The sound of an alarm clock woke Michelle up.

She opened her tired eyes and turned it off, annoyed, and begun to stare at the ceiling for a while. She hoped that what happened yesterday was just a bad dream, but sadly knew it wasn't the case. She slowly got up, impaired by the fatigue, which was both physical and mental.

She looked at her swollen eyes and messy hair in the mirror

"I feel like a wreck today".

Despite this she decided to go out of her room and head to the bathroom. She didn't have the intention of skipping school today, it was the only place that could surprisingly cheer her up right now.

She brushed her teeth, washed her face, took a deep breath to give herself strenght and, after she dried her face with a hand towel, she went to the kitchen where she saw her mother standing in front of the cooker, making breakfast.

Meanwhile, Evan and Elizabeth sat at the table, waiting patiently.

The woman noticed Michelle, remembering what happened yesterday, and looked at her with a sorry expression.

"Goodmorning dear", she greeted her daughter, then paused for a second and decided to take accountability: "I'm sorry for what happened yesterday... I should've listened to you. Me and your dad talked about it, and he's sorry aswell".

Those words didn't provoke any emotions in Michelle: nor anger, nor sadness, nor happiness, nor pain. She only replied: "It's fine" as she sat with her siblings.

The woman clearly doubted her, but she didn't want to rub salt on the wound by still talking about the issue and so she put the plates on the table and sat with her kids.

"Enjoy your breakfast, then".

She found the energy to slightly smile. Despite all the trouble she was going through she had to find courage, she couldn't get swallowed up by negative emotions, she was a family woman afterall.

Michelle, however, didn't even notice her mother's attempts and simply replied: "Thank you" with a dreary tone of voice, one that felt empty and emotionless.

On the contrary, her sister Elizabeth was too agitated and exclaimed:"Yay, pancakes!" as she immediately started to eat, while the younger sibling didn't reply back and felt under the weather seeing her big sister like this.

Evan is a really sensitive kid and, even if it doesn't seem like it, he really wants Michelle's attention, more than anyone's else in the family, which is why he often bothers her. The truth is that he wants to spend time with her, even if the attention he gets most of the time is a negative one since Michelle is only his sister, she doesn't have the same patience and maturity of a parent. It's not like she hates his younger brother, quite the contrary she has always defended him from rude kids. But, especially now that she's a teenager, she just wants her personal space sometimes and Evan obviously doesn't understand that because he's too young to do so. He got way more attached to Michelle lately, probably because he sees her as the closest figure to the dad who was momentarily absent.

The young girl got up as she finished eating and, still with a monotonous tone of voice voice, said: "I'm gonna go get ready for school".

She then walked away, without even looking her family in their eyes. She didn't do it on purpose, it's like she became detached from what was around her, from who was close to her, she was in shutdown mode. She kept staring down as she walked, completing her tasks like a robot.

Clara replied as she looked at her walking away: "Ok dear...", then looked at Evan and Elizabeth for a moment.

"You finish your breakfast, alright? Mommy is going to the bathroom".

She smiled at them, walked to the bathroom and, as soon as she got inside it and closed the door, she leaned against the wall with her back.

"I'm an horrible mother", she thought.

Now that she has found a safe space where she could detach herself from the strong and emotionally stable mother role she broke down in tears without making a sound. She needed to vent, let off some steam, but she couldn't let her family see how difficult the situation was for her, she felt like she needed to represent the anchor of the family: strong, no matter how deep, scary and dark the ocean is. No matter how strong the wind is, she had to keep the boat steady, let her children live happily, in a stable home.

Of course, she knew the family life she chose wasn't going to be a bed of roses, but when she was younger, deeply in love and married William, she rightfully thought she was gonna have his continuous support throughout the challenges of life, she was sure she was gonna make it thanks to him when things got diffucult, because he was always there for her. She didn't think she was gonna be left alone to take care of their three kids.

She wasn't exactly angry at William either. She knew he wasn't choosing his dreams and future job over his family, she knew he seemed distant only because he was tired, but she still wished someone would validate her feelings.

