A/N: HEEEEY. HEY, CUPCAKE. Cupcakekittycat360! REMEMBER THIS? REMEMBER ME? FOUR MONTHS AGO? I FUCKING DID IT! IT TOOK ME FUCKING FOUR MONTHS, BUT I FINALLY FUCKING MANAGED IT. GOD, YOU WON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF. YOU HAVE ALL THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN IN THE COMMENTS.
I'D FUCKING SET MYSELF ON FIRE IF THAT WOULDN'T REQUIRE MOVEMENT.
ANYWAY. I HOPE YOU ENJOY. IT WASN'T WORTH THE WAIT.

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It had started easy enough.
Take care of the mechanical piece of fuck that haunted the shitty place called Freddy's hellhouse or something.
Shouldn't be impossible, right?
But NOOOOOO.
Mike was currently trying to strangle the machine, something he understandably was pretty BAD at. Freddy just ignored him and continued to light the nearest kid on fire.
"FREDDY YOU FUCKING CUNT, STOP RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"
"B-but Mikey-y-y-y! I'm-I'm-I'M heartbroken! And I CAN'T e-eat ice-cream!"
"AND THAT'S WHY YOU GO AROUND KILLING FUCKING KIDS!?"
"H-how else am-am-am I supposed to c-c-cope?"
"BY FUCKING KILL YOURSELF!"
"That i-i-is mean!"
"FUCK YOU, YOU SHIT EATING COCK, I'LL SHOVE A METAL POLE SO FAR UP YOUR-"
"M-manners, Mikey!"
"I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Not-not-not before I killed the k-k-kids and got you-you fired!"
Panicked the Guard helpless watched Freddy moving towards one of the unsuspecting victims, raising his flamethrower arm and-
There was only one way to solve this and it was to give the giant fuckhead exactly what he wanted. Mike had fought, cussed and fled, but in the end he couldn't compete with Freddy's relentless insanity and inherent protection of the law.
"OKAY, YOU FUCKING WIN."
"Yeeeee—e-e-ee-eaaaaay!" Freddy instantly stopped, twirling in a circle. "G-got a date with-with Mikey!"
Exactly. That was what the godless demon wanted from him for some reason, for some haunted, evil, horrible reason. "I want to die."
"I l-love you so-so-so much! I'm g-g-going to make it the b-best day of-of-of your life!"
"Will you bring bleach?"
"You w-want some-some-some?"
"Yes. LOTS of it."
"A-alrighty my-my Mikey!" Cheerful the machine didn't even seem to mind Mike's eyes glowing with some sort of deep hate that went so far that it turned into delight.
"I'll find one way to fuck you over."
"D-dinner first, M-M-Mikey! Though I'm-I'm-I'm flattered!"
"FUCK YOU OVER! NOT FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! Wait-"
"Ahahahahah-h-h-haaa! A-aren't you-you cute!" Leaning forward, Freddy's snout was uncomfortably close. Between disgusted and partly resigned Mike made a few steps back, his eyes met with Bonbon's, who had been gagged. For a moment it was like looking into a mirror; the same amount of rage, resigned terror and annoyance. Then he moved again to give Freddy the same expression.
"Could you set that fucking bunny free any time soon? What did he ever do to you?"
"B-BONbon is being a- a P-PAIN! A-always telling me I c-can't light fires indoors!"
"Well, maybe you should FUCKING listen?"
Innocently the bear tilted his head. "B-but how would I get you to- to- to DATE me th-then?!"
Not at all and that would be great. "Isn't he like- your common sense?"
The bunny nodded, but Freddy only laughed. "W-What?! NO! I- I am V-VERY sensible!"
Jesus fucking Christ, could somebody just shove a giant pole down his throat and watch him bleed out?! Groaning he grabbed the gag and got rid of it. "Yeah, fuck you."
Bonbon coughed and then sounded as chipper as anybody five seconds away from manslaughter would sound like. "Thank you VERY much dear guard! Now! FREEEEEEEDDY! What you did today was BAAAAAAAAAD... you know?"
