I lay in bed, my eyes glued to the ceiling above me.

The call, that goddamn dreaded call.

The thought made me sit up in my bed, my eyes swiftly scanning the room. I could not believe I had confessed what had happened with Kyle and I could not understand what made me do it. I sighed and rested my head against the headrest, reviewing my past decisions. One part of myself convinced me that I had done the right thing, but the opposing side told me otherwise. My entire brain seemed to be mushed together- resulting in me to not think straight.

    Kyle.

   His name echoed in my head as I imagined his sandy hair and that classic sly smile he seemed to maintain whenever I saw him. The way he laughed at the stupid remarks I made resulted in me to illuminate with joy. The muscles, the eyes- everything about him - just made my heart leap a thousand miles from my chest. I loved him.

     Aris.

   The one I met in high school and was infatuated with since eighth grade. He was also the one I had two children with. We had a family which ultimately indicated that we would always have a unique connection. Besides that, he had thick brown hair which curled when it was dampened and a smile that was contagious. He was the one who helped me through many obstacles until he broke up with me.

   I threw my hands up to my face, rubbing it forcefully, hoping that somehow it would  cleanse me of all the numerous emotions I was encountering. I removed the duvet off of my body and slipped out of the bed, dreading what the new day holds. I peered over at the clock to get an idea of how much time I had before the kids woke up and then I made my way out of the room.

Although I knew Aris and I were most likely going to take a break from talking for some time, I still glanced occasionally at my phone, hoping there would be a text or a voicemail from him. It was a strange feeling, but I had try my hardest to avoid it. I grasped ahold of my phone and chucked it onto the couch, anger filling my veins. I could not stand the thought of his sweet texts he would send me every morning before I woke up and at night before I fell asleep.

   Flashbacks of high school crowded my head as I pictured myself lying in bed listening to one of Taylor Swift's old songs or Ke$ha. Doing so took me into a completely different universe filled with pure imagination. I would close my eyes and picture myself standing on a stage singing the songs and dancing wholeheartedly. Then, I would be yanked out of my trance by the vibration of my phone in my hand. I would look down to see his name appear on the screen. My cheeks heated up and my heart beated out of my chest as I would read the message.

Oh gosh, the feeling made my heart ache. I wish it was still that time when I was still so innocent and I felt like I could accomplish anything.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sighed. It all seemed like a fantasy to think that I had kids anyway. It felt like just yesterday I was scribbling ideas of names in the back of my math notebook while the teacher lectured.

I sat down on the couch, slowly pulling myself back into reality. I nonchalantly reached for the remote, as if I was trying to distract myself from the thoughts I was having about Kyle and Aris. I followed my instincts and turned on a TV show. Of course I ended up face to face with a cheesy romance episode which did not help me in my decision making.

"God, I can't do anything without something being a reminder of Aris and Kyle." I mumbled under my breath as I quickly turned the show off.

Fortunately, I heard a door open and then I saw Cameron appear in the hallway, causing me to jump a bit in shock.

"Hey! Good morning, bud!" I smiled with a wave.

Cameron did not reply. Instead, he simply lifted a hand and offered me a weak wave. He then brought his other hand to his face and rubbed his eyes.

"I was getting so bored out here all alone," I admitted, "When Rose wakes up, do you want to go to the park?"

At the sound of the magic word, his eyes lit up, "the park?" He repeated incredulously, "yeah!"

I laughed and advocated him to be quiet and told him to go change out of his pajamas.

Maybe taking the kids to the park will keep my mind off of everything that has been going on. . . I really hope it does.
~
Cameron was seated at the table eating some Frosted Flakes while Rose was sitting on the floor fidgeting with a toy. I, on the other hand, was hard at work making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Cameron to eat at the park. I packed a mix of small foods for Rose. Besides thinking about food, I figured it would be best to drive over there despite the fact that it was a five minute walk from the house. Plus, I would have to encounter another Cameron-wants-to-go-in-the-stroller-because-his-legs-are-tired-but-Rose-has-to-go-in- the-stroller-because-she-cannot-walk situation.

After completing the kids' lunches, I picked up Rose from the floor and placed her in the car seat. Then, I poked my head through the crack of the open door and asked Cameron to come outside. He obliged, and we made our way to the park.

When I pulled into the parking lot, the park seemed oddly crowded. I sighed and reviewed my decision. My thoughts were interrupted by Cameron's voice.

"Come on, mommy! I wanna go play!" He urged, his face beaming with excitement.

"Alright, alright."

I removed the key and exited the car. After that, I opened Cameron's door and watched as he scampered off into the distance without my consent.

"Cameron, come back!" I yelled.

He did not even hear me.

I groaned and unbuckled Rose.

"Should mommy push you in the swing?"

"Momma." Rose cooed in response.

"I will take that as a yes."

We squeezed our way through the moms gossiping about their kids and the group of elders playing a card game. I scanned the swings for Cameron, but he was not in sight.

"Cameron!" I shouted.

I lost the kid I am nannying for. 

Wait, I mean I just lost my child. 

Oh gosh.

My brain instantly turned to panic mode and heat rushed through my face. I tightened my grip around Rose's waist and began to run-walk closer to the park itself.

Finally, I spotted Cameron hiding under the slide.

