I breathe out. I reach my hand out to knock on the door when it swings open. My hand is stuck mid air as I stare at Jasper and he stares right back at me.

I open my mouth to speak but found no words, so I close it again.

"You forgot your car," he points out and I feel my cheeks burn as I glance at the garage and my car was still there. I had totally forgotten about it. I clear my throat, silently thanking the gods that his uncle had not arrived home yet.

"Right," I reply, nodding too much. "I was going to get it so, uhm, I'll be getting it now."

I turn away from him, mentally kicking myself for acting like this around him just because he kissed, sort of, me.

"Pat, wait," he says, and I stop, turning to look at him over my shoulder.

"Yeah?"

He rubs the back of his neck, avoiding my eye. "Sorry, about earlier. I didn't- I just- I don't know what got into me. It was a mistake, I'm sorry."

The word mistake echoes in my head. It hurt more than it should. I give him a small nod.

"Right," I say and turn towards my car.

"It's not that I didn't want to," he says quietly, I almost missed it and I want to stop walking and turn to him and tell him that I felt the same, but we already crossed too many lines and...Jasmine. My god. What if we found her and she finds out that Jasper and I have this weird...thing going on? No. It's not only about Jasmine but also Nathan. I can't do this to him.

I get inside my car. "Me too." I whisper to myself and back out their driveway.

When I park my car at our garage, I don't step out immediately. Instead, I stay there for I don't know how long trying to understand what I had just felt. I knew it was wrong and a part of me was afraid I was going back to my old self. The one I have tried so hard to control. Nathan was everything a girl could ask for and doing, or event thinking about Jasper was wrong. Was this already considered emotional cheating? I sigh and finally step out the car and walk over to our front door.

I still had the sweet pea tucked inside my palm. I didn't have the courage to tell Jasper about it. I didn't think it was a good idea at the time. I walk through the door and almost scream my guts out when I find Nathan standing in the kitchen trying to seduce spot with peanut butter.

"Nathan," I say, breathlessly, like I had just almost been caught doing something bad. Then something hits me as quickly. "How did you get in?"

I didn't even notice him. All I did was get my car at Jaspers, I would have seen him at the sidewalk or entering my house from where I had gotten my car. The hairs on my back stand and I wait for his response. He seems to ignore me before his warm eyes land on mine and I somehow feel relieved. He didn't see me come from Jasper's house.

"I know where you keep the spare key, silly," he says casually as he finally gives spot the peanut butter. "And I thought I'd surprise you."

He smiles as he saunters over to me to wrap his arms around my shoulder. I don't feel as calm as I used to. Something was wrong but I could not point out what it was. He pulls away from me, his eyes tinged with worry.

"I hope you don't mind," he says.

It takes me a moment before I shake my head, chuckling softly. This was my boyfriend. There was no reason to feel so uncomfortable around him.

"Sorry," I say, and he smiles, making me smile back as it eases my tension away. His eyes fall on the crushed sweet pea in my hand.

"What is that? Are you starting an interest with gardening?" he says this like a joke but there was an edge to his voice I could not quite decipher. I debate whether I should tell him or not and somehow take too long because his grip on my shoulder tightens, the smile on his face forced.

"Where have you been, by the way?" he asks and my eyes dart away from him. Too guilty. I mentally slap myself. I weigh my options between telling him the truth. All of it, including the flowers and creepy messages I have been getting and between outright lying and making sure he doesn't get involved in it. Something in my gut tells me to keep it from him. It wasn't like he was someone who would be eager to know about flowers being sent to me with messages from my "dead" best friend.

"Out," I tell him bluntly, he raises an eyebrow at this and almost sneers at me. Something tells me he didn't believe me. Something about him felt off, making me somehow immobile and mute. I swallow, hard as my throat had suddenly become so dry. Why was I feeling this way around my boyfriend? Was it the guilt eating me up? Or was I being paranoid?

"Someone told me you've been roaming around town," he starts, taking a step towards me. He doesn't mention Jasper. He must not know, or he is waiting for me to admit it. I have never seen him like this. So calm and...terrifying. Why was he terrifying?

"Has it something to do with Jasmine?" He stares at me now, his face void of any emotions. I breathe out and give him a soft nod.

"I thought you had stopped already," he continues to take another step towards me. "You told me you would put it to rest. What? Has something come up? New leads?"

"I-I," I couldn't manage to even get more than a single word out as he steps dangerously close to me with an expression I have never seen on his face before.

"Or are you conducting your own investigation? Because you just can't let it go? Accept the fact that she is gone," he hisses. I hold back the urge to cry, confused as to why he was doing this.

"I have sacrificed so many things for you- for us," he starts shouting. "Yet here you are, still spending your time trying to find someone who has been gone for a year. If she wanted, you to find her she would have given you clues. You would have found her by now."