"BONBON I G-GOT A DATE WITH MIKE- MIKE!"
"Yes, I HEARD, I was HERE-"
"I- I AM THE L-L-LUCKIEST BEAR- BEAR- BEAR IN THE WORLD!"
"FREDDY LISTEN HERE YOU FAT F-" A loud censor sounded while the bunny was trashing about, screaming it's metal cords out.
The beep was far too intense for Mike, who was slowly trying to get away. If he didn't got the date of the date, it wouldn't be his fault if he didn't show up, right?
As he almost looked back he could Freddy frantically mouth something at him, but NOPE, HE DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING! Quickly he pulled out his walkie-talkie and pretended to get something important, before dashing off towards the exit.
To his bad luck Phoney was standing close to it and gave him a raised eyebrow, so he had to scream through half the restaurant. "FUNTIME FREDDY WANTS TO GET IN MY PANTS AND I'M HAVING NONE OF THAT! SEE YOU TOMORROW WHEN HE FOUND SOMETHING ELSE TO BE A FUCK ABOUT!"
Not really caring what his boss would say about it he left and made it to his home, where he locked the door twice and took a deep breath.
Maybe he should take himself a few sick days...
Wait, how would he do that?
Well. For a start he wouldn't show up.
Sounds like a plan.
With a sigh he sat down on the bed, before deciding to actually go to sleep. Whatever, he deserved a twenty hours rest.
And indeed, he got that! Until the fucking phone rang. But after he cut off the cable that problem was solved too.
So, too much time later Mike woke up and asked himself what the fuck just happened, who and where he was. After a while he figured out that he was wrapped in his blanket and laid on the cold ass floor, but the energy to change anything about it simply didn't come. Parts of him had already grown numb, while the parts of him tightly wrapped had grown so hot that it felt as if he was going to die.
Despite the discomfort it took him another ten minutes to finally ATTEMPT to escape and another twenty minutes until he felt his body again. Whining in utter pain he rolled over the floor towards the bathroom. A burning hot shower later he felt actually like a living organism again...
Perfect condition to go right back into bed.
The only thing giving him pause was his growling stomach... so he staggered into the kitchen to realize he had nothing there again. Uttering a curse under his breath he accepted he'd have to put on clothing and leave his lair.
Whatfuckingever.
Quickly he threw some clothes on and dragged himself to the door to get himself something to fucking eat. Anything, bread would already be fucking enough-
He stared at a tuxedo and was incredibly confused. For a while he kept focused on the button, then his eyes wandered to the sides, where each was a fuzzy bear paw. One with roses, one with chocolate.
In utter dread he looked up to see Funtime Freddy's beaming smile loom over him. "MIKEY! YOU FINALLY CAME OUT! Your doors are REALLY stable, did you KNOW that?!"
Before the guard could escape or even scream he was crushed in a hug that almost broke all of his ribs. But it only break like ten of them, so it was perfectly fine. When he finally was released he wheezed, trying to figure out what to ask about first. The tux? The fact he wasn't stuttering? Where the fuck Bonbon was? HOW HE KNEW WHERE HE LIVED?!
But for all of that he needed air that he currently didn't have.
So he could only helplessly have Freddy chatter on. "GOSH! I did so much to make this day perfect! Take your FLOWERS! I got them for you!"
Gee whiz, for WHO ELSE YOU FUCKING-
Funtime Freddy took his hand and forced it around the roses- the thorns to be exact, forcing a pained noise out of Mike's clenched teeth.
"NO need to say THANK YOU! You sound so HAPPY about it! I UNDERSTAND, you can't say anything, but I only WANT YOUR BEST!"
And Mike only wanted to die.
Freddy picked him up. "We gotta GO NOW! I have a reservation!"
"W-WHAT?!" Finally his lungs were working again. "No- wait- Freddy- I have to-"
The bear looked at him with his baby-blue eyes. "What?"
"I-" Interrupted by a coughing fit, for a split second Mike was almost thankful to be held by him. Feeling slightly dizzy he fought himself free and stumbled towards the kitchen. "I'll have to put these fuckers into water or something." And wash the blood off his hands.
