I stepped into the road, feeling the rain droplets against my face as I walked. I knew the way; it was imprinted in my brain, instinct to my feet. It was only a matter of minutes before I reached my destination; rain lining my path and guiding me towards the beach. I let my hair cling to my face and allowed the wind to whip my dress about. My legs shivered in the cold but I barely noticed it. My feet walked on of their own accord.

Matthew.

Cold air seeped into the collar of my jacket, creating a hollow, a replica of the one inside my chest.

I'm sending this because somehow, deep down, I know that you truly cared for me.

I passed a stranger. I know because they greeted me and offered their umbrella. The kind gesture surprised me after all I'd seen and heard that week. I declined, wondering if the woman could sense my apprehension. Could she hear the beating of my heart? Could she see the trembling of my fingers?

I truly believed you loved me, you know that? But doubt overpowered that when you...ruined me.

I knew I was close, I could feel it.

I told you I'd never forgive you, but here's me considering it.

The wind grew harder so that it whistled past my ears. The sky was dark but I the light from the lighthouse shone into my vision. It was enough to navigate my way across the road.

You said you'd do anything. So I'll be waiting - you'll know where to find me.

I felt the familiar give of sand beneath my shoes. Slowly, carefully, I pulled off my boots and set them down behind me.

Ten minutes. If you ever really loved me.

I moved closer to the roar of the waves, shrugging off my jacket onto the dry sand.

9 minutes, 36 seconds.

I want you to know that I don't regret loving you.

My feet stepped onto the damp sand before the ocean.

Because it was all I needed in that moment.

8 minutes, 13 seconds.

That moment of vulnerability.

The icy damp stung my toes but still I continued, unravelling my scarf and placing it down. The sand sank in protest as I walked.

My vulnerability. I'll never forget how you took advantage of my disability. But I'll never be able to forget how much happiness you gave me. I wish I could.

The swash of the sea grew nearer, a sound close to home. A sound of joy and memories and power. A sound that made my skin prickle with nostalgia. Everything around me told me that I was here, I was where I was meant to be. In the salty air, beneath the rain with the melody of the ocean around me.

5 minutes, 27 seconds.

Caught up in the sensation of finally belonging, I almost forgot what I was waiting for. There was nothing more that needed to be done.

I loved you. That much I know. Perhaps too much for comfort.

2 minutes, 4 seconds.

The water met my ankles as if it knew I needed that simple sign of recognition.

Maybe I still do. I don't know. All I know is that I'm ready to let go.

1 minute, 53 seconds.

And I want to let go.

1 minute, 44 seconds.

You'll be okay.

I waded further into the water that was foaming around my calves. My feet were numb from the icy cold.

You'll be okay without me.

1 minute, 7 seconds.

I want you to live your life-

I ran my hands through the waves as I continued further into where I'd always belonged.

41 seconds.

-and, I want you to be happy.

23 seconds.

I love y-

22 seconds.

*voicemail deleted*

I found myself smiling in contentment.

18 seconds.

*no new voicemail*

17 seconds.

The wind was becoming gentler. Maybe it was my imagination but the storm seemed to be dying down. The strange calm that had been hanging over me had finally met the weather.

16 seconds.

*call initiated*

My dress grew heavy from the moisture and clung to my shivering legs. But though my body was cold, I felt warm inside.

2 seconds.

You've reached Kayla. Sorry, I'm not available at the moment. Please leave a message.

1 second.

*Kayla, what's going on? You're scaring me. Please, just tell me - oh no-*

I tucked a stray hair behind my ear and continued until my waist was submerged into the water.

0 seconds.

"-Kayla!"

I froze. Neither the wind nor the rain or the waves bothered me. But the words that seemed to have floated from the shore paralysed me.

"Kayla! What are you doing?"

Then the stillness was gone and my legs quickly continued walking, swimming into the waves.

"Hang on! Stop!"

Despite the roar of nature around me, I still heard the splashing behind as he tried to catch up. My movements quickened as I realised just how weak I was against the strength of the sea. I heard his shouting and his begging for me to stop, to turn around and think about what I was doing. But I carried on, hoping and praying that he wouldn't get to me in time. It was funny; before, I had wanted to say goodbye. Now, all I wanted was for him to let me leave without a second thought. My hopes were useless because soon enough he had his arms around me, pulling me back, back to earth, to reality, to what I needed to escape. I struggled against his grip, crying out and screaming at him to let me go, let me go, please, just let me go. Still I battled and still he held me tightly, trapping me, stealing my freedom.

"Please," I choked, water in my mouth, my throat, my nose, my eyes. "I need to do this."

"No, you don't. Kayla, listen to me, you're not thinking straight."

"Everyone keeps on saying that. I never think straight, that's not who I am anymore. Can't you see that?"

He said nothing, instead dragged me further towards shore, further from home, from what I needed. I kicked him and managed to escape, diving out again into the waves. I swam, using all my strength, all that I had. His hands grazed my feet but never reached them.

"Kayla," he gasped between breaths.

The water grew colder as I travelled, until my feet no longer touched the ground. A wave crashed over me and I tumbled into the depths. My body's instinct was to fight, but I started to let go. My breath was running out, my ears bursting, my eyes stinging, my cheeks aching. Just when my limbs began to relax in defeat, Matthew's hands were grabbing me underneath my arms and dragging me to the surface.

I coughed in protest and wrenched myself away from him. "No. Matthew, no. I have to do this."

"Kayla, you can't. I love you, please."

"If you love me, you'll let me go," I choked out and swam out in a last attempt. "Isn't that what love is?"

His answer seemed so distant and I wondered if he'd finally given up. Then his words entered my conscience. "No. Love is doing what's best for someone, even when they don't see it."

I swam further. The ocean swayed around me, strong currents pulling me out to sea. "I have so much more to say to you," I whispered.

"Then say it," he spoke closer to me than I expected.

"You wanted forgiveness? Well, here it is, over my dead body."

"Kayla-"

"Goodbye, Matthew," I stated in a hushed tone.

Before he could register what was happening, a surge of energy took me away from him and under the water, where I belonged, where I wanted to be. My lungs burned as I forced them underneath the waves, into the turbulence. My body tumbled around, spinning frantically in the current. But my insides were still; air slowly leaving my lungs, water seeping in as if blanketing them with a deathly warmth. A warmth that remained until the end of their capacity.