I woke up in a cold sweat. I never put much faith in dreams before, but the danger felt so real. I took a deep, calming breath. Breathe in, breathe out. I had to still the rapid beating of my heart. It was only a dream. It was just a dream.

I got out of bed, and went about my morning ritual. I brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, put on my make-up and picked out my clothes. I was always careful to put all my clothes and things back in place. I had staff to clean up after me; but for some reason, I never liked the idea of other people putting their hands on my things. It just made more sense to clean up after myself.

On my way to the kitchen, it was a quick grab of a croissant and coffee. I typically brought it with me to the limo on my way to school. I didn't really notice anything out of the ordinary with the way the staff was acting. Their eyes lingered a bit more though, and their stares, a little more discerning. I figured they must have seen the utter shit storm on the show. I imagined it was only going to get worse once I went to school. Even the limo driver kept looking back at me through the rear-view mirror more often than he normally did. They pitied me. They all did. I braced myself for the tough day I knew was ahead of me.

I went to school with my regular bitch face on. Since the show aired, I needed it more than ever. It was common for me to have people laugh at me when I entered the room. My mother in particular, had made a fool of herself in the past, and of me often enough people eventually caught on. We were more or less a laughing stock of sorts, even if my family was unaware of it. If it was awful before, the vibrator on national television made everything much more horrid, not to mention my resting bitch face made of stone. It didn't mix well on national television at all, but for personal use, I guess it was a good thing I had so much practice up-keeping my mask on, no matter what the things I heard them say. I couldn't let them get to me. I couldn't allow them to see me break down... even though I sometimes wanted to. "Cry-baby, cry-baby." Apparently that time on the show had shown my face with mascara stains after I cried on Alejandro's shoulder. It was something else for my peers to shame me for.

Home was a welcome place of solace when school was finally over, a place where I could just distance myself from everyone and all their negativity. My parents were horrible, that much was true; but at least there was only two of them. Even then, they left me alone most of the time. My room was my castle. I went to my favorite perch by my window. I had already grabbed a snack and drink to accompany me. I began to sort through my books and notes, getting my homework out of the way.

While I was sorting through my mathematics, I received a text from Alejandro, instructing me when and where to meet him. I was not aware how he had my number. To be honest, I didn't really care. I was just glad that he reached me. It was the one good thing that happened that day, and gave me something to look forward to. At least, I hoped it would be good. I checked the time. I had about half an hour to go. It gave me a little time to get ready. I checked my makeup. I reapplied my perfume. My hair's curls were starting to spring back a little bit, but it was fine. On the way to my destination, I clutched my special package. I really hoped he would like my gift.

We met outside the animal shelter. He wore a suit and a tie this time, his smile warm, and his face, friendly. His eyes shone more like they did backstage. He shook my hand with a gentle touch.

I don't think either of us were prepared for the paparazzi. Maybe they followed his limo? The lights flashed. That tick appeared again under his left eye. A saucy grin covered his once comforting face. He began to strip right in the middle of the side-walk. The crowd cheered him on, as he slowly took off his clothes. First came his jacket, twirling it around his head. Next came his shirt. I couldn't help but note the crucifix necklace around his neck. He wore it on camera several times. It was an old, wooden cross, with simple stones tied with twine, but it was the way that it fell on his chest that I was staring at them. For just a moment, I wondered what it would be like to be that necklace, to be that close to his skin.... The thought vanished just as quickly as it came.

He picked me up, attempting to get me to dance with him. I was stiff as a board. I audibly gasped, and I could feel him change again. He put me down, looking very much concerned, and slightly embarrassed.

"Well, now that that is over with, shall we continue?" he asked. His cheeks had an ever so slight burn to them, even as he smiled.

"I would like that," I said, happy to change the subject at hand.

We went inside, away from the crowd. His body guards prevented anyone else from following us in. His clothes were left behind and stolen by some of the random fans. Funny I did not think about his nakedness until after he put his hand on the small of my back, leading me in. I began to feel very aware of his nearness, his scent, his skin, his every ripple of his torso. I found it odd I didn't feel uncomfortable about it. I wondered why I didn't notice anything like that when he hugged me at the show. Then, he made me feel calm, and secure. I supposed that he still did, bare chest and all. It was just different now. I could sense that he was a man, when before we were simply two humans. I wondered, is this what attraction felt like?

Some of the workers and volunteers were drooling the moment he entered the room. I couldn't say that I blamed them. He took it with a grain of salt. I took him to the back where we would give the animals a bath. He was very tender with them. I found that attractive about him more than anything. I wondered if he was aware of it. By the sideways glances he would give me with his quirky grin, I couldn't help but think that he did notice me looking. He did not make me feel ashamed of it, or awkward.

