"I've been thinking," Matthew said as we lay beneath the midnight stars. I knew it was probably time for me to go home, but I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here and remember how everything used to be. Under the clouds with the breeze on our faces and the sun in our eyes and the taste of sunscreen and the smell of nature, adventure.

"Me too."

"I've been thinking about what happens next year, after we matriculate." He sighed heavily. I felt a surge of jealousy.

"After you matriculate. Who knows when I will."

"You will, you're smart."

"And blind."

"That too."

"How does that help?" I muttered.

"I never said anything. You just assumed that being blind is a bad thing to be."

"It is," I argued. Nothing was the same since that accident and he knew it.

"Stubborn too," he said under his breath but I heard loud and clear.

"So what are your plans?" I asked after a short space.

He sighed and rolled over to face me. I stayed directed towards the sky above us. "I want to study and get it done. I don't want to take a gap year and forget how to work. I've applied to study law."

"That's been your dream job since grade one," I commented, sitting up and leaning back on my hands.

"I'm beginning to think you'll be the lawyer between the two of us," he laughed.

"Nah, too much pointless arguing," I said, tracing the wood of the tree house floor with my fingers. "Besides, I like to look people in the eye when I make a belittling point to their face."

"Yeah, I've definitely fallen victim to your argumentative glare," Matthew drummed his fingers against the wood in a hurried manner, indicating that he needed to say something.

"So law, are you sure that's what you want to do?"

"Do you doubt me?"

"I don't know. Do I?" I asked.

Matthew laughed for a reason I wasn't quite sure of. "I've always wanted to be a lawyer. I figured it's the most likely chance of me ever helping someone in need. It probably sounds stupid," he said in exasperation.

"No - no, it doesn't. It sounds like the right job for you."

"I've been wondering -" he paused. The leaves rustled overhead and a cool breeze blew through my hair. "I'm not quite sure..."

"Matthew -"

"I'm not quite sure what we are, where this is going," he spoke quickly as if the words were hot on his tongue and threatened to burn his mouth if they lingered too long. "I've never done this before and I don't really know what's normal and what's not, you know? I just feel so confused right now. All I really know is that I want to spend my life with you but I don't even have my life figured out and -"

"Woah, calm down. Matthew, you don't have to have everything planned. We're only eighteen; we have so many more years together. Let's just take it one step at a time, okay?" I reached out and he grasped my hand. His was hot and seemed to be shaking.

"I'm afraid," he voiced, tightening his clasp in my hand. I wanted to say something but didn't know what. I wasn't entirely sure what he was trying to say. "Kayla, I'm afraid of loving you. I -" his words caught in his throat and I realised he was crying. "I'm so scared that we'll end up like my parents did. I don't know what went wrong between them. What if it happens to us?"

I inhaled deeply. "It won't, because we're different. You might be your father's son, but you're not your father. And I may be blind, but I can see when things go wrong. We'll work them out."

"I just need to know something," he whispered and my heart tripped at the pain in his voice. We both lay down again as I waited for him to speak, his breathing slowed as seconds passed in silence. "Are you in love with me?"

I turned my head towards him in surprise then faced the sky again. "What - what do you mean? Of course I love you."

He sighed. "No, you don't get it. There's a difference between loving someone and being in love. And, I'm in love with you, Kayla. But I don't think you feel the same."

I pondered what he'd just said. I thought, I knew, that I loved Matthew. It felt like the only constant in my life right now. What made him think I didn't feel the same way? Was I in love with him? What difference did it make?

"Love - the word - is so overused," he continued. "People don't know what they're really saying when they say it."

"I'm not sure what you're getting at, Matthew."

"I understand that you were vulnerable and whatever, but dammit, did you lie to me, Kayla? That night you kissed me? And then we go on dates like everything is just dandy but really I feel like I'm breaking inside. Because you never seem to say what you mean anymore and I'm starting to wonder if what we have is real."

I had nothing to say. I wished I knew what was going through his mind just so I could understand where he was coming from. I knew that when we went on our first date, I was just out of a bad place. I wondered why he had never spoken to me about this before. How long had this been on his mind, eating him up? How many dates had we gone on where he was uncertain I wasn't just playing along?

"Matthew, you need to understand that even though I'm a strong spoken person and say what's on my mind, sometimes words just can't express what I'm feeling."

Matthew inhaled. "I don't-"

"Just because I don't always say it, or tell it to your face, it doesn't mean I'm not in love with you. Because I am, utterly and thoroughly, in love with you. And I know that at our age I probably have no idea what love is but right now, but this is how I feel and how I believe I feel. You don't have to worry that I don't love you because I do-"

"I just-"

"All relationships are different, Matthew. This isn't going to be like the fairy tale on the screen. It's not perfect and it never will be but that won't stop us because this is us and us is wonderful-"

"But-"

I grabbed his hands and squeezed them tightly. "There's nothing else to it," I whispered. "Trust me."

