Humanity is just one weird circle.

One moment you're born and thrown into a life that started way before you even existed. You could be born into a world where your parents are extremely well off, they have no lingering trauma or any generational curse passed down from either parents and have a nice house waiting for them with doting grandparents with a cute dog or cat or even both. Some are given a life where no one is in the room besides staff as your mother gives birth as a dainty and dirty apartment was waiting and so is the landlord there to collect the two month late rent. She tries to be a good mother for you but she isn't as her parents try to prioritize you until your brother and sister come in and they focus on them more.

Then you have School that would either break you down into a shit-hole routine or you wake up and ready for the day until High School. By the end, you're tired and waiting for the next punch in the face from life. Then it's a job, rent, car payments, dealing with overcompensating or emotionally draining parents that are too childish or too neglectful. Then you fuck, have a kid and die then people would remember you for a while, then a passing thought and then never.

The circle was over.

Or [M/N] had thought as he gained consciousness in a baby, a new-born baby that looked up at the person holding him. His stomach full and gut churning a bit as his eyes blinked a few times to rid of the blurriness. His mind jumbled and spacing out as the woman hummed softly. Her [H/C] hair curled around her like a halo with the softest green eyes staring down at him with such affection it made his own new heart feel warm. His eyes glanced around the dull room and the smell of blood along with hints of dust. He sneezed and she cooed to him, holding his tiny hand as his gaze landed on the calendar hanging on the side table of the room.

His eyes wide in such a degree to see the year; 1868 of [Birth Month].

"You already have control of your body?" His mother asked, humming gently as [M/N] looked back to her as she gave a weak smile, "You're so smart already..almost as if you've grown conscious." She whispered as [M/N] felt a knot growing in his stomach, he knew this look somehow. This look of someone dying and she was slowly losing her grip on life as she pulled him closer as there was muffled talking outside the room's door. "In just a few moments you will no longer be mine, will you? Oh he'll probably erase my memory in your small brain of yours."

They can't, I don't know you but they can't erase you.

"You will be a Phantomhive, a bastard rubbing arms with the elite but you'll be safe. I know you will." She said as she snuggled her baby closer, peering down at him as [M/N] saw her hair halo falter as she sat up on the pillow. She grits her teeth in pain as more loud talking was happening outside. His mother kept humming as her hair moved and his tiny hand gently held the {H/C] hair around his fingers with little soft babbles that he released. She smiles softly before moving something off her neck, slowly laying it around [M/N]'s. It was kind of heavy as she smiled faintly as [M/N] looked up to her eyes as the necklace was heavy on his newborn neck.

They were blank and life fading as she kept humming, "My little hummingbird." She whispered before the humming stopped and her neck was drooping along with the grasp on the child. He cries because he witnessed it, seeing his mother just die from him.

Like I've seen this before.. Why am I crying? I didn't know her...yet..

The door opens after the first sharp cries and the sound of shoes on the wooden floor. There was talk but [M/N] didn't stop, the internal yearning to be coddled and to be held winning over rational thoughts. He kept looking up to his mother just as another pair of hands gently scooped him up and he looked, eyes watery as he met blue eyes with such a cloudy expression. Maybe it was him but he couldn't stop crying.

"Does he look like an heir of Phantomhive?" A voice asked as [M/N] stopped his crying as the man held him before turning to another man with graying hair and dressed up like some butler. He lifted his hat off and pressed it close to his chest out of respect as more sounds of people entered the room. A smile came onto the older man's lips as he saw [M/N], "Those little blue eyes, Oh they remind me of your mother-"

"I can't keep him." [M/N]'s father said bluntly as [M/N] kept staring at the older man, "It's bad enough that he came to be, and me attending School certainly isn't helping. Every nobleman has bastards believe it or not but I simply don't have the capacity to care for him." The man sounded young and smart but [M/N] wanted to bite him.

Then why did you go in without protection? It's your fault too, like hers!

"Young Master," The older man interrupted politely, "You can't abandon him off onto the streets or hand him in to some orphanage, he is of Phantomhive blood. He will be sought out by the unsavory if we don't take him in. What would your mother think of this?"

"I wouldn't know of such," His father replied bitterly, "She died when I was five years old. Even if she was among us, I'm sure she would be disappointed that the next Earl had gotten tangled with his lustful desires of a maid at seventeen."

"Regardless of the fact, he is still Phantomhive by blood and by yours. The next heir of Phantomhive." The old man continued as the grip on [M/N] grew harsher and the baby whimpered in his arms and it stopped.

