"I WANT TO break up," I told Alex.

He looked up at me over the morning edition of the International Financial Times and frowned.

"This isn't working for me anymore," I explained as I fed the dog a strip of my bacon. "It's not you, it's me."

Alex and I were sitting at the kitchen table and having breakfast. He was already dressed for work. I was in a black silk La Perla nightgown with matching robe. There was really no reason to get dressed. It's not like I had anywhere to be.

It had been nearly two weeks since my Club Morgue adventure. I had sustained a moderate concussion, bruised rips, various abrasion, and a broken thumb that somehow extended to my wrist. As such, I was in a cast, but I had accessorized it with a black cast cover. Amelia had insisted on black, because black goes with everything. I had to admit, it did coordinate nicely with my nightgown.

Alex hadn't been pleased with my adventure. Ever since, he'd been a little less...patient? I was on a bit of a lock down - couldn't go anywhere without his permission, had to check in when I was out, that kind of thing - but it was cool, mainly because I didn't feel like going anywhere. When he'd discovered I'd called "that FBI agent" (his nickname for Donnelly) instead of him, he was even less pleased. "You know he's cultivating you, right?" he'd said, his voice so full of condescension he needed a bucket to catch the overflow. "He's not your friend, Siobhan. He's really not your friend."

Whatever. I nibbled on a slice of toast. I didn't care one way or another if Donnelly was my friend. What I did know is I wanted to do him. And date him. But really, do him. Dating was cool, but I was really more about the sex.

Anyhoo, Alex took my announcement that I wanted to break up with a surprising amount of grace. He smiled, took a sip of his coffee, then shook out a wrinkle in the paper. "Alright. I'll bite. Why do you want to break up, Siobhan?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "A myriad of reasons."

"One would be fine."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings."

He waved his hand dismissively. "I'll be fine. I appreciate your candor. Go ahead." He paused. "I'm listening."

I threw the dog another slice of bacon. "I think I may have feelings for Special Agent Donnelly, and I don't think it's fair to have sex...I mean, date him when I'm engaged to you."

"Well, then." He folded the paper and neatly sat it down so that it fit under the lip of his plate. "That's very thoughtful of you, Siobhan. I appreciate your respect."

I batted my eyes. "I do love you, Alex. I'm just not in love with you."

He smiled a small smile. "Hmm. I see." He straightened his utensils. "Have you discussed your feelings with Special Agent Donnelly?"

"No." The dog butted his head up against my hand for more bacon. "There hasn't really been a chance."

"Hmm." He sipped his coffee. "Then how do you know he's interested in you?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just feel like he's interested in me."

He regarded me thoughtfully. "Be that as it may, have you considered that he may not want to date you?"

"Oh please." I rolled my eyes. "He wants to date me. I mean, come on Alex, look at me. What man wouldn't want to date me."

He smiled at me tightly. "Sex doesn't mean relationship, Siobhan. While I'm very sure that Special Agent Donnelly is physically attracted to you, I'm not sure that he's interested in having a relationship with you."

I bent down and gave the dog a kiss on the head. "What does daddy know?" I asked the dog as I rubbed his ears. "Daddy thinks he knows everything, but he don't know nothing, that's what."

Alex ignored my interaction with the dog. "I'm only asking, Siobhan. It's been nearly two weeks since the club. Has he checked on you?"

"No," I admitted. "But you don't really let me out much."

He frowned at that. "Siobhan, don't be hyperbolic. We having a thoughtful, mature discussion about the future of our relationship, and there's no need to let it devolve."

I began to braid the dog's fur on his ears. "Whatever," I mumbled.

We were both quiet for a few seconds. I could feel Alex staring at me. "So you're saying he hasn't contacted you at all?" he finally asked.

I shrugged. "He's probably busy." I reached for a third piece of bacon. "Sit," I told the dog. The dog ignored the command and stared at the bacon. "Sit," I repeated. The dog continued ignore me and to stare. "I mean, Alex, this is New York. Someone's got to be wrecking havoc somewhere...will you sit?" I snapped at the dog. The dog sat, so I fed him the bacon. He ate it and then immediately stood back up.

Alex tapped his fingers on the table. "Siobhan, baby, you've got a crush. And that's fine. But I think breaking up over it is extreme."

"He held my hand." I smiled at the memory. "He held my hand in the ambulance. I don't care what you say. He loves me."

Alex's pleasant demeanor slipped a bit. He straightened his cuffs and glanced at his watch. "Interesting. Have you considered that maybe the intense situation and serious injury amplified your emotions?" He took a sip of coffee. "Have you considered that he may not have even been in the ambulance at all."

