Percy Jackson

"Do you know why you're here Percy?" The principle, Mr. Nelson asked me. He's nice, but he knows I hate being here. Not school, but the office.

"Mhm."

"And you know you're on thin ice after last year and—"

"So what?" I asked him, trying to just keep my shit together because it's hard today for some reason. Maybe after going back and writing my suicidal thoughts from when I was 12 did something for a day or two to me. Maybe I'm just tired of bullshit in this fucking school. "You're going to suspend me, you're— you're going to give me ISS or make me redo the whole thing or are you just going to expell me? Schools love doing that, which I'm sure you remember because I'm sure I only got to come here because Paul and my mom were dating and now they're married, so it doesn't much matter."

Goode is a rich boy school. And I'm not a rich boy.

Nelson sighed and sat down across from me. I felt like shit. It hasn't been my day.

"Well, cheating is automatic ground for three days in ISS," the principle reminded me, and I sighed. "And you can redo the assignment, but it will only be taken for half credit."

"So I fail it anyways."

"Yes, but it still helps your final grade this trimester," he told me, as if this wasn't 80% of my grade. "so can I ask, so we can talk to them also: who wrote it?"

"I did."

"Percy—"

"What!?" I snapped, holding back tears. "Is that so hard to believe!? That I can do something and have it be good?"

"It's not hard, this is just—"

"Different?" I cut him off. "Thanks, everyone uses that excuse. I'm tired of it. Give me a valid reason, not an excuse. I know I'm on thin ice, I have been ever since orientation before I even started here. The last thing I need is a constant reminder."

But he had to call down Paul and I'm starving and I'm frustrated and Paul wouldn't back me up because we hadn't told him that story. He knew about Gabe, but not that he was a shitty husband or that mom went missing.

I don't like talking about it, but writing helps. So I wrote it.

And got accused of cheating.

So he wouldn't back me up. He wouldn't say that I worked on it yesterday because he wasn't paying attention.

Paul is cool for mom's boyfriend, but he's not the best at being a dad. With me, that is.

I'm also not his kid.

So they were talking with Ms. Anderson and her girlfriend. Because they were convinced. Nothing I could say would change their mind.

Nothing I said changed it.

So Nelson took out my file, looked over it for a minute, and made his decision.

And expelled me.

"You should expect—"

"A letter, clean out my locker, no events or sports." I finished for him, not even wanting to walk out of the room. I'll be home before mom, if I go straight home. And that's not right. Ever. "I know."

So I got up and left, unexcused. I didn't care because they just expelled me for something that didn't happen.

I walked to my locker and opened it up after punching it because it didn't want to open at first.

"Percy!" I heard Anders call out from towards the cafeteria, but I didn't look, resting my head against the shelf in my locker. I don't have much in here, just a few notebooks and my jacket. But it pissed me off.

"Hey, what did Anderson want?" Tyler asked and I just tried to breathe. To feel like maybe, at some point, I belonged here.

I never did, but sometimes it's fun to pretend.

I do it every day, after all.

"She uh, asked about how I came up with the story and said it was good. You know, before she sent me down to talk to Nelson."

"What? Why?" Anders asked.

"Because it was too good and I must've been paying somebody else to write it for me." I told them, ready to shoot myself in the head. Which, apparently, isn't normal. "Paul wouldn't back me up, wouldn't say that I work on it at home."

"So... ISS? No next meet?" Tyler guessed, but I'm not that lucky.

"Try being expelled." I told them. "the only reason I was allowed to come here was because of Paul, and after last year? I figured if I was suspended, it was reasonable but it was bullshit, but they didn't think so. So I don't know if Paul will ever let me leave the apartment again. I'll let you know if he does, but I have to leave before the end of lunch, otherwise they'll escort me, so. I'll see you guys somewhere. I'll try to go to a meet. Don't waste your lunch, I'll call you guys later."

So Anders and Tyler at least went back. I guess I wasn't expecting Micah to. He's sort of my boyfriend, right? That's where we're at? We went on a date. It went well. If I don't kill myself tonight, there might be another one.

"It's bullshit," he agreed with me, and for some reason, it didn't help.

