Monday

"How was your weekend?" I asked Hart. We were standing at my locker before first period, talking before the bell rang.

She shrugged.

"I snuck Elise out to a party and Red Martin punched me in the face." I said.

"Why?" She asked.

"I don't know. Some chick came up to me and said he wanted to talk to me outside so I went, and he asked if I was Chance Freeman. Then he just punched me and left."

"Why'd you sneak Elise out?" Hart asked, rolling her eyes and playing with a string on her jean shorts.

"She was grounded." I explained.

"Yeah. Why'd you sneak her out?" She repeated.

"I don't know. She really wanted to go, I guess."

"If Charley asked me that I'd laugh then slap her. Of course, Charley can use the car and I can't, so she'd never really ask me that..." Hart said, trailing off and speaking more to herself toward the end of the sentence.

"What?" I asked her.

"If Charley asked me that-" she repeated.

"No. I got that part. Did you say she can use the car but you can't?" I asked.

"Is it first period yet?" Hart asked.

"How does she get to school?" I asked.

"Is this a trick question?" Hart asked with a frown.

"How do you get to school?" I pressed.

"I walk." She said.

"Do you have your license?" I pressed.

"Shhh." Hart said as she put a hand over my mouth. "It doesn't matter."

"It does. That's so unfair." I said, removing her hand from my face.

"No." Hart said. "I don't care."

"Whatever." I said, rolling my eyes.

The bell rung, and we were off to first period.

**********

"Take the remaining ten minutes to do homework, or study. Or...talk to your friends." Our math teacher said with a defeated sigh as kids shoved their books to the side and started socializing.

"Hart." I nudged her.

"Homework." She replied. She, unlike everyone else, had her book open with the worksheet.

"Ok then." I sighed as I slouched in my chair.

Looked like I was going to study, seeing as the only person I talked to was not currently open to having a conversation.

That's what I thought, at least. Until three girls pulled their chair up to my desk.

"Hey Chance." Said a girl with blonde hair pulled into a messy bun. She was dressed cozily, in leggings and a pink t-shirt.

"Do I know you?" I asked.

"Nope. But we heard a little rumor about you." Said another girl with thick brown hair. She had some serious freckles dotting her face and a button nose, and was dressed in light jeans and a black sweater.

"Oh, right." I said, sighing as I remembered that everyone would know by now. But I guess at this point it was just a rumor. Maybe people were too drunk to remember right away.

"So is it true?" The third girl asked. She had blonde hair, like the first girl, but it was wavy and long, going down to her stomach. She was wearing black jeans and a black and white crop top.

"What's the rumor?" I asked, playing dumb.

"That you're....you know." The girl with the bun gestured.

"I'm sorry, what are your names?" I inquired. Sorry for not wanting to talk to people who I didn't know and were too scared to use the word 'gay'.

"Metin." Said the girl in the bun.

"Link." answered the brown haired girl with freckles.

"Penn." said the girl with long blonde hair.

"I'm Chance....y-you already know that. Never mind." I said with a sigh. "So what do you want?"

"Just to talk to you." Metin answered. "You seemed kind of lonely."

"And it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm attracted to-" I checked around the room as if to make sure no one was watching, then waved the girls in close. "-emus?" I said.

All three girls' faces struck expressions of horror or shock.

"Kidding. It was a joke." I said.

"Oh my god." Penn said, putting a hand on her heart.

"It has nothing to do with me being gay?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at the three of them.

"Well..." Link trailed off. "No. I guess not. We wanted to say we think it's great that you came out. We get that it was probably hard, and we heard it was also an accident, so we wanted to make sure you knew people support you." She said with a smile.

"Oh." I muttered. "I thought you were just looking for a gay best friend."

"Well we would like to get to know you. But not cause you're gay." Penn added.

"I guess that's okay then." I said reluctantly.

Hart leaned over in her chair and closer to my desk.

"Shut up." She remarked before sitting back up at her own desk.

"Who's she?" Link asked with a frown, and giving Hart a disgusted look.

"That's Hart. She can be a bit blunt at times." I said.

"Keep talking. I dare you." Hart mumbled from her desk.

"I guess you should probably go now." I said with a smile.

"You should sit with us at lunch." Metin remarked and she started to scoot her chair back.

"Actually I sit with Hart." I told her. "Sorry."

"Well we only have one-" Link stated before Penn cut her off.

"Fine. That's fine. She can come too." She said with a smile.

"Yeah. Maybe." I replied with a fake smile.

Listen, it's not that I didn't like Metin, Link, and Penn. it's just that I felt that they had the wrong intentions with talking to me. There was something suspicious going on with them.

"You talked to Metin, Link, and Penn?" Elise gaped when I told her about the encounter that night at home.

"No. They talked to me." I told her.

"What did they say?" She asked in awe.

"Um...that they wanted to get to know me? And they invited me to sit with them at lunch." I answered.

"No way." Elise gasped. I rolled my eyes.