Anytime she would open up about this with her so-called 'friends' (who were more like neighbours who only had motherhood in common), they would brush off her struggles, saying things like: "Oh, I wish my husband washed the dishes even though he's tired", "You're just nit-picking on your poor husband, it's amazing that he helps around the house and tries to look after the kids when he comes back home", "Well, did you seriously expect your husband to be lovey-dovey all the time? This isn't a fairytale afterall", "You're the mother, not him. We are supposed to look after the kids, not our husbands. They're supposed to focus on their work", and so on.

Younger Clara would've let these comments slide, her positivity wouldn't have been affected by their words. William and Clara never cared about gender roles after all, they didn't chase the expectation people had on how a man and woman's relationship should be like. They didn't let these things ruin their relationship, they just freely loved each other.

Yet, maybe because she was extra sensitive during this period of her life, or maybe because as she got married society's expectations of how a married woman should be like started to weigh on her, she started to think that she was wrong for feeling the way she feels afterall. Maybe she was actually really lucky, she thought. Maybe she was really expecting too much of William, maybe it was normal for husbands to become emotionally distant and look depressed, maybe William was just taking things more seriously and left childish emotions behind, and it was the moment for her to do the same and let her ingenuinity go.

She brought her hands to her face, feeling the cold sensation of the wedding ring slightly touching her skin. For a second she imagined that the hand which carried a ring on a finger was her husband's, who was caressing her wet cheek to wipe away her tears since he didn't know any other way to make her feel better. The same way he used to do in the past, but that wasn't the case anymore.

Clara was alone, she had to rely only on her own strenght. She was determined cause she had to be, for her kids, but in reality she felt very insecure of herself, she wasn't sure of being a good mother, if she was doing the right thing. She was lost, as if she was stranded on a desert, alone, without any sense of direction. She was scared of hurting Michelle, her children, her family. She was afraid of losing what was dearest to her, cause they were what mattered the most in her life.

Meanwhile Michelle left the house with a backpack on her shoulders and set off to school, unaware of her mother's suffering which she would've easily noticed before.
She would've usually worried before, thinking how to help her mother and repair the situation with her dad, she would've wondered how to make things better, but this time the pain made her feel numb, almost as if she has reached a breaking point and passively accepted how things were.
As she arrived to school she remembered how her and the new friends she made agreed upon their daily meeting point: the girl's bathroom. As she entered it she immediately saw her three friends at the window waiting for her and finally, for the first time that day, she smiled: "Hey".

Chrissy immediately ran up to her full of energy as she noticed her and exclaimed:"Michelle! Michelle! Come on, come on, take your attendence and sneakily come back, we're seriously gonna have fun today!"

She turned her over and pushed her outside the bathroom by putting pressure on her shoulders, cause she couldn't wait to hang out with her. Michelle laughed at her reaction and replied: "Alright alright, calm down, I'm going".

After Michelle left Seth put out his cigarette on the marble counter and chuckled: "You're such a bad influence".

The young girl with dark brown eyes replied as she looked at him: "Look who's talking! You're the one that made me try cigarettes for the first time".

After some time passed Michelle came back to the bathroom.

"I'm back. So... What are we gonna do today, exactly?" She curiously asked and looked at the three people in front of her, waiting for a response, and Rubén replied: "I heard there's an area full of empty unused classrooms and an old library in our school, we thought it would be cool to check it out".

"I'm in it, let's go" Michelle replied with excitement.

The four friends left the bathroom and Seth put his arm around Michelle's neck jokingly while walking with her.

"You're our new leader now, guide us!"

Therefore, as the other students listened to their teachers, the four friends found the unused area and started having fun by running in the corridors, laughing, jumping and lying on the school desks, drawing phallic figures on the chalkboards and passing the majority of the time faking a fight in the library, just like you do in winter when it's snowing. Except in this case the snowballs were books and the forts were the chairs and school desks.