Whining Freddy followed him around and only stopped when Mike finally put the flowers into a cup, lacking any kind of vase and at that point he just snatched him upwards and hugged him again, thankfully not as violent this time.
"C-CAN WE GO NOW?!"
"So you're still stuttering?" Mike wasn't sure if he was happy or annoyed with that fact.
Laughing sheepishly the giant bear nuzzled him. "NOT really... I got it FIXED! Dad helped me out! So I can tell you PROPERLY how ADORABLE you are!"
"I never wanted to die this much before in my life, holy fucking shit-"
"NOW I only stutter from EXCITEMENT! I'M ON A DATE WITH M-MIKEY! I'M SO NERVOUS!" The screams were right next to his ear and he already said goodbye to his hearing abilities. If he concentrated, he could feel his ears dying of bit by bit. "ANYWAYS! COME ON! Pleaseeeeeeee?"
"What happened to the rat posing as bunny?"
"Where's your cancerous bunny-puppet?"
Freddy pouted, his voice all of a sudden angry. "P-Put that lil' bastard away, since he wouldn't SHUT UP! I can't stand being interrupted any longer!"
"Ooookay..." Mike made a quick mental note on that, no matter if he would feel suicidal or not later, it would come in handy. Interrupt him until he snapped. Just- break his neck please, somebody.
"How the fuck did you get a tuxedo?" That was a pretty important question to ask.
"Dad did that one as well! Ain't it elegant?! And the boss gave me the tip that I should bring you roses!"
"The boss? SIMON?"
"Yeah! It was very NICE of him, wasn't it?!"
Mike would come by his house tonight and shove that phone of his so far up his ass that he could probably use his ringtone to restart his own heart. "Yeah... amazing as fuck, I'd lick to chop his dick off and serve it on our second date- oh wait, he probably doesn't even have one that fucking whiny bitch-"
"SECOND DATE!?" The bear squealed.
OH NO. "YOU GOT THAT WRONG- FUCKING- Anyway, take that tuxedo off." If there was anything worse than being dragged around town by a robot-bear, then it was being dragged around by a fucking robot-bear in a stupid looking tuxedo.
"M-MIKE! NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT! YOU CAN'T EVEN- or wait, can you- NO, NO, NO, DON'T ANSWER THAT, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T ANSWER IT!" Having a slight mental breakdown, he considered taking about ten pills and pray that it would end him.
"That's a very personal question anyway, Mikey-mike! You can't just go around and ask a bear of class that!" Tsking the bear looked at him disapprovingly, before breaking into a series of giggles. "But you're free to find out... later~"
"NO. NO THANK YOU. WE'RE GONNA TAKE IT SLOW. PREFERABLY STANDSTILL."
"THAT'S the classy guy I know and LOVE~!" Pleased Freddy twirled him around, making him feel ill.
Slowly but surely it sank in that the only way to get rid of Freddy was to get this date down. Jesus, he wanted to cry. "Alright. Freddy. I'm ready, bring me to your dating spot. I accepted my fucked fate."
"F-FINALLY! LET'S GO!" Grabbing his arm in a way that Mike was absolutely convinced was breaking that next he dragged him out, screaming in excitement. Before they came to the stairs he picked him up and began carrying him like a ragdoll. It was good on one hand, because it guaranteed he would still have an arm, but it was bad on the other hand, because Freddy made no move to let him down when they came to the streets. This would ruin him forever.
So he did what any smart guy would do when with a bear. He played dead.
Surprisingly that led to him almost dozing off, until the shattering of glass and loud screaming was waking him back up.
"TA-DA!" Freddy sat him down in a comfy chair, while he tried to adjust himself to his surroundings. They seemed to be in an incredibly fancy restaurant. An incredibly fancy, halfway destroyed restaurant.
A few people were hiding in the corner and the rest seemed to have gotten away from the bear. Just now Mike realized a giant fucking bazooka on Freddy's arm.
"Did you just threaten the staff?"