"What? So what, Elise? What's so special about them?" I asked, sighing.

There was something about that day. I don't know if I was in a bad mood, or if I was tired. It was just a bad day. Maybe it's because when I look back at it now, it's the day that started it all. The fight, the competition, the downfall.

"They're kind of the most popular girls in school." Elise pointed out, as if I was an idiot.

"So?" I groaned.

"I've been trying to get them to notice me all week." She complained.

"It's not my fault. They heard about me being gay, that's all." I sighed.

"You're so lucky Chance. Did you sit with them?" She urged.

"No. I sat with Hart." I replied.

She let out a mix between a gurgle and a scream.

"You didn't freaking sit with them?" She cried.

"Sorry...?" I sneered.

"You have to sit with them tomorrow. You're gonna lose your chance." She insisted.

"My chance at what?" I moaned.

"At getting popular! Being with the cool kids! That way, when they let me into the popular group, we can both be there for once." She smiled.

I didn't answer for a moment.

"Why does everyone in this house always get surprised when popular people want to be friends with me?" I asked, finally snapping.

"Well at our old school-" she began.

"I don't care about our old school. I don't care. I know you were more popular, and that everyone liked you better. But maybe that's gonna change, huh? Maybe people will like me better, and I'll be more popular." I said with an exasperated sigh.

"I doubt it." Elise snapped.

Having a twin is like having a friend all the time. But that friend is also annoying a lot, and things get competitive. Unhealthily so, at times. That friend is the person you dump anger or frustration out on. And I'm not always proud of it, but it happens.

Fighting with your twin is like a forest fire. Once is starts, it's hard to stop, and even though you know you should, you can't. And it spreads really fast, and in the heat of the moment, it's hard to put out.

"Do you really think everyone will always like you better?" I jeered.

"Why wouldn't they? I'm the alpha-twin, and you know it. People like me better. That's just how it is. Get over it." She said, as if she was surprised I didn't understand it already.

"I don't think you understand what it's like living in someone else's shadow, Elise. People hardly knew my name in Providence. I was always just 'Elise's brother'. And you're too shallow to admit that you had it easier. Yeah, being popular would be different for me, but you know what? It's going to happen. If not for myself, then to prove you wrong." I shouted, taking a deep breath.

My mind with raging with memories of being forgotten and shoved to the side at our old school, while Elise always took center stage and had the spotlight. That's when I made the promise to myself: that I would be more popular than Elise, no matter what. I already had the advantage. Tomorrow, I would be sitting with Metin, Link, and Penn and lunch, gossiping and working my way up to the top.

"Good luck with that. The only real friend you have right now is a social outcast who doesn't even know how to answer someone's question without making everyone uncomfortable." Her fists were clenched and her face was red.

"At least I have a friend." I said, finally calming my voice down.

Elise didn't answer, just glared at the floor.

"Oh, and who's the one with an invitation to sit with three of the most popular girls at school? Me?" I said with fake kindness.

"And by the end of the year, people will want to know me. And then maybe you'll know what it's like to be referred to as 'Chance's sister'."

"I doubt it." She growled.

"And maybe you'll know what it's like to have no one to talk to. And to have people think you're a freak."

"I won't." She insisted.

"And to be compared to me all the time. People will say, 'why can't that girl Elise be like her brother?' And the worst part is that one of those people will be your own mom. Because that's what I hear, right now, every time I talk to her." I said, my voice deadly calm.

"Stop it!" Elise shrieked. "Mom loves both of us!"

"But you know she loves you more." I said bitterly as Elise let out a sob.

It felt good to finally let out what I had been dying to say forever.

"Does the truth hurt too much? Did you forget that for some people, everything isn't just gumdrops and rainbows?" I mocked.

"Shut up Chance!" She begged.

"If you can't take me talking about it, how do you think it feels to live it?" I pressed.

"Stop!" Elise screamed at the top of her lungs.

The room went deadly calm for a moment.

"Because I don't think you'll be able to handle it." I said quietly as I turned on my heel and walked out of the room. I went up the stairs and into my bedroom, where I flopped onto my bed and finally let out a quiet cry.

The years I spent in Providence in Elise's shadow came flooding back into my memory. Times when Elise would have friends over and they'd ask why the freak was there. When I'd have someone over and Elise would steal them. When I'd be sitting on the bleachers, or in the audience, while she scored the winning basket, or was handed the trophy. And trying to convince myself to be a good brother, that I didn't like attention anyway. I didn't want it. Going back to nights where I knew I was worthless, and unhappy and lonely, having no one to go to. But as soon as Elise encountered a 'problem', there I was, giving her a shoulder to cry on while I held in my own tears.

And realizing that I was thirsty for the upper hand, to win in something. Anything. As long as I was finally beating her, it would be good enough.

And looking back on that night, the night that started everything, I wish I had just bit my tongue. I could've held it in longer. I was stronger than her. I see that now. Then, maybe Elise never would've gotten as hurt as she did.