Red Martin liked me. The only thing I wanted at that moment was to stop thinking about Red Martin, and how he liked me. But all I could think about was Red Martin, and how he liked me.

Because Red Martin liked me.

I was typically shy, average looking, a nerd, not athletic at all...

He was kind, athletic, extremely handsome and probably my best friend.

And he liked me.

My mind lingered to the conversation at lunch, and how everyone seemed pretty convinced that we were actually dating. Sneaking glances, always together, meeting in the morning...

I'm not sure why I rushed out on him, because I don't find him repulsive at all. I think he just scared me by being so upfront. And I might have been crushing on him a little but not a lot, right?

I didn't always need to be around him, and he wasn't on my mind 24/7, and all my decisions weren't based around him or anything like that.

Except I did, he was, and they were.

So maybe I liked Red, who cares? Definitely not me. Not me.

******

15 minutes later I was at his house. Okay? Maybe I did care a little bit. But just a little.

Knock. Knock. Knock. I rapped my knuckles on his aunt's front door, biting my lip and trying to calm my nerves.

I wasn't even sure what to say to him.

The door creaked open and a short girl with bright blonde hair and a stone expression stood in front of me.

"Who are you?" She asked blatantly.

"My name's Chance."

"Oh." She muttered, her mouth twitching upwards into a tiny smile. "You're here to see Red?"

"Yes, how did you-" I asked shocked.

"I'll go get him. Wait here." She said before closing the door.

The door reopened and Red stood there, in sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

"Sorry about Ruth, she's a bit forward, I guess. And she can rude sometimes, I'm sorry if she cut you off. I hope you don't mine my outfit, I didn't know- you'd...be..." he rambled, but I stepped forward towards him so we were at eye level, and he stopped talking.

I stepped forward again so we were as close as possible and his eyes flickered down to my lips, making me smile. On the inside, of course. I was trying my best to keep a straight face.

All of a sudden I put a hand on the side of his face and pressed my lips to his, eliciting a noise of shock from Red. I don't know why, I mean I was obviously going to kiss him. What did he think was going to happen?

I was kissing an idiot.

But the idiot kissed me back and I wrapped my arms around his neck, really, truly happy for the first time in a while.

"Red has a boyfriend!" Ruth shrieked, running up behind him and jumping up and down.

He pulled back suddenly and stared at his feet, red-faced.

"Go away Ruth." He moaned.

"Delta! Red was kissing a boy!" She giggled, dashing up the stairs.

"Shit! I gotta go Chance!" He exclaimed, stumbling over the top step as he glanced back at me.

"Okay." I laughed.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked hurriedly, and I nodded.

"Bye Red." I smirked.

"Okay. Yeah, bye." He panted as he closed the door.

I walked back home as slowly as possible, replaying the moment in my head as many times as I could.

*******

School the next day was interesting. Every hall I walked down carried whispers about the disgusting Elise Freeman.

"She has herpes, you know?"

"Anorexic. And bulimic, too."

"Someone told me she self-harms."

Every corner I turned, every step I took, they seemed to get louder until the gossip and the rumors blurred together into one big lie.

I slowly made my way to the library, marveling at all the lies that these two rumors had evolved into. From saying that Elise made money on the side as a prostitute to saying she was suicidal, the people at this school were absolutely outrageous at coming up with ways to screw up people's lives.

Although, I guess I was to blame for it all.

I reached the library and took my seat, and seeing as Red wasn't there yet, pulled out a textbook.

Skimming over the pages, I thought of what I'd come home to last night, after Red and I kissed.

A dark house, the only light on in the bathroom, with the door closed and locked. Muffled sobs from Elise. I assumed that she was spending time alone in there to get away from the bedroom and maybe take a bath or something. I hadn't been seeing her much lately, even around the house. Most of the time she stayed in her room.

I lost my train of thought as soon as Red walked into the library. He stood in the doorframe awkwardly, holding his bag in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

"Hey." I said from my seat.

"Hey." He said. He walked the rest of the way into the room and sat down across from me.

"So..." I muttered.

"I told you so." He chuckled, glancing up at me with a grin.

"What?" I asked.

"I told you so. I told you that you liked me, and you said you didn't, but you do." He smiled. His smile was so genuine and real that it made me forget how to speak.

"Why does it matter if I like you or not? I'm not that special. You're Red Martin." I shrugged.

"It matters to me. You're special to me." He said with a wink.

"Jesus, Red. Don't do that." I scowled as my cheeks heated up.

"So it's safe to assume that you like me, seeing as you don't really seem to want to admit it?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Whatever. Yes, it's safe to assume that, okay? It's true." I said, rolling my eyes and frowning at him.

"Cool." He whispered.

"Cool."

******

Lunch finally came along after a long day of tests and assignments, though I really don't go into detail about my classes. They're not interesting, trust me.

"Hey Chance." Red chirped as I sat down at the lunch table. I was late, seeing as I had to make up a quiz, but my seat was open nonetheless.

"Hi." I hummed.

I sat down and ate lunch, tuning the conversation out for the most part.

"....right, Chance?" Red laughed.

"What?" I asked, snapping out of my daydream.

"I was telling them that we have a date tonight. You remembered, right?" He asked, cocking his eyebrows at me.

I scowled at him for the hundredth time that day, and threw a french fry at him. "Right, loser." I smirked.

"What movie are we seeing again?" He asked.

"Uhhh... I think it was 'It'. Unless you still really want to see Cars 3." I grinned.

"I've already seen Cars 3, joke's on you." He laughed.

"Without me?" I gasped.

"You guys are so cute. You were totally meant to be." Shana giggled, causing me and Red to blush visibly.

"What's wrong guys? It's not like we haven't talked about you guys dating before." She laughed, before going on to tell a story about a girl in her art class.