"YEAH! They didn't want to LET US in! CAN'T HAVE THAT! I PLANNED IT ALL OUT SO WELL!" Someone moved in the background, ready to make a dash for it, but Freddy aimed his weapon straight at him, without even looking away from Mike for one second. His nervous giggles made it not easier to not see him has a psychotic kidnapper. "What w-would you like to eat my love? I KNOW the staff will get to us IMMEDIATELY! RIGHT!?"
There was coughing and whimpering in the background. Some classical piece was still playing and Mike wondered if he did actually take his medication and was now tripping out because of an overdose. Slowly he reached for the menu. Play along and then it will end sooner.
"I, uh... what the fuck is all of this." Half of the menu seemed to be in french, the other half in latin. Or at least to Mike. "I'll take... the... coridallieardaoe?"
Freddy's stare made it not really easier to decide on a pronouncement. Suddenly the bear turned and smiled towards his hostages. "Y-YOU KNOW WHAT? Just bring us today's special!"
For a moment nothing happened, then Freddy opened his faceplates. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"
The people screamed and ran into the kitchen as fast as they could. Mike wondered how fucked he was on a scale from one to kidnapped-by-a-psychobot.
To his surprise food actually came and since Mike was literally starving, he had a go at it. It wasn't half that bad for having such a fucking horrible name.
The only thing making his time eating a bit uncomfortable was the fact that Freddy was staring at him at all times. He wasn't eating himself, probably a good thing, but he kept making off-key humming noises to the music and giggle every once in a while.
At one point he slid a hand onto Mike's leg and began rubbing it frantically. That was the point where the human paused to give him a look. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"Creating friction! That's romantic, right? I just need you to spark, right? That's IMPORTANT!"
"Go fuck yourself, I want to eat. You have no idea what you're doing let me enjoy the ONE good thing that came from this."
"Aw, I love you too!" Happy Freddy smiled, leaving him to wonder if the bear actually had heard him or if he build in a filter that changed all his insults to some romantic stuff. That wasn't too unlikely...
"Stop touching me if you want me to eat." And not to break your fucking face.
"Okie-dokie! Anything for YOU~" But as he sat back, his ears suddenly twitched.
Mike heard it too.
Sirens.
Hm. That had taken long enough.
Sighing Mike put the plate away, it had been fun, but now it was over and it was good that way. Maybe he could still get some groceries on his way back.
In less than a minute the police was screaming through a megaphone. "THE BUILDING IS SURROUNDED! COME OUT WITHOUT WEAPONS!"
"Yeah, good, it had been nice Freddy, but now-"
But Freddy was screaming back. "I HAVE SEVERAL LIFE HOSTAGES! NO ONE IS GETTING IN HERE!"
"Oh Christ, don't make it worse." Mike rolled his eyes. "Just let them take you away-"
The police interrupted again. "WE KNOW FOR A FACT THAT A HUMAN IS IN YOUR COMPANY. WE ASK HIM TO STEP OUT."
"Yeah, no problem..." Walking towards the door, he only stopped when the police began talking again.
"WE ASK HIM TO SURRENDER AND DEACTIVATE THE MACHINE, OR ELSE WE OPEN FIRE!"
"WHAT THE LIVING FUCK?!" Mike peeked out. "I'M THE FUCKING VICTIM HERE! THE BEAR KIDNAPPED ME! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD ARREST DAVE FOR BUILDING HIM! DON'T FIRE ON ME!"
"IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE MACHINE IS UNDER YOUR CONTROL. WE ASK YOU ONE LAST TIME TO FREE ALL THE HOSTAGES AND SURRENDER, OTHERWISE-"
Oh, fuck yourself. "Freddy?"
"Hm?"
"Blow them up."
"I thought y-you'd NEVER ask!" Freddy aimed into the large crowed with his one arm, the other one extended to snatch Mikey and as explosions went off in the back, they got away somewhat safely- if you consider Freddy suddenly activating rocket-boots and flying off with a human in his hands, akin to a naughty kitten safe.
