James' Journal - August312022c.mp3

"Feel the love go", Franz Ferdinand

I remember the first Saturday after the events. It was a mess, but everyone wanted the party at The Pearl to be perfect: it was about honoring Elise's memory or legacy, as you wish. We didn't talk about it actually, but it was tacit.

It was hard to deal with the grief, though. I could see it on everyone's faces as they could probably see it on mine. So we tended to go our separate ways in the club, doing what we had to do, and avoiding dangerous areas such as Elise's booth or even just the bar counter.

Amaury looked regularly at Elise's office, and his eyes lingered on melancholic memories.

Anna slipped away several times during the party. Back from the storage room, she tried to hide the fact she had been crying, but it was obvious. Valentina and Ahmed did their best to help and to be there for her.

Meanwhile, Aidan had fallen into a cycle of frantic activity. He talked to everyone, checking if they were having a pleasant night. It was painful to me because I could see how he was hanging from a thread as if one little pinch could shatter his entire façade.

As for me, I had warned the crowd that I would be in charge of the Saturday Night Challenge and when it was time, I got up on stage and shuffled the jar, as she would have done.

The song choice was terrible.

"No. Not this one," I said.

Everyone stayed quiet, surprised. I kept on shuffling the pieces of paper.

"Yeah, I know, it's not the rule, but there's no way in hell I'm going to sing this song. Or this one, as a matter of fact," I added, discarding another piece of paper. "If you could have good taste in music, I would appreciate it. Thank you very much."

Anna rolled her eyes, but I ignored her. After all, my duty was to give this crowd the best possible show, right?

"Okay, this one I can sing," I said after reading a third proposition. "'Feel the love go' by Franz Ferdinand. Thank you, Audrey. No, really, THANK YOU."

And the show was indeed the best possible show, with rock energy much needed in this time of guilt, anger, and resentment.

I saw Aidan applaud, forcing a smile. And I felt some kind of relief when I left the stage as if I had done my duty and it was over. Actually, it was far from over because I would sing on this stage again and again in the years to come. But this first time, this sort of relay handover was done, finished. And as sad as it was, it took a weight off of my mind.

Plus, I've always been like Elise, singing is a great outlet for me, a way to deal with everything, and I had a lot to deal with.