At one point, a puppy started shaking off the bubbly water, making a chain reaction, and all the other puppies were shaking off as well. We were soaked! I was too busy laughing to feel uncomfortable about it. He laughed with me. It felt good to hear him laugh, like he didn't get to do it that often. We were both handed a towel to dry off with. I noticed he looked my way as he slowly dried off. I kept my head down, trying to keep my eyes away. He looked away, letting out a large exhale. Could it be he liked me too? What was this feeling I was getting? Was it joy?

"Would you like to see the bunnies?" I asked, trying to be tactful.

He smiled at me. "I very much would." I could sense he was relieved that I was not voicing anything about this....whatever it was. He was very attractive, but this between us was very much a taboo.

A guide took us to another room, making goo-goo eyes at him. She was making it very obvious that she did not want me to be there. Alejandro was polite enough with her, but he still managed to include me in the conversation, and make me feel welcome, at least with him. He was very polite, rather than the in-your-face kind of way, as this female was being.

The best part of the day, or the worst part, was when the "lady" "accidentally" tripped me. It made me fall on top of a rabbit cage, knocking it down. Baby bunnies went everywhere! My back hurt, but I tried to catch a bunny or two anyway, crawling on the ground. Alejandro got on his hands and knees trying to help me. At one point we reached for the same bunny. Our hands touched. Our breaths caught. I was painfully aware that his chest was so close to my mouth. I could easily lean near and kiss his skin if I wanted to. I felt.....I didn't know how I felt, but it wasn't unpleasant.

Alejandro pulled away. His face looked slightly guilty and a little concerned. For just a moment, his face changed to something else.

"Ay yi yi! Mama cita, don't look at me that way!" He bowed his head, backing away, his face slightly blushing on his grinning face. This face was much more flirtatious than the backstage one, with a devil may care kind of vibe. His voice also had a slightly different tone.

"Sorry," I said. Though I wasn't exactly certain what for, and very much aware what I must have looked like: soppy wet hair, messy clothes, smelling like wet dog and fuzzy rabbit hairs all over me.

"Well, that was very awkward," said the other volunteer, full of scorn. She made some other snide comment I didn't pay attention to, and I said to Alejandro, "I brought you a present."

"Did you, chica?" My friend from backstage had returned, his mouth upturning in a smile. There was something about that mouth I didn't notice before. They looked so soft and inviting. I wondered how soft they would be to the touch. I turned my thoughts away. I didn't like the direction these thoughts were taking me.

We left the animal shelter in shambles as I led him to my limousine. Mine was parked just in front of his. He went to his limo long enough to get himself a jacket. We then went inside to the very back of mine. I clutched my package to my chest. This was the only memento I had of her, the only lady that ever showed me any kindness. Was I ready to give this away?

"Jani? What's wrong?"

"Well...." I said. I didn't even notice that I was crying. "This is all that I have left of her." I looked at his face. Those eyes of his... I knew that no matter how difficult my life had been, his must have been much worse than mine. "Here," I handed it to him before I could change my mind. I brushed off the tears with the back of my hand.

"Chica," he said. His voice was so soothing. He opened my package and held out the small, wooden whisk. The odd shape making it stand out among anything that you could find in a store. Maria would use it to make my cocoa extra frothy.

"Tu eres la dulzara en mi vida," I said.

Alejandro was silent, his facial features still, and his eyes haunted.

"I guess the only thing left for me to be upset about now, is that I will never see you again, and now every last piece I have of her will be gone," I said. "I really would like to see you again, if that is possible." I truly did. He was a part of her.

Alejandro looked at me with pure torment. He looked back at the whisk, closed his eyes, and inhaled a shaky breath. "You don't know what you are asking of me." He looked away. Was that....shame?

"No, I guess I don't," I said. "You are, after all, a grown man, and I'm just a kid. I really don't have anything to offer you but friendship, and maybe some late night conversation on a phone or computer; but it would be nice to have something real rather than just a paper image."

He looked at me, with shock and relief. "Is that all you want from me?"

"It is," I said sincerely. I studied his face carefully. "Your gene pool missed your mother's dimples."

He chuckled. It was different than his laugh in his movies, more sincere and less play-boy like. "You noticed?" He looked at the whisk and back at me, kind of longingly. "You really did know her, didn't you?"

"Yes," I said wistfully.

He looked troubled.

"Will you have your driver follow me?" he asked.

"Sure."

My limo followed his to a place that turned out to be a local graveyard. He led me to a grave with Maria's name on it.

"Wait, that can't be right," I said. "It says that she died a year before I was born."

Alejandro began to tremble. "They took her from me..." He fell to his knees. "They took her from me!" He punched the headstone with a primal scream, and wept.