Disclaimer: All the real names of places, people, and events have been altered or abbreviated to protect the innocent. Namely, me.

hey people!

Ever wonder what the lives of the chosen ones are really like?

Well, who better to tell you than one of their very own?

No, I'm not talking about the models in the sleazy tabloids, or washed-up actors, or musical prodigies, or mathematical geniuses.
I'm talking about the people who are born into it — those of us who have everything anyone could possibly wish for, and who take it all completely for granted.

Welcome to New York City's Upper East Side!

I know most of you are just now tuning in — after the major spill of gossip that was the last year brought in more readers — so, I've created this summary page to reminisce on this past summer before the (hopefully drama-filled) school year starts.

I'll have no trouble keeping this short as it's much harder to get the inside scoop when me and all my observant sources are vacationing in various parts of the world.

We have one week left before classes at Constance and St. Jude's, so think of this like some light summer reading.

So, which elite should we start with?

The summer's biggest, yet most overlooked mystery: Serena van der Woodsen.

If you can't remember who that is, you're not alone. Though, you might remember her as the girl who showed up late to most classes reeking of alcohol yet somehow looking perfect.

The Upper Eastside's princess was once under every spotlight, in every magazine, the face of every store you walked past. She looked as glamorous as one could, but has since stumbled into the shadows — like the one Queen B stumbled out of after her disappearance.

After the Shepherd Wedding (the first major event of summer before school let out for holiday), no one had seen S for weeks — strange considering you couldn't escape her face plastered in every storefront.

It left everyone wondering where the hell could S be?
B grew worried, E seemed unbothered, and N looked a bit unwell.

One person sent in a photo of a woman that fit S's description, but instead of her most noteworthy quality; her flowing mane of dirty blonde hair, the woman wore a cheap, jet-black wig. We speculated for a while, but ultimately realized it was just a sightseer.

Others say she was spotted on Fifth — outside the MET, near that hotdog stand — snorting some suspiciously crystal-colored powder.

My initial thought; her mother was finally tired of her partying lifestyle and sent her to rehab.

Well, what if I told you she's actually at a boarding school in Vermont, and not that fancy rehab place in Palm Springs every rich kid goes to!

Or, is it in New Hampshire?
Either way, she's gone!

An inside source at the school told me all about what S has been up to, so if you think the people's princess packing up her life without any goodbye is wild, wait until you hear all of the stories I've heard!

See: 'You Can Take The Party From The Girl, But Not The Girl From The Party'

I wonder if Blair Waldorf has heard from her long lost best friend. Has she heard all the stories firsthand, or has she pushed S to the back of her mind and forgotten all about her?

That's what I would do if the person stealing all the attention away suddenly vanished.

My guess; she's either not caught up on all the drama since she's stayed the summer at her family's castle in Scotland, away from any cell reception. Or, S never told her about skipping town — which would explain how B seemed real buddy-buddy with E after S left.

Maybe she's too distracted with keeping up with her boyfriend's whereabouts to notice S's — I heard she makes N report to her every night like some lap dog.

Anyway, not much has happened with B over the summer — other than finally shedding the dead skin that was S — so, I have nothing to report for boring B. Shocker! NOT.

Hopefully this year will bring pristine B out of her cold, prestigiously designed (probably by her mother) shell. I was starting to snore there for a while, though watching her and E adventure around Fifth had been fun to witness.

Biggest Rumor:

—  B went to a bar in Scotland and someone spilled an entire pint on her freshly ironed Burberry blouse, resulting in her having a total BF (Bitch Fit; a meltdown) and stripping the shirt right off in the middle of the bar.

Now, onto our more promising sources of juicy gossip; those who stayed (mostly) home for the holiday.

I'm sure we all know what Chuck Bass has been up to since we've heard about, or were at, the infamous parties he's thrown in his penthouse on a daily basis.

Reminder: 
—  Everyone who's anyone, the flyers for his back-to-school bash have been sent out. If you didn't get them, don't worry about contacting the front desk of your hotel, you were simply not invited. 

Nate Archibald stayed in the city all summer, lounging around his penthouse, jogging around Central Park (sometimes shirtless!), searching Fifth Avenue for that hotdog stand, smoking a J on the MET steps after dark.

Doesn't he look so hot with that haircut? The highlights are making me melt, and look! you can actually see his blue eyes now!

See: Image #4455

— An update from your totally reliable source herself: the strange development of my crushing on St. Jude's stoner boy clique has only grown worse.