Since they're a group made of four people they easily split up in two teams: Rubén was allied with Chrissy, while Seth was allied with Michelle. Obviously books are a lot heavier than snowballs, so it wasn't a real game since they tried to not hit each other too hard, but they used it as an excuse to unleash all the anger and boredome they felt and have fun in that uninteresting city. They faked being soldiers who didn't have anything else to lose, except for their life that they had to defend. Michelle even faked being hit and dying, and Seth went on a rampage to avenge his war companion. Chrissy and Rubén waved a white flag that was made of a pencil and a piece of paper, and that's how Seth and Michelle's team won.

After having had fun for hours and after taking out all their energy, the group felt exhausted. In a floor full of ripped paper, chairs, tables and desks the four teenagers were also lying down, browsing curiously through the various books they previously tossed around and talking about this and that. Chrissy was lying down on her stomach next Michelle as they flipped through a fashion magazine together: she was passionate about this stuff. She always bought new ones and took them everywhere and would talk about it for hours as soon as she had the chance to do so.

Chrissy bounced her legs up and down while talking to Michelle: "Oooh, look at this dress full of studs". She pointed at the photo of a model posing while wearing the dress and added:"What if we bought this? We could buy two different colors of it so we match!"

She looked at Michelle, thrilled by the idea, but the brown haired girl didn't seem as enthusiastic of the suggestion.

"I don't know, it's pretty, but I don't really put on dresses and skirts on anymore".

She looked at the dress, feeling a weird sense of uneasiness by imaging wearing it herself. Chrissy started to looked at her, a bit worried: "Why not...?"

Seth broke into their conversation: "Don't tell me you're insecure of yourself, cause that's bullshit, you're literally beautiful".

Michelle slightly blushed at the compliment but still replied: "Nono, that's not the reason... It's just".

She really wondered what the problem was, but couldn't find the right words to fully describe it.

"I don't know. I just don't feel... like myself. Maybe they don't really fit me anymore like they used to when I was a kid, I guess".

She continued to look at the picture of the model, the thought strangely made her feel a little bad. Chrissy and Seth layed their eyes on Michelle, then looked at each other with a worried expression. They read into each other's minds, knowing they were thinking the same thing: "Maybe that's the reason why Michelle is feeling that way, and we should do something about it to help her find herself without being too intrusive". Chrissy was especially sure that was the case, since Michelle's struggles felt similar to the one of the bubbly girl's parents.

Michelle raised her eyes and noticed their facial expressions.

"Did I say something wrong?" She raised an eyebrow while she looked at her two friends, confused.

Chrissy smiled at Michelle to reassure her: "Nono, don't worry! I just..."

She paused for a second, trying to find the right words.

"I don't wanna confuse you or make suggestions, cause it's really not my place, it's something personal but uhm..."

She took a book out of her backpack and handed it out to Michelle.

"This could be useful to you, read it when you get home. It's not easy to find in bookstores, however, it was written by my mother and it's very... dear to me, so make sure of not losing it. And please don't make anyone else read it! Alright? I'm giving it to you cause I trust you".

Michelle took the book, hesitating a little and confused by the sudden seriousness of Chrissy's words.

"Ok...?"

She put it in her own backpack, when they suddenly heard the school bell ring. Chrissy got up, running the hands on her clothes to wipe the dust away, and to also brush off the negative emotions she started to feel and go back to her cheerful personality. She smiled and lent an hand to help Michelle get up aswell while making a suggestion: "What do you guys think of going to the mall this afternoon?"

Michelle took the hand of the girl with the dark brown eyes and got up as she smiled back at her: "That would be fun. We'll see each other at the parking lot around four PM this afternoon, then?"

"Yes!" Chrissy replied enthusiastically.

"This time I'll come around aswell, I need to buy some new hoodies", Rubén replied.

"You don't need my answer, you guys already know I always agree when it's about hanging out wherever", Seth replied with a playful tone.

The four friends left the school from the backdoor, making sure no one could see them. As they were getting farther and farther away from each other, they waved goodbye to one another while smiling, only to turn their head and walk away, each of them going their separate ways.