Kier left his condo when I was probably bathing myself inside. Tumagal ako nang mahigit kalahating oras sa loob ng banyo. I know that I was there as his house keeper but I couldn't stand looking at his face after what he did to me. Bayaran man akong babae ay hindi ko pa rin iyon gusto. Because I know for a fact that I also deserve to receive some respect. Dahil tao rin ako at babae pa rin ako.

Nilibot ko ang buong lugar niya. I already went there before for less than five times but I didn't had the chance to roam around exactly. Tanging mga tingin lamang ang nagagawa ko no'n.

I was wiping the photo frame that was on the counter table when my phone on my pocket vibrated. I stopped what I was doing and checked what it was. I saw Harold's registered number calling.

Umupo ako sa lapag at binitawan ang basahan na hawak ko para sagutin ang tawag niya.

"Bakit tumawag ka?" bungad na tanong ko kay Harold nang sagutin ko iyon.

Narinig kong humugot ng malalim na hininga ang nasa kabilang linya. Inilayo ko sa tainga ko ang selpon na hawak ko bago may pagtatakang tinignan iyon.

"Hoy, Harold, bakit ka sabi napata—" sigaw ko sana sa kanya ngunit naputol iyon nang bigla siyang magtanong sa akin.

"Was I really an asshole that you didn't even bothered to tell me about your pregnancy back then, Haier?" dinig ko ang hinanakit sa boses niya at... Was he drunk?!

Ano ba ang p-pinagsasabi niya ngayon? It was too early to drink yet he was there calling me drunk. It was only around nine in the morning.

"Hoy, lalaki! Kung lasing ka ay huwag mo akong pagtripan, puwedi ba?! What pregnancy are you talking about?!" I yelled on the phone.

"I'm asking you to stop fucking playing with me right now, Haier. Please..." He's pleading me. The person who wrecked me was actually pleading me. And it made my heart sting a little.

Harold and I, we had the relationship that we cherished. Or maybe I'd cherished.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na paghinga at humilig sa gilid ng counter table habang tinititigan ko ang selpon kong hawak-hawak ko ngayon.

Should I tell him? But I thought... I thought that he knew it? Ang akala ko ba ay alam niya iyon kaya niya ako iniwan noon? So what's the use of asking me now? Didn't... Didn't he knew about it?

I closed my eyes and opened it as I felt my heart beating because of the fear that he'll ask me further about it. I don't want to remember it vividly. Because the pain it brought on me was too much that I thought I couldn't bear it. Because I thought that I couldn't be able to keep on going when I lost my child. When I couldn't even had the time to touch his little hands. When I couldn't even hear him crying because I wasn't there.

"Listen, Harold, okay? Makinig ka sa akin ng mabuti dahil hindi ko na ito uulitin," ani ko.

There's no point on keeping it from him. I guess. Hindi lang para sa akin kung hindi ay maging para sa kanya. If he didn't knew it, then I'll tell him. Para na rin palayain ang sarili ko sa ideyang hindi niya ako kayang panindigan noon.

"May trabaho ako ngayon, Harold. Isa pa, you're drunk. I don't think we can talk about it right now. Go and sober up, okay? I'll text you where we can meet but make sure that you're fine. Sige na, matulog ka na muna," I was on the verge of hanging up the call when he spoke again.

"How the fuck can I sleep when that fucking thought keeps playing inside my fucking head, Haier?! Huh?! Tell me..." He's really drunk. The sound of his voice says it all.

"Matulog ka na muna ngayon. Mamayang gabi pa ako bakante kaya mamaya pa ako puwedi—"

Natigil ako nang makarinig ako nang parang may nabasag. Muling nangunot ang noo ko.

"Sir, sige na ho. Umuwi na ho kayo dahil lasing na lasing na kayo. Magsasara na rin kami ngayon. Kagabi pa ho kayo narito, eh," dinig kong sabi ng panlalaking boses.

Was he at the club?!

"Fucking get out from my face!" Malakas na sigaw ni Harold sa kabilang linya.

"Pero ho kase, sir—"

Muli akong nakarinig ng tunog ng pagkabasag.

"Alis!" What the hell is he doing?!

"Harold?" I called him.

"H-Haier..."

"Where are you? Nasaan ka ngayon? Ha?" desididong tanong ko.

Ano ba kase sa akala niya ang ginagawa niya? I'm not going to tell him about it when he's like that.

"Club," tipid na sagot niya.

Walang ano-ano kong pinatay ang tawag niya at mabilis pa sa alas kwatrong tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa lapag. I quickly picked the rag from the floor and ran faster until I got myself on the kitchen. Agad kong inilagay sa may kalan ang basahan at dali-daling tumakbo papasok sa kwarto ko at kunin ang bag ko. I ran as fast I could until I reached the elevator floor and went in.