I glanced at Red, who was looking at me, and we locked eyes.

We actually hadn't really talked about us dating. Like, for real, not fake. I wouldn't mind doing it. Alright, maybe I'd enjoy it, okay? Maybe I wanted to. But I wasn't sure if he felt the same. I mean, it was obvious that he liked me, and that I liked him, but did he want to act on it?

"What time are you picking me up again?" I asked him with a mouthful of food.

"First of all, you're disgusting. Second of all, I thought you were picking me up."

"No." I shook my head. "You were gonna pick me up. What time was it, eight? Yeah, I think it was eight."

Red grinned at me knowingly and nodded his head.

"Eight is is." He smiled.

After that I drifted back into thought, mostly imagining how our date would go. Would he hold my hand? Would he kiss me? Would he be awkward?

I guess I'd find out at eight.

*******

Red's car pulled up at my house at eight. I knew as soon as it happened, because I was waiting there.

As I sprinted towards the front door, I noticed Elise standing at the top of stairs.

"Where are you going?" She asked, her voice scratchy.

I glanced up at her quickly, enough to see how crappy she looked. Her hair was in a messy bun and she wore sweatpants with a baggy sweatshirt, spotted with something on the sleeves.

"I have a date." I scoffed as I turned my back and opened the screen door.

"Wait, Chance..." she said, taking a step down the stairs.

"He's waiting outside." I said as I shook my head. I had goosebumps. Talking to Elise now was like talking to a ghost. I couldn't do it without thinking about how close we used to be, and all the things we'd done to each other.

I jumped down the front steps and onto the front lawn, running to Red's car.

"Hey." I panted, climbing inside. Red didn't say anything, and looked right past me into my house.

"Is she okay?" He finally asked.

"Is who okay?" I sighed.

"Your sister, dumbass. Oh my god..." he gasped, continuing to look past me.

I looked back to the house and saw her sitting at the kitchen table, head down.

"What?" I asked him.

"Did you see her sweatshirt?"

"Yeah, she spilled ketchup or somethi...." I cut myself off. "It's not... is it...."

Red looked at me and nodded.

"Not it's not. Elise wouldn't do that." I whispered, a chill running down my spine.

"You need to go inside. We'll rescheduled for another time."

"No!" I exclaimed. "I can't talk to her. I haven't been able to talk to her in a while. Every time I do I just get so mad..." I sighed.

"You should feel guilty." He said bluntly.

"Why the hell should I feel guilty?" I laughed.

"Because, Chance. I hate to say it but..." he trailed off.

"But what?" I pressed, feeling my stomach drop.

"It's kinda your fault." He finished.

"How th- my fault? The hell it is!" I shouted and felt my face grow red.

"You guys got in a fight, she had no friends. You spread rumors. People ignored her, then gossiped about her, which is worse. You spread more and more, but you never stopped. You should have just stopped, Chance." The car went silent for a second.

"Are you actually telling me you haven't been concerned for her the whole time?" He whispered, his face red.

"I never thought she would do that." I mumbled. "She wouldn't do that." I repeated, choking on my words.

"Well, she did. And you need to go inside and make up with her." said Red, leaning back into his seat, eyes closed, and pulling the keys out of his car.

I had to say, he looked good. His hair was styled messily as usual and he was wearing dark jeans with a light blue t shirt. I couldn't believe I was going to miss my date just cause my sister....well, she....you know.

"Stop checking me out and go check on your sister." Red frowned, turning his head and looking at me.

"I don't want to." I sighed. "I'm not doing it."

"Chance!" Red exploded, surprising me. "If you don't go inside and make amends with your sister, who, I might add, just cut herself, then I will never talk to you again." His nostrils flared and his faced turned red. "I'm being serious, too. I will not talk to you until you do it."

"You're bluffing."

"Oh my fucking god. Get out of my car." He ordered.

"What?"

"I said get out of my car. You're not even concerned by the fact that your sister is in a bad enough place to cut herself. So get out." He repeated.

"It's not my fault! I didn't make her do it." I yelled back.

"Yes, you did, Chance! That's the thing, you don't understand that the things that you said about her, the rumors you started, people believe them. And people don't leave her alone, and she doesn't have any friends. You don't seem to understand that, Chance!" Red shouted angrily at me.

You don't seem to understand that.

A fire lit inside of me, and I snapped.

"You don't think I understand?" I laughed psychotically. "I understand better than anyone! Last year I had no friends, I ate lunch by myself, people didn't even care enough to spread rumors about me. Elise was always number 1, and I didn't even make the fucking list. So don't tell me I don't understand what it's like to be in the place she's in right now, cause I used to be there too. And nobody noticed. But as soon as it's poor Elise," I said in mocking baby voice, "suddenly everyone cares. Suddenly you want me to make up with her when I have been exactly where she was for my entire life, up until this year. I don't think you understand how it feels. I bet you've always had people to talk to, I bet you never ate lunch alone. Am I right?" I panted.

Red looked down at his hands. "No." He choked out.

"Of course I'm right. You have some nerve telling me that I don't understand how she feels when that's how I've felt my entire life. Do you understand now? Do you understand why I don't care? And why I'm not sympathetic? Because I could handle it just fine, and as soon as she got there she fucking broke. She snapped in half after a few weeks of not having a friend. I stayed strong for 16 years and she broke after a few fuckin weeks. Do you understand now why I don't care? Why I don't care if she cuts? Or if she's lonely? Or even if she kills herself? Do you get it now?"

Red was breathing heavily and his voice was choked up.

"Get out. Don't try to talk to me at school tomorrow."

"Don't have to tell me twice." I muttered.

I hopped out of the car, slamming the door as hard as I could. I watched him drive away, and was surprised when I felt a tear roll down my cheek.