"Of course," I told Molly, marking my page. I set my book aside and opened my arm so she could cuddle into me. I kissed the top of Molly's head as she settled in with me. "What is it sweetheart?"

"Well, I've been kind of thinking about this for a while," she began, not making eye contact with me. "I've been thinking of...maybe living with Dad for a while?"

She glanced at me cautiously. I tried not to look as horrified as I was but I was probably failing. My baby wanted to live with her father? On the other side of the world? I didn't speak for several long moments.

"With your father?" I clarified, and she nodded. "In Japan?"

"I know," she said. "It would be a huge change, but I feel like I don't know Dad's side of the family very well at all."

"You don't really know my side of the family either," I pointed out.

"You don't want me to know them," she reminded me. The last time Molly had seen her parents was around the time the twins had been born. They'd been judgmental and made Molly feel badly about herself.

I huffed, knowing I needed to give this the thought it deserved. I hated the idea, of course, but it was important what Molly wanted.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" I asked her.

"A couple weeks," she said quietly.

"And have you talked to your father about it?"

"No," she said. "I wanted to ask you first."

"Well, I'd rather you stay here obviously," I began. "You're my daughter and I love you to pieces. But what you want is important too. How would you do school over there?"

"There's an American school near where he lives," she said. Wow, she'd done her research.

"And when would you visit me?" I asked.

"School breaks," she said. I nodded, biting my lip. There were a million reasons I wanted to say no, but all of them were selfish reasons. Molly deserved to have a relationship with her father, even if it meant tearing her away from me.

"Well, let's give it some thought," I said. "I'll call your dad tomorrow and see what he thanks."

Molly squealed in delight and hugged me tightly. I half-smiled, glad that she was happy, but terrified that she would leave me. She skipped off to her bedroom and I was left on the bed, my mind racing. What would happen if she left? How would I even function day to day?

A while later, Lin came in with a glass of water and caught me staring off into the abyss.

"What's up?" he asked, setting his glass down on his bedside table.

"Molly just asked if she could go live with her father," I said in a dead tone, staring off into space. Lin sat down without saying anything and scooted close to me.

"And what did you say?" he asked gently, putting his hand on my knee.

"I said we could consider it," I told him. "I'll call her dad tomorrow."

Lin gently stroked my knee, looking into my face, but I couldn't look at him. I'd start crying. "I'm proud of you."

Finally, I glanced at him. "Why?"

"Because I know how hard that must have been for you," he said. "Molly's your daughter. It would be hard to let her go."

I huffed and scrubbed a hand over my face. I brought my knees up to my chest and Lin moved to sit next to me. I felt his arm go around me and a kiss to my hair. "Not all moms would be able to do what you just did."

"Lin, I can't let her go," I blurted, pulling my head back up. "That would...it would kill me."

Lin just sat silently, rubbing his hand up and down my back. There wasn't really anything he could say. The first time Molly had gone to Japan with her dad I had been a mess for weeks. Every time she left in the summer it was like part of me was missing. I missed her terribly.

"Why does she want to leave?" I began crying. "Are we not doing a good enough job?"

Lin took my hands. "Look at me," he gently commanded. "You are doing nothing wrong. This has nothing to do with you. This has to do with Molly wanting to spend time with her father and her Japanese relatives. It's just unfortunate that we're all separated by thousands of miles.

I rested my head against my husband's. I pictured Molly in her room, excited at the prospect of leaving us. What would it do to the rest of the family, especially the twins? They adored Molly and suddenly they'd be without their big sister.

"C'mon," Lin said, pulling the covers back. "Lay down and get some sleep. We'll talk about it more tomorrow."

I sighed and began to lay down. Lin scooted up behind me, his nose resting just behind my ear as his hand gently moved up and down my side.

"Whatever happens, we'll get through this," he promised me. I reached back with my left hand and ran my fingers through his short, dark hair. He was right. We were a family, and through all our trials and tribulations, we were a team. We were the Mirandas.

____

"America wasn't at school again today," Cam announced as the kids got home the next afternoon. "If that's her real name."

"I hope you're not spreading rumors," I told her.

"So what if I am?" she asked, going straight for the pantry. "She deserves everything she gets."

"Well, with a mother like hers, maybe she needs to be cut a little slack."

The police had been by again earlier, but I hadn't seen Sofia/Maria in days. Were they on the run somewhere? Molly hopped up on one of the stools and looked at me hopefully.

"So?" she asked excitedly. I smirked.

"So what?" I asked.

"Did you talk to Dad?" she asked.

"I did," I told her as I got the twins' snacks ready. "And of course he'd love to have you. The whole family would love to have you."

"Yes!" she bounced up and down in her chair. "So I can go?"

"Woah, woah," I stopped her. "Hold your horses. This is a big decision. Right now, you're just thinking of all the good things. What about school here? Violin? Your friends? Your family? You'll be leaving a lot behind."

She sighed and looked away, resting her chin on her hand. "I know," she said softly.

I could tell it was heavy on her mind. I didn't want to make her feel guilty, but I also didn't want her to go. Still, it was her decision. She was almost twelve years old. I wondered if she'd stay forever or just a year or so.

"Think about it," I told her. "For at least a week."

"A week?" she asked, her mouth gaping.

"Yes," I said. "That's how big of a decision this is."

"Okayyyy," she reluctantly, then wandered off to her room.

____

Later that night, Lin and I laid in bed, facing each other. He could tell Molly was on my mind so he was being sweet and affectionate.

"Do you think she should go?" I asked him, my eyes a little teary. He didn't answer immediately and tucked some hair behind my ear.

"I think if that's what she really wants we should let her go," he said. "But she has a lot to consider."

"We could just tell her no," I pointed out. He raised his eyebrows and gave me a 'do you really want to go down that road' look.

"She'll resent it," Lin said.

"Yeah, but she'd still be here," I whispered, blinking away a tear. Lin cupped my face in his hand, kissed my cheek where my tear had fallen, then kissed my lips.

"You're strong," he told me. "It'll be hard, but you can do it."

I didn't believe him. I scooted closer and tucked my face in to the crook of his neck. I just focused on the sound of my husband's breathing. In and out. Steady and strong. Everything but what I felt right now.