I burst out laughing. "Bullshit. He was there."

He rubbed my cheek. "I think you're having an emotional reaction to a very intense, life threatening event. It would be natural to develop false feelings of affection for the person you believed rescued you."

"I'll show you an intense emotional reaction," I grumbled and clenched my fist.

He shook his head. "No, Siobhan. No baiting. This is a good, honest, adult conversation, and I'm very proud that you're being honest with me."

"Maybe... he doesn't call because you had the shit beaten out of him," I stated. "You know, he could be incapacitated."

He laughed then made kissing sounds to the dog, who responded by trotting over to him placing his head on his lap. "Mommy's being silly, isn't she, big guy? She's being a silly mommy." H rubbed the dogs head, then glanced up at me. "Mommy knows saying something so irresponsible is both imprudent and unwise."

I glared at my plate. "He's not the only reason I have for wanting to break up. I have other reasons."

"Mommy has other reasons," he said to the dog. "Let's listen to mommy's silly other reasons."

"Omigod!" I exploded, "I'm so bored! I'm so mind numbingly bored I can't see straight." The dog trotted back over to me and laid his head in my lap. "I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored."

"You're resting - " Alex began.

"I was bored before this," I interrupted. "I mean, come on. What do I do here? I look pretty and give you sex. That's it. Nothing else. That's it. Sex, sex, sex." I threw my hands up and slouched in my chair. "I want something more."

"It's not just about sex, Siobhan," Alex stated, clearly getting slightly aggravated. "Our sex life is healthy, but I've never seen you as simply a sex object." He tried to squeeze my hand. "I see you as a partner as well."

"A partner for sex?" I asked. "Because that's about all I'm partnering all up in here."

"Ah. I see. You're insecure." He reached over and pushed back my hair. "You don't need to be insecure. I love you."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not insecure. I'm unfulfilled."

A smile played on his lips. "Alright baby," he purred, "tell me what you want. You know I've never said no to anything you ask."

"Oh please. You say no all the time."

He raised an eyebrow. "When I have ever said no?"

"You're saying no now."

He chuckled. "Well, yes, I am saying no to the termination of our relationship, but when have I ever said no to any reasonable request you've had?"

"You said no to Notre Dame."

"That wasn't a reasonable request."

"Says you," I growled.

"Siobhan – "

"Define reasonable!" I pointed a finger at him. "Yeah, that's right, you define and apply your definition of reasonable without considering that I may have a different definition of the word! You stack the deck, old man."

The dog whined and tried to climb into my lab. I kissed him on his muzzle and fed him a piece of brioche.

He glanced at his watch again. "Siobhan, I've got to get to work. Tell me what you want, then tonight we can further discuss how we can make you feel more like you contribute to this household."

I folded my arms. "I want to do something."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," I muttered.

"Alright." He pushed his chair back. "Think about it, and we'll discuss it tonight."

"I want to be a flight attendant," I blurted out.

He stared at me for a minute, then shook his head like he was clearing his ears. "Come again?"

"I want to be a flight attendant."

He burst out laughing. "That's a good one, baby! I didn't see that one coming!"

The dog pushed himself off my lap to see what was going on with him.

"I'm not joking," I told him. "You think I'm joking, but I'm not."

He laughed harder.

"Stop laughing," I pouted, "I'm serious."

"No, you're not," he wheezed. "You can't be serious."

"I am serious. Why wouldn't I be serious?"

He stopped laughing for a moment and wiped under his eyes. "Siobhan, do you even know what a flight attendant is?"

"Sure, I do. They attend flights."

He burst out laughing so hard he nearly fell out of his chair.

The dog started barking. I threw him another piece of brioche to get him to shut up. "Stop laughing, Alex. I could totally do this job."

He stopped laughing, looked at me, and started laughing again.

I hit him in the arm. "You suck. I could be a flight attendant. I've been reading up on it. It's an unsupervised job, you schedule by months and not weeks, and it's common to only do it for a year or two."

He put his arm on the back of my chair to steady himself and got the laughter under control. "Baby...baby... it's s a service job. You would have to serve people, not vice versa."

"So? I've served people."

"When?" He grinned at me. "When have you ever done anything for someone else that could remotely be considered service?'

I kicked his leg. "I serve you every night."

"Oh, baby." He rubbed his face. "You really are depressed, aren't you? We'll get you doing something else." He paused for a drink of water, then asked, "Do you even know how food comes to your table?"