I was stomping feet because of the anticipation. Pakiramdam ko ay agad tumagal ang pagbaba ko. When the elevator dinged, I immediately went out and walked faster as I lead my way out from the building. Agad akong pumara ng taxi at nagpahatid sa club kung saan ako nagta-trabaho dati.

Nang makababa ako mula sa taxi ay agad nahagip ng mga mata ko ang sasakyang nakaparada sa harap ng club. I saw two of the boys holding Harold's right and left arms. Ipinasok nila roon si Harold kaya agad akong lumapit.

"Who'll drive his car? Alam niyo naman na lasing tapos isasakay niyo?" I immediately asked the two men who were holding Harold.

Biglang nagkamot ng ulo ang isa sa kanila nang magtanong ako.

"Darating na ang driver niyan kaya ipinasok na namin," sagot ng isa sa akin.

Truth about what he said, a not so old man came on.

"Naku, pasensiya na kayo. Hindi kase ako naka-duty kagabi kaya hindi ko alam ito." He bowed his head as he took a peak from Harold who was sleeping inside the car.

"Okay lang ho, Manong. Magsasara na raw ho kase ang club ngayon dahil bubuksan pa ito mamayang ala sais ng gabi," ani ng lalaking sumagot sa akin kanina.

Bumaling ng tingin sa akin si Manong. Muli siyang nagyuko ng ulo sa harap ko at ngumiti. Ngumiti rin ako pabalik.

"Puwedi ho ba akong sumama, Manong? Ako na ho mag-aasikaso kay Harold," paghingi ko ng permiso.

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti niya sa akin. Hindi na lamang ako nagsalita.

"Sige ho, ma'am," aniya habang itinuturo kung nasaan ang kotse ni Harold.

Napangiti ulit ako sa sinabi niya. Agad akong naglakad papunta sa likod ng driver's seat at tumabi kay Harold. I heard him snoring lightly. Ang magulo niyang buhok ay natatabingan ang mga mata niya. He smelled like an alcohol.

Hindi ko magawang alisin ang mga mata ko sa kanya. He looked like a complete mess. Malayong-malayo sa hitsura niya nang una ko ulit siyang makita.

"You look like a shit," hindi maiwasang komento ko.

I lifted my hand and touched his nose. Iyon ang pinaka-gusto ko sa parte ng mukha niya noon pa man. I would always touched it and pinched it.

Humilig ako sa likod ng upuan ko habang na kay Harold ang mga mata ko. Inabot ko ang ilang hibla ng buhok niyang tinatabunan ang mga mata niya at inayos iyon. Nakatitig ako sa mukha niya nang mag-vibrate na naman ang selpon ko. Kinuha ko iyon at agad na sinagot.

"Hello?" I answered the call.

"Why aren't you here?" Nanigas ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Kier.

N-nakauwi na siya? Bakit ang aga naman yata?

"Ako? Ano... Nasa ano..." Ano ba ang sasabihan ko?

"Why can't you speak? Nasaan ka ba? Are you okay? Did something happened to you? Haier? Please answer me, baby, hmmm? Are you okay? Where are you now—" I stopped him by answering his questions.

"I'm with Harold," I said.

Ilang minuto ko siyang hindi narinig na umimik mula sa kabilang linya. All I could hear was his heavy breathing and my heart thumping non-stop inside my chest. I was waiting him to talk again while I was staring at  Harold's sleeping face.

"So you're with him." It wasn't a question but a statement.

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko bago magsalita.

"Yeah..." I whispered. "Harold needs me," I added.

Narinig ko ang mahina niyang mura. Mas lalo kong kinagat ang labi ko. Hindi ko alam ngunit kahit ako... Kahit ako ay nasasaktan ako sa sarili kong mga salita.

I am sorry, Kier... But Harold needs me.

"Okay then, I understand. I'll wait for you here. Please do come back, Haier. Come back home. Come back to me, baby..."

I can hear the sadness of his voice when he said it. I felt my heart ripped because of his words.

"Kier..." Is all I could uttered.

"Maghihintay lang ako. Kahit unahin mo siya, Haier. Kahit unahin mo, basta bumalik ka rito. Bumalik ka sa akin..."

I didn't get the chance to speak again when he ended the call. Tulala lamang akong nakatitig kay Harold habang na kay Kier ang isip ko. Hindi ko maiwasan ang makaramdam ng konsensiya dahil sa ginawa ko. Na kahit ang ginawa niya kanina sa akin ay parang nakalimutan ko na dahil sa mga salita niya.

I'm sure that I'll come back. Because he... Is not you...