"River Rat Jimmy", Kelly Joe Phelps

"You wanted to know about the process of becoming an elder," I said to Malik.

He sat behind the desk in his new office. The room was still simple, but he had brought a few objects and books to make it feel more comfortable, for him and for his future patients.

"Yes. I know the theory, but I would like to learn about how it feels."

I smiled sadly. "It feels horrific."

He waited for me to continue, his gaze attentive and kind.

"You feel like you are slipping away," I said. "It starts and works differently for everyone, but usually it goes one of two ways: whether you start forgetting things, or you remember them so vividly that you lose yourself in your memories."

"Is it progressive?"

"It depends. For me, it was. Thankfully. But for others, it happens suddenly. Especially for the younger ones, as far as I know." I looked away, as my mind wandered towards painful memories. "Henry, he was young when it happened and... I was not there, but I was told that, all of a sudden, he did not know where he was and who the people around him were."

"Someone was able to help him?"

"Yes, but too late. He killed my son."

"I'm very sorry," Malik said.

I did not want to linger on the feeling assailing me, so I continued. "The person needs to be grounded, reminded of who they are. It helps to have another elder there who can use their abilities. Creating a safe space in the mind of the person works well, for instance."

"How do you explain that?"

"It is hard to say. I think it is a way to create a bubble in the midst of the chaos. It anchors the person's thoughts. It gives a landmark, if you will. And it allows us to speak to them in a way they can hear."

"I see," Malik said.

He looked at me in silence.

"You want to ask me about my own experience," I offered.

"You don't have to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"I have not told many people about that moment in my life. My Aidan knows. Amaury." I was stalling. "I do not mind telling you about the experience in itself but it is also linked with other things that I do not want to talk about."

"I understand." His voice was even and calm.

"For me, it started with flashes of memories that invaded me like I had no control over them. And it rapidly got worse. I could not distinguish the present and the past. And... the memories which overwhelmed me were not good ones."

"How did you find your balance again?"

"My mentor, Iniku, found me. I do not know how she knew. But she did. I had not seen her in centuries. But when I really needed her, she came to me. I remember realizing that I was in her arms not knowing how I had gotten there. She brought my mind with hers in a beautiful place where I felt safe. And I could breathe again."

"Have you witnessed over methods to deal with that later in your life?"

"No. It has been like an old secret passed over from one immortal to the other over the ages. You have to understand that, for a long time, we were mostly alone. It was difficult to access information. Now, of course, it is different. But that is one of the reasons why I want to build the shelter. For people not to be alone."

"Thank you for sharing that with me," Malik said without asking me anything else.

"You are very welcome."

He hesitated imperceptibly. Just for a second. "If you want to talk, someday. About anything you want. I am here," he said.

I smiled. "Thank you."

And he smiled back.