Most of N's days were spent at the Bass penthouse, surrounded by booze and drugs, participating in illicit behavior — but don't worry, we all know our Upper Eastsider's can never get in serious trouble.

Now, I know you guys don't know what I look like, but just for a moment try to imagine me tanning in my new bathing suit, in the Hamptons, on my yacht.

Can you picture it?

Now imagine I lifted up my sunglasses to read an email that revealed the most shocking information possible.

I gasped, my sunglasses fell and scattered across the deck, my laptop with it.

See: Image #4456

That's right!

Front and center, wedged between C and N, on C's couch is Eloise Beauregard! A tray of suspicious crystal-colored powder casually lying in front of them on the coffee table.

And here I was thinking she was more of a goody-goody than B!

So get this — the source explained that they were at one of C's parties, and E got so messed up on the alleged drugs that she just kicked the tray to the floor and climbed onto the coffee table and started dancing!

And not just regular-old-white-girl-dancing, no, I'm talking full Step Up 2: The Streets dancing, like 10 Things I Hate About You when that girl with the long hair ditched the hot Aussie at the party.

Wild, right?

Well, that was just the beginning of the summer!

Her first night of freedom away from babysitting her brothers and she got so messed up that she basically stripped in front of everyone, and that was just the start!

After that first party at C's, she'd been spotted hanging around with N. It seems friendly, but for the sake of this website, I'll give a totally ambiguous warning to B, take it how you will, but remember, I'm the innocent one here.

B, Seems like your prince charming is too distracted to save you from your castle, might want to reassess the promotion of your so-called best friend.

Maybe B's keeping her friends close, enemies closer. She's always been good at looking at the bigger picture. I just didn't think she would do that by letting her enemy sleep with her boyfriend!

Basically every day of the summer, after E's family returned from their vacation, she had been spotted with N and C.

Now, I haven't heard much else about her — just the regular spottings outside of Barney's, or adventuring around Fifth in new outfits — but, a few of my sources have sent in a handful of noteworthy items.

I've compiled them all into a small list here — since most of them were short of details.

E, N, and C spotted lounging around Central Park.

E and N spotted on the MET steps.

N, C, and E hailing a cab in front of her hotel — on this date, they went to some underground rave and when spotted going home, all three's clothes were splattered with neon paint.

E caught sneaking out of her hotel, C's limo waiting for her a few buildings down. N held the door open for her.

E and N carrying groceries into C's hotel — perhaps bringing their own alcohol for one of C's parties, as if C doesn't have his own open bar?

The three were spotted again in Central Park (one of many spottings in this location), this time joined by others, an outdoor party of sorts. Some were seen smoking, others kicking around a soccer ball. E's little brother was there as well.

I'll add a link to the full list (along with any pictures, minus the blurry ones) below. You're welcome.

But of course, I had to save the best for last.

The most recent sighting; E and N alone outside of the Plaza.

It was midnight, after C's latest party. My source had been lingering in the shadows, by the bushes next to the gate, and they saw it all happen.

The two had rushed through the lobby, burst through the doors, and nearly tripped onto the courtyard's concrete. A bellhop chasing after them.

One of them had a bottle of wine in hand, swaying it around in the air while they yelled at the other. Source said it got pretty heated, made worse by the already-sweltering summer weather.

E might've been crying, or maybe the lights just reflected the sweat — from the drugs — beading on her face. N did that nervous tick he has where he ran his hands through his hair.

They kept the conversation hush-hush, but my source said they could hear the words, "how could you," from E, followed by, "I didn't mean for it to happen," from N.

And then, they just hugged!?

Initiated by N, who pulled E's hands away from her face, and she just let him do it!

Anyways, after that they just disappeared back into the Plaza.

Crazy.

What would B think, would she not worry? Does anyone know her family's address, we might need to mail this to her.

Maybe we should all be very, very worried. Seems like the gossip is finally picking up after the long summer kept everyone away.

What could E be hiding? What would N not mean to happen? Is S living her best life in boarding school, or is she slumming it with the locals? Will Queen B come back from across the pond to find her entire life turned upside down? Will C ever grow tired of these parties he throws?

Maybe we'll find our answer's at C's big 'Back-To-School-Bash' — which is in less than a week, mark your calendars. I'll be posting live!

By then everyone will return home from their dreamy vacation homes, their villas, or castles just in time to reunite for the first big party of the year.

And as for how I spent my summer? Well, that's a secret I'll never tell.

until next time.

xoxo, Gossip Girl.