◈A D R I A N◈

"Let me tell you a story about a pathetic young man named Logan Hawke."

My eyes widened at the sudden opportunity to get to know Logan a little better. Though I was feeling a little hurt that his lips only got loose from alcohol intoxication, I couldn't pass up the only chance to find out about his past given how Logan was a very private person.

He would never tell me this sober.

"I'm listening," I said just in case he mistook my silence as disinterest.

Logan stared at me for a very long time, to the point that I almost thought he fell asleep with his eyes wide open. As if he had woken up from a trance, he smiled ruefully and his rough voice filled the gaps between empty air.

"Once upon a time, there was this kid called Logan Hawke. He used to be the bright kid back in high school. Or the nerd as you would call it," he chuckled slightly. His eyes were glazed with unspoken feelings as he leaned lazily against the couch recounting his past.

"Good grades were easily within his grasp but his foster parents couldn't care less about him. They had all of their love poured into their own son, a worthless loser who partied all night and snuck girls under his blanket when his parents were sleeping."

My eyes almost bugged out of my skull as I listened to his words. "You were an orphan?!" I squeaked out in disbelief.

Logan shot me an annoyed look and clicked his tongue, "Shhh...you're ruining the story."

I flushed with embarrassment and apologized softly, "Sorry." My brain was buzzing with information overload, information I couldn't handle and process well.

He grunted in acceptance and crumpled the empty can in his fist, flinging it across the room, the disfigured metal rattled within the waste basket to my left.

I flinched instinctively at the sound, goosebumps spreading over my skin instantly. The sound of metal clanging remained as a sore spot for me. Oblivious to my reaction, Logan let out a groan before reaching for the next beer

Slowly, I scooted further away from the waste basket and leaned against the strip of wall below the window. I was now diagonally facing Logan and his features shifted as the evening sun cast long, mysterious shadows swallowing half of his face.

"Fortunately, he had a supportive girlfriend. Someone who understood him, understood his pain and struggle. They were real happy throughout the whole senior year and they entered the same college. Everything felt right on track for the first time. He was happy. Even when his girlfriend got pregnant during their first year."

My heart squeezed a little, hearing the wonderful times he had with Kara. Even though I knew how the story ended, the way he described her as an angel who had descended from heaven to save him made my lips curl in jealousy. I drew my knees closer to my chest and hugged them, suddenly feeling sorry for myself.

"That's when poor Logan seemed to have used up his happiness quota. His foster parents made it clear that they will not spend a single cent on him once he turned eighteen while his girlfriend's were livid at their daughter's sudden pregnancy. All of a sudden, it was them against the world," his voice was tainted with sadness.

I could understand why he decided to tell the story as if he was just a common reader who happened to pick up a tragic romance book. He was trying to detach himself from the painful memories.

"But you—I mean they still got married," I piped in.

His green eyes fixed on me intensely, "They did but that was hardly a happy ever after ending. In fact, things have gotten worse right after the wedding. He had to give up college since there was no way he could continue with a baby on its way. However, without a degree, he couldn't even get an unpaid internship in a company. Luckily, an old man was willing to hire him as an apprentice at a workshop after a month of painful unemployment."

I noticed his grip on his thigh tightened and his gaze steeled.

"You would think that marriage could bring two hearts closer but it only drove a wedge between them. His wife's frustration grew stronger during her first trimester. Being pregnant and still going to classes put a heavy toll on her. Having to endure the stress of assignments and nasty gossips including hormonal imbalance made her into an emotional wreck."

Logan let out a huge breath as if he had just finished a marathon. Well, he did travel a long way down the memory lane.

He stared at the television in front of him. "From then on, their conversations turned to screams and shouts. He tried really hard to be accommodating but he was struggling working in an unfamiliar trade and had to come home to an unhappy wife every day."

Logan looked absolutely wrecked and my fingers itched to hold him, to comfort him even if it was useless. But I held myself back.

Logan was a proud man. He was already as vulnerable as he could get now and any sympathy from a kid like me could only shatter him to even smaller pieces. So, I stayed on the floor and watched from afar.

"One day, he received a call. The nurse told him his wife had a miscarriage in class. At that moment, it felt like the noose was removed from his neck. He could finally breathe again," Logan hung his head in shame.

Suddenly, he slammed his fist on the table repeatedly and roared, "What was wrong with him?! His baby died but all he felt was relief? He's a fucking monster!"

I couldn't stand back any longer and jumped to my feet to catch his hand. "Stop!" The small wooden table had cracked a little on the edge and tiny slivers of wood was poking out and grazed his hand. Logan yanked his hands away and dropped his head in them. I stood between him and the table just in case he lose control and start hurting himself again.

Logan's shoulder shook and a hoarse cry escaped his lips. "My baby is dead! And all I could think about was how light my shoulders have become. How could—," his voice broke as his body trembled.

I couldn't move. I wanted to tell him that it was not his fault but my damn body just wouldn't move!

"Logan..." I started.

"How could I do that? My wife wanted a divorce and all I could do was nod and signed the papers because I couldn't face her! How could I when the first emotion I felt after hearing that my wife had a miscarriage wasn't sadness?!"

"Logan, please," I whispered. Please don't do this to yourself.

Logan was getting even more emotional by the minute. His eyes were wide and wild and I've never seen him so angry before. Not even when he thought I trashed his workshop and stole his money.

"I was riddled in guilt for fourteen years. Fourteen years! I was terrified to be in a relationship again because I was a terrible father—no, I don't deserve to be a father," he shook his head.

The suspense was killing me. Something must have happened for him to explode like this. Something related to Kara.

I knelt before him and peered into his eyes. "Please tell me what happened. Did Kara say something to you?" I pleaded.

Logan smirked wryly. "Kara told me my child didn't die."

I blinked.

Wait, Logan's child is still alive?!

Logan laughed almost hysterically, "Turns out, the child was never mine after all."

✈

Author's note

Hey guys, so sorry for missing out an update. Things had gotten a little wild at work. Again.

Anyways, I 'foresee' another ten chapters until the end of Book 1. That is, if my brain behaves and not have any wild ideas popping out. After that, I will need a break before starting Book 2.

Now, I can't say for sure how long the break is going to be. I've been toying with this new story idea for quite sometime so I may proceed with that first for a change of scenery. Further details will be announced after Book 1 is completed.

I want to thank all of you for giving this book a chance. This is my first ever story that I've ever written and actually stay committed. I was surprised since I have a fickle mind. To think that I actually wrote this story for nearly a year now completely blew my mind!

Thank you so, so much for the support. *bows*

PS: Don't forget to vote and share. Cheers!

{Song: Feels Like We Only Go Backwards by Tame Impala}