"I can't take care of him," The man said finally, his voice remaining a bit shaky and yet calm, "If you care a great deal for him, then why not take him?"

He's selling me off?!

"Young master-"

"TanakaI can't afford to have something so small and if you're pushing for me to accept this child that I never intended to wed the mother then you should care for him." His father said as the older man looked conflicted and anxious looking. "Tanaka.."

"...Should I raise him as a servant or as a noble child?" Tanaka asked quietly.

"As a servant."

+++++

July 23, 1873

Father is supposed to be showing me how to pick good flowers today. But I know Vincent is setting up a ball for something weird again.

[M/N] admired himself in the mirror in his room. Since he was still a child, he was dressed in plain children's clothes. Nothing like the noble children that badger the streets of London with their rich parents, he knew from the times that Vincent felt generous enough to take him out.Usually with father behind them with a easy-going smile on his aging face.

Dark beige shirt with short sleeves and dark brown vest over the shirt and tied up. He also had dark brown shorts that went to his knee and dark shoes with white socks that covered up to an inch above the knee. His [H/C] hair brushed nicely and he hummed as he made sure his face was clean, his eyes glancing to the thin birtharms under his lower eyelid, running from side to side like another pair of eyes would pop out of it.

"I wonder what Vincent is doing tonight again, his friends are always so weird." [M/N] mutters before the bell chimes and he looks, it connected towards the drawing room. He double checked before moving off towards the direction of the drawing room and entered to see maids cleaning and his Father was setting up the tables with delicious treats and cups for tea.

"Father?"

"[M/N] my boy," Father said with a smile as he turned away from the table as his eyes stared at the young man that was growing more familiar to Vincent. "I need you to go into the garden and pick lots of Sterling Silver roses, your father needs this room to be well decorated for the guests that are going to visit."

"Flowers? The pretty silver ones?" [M/N] replies, eyebrows furrowed as he looked to his Father. "I thought they were Vincent's only?"

"Indeed they are," Father agreed with a nod as he smiles, "But he wants them for this room, it makes it some sort of icebreaker for his guests and he would really appreciate them, a big bouquet of them. I would attend the work but I'm helping with preparations for the room and food. It is my duty as head Butler."

"Oh, okay Father," [M/N] said as he glanced at the door as maids brought in a cart filled up with treats for the guest. "You can count on me father."

"I know my boy," Father smiles as he leans over and ruffles his locks, "Carry on then." [M/N] giggled at the affection given before he hurried out the room and towards the direction to the side of the house where it would lead out to the main garden and Vincent's prized flowers. The sun was out beaming with clouds from the north and was slowly rolling in, to look like rain maybe due to the coloration. He could see some Phantomhive servants a few yards away working on the garden and the front bushes as he walked towards the huge plot of Sterling Silver Roses.

Vincent's pride and joy on the estate's land.

[M/N] knew which ones he had to pick, Father had taught him. Mostly in simple terms though; Pick the biggest and prettiest flowers that had to be as big as a freshly cooked croissant. That's what my father had said in a lesson a few months ago, Rules of becoming the best Butler, basic advice for the Butler career.

It would surely be helpful in the future, once [M/N] was no longer a five year old child. He hummed to himself as he picked the flowers and careful to not touch the thorns either. As he slowly created a large bouquet, their smell tickled his nose and he giggled lightly as a ladybug flew out from one of the flowers and landed on his nose.

[M/N]'s eyes tried to focus as his grasp never faltered despite how many big pretty ones he picked. His focus on the ladybug as the little job he was told to do was slowly slipping his mind when a voice was whispering in his head. He held the bouquet with one arm as he rubbed his palm against his ear to stop it.

There's someone watching us, look.

[M/N] turns as a flash catches him, eyes wide and pupils dilated as he whines a bit. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand as there was muffle talk ahead as he opened his eyes and blinked. There was a man with a camera along with two others scolding him loudly, even hitting his shoulder with a scowl as they talked. [M/N] stared before shaking his head as he speed-walks inside, hurrying before the picture man found him again.

His shoes squeaked as he hurried and nearly slipped on the rug as his shoulder hit the door and he winced, but quietly opened the door with his free hand and almost dropped the flowers.