After the second near-death experience for today, Mike just was glad when they almost crashed into a building and had to land. His legs were shivering from the cold and his nerves and he tried to orientate himself as to where the way to his house was. "Great day. Really fucking fantastic. Thank you for taking me the fuck out. Never take me-"
"AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you think we're DONE!? Oh... Mikey-Mike! As if I would only plan ONE great activity! We have a LOOOOOOOOONG list of things left to do! LET'S GO!"
"But the police are looking for us, we probably hurt a fuckton of people-"
"WHO CARES! LET'S HAVE F-FUN~!" Again Mike was dragged off and now panic started to sink in. What if Freddy had planned endless activities and he'd never escape!?
Jesus, he needed to find a plan to get away.
"Where the fuck are we going?!"
"We're going DANCING!"
Dancing. With a fuckton heavy robot that could crash his feet at any given time.
Lord fucking MOSES- "I CAN'T DANCE!"
"Awwww, I- I can't either! We will learn together!"
Lord, please, why do you do this to me? Why do you want me to die?
But no god was there to answer him.
Dizzy Mike was dragged along until Freddy found a place where music came out of. He first knocked and then kicked down the door, being faced with a group of confused teenagers.
"Great fucking job, dimwit, this is a house of somebody." Mike looked back at the staring teenagers. "I can't even feel fucking sorry for those little shits, because they're probably trashing one of their parent's house, but they don't deserve to be trauma-"
"IT'S A PLACE WITH MUSIC, ISN'T IT?! THAT MEANS WE CAN DANCE!"
"U-uhm... e-excuse me...?" One of the kids stepped closer, but screeched as Freddy suddenly was half an inch away from him.
"THIS IS A PARTY, RIGHT?!" The bear grabbed the kid.
"Y-yes? I- It's m-my b-b-birth-"
"DON'T FUCKING SAY IT, HE WILL-" The Guard wanted to prevent the worst, but it was too late.
"OH A BIRTHDAY BOIIIIIII?" Freddy instantly dropped all his threatening manners- no, actually he became even more threatening in a happy way. Before the kid could escape Freddy grabbed him and gave him a tight hug. "CONGRATULATIONS! HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?! D-DID YOU GET NICE PRESENTS?! DO YOU WANT A BALLOON ANIMAL?!"
The young teen whined and Mike decided to sacrifice himself. "Freddy... didn't we want to dance...?"
"O-OH YEAH! RIGHT!" Without hesitation he dropped the other human and grabbed Mike's hands, putting him into a somewhat proper stance. After glancing over to the kids and mouthing 'sorry', Mike complied, especially to save his toes.
With the start of the next song Freddy began twirling him around, laughing and alone out of panic Mike did a better job avoiding being stepped on than he ever thought was possible for an idiot like him.
In the background were whispers, apparently the kids tried to figure out what to do. But all of that stopped when a really fast music piece started playing- mostly because Mike couldn't hear or see anything anymore.
Freddy seemed to think that spinning your partner in circles was the same as great dancing and Mike was actually sure he would puke or die before the next song came. At least his toes weren't in danger.
After the song ended, finally somebody saved him by stopping the music in general. A girl smiled nervously at them. "W-well, sorry, party is over, we all... uh... have to leave..."
"Y-yeah! We have to do... uh... homework..." Another said.
"It was VERY nice to have you and your..."
Freddy was first a bit sad, but then he smiled. "H-He's my date!"
All the kids froze, before one of them started giggling hysterically. "A-alright, you and your-"
"I'M FUCKING KIDNAPPED, THIS ISN'T MY FUCKING CHOICE, STOP PRETENDING IT IS!" Finally the Guard erupted and had a group staring at him.
They looked at each other, before one of them awkwardly coughed and looked at them. "Can he even-"
"THIS IS THE FIRST FUCKING DATE, DON'T ASK SUCH QUESTIONS, YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE AND I WANT YOU TO FUCKING DIE-"
Worried Funtime Freddy clutched him closer. "Should I blow them up-?"
"NO FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU CAN'T JUST BLOW UP EVERYBODY I DISLIKE!" For a moment everybody was silent, until Mike almost broke down and hid his face, while Freddy gave off a hurt whine. A few minutes passed and at this point Mike wanted nothing more than go home. "I... still. Thanks for offering. Let's just— go home. Please?"
