There was one thing I remembered that Camryn always used to say. "Don't hold back when it's your own life on the line." It's ironic really, how such a conventional phrase could eventually apply to her literal life. How she could've held back but she didn't, she went all out. She ended it.

In August, I decided that I would no longer hold back - in a literary sense. I was tired of living in my own boundaries I'd created for myself without realising it. I would no longer feel sorry for myself. No, it's never been in my nature. Camryn's death changed many things, including me but I didn't want her to rule my life anymore. I wanted to live for me and that meant moving on.

It was harder than it seemed and it had sounded pretty difficult in my mind. It meant that I was constantly aware of how I felt, how I acted and how I treated other people. There's nothing like trying to be yourself after being someone else for so long. Even so, I was still different than before. I was blind, I had new knowledge, new experiences. I suppose that's the cost of change.

"Why can't I get this right?"

"You'll get there."

"But why is life is so difficult?"

"Kayla, it's just a bra," replied Chloe sternly but I could hear she wanted to laugh. I gripped the material tightly around my back, trying to connect the clasps. "I still can't believe you've been wearing sports bras for over half a year."

"It's called comfort, Chloe," I said, sighing in frustration. I ripped the bra off me and threw it onto the changing room floor. "I still can't believe you convinced me to go underwear shopping."

"It's called being a good friend," she answered from behind the door. "Now do you need any help in there?"

"No, thank you very much." I decided to clasp the next item before putting it on over my head.

"Well I'm coming in anyway."

I adjusted the material so that it wasn't irritating me and hoped it was on properly. Chloe said nothing and I felt uncomfortable being watched, no matter how close friends we were. "Well? If you're going to say something rude just say it," I said.

"No. It looks good. And it's on the right way round this time," she laughed.

"Really?"

"Just wait till Matthew sees you in this," Chloe couldn't help but say.

"Chloe," I protested. "You know I'm not into that."

"Whatever. We'll get you a swimsuit then, it's nearing summer again. You're so lucky you're already bikini body ready."

"Chloe, you're gorgeous," I said, irritated at her complaint but also surprised to know that I looked okay. I trusted her opinion.

"You haven't seen how much weight I've gained," she grumbled, helping me into my own clothes as we readied to leave the changing room.

"Jordan doesn't seem to mind."

"He's an idiot."

"As sure as I'm blind."

After I purchased my items, we continued to the next store where Chloe found the 'perfect bikini for her perfect friend' and loudly proclaimed her discovery. For once I was glad to be blind so that I couldn't see the weird looks that I often received from strangers passing my crazy friend and I. The swimsuit was black, high-waisted and laced on the waistband. I couldn't tell if it looked nice, but it felt good all the same.

I was learning the basics again; I'd been too caught up in the things of my past that I'd completely forgotten how to just live. I found it hard to walk into a shop and not be able to see the clothes or the people walking around or even myself in the mirror. In a way it was imprisoning and in another it was freeing. I just needed to choose which one I wanted it to be.

We stopped at a coffee shop later in the afternoon and sat at one of the tables in the food court. "Here you go," said Chloe, placing a cup down in front of me. I smiled my thanks and sipped the hot chocolate while Chloe drank her coffee. We sat for about twenty minutes in which Chloe told me about the university she wanted to attend next year. I tried my best to focus on what she was saying but I couldn't stop thinking about my own future. Maybe Matthew was right - I could be a lawyer, right? But I'd never get into law school, what with me being disabled and all.

"Hey, isn't that Matthew's sister?" Chloe said suddenly, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"India?" I frowned. "Where?"

Chloe didn't answer, instead I heard her get up and walk past me. A coffee cup was thrown into the rubbish bin behind me and then she returned. "Something's not right."

"What do you mean?" I began to grow anxious. I hadn't heard from or about her since the night she was drunk at that party. The night I fell out of a tree.

"She's talking to a guy - he looks angry. Really angry."

"Do we know him?"

"No...He just threw money in her face. She's picking it up, she stuffed it in her pocket - she's turning, she's seen us, she's coming towards us, she looks unhappy - she's here. Hi."

I turned around at the sound of loud footsteps behind me. "India? Are you okay?" I asked.

She sat down at the table and sighed audibly. "I've made a huge mistake."

"We all have."

"I'm being serious, Kayla."

"So am I."

"Look, can you just not mention this to my brother?"

"Why not?" asked Chloe.

India sounded on the verge of having a panic attack. "Just don't."

"India, tell us what's going on," I tried gently. "Who was that man?"

She paused then sighed again in defeat. "A guy from school."