"[M/N]?" A maid said, as she finished closing the curtain and noticed the flowers, "Oh, the flowers..here..let me.." She bends down and takes them and turns around. [M/N] watched her pull a vase forwards and she slowly cut the thorns off the roses. "Your father said to go on and head back to the room, this meeting with Master Phantomhive's guest will take all night and it's very important that a child doesn't interrupt."

"Why are they so important?" [M/N] asked as he gazed up at her innocently with his innocent blue eyes. "Is it the Queen?"

"Oh heavens no," She hummed as she thought between cutting the thorns off, it piles a bit on the table. "They're important to the Master and his work as the Queen's Guard Dog."

The Queen's Guard Dog, the Dog to a woman who barely meets her people and yet still demands respect like some sort of parent that rarely cares for their child. Maybe that's why Vincent and her get along..

"I didn't think to gain the reaction from ye Diedrich, I was admiring the garden and thought I could take a nice picture. I swear I didn't see the boy." A voice speaks out as the door opens and [M/N] turns to see the same man that had taken a picture of him early ago. His eyes widened before holding the maid's dress, holding it tightly as he watched them enter.

There were a total of six people; five men and a woman.

"Aye! There he is, the little one!" The one that was complaining to Diedrich said as he pointed as a boyish smile came to his lips, "Ain't he a sweet thing, who cares if he crashes my picture but he does look...familiar somehow." He said as the man beside him rolled his eyes as the maid curests a bit, as [M/N] watched each member weary as different emotions passed through him.

Anxiety
Hesitation
Curiosity

"Enough Pitt," The man said with a sigh, "Leave the boy be."

"For real though! He looks like Earl Phantomhive."

"Of course not, not every child with blue eyes is Sir Phantomhive progeny," The only woman of the group sighs as she shuts her fan firmly, "Stop harassing the servants."

"But not with those eyes!" Pitt insisted as [M/N] gulped as the people peered at him, even the man with long silver hair and giggles escaping his hunched form over the food.

Beside Diedrich and the woman..everyone here are total freaks..

The door opens and Father walks in with Vincent, his older eyes widen.

"Earl!" Pitt smiles at his boss, "Is this child yours? By heaven and everything good...you two look alike..."

Father bows his head at the guest as Vincent looks to [M/N], a little frown on his pale lips as he walks towards a red chair in front of the fireplace and sits down. He kept quiet as his associates gathered around, sitting or standing. [M/N] fiddles with his fingers as the maid felt the tension as well before leaving when Vincent flicked his wrist at her and father stood beside him.

Why are they looking at me...why is there something vicious in Vincent's eyes?

"I do say... Earl Phantomhvie.." The gray haired one started with a large grin pulling on his lips, "The child oddly looks a bit of ya, the eye shape and the eye color of beautiful blue. The type of blue you would have to die for in jewels..like your ring there." He grins with giggles, pointing his finger at Vincent's hand where the head ring laid rest. "Not hiding a secret child are you?"

Yeah, are you?

"Don't declare such rumors upon me, any child can be born with blue eyes," Vincent sighs as he leans on his arm, his fist rested against his cheek as he watched [M/N] boredly, "I would never have a child outside of wedlock or with a mother so unbefitting me. I am courting Lady Rachel as well so any rumor of this would soil my name and present her ideas of not pursuing a relationship."

"Aye, I didn't think of it like that..." Pitt replied sheepishly.

"He's an orphan that Tanaka took under his wing," Vincent said as his eyes closed with a simple shrug, "I have no child, especially a child like [M/N]."

I have no child
I have no child
I have no child
I have no child

[M/N]'s heart beats heavily against his ribs as he hears that, he knew his relationship with Vincent had been tense since his birth but didn't know why his words, so dull and yet so firm, hurt his heart badly. He felt like crying, hiding away from a man who was not his father for such cruel words.

"Phantomhive," Diedrich sighs, "You're being cruel to a child, from poor birth or not. He is still a mere child."

"Children should be seen and not heard," Vincent replied as he glanced at his associate, "[M/N], you're excused."

[M/N] nodded, moving to the door and shuts it behind him. His tears fell freely as he hurried to his room, breathing heavily as he opened the oak door and shut it behind him. He sniffled as he got down, pulling the covers up from the bedside and slid under the bed. The covers fell back into place as he cried into his forearm.

He was a child, barely five years old and had his first heartbreak of a man who should have taken responsibility for him.

Don't cry, only weaklings cry..humans and their emotions...how annoying.

[M/N] had no idea why it hurt badly, but knew that Vincent Phantomhive was a man not worth his love, admiration or respect.