"NO! W-WE CAN'T! HAVE SO MANY GREAT IDEAS STILL! WHAT ABOUT THE AMUSMENT PARK! THE ZOO! WE COULD GO TO-" Instantly he broke off as Mike almost tumbled onto the ground in front of him. What had previously appeared as a heated face from all the dancing and screaming now seemed more and more like a serious sickness.
Freddy began panicking and looked at the teenagers who haven't moved yet in favor of watching this like a TV show. "W-What am I supposed to DO?!"
Two of them exchange a look and then grinned a bit. "Take care of him, dude!"
"That's totally romantic!"
If Mike weren't too dizzy, he'd kick their asses, but for now he could only weakly protest. "No, god, fucking hell, PLEASE... I just need to get home..."
But at the word "romantic" Freddy already made a dash for it, Mike halfway over his shoulder. "GREAT IDEA, THANKS!"
The teens looked at each other and nodded. That was the weirdest fucking thing they ever experienced and totally awesome.
At least somebody was happy, because Mike was suffering. It was going way too fast, his body felt as if it was going to kill him at any second and he couldn't think anything beyond 'I want to die, why does this happen to me'.
A short trip later Mike had been tugged under the cover. It was an adventure, seeing as Freddy almost broke the bed and let him fall onto it in an incredibly loveless manner, making his back hurt now additionally.
Freddy towered over his bed, smiling in the most terrifying way possible. "I- I KNOW how to take CARE of sick people!"
"No- I don't need anything more, really, I just... sleep... and stuff..." This would be the end of him.
"No, no, NOOO! O-Our date isn't over! I will take care of you, my love! First off, I will cook for you!"
"NO!" The thought of the unstable bear using anything that could result in FIRE was enough to give him the energy needed to sit up and scream again.
To his surprise Freddy actually listened to him and face-palmed. "Right, right! You already ate! Hmm... hmmm. HMMMMM..."
The relieve of knowing that he wouldn't be turned into a crisp in his own bed made Mike fall back again, though he knew that Freddy was working on something else entirely again.
Aaaaaaand... there it was. "I should CHEER you up! I've heard that pets help really out when you're sick! And since I w-wanted to bring you to the ZOO anyway—how about I bring the Zoo to YOU! W-what would you rather have? A tiger, a lion o-or- NO! It should be a SURPRIIIIIIIISE~!"
Acting faster than he expected his brain to under these circumstances, he grabbed ahold of the bear and pleaded with him. There was no doubt Freddy could and would bring him a dangerous creature if he didn't stop him. "No! Freddy- Freddy, for fuck's sake, please-"
"It'll make you feel better! Trust me Mikey-Mike~!" The bear was so cheerful, it was a pain. "When you see it, you'll agree! I'll be back in a minute-"
"PLEASE FREDDY, DON'T- DON'T- ... don't leave me..." Interrupted by a coughing fit, Mike hoped it was enough.
Of course, it wasn't and his constant smile would make Mike angry if he didn't feel like dying. "I'll be back in a few m-minutes! No worries!"
"You know what- you are cuddly enough, so..." This was going worse and worse. Especially since the psychopath's eyes lit up.
"YOU'RE SO SMART! YOU'RE RIGHT! I WILL CUDDLE YOU ALL BETTER!" The bear jumped onto the bed- which STILL FUCKING HELD UP, HOLY SHIT- and sneaked under the blanket with him. If it weren't for his crushing hug and him taking up way too much space it would actually be... okay. His fur was incredibly soft and he appeared to be constantly... purring? Vibrating? Hazy Mike asked himself what was the reason for it.
Then he his mind wandered off to some other questions he had.
"Freddy..." It felt incredibly weird to basically mumbling into somebody's chest. WAIT. SOMETHING'S CHEST. FREDDY WAS NOT A SOMEONE. Irritated he tried to get back to the topic he wanted to ask in the first place... "Why... why are you like this...?"
