"Perfect life", Steven Wilson

I had known from the moment I was back. I had felt this emptiness. I knew he was gone.

Aidan's face fell when I asked him the question. "I'm so sorry," he said. And he told me everything. What happened. Henry. Every word created burning images in my mind. But I needed to know.

On the next day, he led me to an old mansion which had an underground passage to a crypt. There, for centuries, immortals have been buried. I have been there a few times in my life, but this day was different.

Outside, the sun shone bright, and the light felt like aggression. When we walked down the tunnels, I was wrapped softly in the darkness and the cool air. In the silence, I could hear my heart racing like a roar in my chest.

I had in my hand Ethan's favorite ring attached to a silver chain. I stood in front of the grave and I placed a wreath on it.

I saw images in my mind: his face when I had found him in the street, holding his little brother's hand. The first time, he had called me "mother", two years later, randomly while we were having dinner. His smile when he took his first photograph. The sound of his voice every time he mocked me for my Christmas decorations or my newfound passion for pumpkin spice lattes.

A wave of panic and sadness overflowed my mind. I put my hand on my chest as I could not breathe. I staggered and fell to my knees.

Aidan held me but I pushed him and struggled against his embrace because I did not want to accept that I had lost my dear son. He kept his arms around me and leaned his head against my head.

I finally gave up and crumbled in his arms, crying. He stroked my hair and kissed my shoulders, trying everything to comfort me. His presence was the only thing that seemed real to me at this instant because I felt like I was dragged into an abyss of darkness.

Why was I there and not him? What was the point of surviving everyone you love?

I could have helped Henry. If I had been there, Ethan would have been alive. I had chosen to leave him and I had not protected him. I had failed him.

I spent the following days listening to Aidan telling me about Ethan's last years, the years that I had missed. He showed me pictures and videos.

"He was a wonderful man, your son. And he died a hero."