"Yeah, and adults really don't like to listen to me as it is," I snapped at him, not wanting to have to empty my swim locker after this. "it was inevitable, right! It's a miracle that I lasted longer than a year here. Now I'll get to start senior year at a new school."

We walked out to my car, he offered to get my swim stuff. Which was nice.

"Percy—"

"What?" I asked, my eyes watering over. Usually I'm not emotional getting expelled, but one really just pissed me off. It was a lot of bullshit.

Micah pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry that you can't just talk about it and tell them," my boyfriend told me, which put me into tears. "That you can't just go to a normal therapist for it. But I'll read your story without criticism. You can still talk to me about it, even if I don't really get it yet."

For a minute, I played with his hair and tried to call down. Which, I did. Enough to drive home. He promised to stop by after practice to make sure I was okay.

So at least I had that to look forward to, if Paul doesn't turn him away at the door.

But I got home and recycled and threw away everything except for that story. Except for the papers that made it official.

For the second day in a row, I lost it. I punched a hole in my wall. Thankfully, the neighbors weren't home. It wasn't by their wall, but they'd head it. So my room now had a hole in it. Kind of like I do.

I was looking at riptide, and I had nothing better to do with myself. So I figured, what the hell, I might as well cut.

It's stupid, but so is smoking, and people still do that.

My dad doesn't want me, and I can't talk about it. Because when I try to, he's trying his best. He's just busy. He's a god, he has other things to do.

But he's my dad, and from what I've seen with everyone else I went to school with, the kid is normally the first priority. Not their hobbies.

I can't even write a story.

I can't go to therapy. I know I need it, but there's no demigod therapists in the area. They all leave New York as soon as they can.

Personally, I don't blame them. I wouldn't mind being in Elysium right now.

I think I took about 4 or 5 things of ibuprofen. Which, I couldn't read the bottle. It's stupid. So I guessed.

If might kill me, it might now.

I didn't much care either way.

After that, I patched myself up and laid down. I could heal myself, but that's cheating.

I'm not cheating death. I've done it enough.

So I'm minding my business, hugging my stuffed tortoise. Trying to not feel anything. Not doing a good job at it.

But of course, Nico has to take that offer on the one day I'm not qualified for the job.

"Hey, what are you doing home?" Nico asked me. He did knock on my window, I let him in. Probably looked like shit. "It's like, a Thursday or something. Annabeth just flew in yesterday, I don't know if she stopped or not but—"

He looked rough. It's been rough. I'm not sure how he got here, Chiron wasn't going to let him do anything for a few days.

Probably shadow travel.

"What happened to you?"

I shrugged.

"What hasn't happened?" I questioned, still frustrated, but moreso tired. "I was finally diagnosed with the depression and anxiety I've had since I was at least 12, and PTSD to put the cherry on top. My history teacher was reading my paper and accused me of cheating. I'm home because I got expelled right before lunch. I look like shit because I feel 10 times worse."

For a second, I stopped.

"I know you're going through a lot right now, Nico," I assured him, trying to not be an asshole. "but there's nothing I can do for you today. My mom should be home around 3, if you really want to wait for her."

"No, I know, um..." Nico paused. "I'm doing a lot better than yesterday. It was a bad dream and dissociation, basically. But Annabeth told me you looked rough yesterday, so I figured I'd stop it because I snuck out for McDonalds anyways. I know Chiron calls you about me and so I'm sure he'll call soon."

"He already did, I sent him to voicemail."

"Well you know why," he said, trying to make light of this. "what uh... What was the paper on?"

I sighed, sitting down.

"The assignment was a more modern day like, myth." I told the son of Hades. "A modern myth. New or retold. So, naturally, I figured I could just write about my first summer and make it a little more low-key than it was and it'd be fine. But no, I'm too stupid to have an idea that good and to write that well for being dyslexic. I tried to tell them I wrote it without exposing everything because I'm sure the gods are watching over my shoulder about that because I told one of my friends after the funeral and..."

For a minute, I stopped to catch my breath.

"Either way, even Paul wouldn't believe what I had to say." I summarized. "I'll probably be grounded for forever for something that didn't happen. I can't go to therapy, I figured writing would work, and it did. But it got me expelled, so that's great."