"Like what...?" Apparently the monster finally figured out to control his volume. It sounded weirdly... nervous.
"So... manic." His mind was slipping around. "You're always... happy... but not really. You're... fucking insane and you know that... right? Laughing about other's misery."
"I- I'm not laughing about people's misery! People are happy around me!"
"You literally threatened children to get me to do this."
"Children aren't people!"
"What?!"
"That was a jo-oke! And... I'm not really giving them misery, right? I just needed your attention!"
"You... regularly try to kill us."
"Killing is a strong word... it's not like I want to make you disappear! No... you'll stay with us! They all stay with us. You'll join me and Bonbon on the stage... it will be great!"
Mike began shivering. "You aren't being honest. Either you tell me, right now, why the fuck you're acting the way you do, or you fuck out of my house."
Freddy still smiled, but after that it slowly turned into a grimace. His tone of voice had changed completely. "Lying is a strong word too. But okay. You know- I actually think it's funny."
"Hurting people is funny?"
"Yes. Why shouldn't it be? W-Why should I care about all of them?!" Real anger drenched his words. "Nobody cared about my misery either! Not my f-friends, not the adults! You know- they probably NEVER had to face the belt!"
"The... belt...?" Oh lord. This was going-
"I spend most of my time getting smacked around for that e-excuse of a b-brother and then lastly got murdered by a F-FUCKING psychopath. As far as I'm concerned i-it's now MY time to have fun! FUCK THE REST."
Uncomfortable Mike shifted around. "Freddy, you-"
"Also!" Suddenly back to his manic persona. "Imagine me acting all NORMAL and NICE! HaHA! I'd end up like Toy Freddy!"
"Toy Freddy was alr-"
"NOBODY! Liked Toy Freddy! Fat plastic bear!"
"Wait, how did you ever meet-"
"Hated him! Wanted to kick his shins in! Did when the staff wasn't watching~"
"Could you MAYBE stop-"
"I'm w-waaaaay cooler! Right, Mikey?!" Hopeful the bear looked at the helplessly confused and slightly angered guy.
"Freddy, would you consider for ONE FUCKING MOMENT to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SPEAK?"
"H-hey! Look! You sound so much better now!"
"FREDDY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" He sat up, grabbing the machine by the tuxedo and shook him back and forth. "YOU ARE A FUCKING PSYCHOTIC PIECE OF SHIT! HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED FUCKING KILLING YOURSELF!? YOU AREN'T COOL, YOU ARE OBNOXIOUS AT BEST AND TERRIFYING AT WORST! IF I COULD SEND ONE ANIMATRONIC BACK, IT'D BE YOU!"
For a moment it seemed as if the bear would get angry again, but then he simply put his ears back and... looked miserable. It wasn't a good expression on him.
Slowly he rose from the bed. "S-sorry. I'll... go home then."
Mike wanted to scream out more frustration, but was once more interrupted by a coughing fit, bad enough to make him taste blood. Fucking hell. It was enough to make Freddy pause again.
"Mike... I- Let me- I need to take care of you- p-please, just let me stay a bit longer!" There was real fear in his voice.
"Why-? Why the fuck? Why should I? Why... why the fuck is it so important!? Are you... are you fucking scared...?"
"I- I don't..." No cohesive answer came and Mike closed his eyes trying to find a good thing to say.
"Freddy. You... you can't go around hurting people, just because you can."
"Why not?!"
"Listen, buddy, you just CAN'T. Because then nobody will like being around you! Why would we?! You're a fucking... a fucking danger. Don't you sometimes feel lonely?!"
"The kids love m-me!" True. Kids loved Funtime Freddy as much as they loved shoving forks down electric sockets.
"Not for very long." How could he manage to put Funtime Freddy's head in order- WHY WOULD HE, HE WASN'T HIS FUCKING THERAPIST- but it would be pretty nifty not to constantly fear death- "Hey... why did you even want to go onto this fucking date?"
"B-Because... I like you, Mikey-Mike! You're so much fun! You're always there to ruffle with me!" He laughed cheery, before actually pausing and becoming quiet. "And... I guess... y-you aren't scared of me."