We said nothing, waiting for her to continue. After Chloe agreed to buy her coffee, she finally spoke.

"He's well known for his business in drugs -"

"Drugs?!" I nearly fell off my seat. "India, are you crazy?"

"Do you want to hear this or not? Prescription drugs. For some reason I thought they would solve my problems so I contacted him, about three months ago. For a while, I had a steady supply. I didn't question where he got them, it wasn't part of the deal. Then one day he told me he ran out, that he couldn't continue the agreement. He gave me the money back I had paid in advance but I didn't want the money. I wanted the pills."

"India," I whispered. "You should've told someone."

"Look who's speaking," she muttered. "Anyway, I got so angry in my desperation that I reported him to the Principal for illegal behaviour. It was stupid, I should've realised I could've gotten into trouble as well. But there was no proof, I was safe. For the moment."

"For the moment?" Chloe asked incredulously.

India took a deep breath. "He found out it was me who reported him. I was at a party one night, drunk because I didn't have the pills to help me. He was there. I lied to you and Matthew, Kayla. I was intoxicated but not enough to tell you guys the truth. Sarah punched me for being so stupid and not confiding my problems in her. When she left, he and his brother tried to beat me up for selling him out. I managed to escape but..."

"But you were so naive." I leaned back in my seat.

"Exactly. I only lied because I didn't know what Matthew would think of me. I played the victim because I wasn't ready to admit what I'd done."

"India, you need to tell him." I could only imagine how much it would hurt him but he needed to know that his sister was having serious problems. "I know that of all people, you shouldn't listen to me for advice. But I also know for a fact that when I was addicted, the worst thing I ever did was keep my problems to myself. It would've solved a lot of them and prevented a lot more. Please, just consider it."

She was silent and all I heard was her heavy breathing and Chloe's gum chewing.

"What did I see earlier?" asked Chloe. "Are you done with that guy?"

India cleared her throat. "After the party, I avoided him. He was never punished for selling the drugs, there wasn't enough evidence. Soon I got a call saying that he had stock but the price was higher. He said he was broke and needed the cash. We arranged to meet here because I was going to be meeting a friend later. But when he got here he accused me of trying to expose him. He thought that's why I asked to meet in such a public space. I tried to give him the money - he refused. He said it was over. He's going to kill me now, I swear," India was close to tears.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry to say but you got yourself into this mess."

"Thanks," she sniffed.

"You're sixteen, India," I commented. "You need help. So either we tell your brother what's going on, together, or you're left to deal with the drug dealer alone."

It wasn't long before she made her decision.

I've never had an issue becoming involved in other people's dramas. I guess it happened often when Camryn was around, when she included us in them. You could say I'm generally used to the awkward silences, or the shouts of anger, or the confused looks but what I wasn't prepared for was Gina Wilson bursting into tears.

It took many encouragements, reminders and cups of tea before India could let everything out. During this, Gina said nothing while Matthew threw questions around like bombs. At one point I left the room, solely because I was afraid one of the bombs would explode too close to where I was sitting. I knew the Wilsons were peculiar, but I thought I had some knowledge of how they responded to family affairs. Apparently not.

Chloe had long since gone home - this wasn't her forte. India was finishing her story.

"I'm sorry, mom. I'm just such a mess, my life is a mess." There were tears everywhere. In her eyes, her throat, her words. It was contagious.

"We all have mess, India," Matthew was practically shouting. "But not all of us turn to drugs. Do you know how pathetic you look?" There was a silence as what he said sank in. India sobbed quietly. Matthew coughed. "I'm sorry Kayla. I didn't mean -"

"No. I was pathetic. But India isn't. She had the courage to talk to you. I didn't and look how that ended up. I think you need to give your sister the chance she deserves," I said.

That's when Gina started to cry. After being silent through nearly the whole ordeal, it seemed she couldn't hold back any longer. I felt uncomfortable, like I was eavesdropping the conversation I started. So I quietly left the room again. Outside, it was evening. The August air was cold and I shivered violently in the breeze. Knowing that Matthew wouldn't mind, I slipped inside to his room to grab a hoodie. Then I returned to my seat on the patio steps and waited for them to finish.

This morning, I hadn't wanted to get out of bed. I felt like I'd been hit by a bus in the head and I wanted relief. It took all my strength not to take a tablet and ruin all my hard work of the past few months. I thought my life was over, that ever being addicted had doomed me forever. But I was wrong.

All things happen for a reason. And I knew that I wouldn't have been able to help India like I did if I hadn't experienced the same thing.