The Doctor hums a Gallifreyan tune under his breath as he makes the bed.

"Sweetie?" River suddenly calls from the bathroom. He throws the pillows he's holding down and walks into the adjourning room. "Need something?" He asks, looking her over.

"Yeah. Do me a favor, get me a razor blade."

At his confused look she continues, "Honey, I've got to shave. You broke the laser hair removal system."

"What?" He asks, after taking a moment to think it through.

She picks a razor up from the side of the tub. "I need a blade for this. You shave your face, you know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah, but.... women don't have to shave their faces. You don't get mustaches or anything. Do you?"

She rolls her eyes and leans her head back against the side of the tub. "I really don't want to get out. Look, the Old Girl probably put some underneath that cabinet over there."

He raises an eyebrow, but obliges.

He rummages around for a moment. "Let's see... pipe, no. Timey-wimey thing, no. Vortex fibulator..-no. Ah! Here we go." He picked a small carton of the blue blades up. "These work?"

"Yeah. Give me one."

The Doctor picks one up gingerly and hands it over. "Here."

She attaches it to the blade and grabs the shaving cream.

"I still don't get it. You aren't shaving your face, right?"

River lets out an exasperated sigh. "No. It's my legs."

"Your legs? But your legs are all smooth-y and stuff." He responds, looking at hers.

"How do you think they get that way?"

"I dunno.... I thought they were just sort of... like that."

She squirts some cream on her hand and rubs it on. "I'm a mammal, sweetie. You know nothing about the types of animals, huh?"

"I do too! I don't think Time Ladies had to do that, though." He says, giving an indignant snort.

"Okay, well I do. Shut up."

"But... what if I find out that I like it better without you doing that?"

"I don't care what you like at this point. Shut up."

He finally closes his mouth and decides to just watch her slide the tool up her calf.

Surprisingly, he lasts 2 minutes before he has to talk again. "So that doesn't hurt?"

She groans. "No. It's just like the one you use, except it's prettier."

"Oh."

Eventually, River finishes and hands it over. "Okay. Now take that and go away."

"Why?"

"Because I said so and I don't want you staring me down while I bathe."

"You've never complained before."

River narrows her eyes, and he comprehends the next move a second too late.

In a quick motion, she gets a large scoop of water in her hands and flings it at him. He ducks, but only gets a direct hit in the head.

The Doctor grins, then runs to the side of the tub and splashes her face.

The sadistic smile that blooms on her face tells him that was a bad idea.

Sure enough, soon he's on his back in the water, fully clothed.

He struggles to get his head above water again, and pouts when he finds that she's laughing. "River!"

"Hey, you should know better."

He grumbles something along the lines of insufferable mad woman, before standing up and getting out.

He tries to get revenge when he picks her up again. It doesn't work, and he ends up handcuffed in Amy and Rory's bath tub. For some reason this time she took his clothes off.

He can't meet Rory's eyes for weeks.