The bear was lonely. It was plain as day. If Mike thought about it, not even the other animatronics seemed to enjoy his presence and Bonbon was mostly sticking around because he had no other choice.
"I guess so. But- fuck- ever considered trying something else? Acting nice? Being actually at least somewhat estimable?" A pause followed, apparently he didn't want to speak about it. Fine. He would make the jump and break his neck. "You know what? If you stop trying to kill us guards at night and if you stop threatening kids all the time... I'll go on another date with you."
"R-REALLY!? OH, MIKEY, THAT SOUNDS GREAT!" Hopeful the bear grinned, then he looked confused. "But what should I do then if I want your a-attention?!"
"Dunno. Come up and fucking ask? I'll make time for you. It's okay." Finally fully exhausted Mike fell back down. Jesus, please, PLEASE let this end well.
For another moment silent was in the room, then Freddy's almost soft voice sounded. "Thanks, M-Mike. Hey- Mikey? Can I... I mean... do you want me to tell a bedtime story?! So you can BETTER sleep!"
"Fuck no. You're way too loud for that, dude."
Pouting Freddy crossed his arms. "Meanie. Then- can I play my m-music box?"
"You have-" Actually. Why not? All Freddy's before him had one, so... "Sure. But make it quiet."
To the soothing melody of some old childhood song, Mike fell asleep.

Simon was pacing up and down, nervously. There had been no way he could have stopped Funtime Freddy from going on that date, but now he wished he had at least tried. It was almost opening time and neither of them were to be found...
He would never forgive himself if something actually happened to Mike. He had been so sure that the employee would be able to handle this and now he was- gone- who knows where! What would he put into the files?! What would he tell Jeremy? How would he-
Wait. Were that the oh so familiar screams of his favorite and most hated employee?
"NOW TAKE THAT FUCKING TUX OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!"
"I- I think I look dapper!"
"YOU DON'T!"
"Oh... Mikey-Mike~ You c-can admit that you want nobody else to see me l-like this~"
"INDEED, BECAUSE I WANT PEOPLE TO KEEP THEIR FUCKING EYEBALLS! Oh, BY THE WAY, YOU FORGOT MY FUCKING BLEACH."
"Haha! That's what I w-will bring you on our SECOND date! Also, you didn't f-fuck me!"
"FUCK YOU OVER! ALL I SAID WAS I WANTED TO FUCK YOU OVER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE-"
"You did n-neeeeeeeither~"
The monster bear himself entered together with Mike giggling like a school girl, while Mike's face seemingly was red from all the screaming, looking as if he would explode.
"E-Employee! Freddy! You're- you're back! I'm glad, I already thought you were- uh... I... uhm... already thought you w-were late! Haha..."
"Fuck you, Simon, fuck your fucking Phone-face you fucking piece of shit, nobody fucking likes you, you'd sell your own fucking mom to save your own skin-"
Suddenly Freddy tugged on Mike. "I want attention!"
"I TALKED TO SOMEONE ELSE FOR LITERALLY LESS THAN THIRTY SECONDS, YOU BEAR FUCK! FUCKING CHILL! I NEED TO TALK TO PEOPLE, YOU KNOW THAT?! HOW WOULD I-" The man was picked up and Freddy smiled at the Phone Guy.
"I'm t-taking him! Goodbyeeeeeee!" Off they went, the screaming and cursing Mike safely over Freddy's shoulder.
But, Simon noticed, Mike wasn't punching him or trying to rip his head off.
Huh.
Maybe there wasn't that much of a reason to worry.

-----------------------------

A/N:
H E Y . G U E S S W H A T ?
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.
ANYWAY. IT'S FINALLY DONE.
MY CONCIOUS IS CLEAN NOW.
LET ME DIE.
I MAY NOW MOVE ON TO THE AFTERLIFE.
Honestly... dunno how this one came out. Not really satisfied, but... eh... I think it's alright. But you'll be the judge of it and if it's horrible I promise I'll take it down and rewrite it.