He woke up feeling horrible.

He wasn't sure if it was the copious amounts of alcohol he consumed after leaving Lydia or the stress of having Magnus and Lydia in the same room or the nightmare. He knew he had to leave the house. He had to make things right with Magnus.

He rushed getting ready, and it was clear by the state of his hair. He skipped breakfast and ordered a car be brought around.

The ride into the city made him feel worse. The quiet time to think about what he had said-- or rather what he hadn't said-- made him hate himself more. He should never have invited Magnus and Lydia to be in the same spot in the first place but he had only antagonized the situation.

Magnus had left the address of his hotel on Christmas Eve, along with his room number. It was near the center of London, in a suave neighborhood for up and coming businessmen.

Appropriate, Alexander thought.

He entered the hotel of the lobby, attempting to act like he was meant to be there. He found Magnus' room easy enough, but froze outside it.

He pushed a hand through his messy hair, knowing it probably only made it worse. What was he going to say? "I'm sorry" didn't feel sufficient.

The door opened.

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asked. He looked about as put together as Alexander did.

"I came to apologize-- how did you know I was here?"

"I didn't. I was going to go find the paper."

"I should go," Alexander started.

"You haven't apologized," Magnus said. "Do you want to come in?"

He would never want to leave if he went in.

He nodded anyways, stepping into the room.

It was more like a suite than anything, with a large living space, and a connecting bedroom.

"This is nice," Alexander observed.

"My company treats me well."

"How long have you worked for them?"

"A few months after getting to New York," Magnus said. "Do you want breakfast? I was going to ask them to bring something up anyways."

"Um, sure," Alexander resigned, sitting on one of the couches. The curtains had been pulled aside and grey light filtered into the room.

"Anyways," Magnus said, reaching for a bell on the wall that would call for room service, "I got a basic clerk job there to start and then I somehow worked my way up to being one of their stock brokers. I had to go to night school to take some classes, but it wasn't particularly difficult."

"Father always trusted your firm," Alexander said.

"It's a small world," Magnus said.

There was a knock at the door and Magnus prattled off a quiet order to the person on the other side.

"How did you survive?" Alexander asked when Magnus returned.

"You've been wanting to ask that for awhile," Magnus guessed.

He nodded.

"It's not very eventful, I'm afraid," Magnus said. "I've embellished it for people-- people who didn't understand. People who wanted a story, more than a narrative."

"I don't want a story though," Alexander said. "I want the truth."

..........

He was very good at pretending to be rich when nothing was happening. But in the chaos of a sinking ship, he felt less like the first class passengers scrambling and buying their way to freedom and more like the ones who didn't know where to turn.

For the last few days, he had been a new Magnus Bane; a rich one in pursuit of the American Dream with his new business partner, one Alexander Lightwood.

They shared a first class cabin and each other's company. They talked up the pretentious people around them and focused on enjoying the historic voyage.

When the alarm had sounded, Magnus and Alexander had been in the same bed, deep in sleep. Their initial fear was of being caught, not of a sinking ship.

They'd dressed and followed instructions to the main deck, which was already crowded. Magnus remembered Alexander grabbing his hand, ignoring the consequences of their action and facing the more immediate danger.

"They won't let us on," Alexander explained. "Women and children first; it's maritime law."

"So we'll wait," Magnus said, squeezing Alexander's hand briefly.

They waited at the back of the crowd, to avoid being trampled.

Then all hell broke loose. The ship began to tilt upwards, and a cry went up around a lack of lifeboats.

Alexander tugged Magnus towards the railing of the ship. Up ahead, he could see a lifeboat about to be lowered. They just had to climb the railing upwards.

"Come on," Alexander said, going ahead of Magnus. They easily scaled the railing, dodging falling furniture and passengers. Magnus flinched everytime something fell past him.

When they reached it, the boat was already halfway to the water.

"How do we get there?" Magnus asked, looking down at it.

Then it went black.

.........

"And I woke up in New York with a severe concussion days later with a check and a change of clothes," Magnus finished. "I don't know how I blacked out."

Alexander had been watched his lap the entire time, listening but not looking at Magnus.

"I hit you," he confessed.

"You what?!"

"Room service!" someone shouted outside the door. Magnus jumped to his feet and made for the door, quickly yanking a cart in and then slamming the door shut again.

"Why would you do that?" Magnus demanded.

"Because it was the only way they'd let you survive," Alexander said. "They were ruthless, Magnus, you saw them. They would never take us if we just jumped. They'd throw us out. It had to look like an accident-- an act of God."

"I could have died!"

"We would have died otherwise."

"You didn't."

"But I wanted to," Alexander confessed. "Part of me died on the Titanic, Magnus, and I can't get that part back."

He put his face in his hands, trying to will back the tears that burned like salt water.

"What happened?" Magnus asked, his voice soft. Alexander flinched when Magnus' hand fell upon his back.

"Alexander," Magnus coaxed. "You're here. With me. You're safe. We both made it."

Alexander sat up, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I jumped after you," Alexander said. "But I missed and I hit my head on something. The side of the boat, maybe. By the time I made it to the surface, the lifeboat was gone and the ship was almost under water. They found me the next morning."

"Why did you come here, Alexander?"

"To apologize."

"For?"

"For Lydia-- for everything--"

"You're smart to marry her, Alexander. Your life will be simpler that way."

"Why does everyone say that?"

Magnus was quiet.

"Maybe I want complicated," Alexander said.

"Well, you've come to the right place." They both let out a laugh.

"So breakfast?" Magnus offered.

"I need to get back," Alexander said, shaking his head. "I promised Lydia we would talk this morning."

"Of course," Magnus said, standing to show Alexander out. "You're going to be a great dad, Alexander."

Alexander rose to his feet. If he left, would he be able to come back?

He didn't want simple. He didn't want Lydia and a kid, but he could accept both of those things if he had Magnus. He could live this idealistic life if Magnus was there too.

He reached for the back of Magnus' neck, kissing him like he never had before. Like there was something to lose this time.

Magnus didn't hesitate, grabbing for the front of Alexander's suit and holding onto it for dear life.

"I love you," Alexander said. "I won't leave you again."