"That's not fair," I finally speak but my voice breaks and my tears fall. "It's not like I haven't sacrificed a lot for our relationship as well. If I didn't- If I didn't,"

"If you didn't what?"

"If I didn't go out with you that day and went with her, she would still be here," I say, immediately regretting it. I never did regret going out with him but...if it hadn't happened. Jasmine would still be here.

He scoffs, shaking his head. "All this time, huh? You blamed me or even our relationship for the lost of your best friend."

"That's not what I meant! I-"

"Save it, Pat," he says with a sigh. He shakes his head at me before his eyes turn colder than it has ever been before. Something inside me freezes, screaming to run away from him. It was like a whole new other side of him I have never seen. Then the corners of his lips curve into a sneer.

He walks over until we were a breath apart, my eyes never moving away from his face. I was afraid. I was scared of my own boyfriend and that did not settle well with me. I was afraid he would start screaming, shouting at me for being a bad girlfriend but instead he leans over to whisper in my ear.

"Maybe it is true," he says. "Maybe it is your fault? I hope you find peace, Pat. I really do. And stop hanging out with Jasper, people talk."

I shake, my tears were flowing endlessly. "Why are you doing this?"

He starts to speak when there is a knock on the door. He seems to freeze for a moment as the knock grants me relief. He looks at me, almost as if daring for me to move. All I can do is stare at him right back.

"Pat?"

Something inside me stiffens as I hear Jasper's voice. Nathan doesn't show any reaction, but his eyes move from me towards the door where Jasper was still knocking on from the outside. Then Nathan smiles, and just like that he was back to being my boyfriend. The guy I knew him to be. He turns away from me and heads for the door. He opens it and catches Jasper off guard. I try to mask the fear on my face as Jasper's eyes land on mine for the briefest of moment. It was all it took for him to know something was wrong.

His eyes narrow ever so slightly as he looks at Nathan.

"Jasper," Nathan was the one who breaks the silence. "Didn't expect you to be knocking here."

His voice was calm. A far cry from who or how he was a while ago. Jasper seems to sense something is wrong because he steps back ever so slightly, his eyes flickering over to me from time to time. I didn't know what to do but stare at him from behind Nathan.

"Yeah," Jasper starts as he raises a notebook from his hand that I had not noticed before. "Came to return Pat's notebook. Thanks for letting me copy." Jasper turns to me and gestures for me to take the notebook. Nathan makes a move to take it, but Jasper pulls it away from him. They stare at each other before I find the courage to move and take the notebook from him.

"Thanks," I say, trying to sound as normal as I could. I could feel Nathan's eyes on me as I take the notebook from Jasper's hand.

"I'll see you around," he replies like his old nonchalant self and I give him a brief nod and the smallest of smiles.

I watch him walk back home without glancing back and somehow it made me feel more uncomfortable. I find the courage to face Nathan again when he suddenly turns to me and smiles.

"Back to being that Pat again, are you?" He asks and his words felt like stabs against my chest. I try to ask him what he means when he sneers at me and I suddenly want him out of my house. "I should have known you were going to break my heart someday."

"What are you talking about?"

He shakes his head. "Like I said, people talk. I know you have been hanging out with Jasper. I know it's more than just a friendship thing."

"Nate, I can explain," I stammer but he groans inwardly, as he shakes his head again like he was tired of hearing me explain myself. I try to blink back the tears that were forming in my eyes as he looks at the ground. He looked hurt, and I felt more than bad.

"I really thought you'd change," he sighs. "Guess I was wrong. You're still the same old Pat. The same old whore."

I wanted to say something. Anything. But I found that I had no words. This was the first time he had ever raised his tone at me. The first time he ever brought up who I was. Who I was trying to bury in the past.

My lips trembled. I suddenly felt worthless. I felt bad and guilty for everything but could not find the words to defend myself. To tell him it wasn't that. I was not fooling around. I was looking for Jasmine. He would find that reason worse.

"I don't want anything to do with you anymore," he says before he steps out and walks over to his car. I have no energy to stop him. I felt drained and useless all at once. I watched him drive away.

I fight the urge to run to Jasper and decide to get back inside my house and lock every door and entrance there was.

I was lying in bed when I get a text from Jasper asking if I was alright. I responded with a thumbs up emoticon before remembering the notebook he gave me. Which was weird because I never lent him any of my notebooks. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I opened the notebook to find what he had written about when he was trying to solve Rosemary's disappearance and murder. There were a few newspaper clippings.

I couldn't concentrate. My tears made everything blurry that I had to wipe at them again and again. Nathan's words echo in my ears and so were the other words that people used to call me. Before Jasmine came into my life.

Jasmine...please, help mefind you. I cry until I fall asleep.