I pulled him into a hug and felt him nod against my shoulder. Then he wrapped his arms around me, engulfing me in warmth. I was still wearing his jacket and was glad for it because the night had grown frighteningly cold. "Yeah, you're definitely going to be the lawyer between us," he said quietly and I didn't have the energy to laugh. I was exhausted and hadn't realised that we had probably been sitting up on this rickety treehouse for about an hour after midnight.

"I suppose I could consider it," I replied.

"One day I'm going to marry you and we can be lawyers together."

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

We sat in each other's warmth until we heard the voice of Gina who didn't sound too happy. "What now?" Matthew complained.

"Oh, I don't know," I said sarcastically, pulling away from him. "Maybe her son and his blind girlfriend disappeared into the night and never returned and her motherly instincts kicked in."

"You always have to mention that you're blind, don't you?" he answered. "And sarcasm isn't attractive on you."

"You think I care?" I retorted and stood up. "We're up here, Gina. Matthew wouldn't let me down."

"Matthew! What did I tell you about manners?" came Gina's hearty voice from the bottom of the tree and I could only imagine the glare Matthew was sending me right now.

"It's Kayla," he called back, now standing beside me. "I don't need manners in front of her!" I scoffed and he hissed to me, "I'm going to push you out of this tree if my mother grounds me again."

"Well, at least I won't cry when I land on the ground," I snorted. He gave me a nudge and I stumbled forward, shrieking as I did so. "Matthew!"

"I wasn't joking," he deadpanned and I proceeded to throw a punch, aiming for his face and hitting his stomach. He grunted in pain and I smiled.

"What's going on up there?" Gina wanted to know and I had to stop myself from laughing.

"Nothing to worry about, Mrs Wilson," I called. When she answered her voice was closer than before.

"You haven't called me that since you were seven." Then, "I'm coming up!"

"There's no need for that," Matthew spoke and to my dismay I felt a hand push me forward again except this time instead of taking only a step forward, my body lurched away in surprise. The air rushed past my ears as I fell and no sound came out of my mouth as I shut my eyes on instinct. Grabbing for anything, I managed to get a hold of the end of a plank on the treehouse with my body dangling dangerously by one arm.

"Matthew!" I shouted, more out of panic and pure fear than anger for him pushing me. I heard his voice but couldn't make out what he was saying. Everything swam around me as I grew dizzy from swinging back and forth precariously. Then just as I felt my fingers slipping from their grip on the wood, my wrist was clasped tightly and pulled upwards.

I tried to control my rapid breathing while Matthew apologised numerous times for being so stupid. He held me tightly as I shook from the adrenalin coursing through me.

"Kayla! Are you okay? Oh, my - I saw you fall..." Gina had made it to the top and was clasping my shoulder like her life depended on it. "Matthew, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know...I - fuck - I'm so sorry, Kayla. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done since driving my mom's car."

I heaved a breath in and out while Matthew helped me up and down the ladder to the ground.

"Kayla, I'm sorry-"

"It's okay," I said shakily, attempting a smile.

"No, it's not."

"I just want to go home, I'm tired."

"Of course, I'll-"

"I'm driving," said Gina sternly and a small chuckle escaped my lips. She took my other arm as we got to the car. "Matthew, stay home with India."

"Goodnight, Kayla." He let go of my hand and I shivered in the late winter air.

"Goodnight, Matthew," I whispered, pulling his jacket closer around me. He made no effort to take it back so I wore it the whole way home, only taking it off before I fell into bed. My parents were asleep and as exhausted as I was, all I could do was lie and listen to the silence.

I thought over all that had happened that day; India coming home drunk, Matthew getting grounded, him confiding in me, him pushing me over the edge - literally - even if by accident. I wrapped my blanket tighter around me and tried not to think about what it was like to be hanging off the treehouse, ready to fall to severe injury. I knew it wasn't high enough to kill me but I couldn't help but feel traumatised.

Sighing at my body's lack of ability to fall asleep, I got up from the bed and headed to the kitchen with my blanket around my shoulders. I realised I hadn't eaten since late afternoon so I put bread into the toaster and switched on the kettle. I carefully made my hot chocolate in the routine I'd memorised; powder in the top left cupboard - the rough edged tin, not the smooth one for coffee. I'd learnt how to adapt to being blind and even though it wasn't easy yet, it wasn't as hard as it was.

I buttered the toast and spread it with jam then sat down before the dying embers that I could feel in the fireplace. My parents had lit it before I left the house earlier that day and I let the warmth seep into my stiff joints. With the mug warming my hands, I gently lay down on the couch and ate my food. The warmth of the fire and the hot chocolate inside lulled me to sleep and before I knew, I was dreaming of falling out of tree houses and becoming a lawyer.