrow at me.

"I think she's busy with other things." I frowned. "She'd understand anyway."

"Guess I'll have to skip to watch you, then." He smirked.

"You know that's fine with me." I said, winking at him and feeling satisfied when he blushed.

"I know." He smiled.

The rest of the ride we just listened to the radio in content silence.

Things are shaping up, I reminded myself,