"That's dumb," Nico remarked, but didn't ask too much more, which I was glad for. "Um, yeah, that's dumb. Outside of that, are you doing alright?"

"I mean, In ready to put a bullet in my head, but outside of that, sure."

He got the general idea: I don't want to talk about it.

•••
Nico di Angelo

We talked about a few other things before I let him take a nap, but the talk didn't really help that I was worried about him.

I mean, that's worse than I am. I'm bad, but I really just needed to get out of camp for a little bit. Walking around the city helps, and Chiron doesn't get that, but it's okay. I do it anyways, and it's calming. The white noise and the freedom of it.

So after another hour, I went back to camp and Chiron wasn't happy, but I didn't care, because I finally didn't feel like his death was weighing me down.

Then again, it might be because I was worried about Percy sounding pretty set on killing himself, just casually.

"Nico! There you are!" Chiron remarked, being I was back for the end of lunch. I wasn't going to eat, I already had McDonald's. That was really nice. "where did you go?"

I shrugged.

"Wandered the city for a bit, stopped at the Jackson's, had some lunch, walked around and came back here." I told him, figuring it wasn't a big deal. "I was going stir crazy, Chiron. I'd have to pack a bag if I was running away, all I had was my wallet, it's fine."

"Oh, okay!" But the centaur took it a lot better than I expected. "Just pop in and leave a note or tell me the next time you're out for the day, okay?"

"Uh, sure."

Leo was back, though, which I was more than glad about. He decided against Waystation, which also ended his relationship with Calypso. It's shitty, but he decided here. I don't know why. I haven't seen him yet, he got back last night. I was in the big house, being watched.

"Nico di Angelo!" But you can't miss his Latino accent. "You're here! I've been looking all day, I was getting worried man!"

I smiled as Leo gave me a high five.

"No, I was just in the city for the morning," I assured him. "Not dead, not on the run."

"Good, otherwise I'd get bored," he told me and I smiled a little. "How uh..."

His voice drifted.

"I heard about Will," the son of Hephaestus mentioned. "Are you doing alright? Right after Jason... It's bad."

I sighed.

"I'm doing a lot better after being in the city for the day," I assured him, which seemed to be a relief. "Something about the city, just walking around it, makes me feel better, calmer. Yesterday was bad, but in general, the last week has been better. Yeah. Annabeth is here for a while! She has a job for a new room on Olympus, I think. But yeah. I'm a little worried, but I'm a lot better."

"Worried?"

Walking towards bunker 9, I nodded my head.

"Why?"

We stopped and I sighed as Leo looked at me again.

"I stopped by at Percy's not thinking he'd be home," I explained. "were not really close, but I've been there a few times and Chiron calls him when I got missing or get really bad and I wanted to make sure he wasn't freaking out because I had a bad day and now I'm not at camp. I figured I'd leave a note and leave."

"Okay?"

"But he was home, and it's like, noon," I reasoned with Leo. "so I figured I'd ask what's up. If he's just sick or whatever. Annabeth stopped yesterday and she said he looked rough. I didn't really know how, figured I'd check it out. He was awake, thankfully. About to lay down. He wasn't really sick, but it's been a bad week for him."

Leo now looked concerned.

"How... How so?"

"Well, he was diagnosed with a shit ton of things yesterday." I answered. "He said, beyond his ADHD and dyslexia that he's known about his entire life, they told him that he had depression, anxiety, panic, and PTSD. He didn't sound surprised, claimed that he's kind of figured out the depression since he was 12 or so."

That's not news you get everyday about your friend.

Or at least, it shouldn't be.

"He... What?"

I nodded my head.

"Yup," I concerned. "He looked like shit, like he had been crying. Said he felt ten times worse. Apparently he was accused of cheating on a paper, story thing that was worth like 80% of his grade and got expelled for it, today. It's his like, 9th or 10th school apparently. So I asked that outside of being expelled, if he was doing alright. And his response was that he felt like putting a bullet in his head, but sure."

I stopped.

"So I guess he might kill himself, too."