"Cameron, what the h-" I bit my tongue to hold back my words, "what are you doing underneath the slide? Did you not hear me call your name multiple times?"

"I am playing hide and seek with him." He explained, pointing at a petite curly headed boy.

"Cameron, do not run off like that ever again. You almost gave me a heart attack."

Cameron looked down at his feet and then back up at me, "Sorry mommy."

I offered him a small smile and stood up. As I turned around, I bumped into someone.

"Mikayla Waters?"

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of my name being said by an unknown voice.

"Oh my God. . ." I gaped, words escaping my mouth, before I could grasp onto them, "Ashlyn?"

In front of me stood my high school best friend, Ashlyn Rain.

I immediately engulfed her in a hug even though I was carrying a one year old in my arms.

"How are you?" She asked, looking me up and down, " You look so mature since I last saw you."

I had not seen Ashlyn since I was a junior in high school. I understood her comment because I did look quite different in high school. I caked makeup on my face in order to disguise my freckles and blemished face. I also attempted to dye my hair blonde and wear different hairstyle each day. In addition, I wore ripped jeans and a crop top everyday to school. Now, I was a mom with straight brown hair and no sense in style at all. Although I clearly did not have as much passion for bedazzling my appearance, I clearly looked older.

"Thanks?"

"It is a compliment, don't worry." She laughed nervously.

Silence lingered between us as we both tried to keep our cool in reuniting with each other.

"So," I started, "what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I am actually here with my daughter, Danielle. She's two."

My eyes must have widened, because she looked at me strangely. Suddenly, I did not feel alone.

We still have so much in common! It feels like we can be best friends again! Only until I spill the fact that I dropped out of high school because I was pregnant and never showed my face in public for two and a half years.

"You have a daughter?" I questioned.

"Yeah, she was not exactly planned, but hey, everything happens for a reason right?" She chirped.

Once an optimist, always an optimist apparently.

"Yep."

"What are you doing here?"

I paused.

Should I tell her I am here with my four year old son and one year old daughter? She will probably be so confused.

"I am just nannying for an old friend." I smiled, motioning towards Rose in my arms.

"I was going to say!" She gave Rose a toothy smile, "I thought she was yours for a moment."

"Haha, that's funny."

Nice Mikayla, I can just hear the sarcasm ringing in your voice like a church bell in the morning. Clear as day, Hon.

I shook of my thoughts and focused on Ashlyn.

"Well, it was so good to see you!" I exclaimed, playing the happy-go-lucky card.

"You too!" She replied, "Let's meet up soon."

"Okay." I answered, already walking away.

"Mommy!" Cameron called out.

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Ashlyn was not watching and I quickly headed over to him.

"Look, I can pump my legs!" He declared giddily as he pumped his legs to a certain word, "Jeremiah taught me!"

When he put his legs out he would say "meatball" and then we put them back he said "spaghetti." The word choice was quite interesting, but I was extremely proud of him for learning how to pump his legs on the swing. Now I could push Rose in the baby swing without having to rotate between the two.

~

It was a little past one o'clock and the kids were getting hungry. Rose was being a trouper since it was almost her naptime and she was still happy as usual. I took the kids over to a gazebo where other people were eating. I placed Rose in the stroller and told Cameron to sit adjacent to me. I pulled out their lunches and handed in Cameron his sandwich and Rose her yogurt chews. As I was about to start eating, Ashlyn came over again.

"Mind if we join?"

I looked down at her daughter. She was an exact replica of her mother except with darker hair. I did not want to be rude, so I kindly let her eat with us.

"So you must be the boy that she is nannying, huh?" She inquired, looking at Cameron.

Cameron finished chewing and looked over at me.

"Sorry, he can be a bit quiet, but yes that is Cameron."

Instead of smiling Cameron made a strange face at her.

"Cam, stop making weird faces." I nudged.

"Mikayla, it's cute!" Ashlyn awed, looking at my son, "He kind of looks like you in a way." She announced, taking a forkful of her salad.

If only she knew.

"Yeah, it's kind of weird."

Cameron turned to me and tilted his head, indicating he was about to ask a question.

"Why is it weird?" He challenged.

I swallowed, realizing I was about to dig myself a deep hole.

"Because I am your nanny."

"I thought you were my mom!" He retorted.

Ashlyn turned to me, her eyes squinted, as if she was trying to read the label on my head written in fine print.

"Wait, wait, wait." She stopped between bites, waving her hands in the air, "Did he just say he thought you were his mom?"

"I mean I have been watching them for a long time. He probably just assumed that I was-"

"A kid does not think someone is their mom, they know," She claimed,"Plus, it's not like I was born yesterday," She scoffed.

"Ashlyn, this neither the time nor the place to discuss this. . ."

"Oh my God, you are his mom!" She blurted, "How old is he?"

The dreaded question has arrived.

"Four."

Ashlyn's eyes grew wide as every part of the puzzle had seemed to mysteriously pieced itself together.

"You dropped out of high school because you were pregnant!" She gasped, dumbfounded by what she had discovered about me.

"Um, I think we should get going. It's close to Rose's nap time."

I grabbed Cameron's lunch bag and shoved it into the stroller. Poor Cameron looked up at me, his face had confusion written all over it.

"Mikayla, you can't just disappear again forever. Your secret is out, and you are going to have to suck it up."