"Of course I do," I said, insulted. "People bring it."

"Have you noticed the order in which they bring it?"

"What has this got to do with being a flight attendant?" I retorted. "I can learn it."

"It's a skill, Siobhan." He drank more water. "Besides, you don't have a service oriented bone in your body."

I waved my hand dismissively. "Oh, please. I can figure it out. I mean how hard can it be?"

He rubbed his forehead and took a deep breath. Finally, he said, "Have you considered that you would need to be consistently pleasant to people? At times, even nice?"

I shrugged. "I'm nice...ish."

I watched him as double over and laugh for another few minutes.

When he finally slowed down, I poked him and said, "Do you get it now? This is why I want to break up. When I tell you I want to have my own identity, all you do is laugh."

"You have an identity," he wheezed. "You're my fiancé and soon you'll be my wife. That's an identity."

"Well, that's stupid," I huffed. The dog started licking my toes. "I want something else. I want something I accomplished on my own."

He leaned back in his chair and put a hand on my knee. "Then go back to school. I've always been supportive on that."

I glared at him. "I want to be a flight attendant."

"Oh, Siobhan..."

"I want to be a flight attendant."

He threw his hands up. "Alright. Even if you could be trained to be a decent server - something I highly doubt, by the way - you hate to fly."

"I do not," I replied, studying my nails.

"Do you remember when you came to Capri a few years ago for my cousin's wedding?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" I muttered and moved my feet so the dog would stop licking.

"We had to fly commercial back home because the private jet had a mechanical." He nudged me. "Remember what happened?"

I pulled up the cover on my cast.

"Come on," he goaded. "You remember."

"Alright, so I freaked out a little." I shuddered. "There were a lot of people."

"It was a 747. They hold a lot of people." He poked me in the side. "I ended up having to buy an extra first class seat so you would have a seat to yourself."

"I appreciated that," I told him. "It was kind of you."

"No, it wasn't kind. We had to get home." He took my hand. "If you're feeling unfulfilled, why don't you go through the Columbia course catalog today? See what they have to offer?"

"I'm serious, Alex. I want to break up." I pulled my hand free, slid off my ring, and put it on the table. "I won't be here when you get back."

"Siobhan, stop it." His good humor dried up in a second. "Put the ring on. Stop being childish."

"Is it childish to want to be a self-actualized person?"

"Going to school is self-actualized. I don't really know what being a flight attendant is."

I flipped my hair back and pursed my lips. "You should know that I already applied to TransGlobal anyway. I'm just waiting to hear from them."

"You applied," he repeated. "Of course you applied... Siobhan...fine. You won't...fine." He placed one on the back of my chair. "If you want to be a flight attendant, then sure. I'll call Tanner today and set up an interview for you."

I narrowed my eyes. "Tanner who? What's a Tanner?"

"Tanner Bergman. He's CEO of TransGlobal and plays golf with me. I'll get you an interview."

"No!" I started playing with the dog's ears. "Alex, I'd rather get it on my own merit."

"Well, we both know that's not going to happen," he snorted.

I hit him again.

"Alright baby, how's this for a compromise? I'll talk to Tanner and see about you getting an interview, but that's all I'll do. You'll have to get the job on your own merit."

I studied his face. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He pushed my hair back. "Your bruise is fading," he said as he pulled me over and gave me a kiss. "Better?"

"I don't know." I pursed my lips obstinately. "I still think we should break up."

"Why don't you wait until you get the cast off and then see how you feel?" He picked up my hand and slid the ring back on my finger. "We'll talk about this after I get back from work, FlyGirl."

I looked at the ring. It was a pretty, shiny ring. Besides, Donnelly really hadn't gotten in touch with me. "Alright," I muttered. "Fine. Get me the interview." I pulled his tie. "But I get the job. Me. No one else."

"That's my girl," he said as he kissed the top of my head. "Wait until I tell Sean that you want to be a flight attendant," he told me on his way out the door. "I'm going to laugh about this all day."

I threw the napkin after him. "You suck," I yelled as he walked out the door. "You all suck."

The dog looked at me. "Fetch," I told him. "Go get the napkin."

He yawned, laid down, and farted.

_____ * _____ * _____ * _____ * _____

It's always good to be honest. To bad it didn't take. But hey, this whole flight attendant thing could be fun.

Thank you so much for taking time to read Siobhan's story! I look forward to your comments, and if you liked it, please remember to vote!

©Copyright Liz Charnes May 2018

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