Lavender
The wind blew on my scarf as I neared the café. The gray clouds promised no happiness for me. I stepped into the coffee shop feeling a wave of nostalgia. This was the place me and Jasmine would usually go to when we just wanted to hang. I drew out a breath as I approached the counter, my neck craning to look for a familiar disheveled blond.
"Can I get you anything?"
The girl at the counter stared at me, mildly interested as she chewed a gum in her mouth.
"Latte, regular." I say and fish out my wallet from my bag. She rolls her eyes as she takes my money before disappearing through the backdoor of the cafe. She later emerged and flicked her eyes over the 'claim' counter. I hold back the urge to snap at her. The barista was making my drink, his hands moving in routine. He flashed me a smile over the counter as he finished my coffee. I stare at him blankly when the familiar chimes of the door opening, rings. I glance over to who had come in and there he was, with his disheveled blond hair. His eyes find mine and they looked sullen. I actually thought if this was actually a good idea. We did not speak as I walked over to an empty table. He followed me and sat across as I plopped myself on the hard chairs.
I clasp and unclasp my hand over my cup as he continued to stare outside the window. The rain had started to fall and I shifted uncomfortably. God, this was a stupid idea. I suck in a breath, gaining his attention. We had a stare down before I break it, fishing a piece of paper in my bag. I flicked it over to him with an expectation of an explanation. His eyes fall on the piece of paper. Something dark passed over his features as he averts his gaze, his shoulders moving. He wore a gray hoodie over a black shirt, the neck line barely visible over the hoodies. His teal eyes looked up at me, his eyebrow arched.
"You ask for me to meet you so you could show me a piece of paper from a fortune cookie?"
My patience faltered as I grabbed the piece of paper from the table. I shot him a look.
"Funny. Can't you read? It's not a fortune." I snap, clutching my cup only to pull away from it from the heat. He leans back and I saw his jaw tense.
"Was it supposed to mean something?" He asked and I actually rolled my eyes at him. Tired of his games.
"I don't know, Jasper. You tell me." I leaned back on my chair, my arms crossed over my chest as I leveled his gaze. To my annoyance his lips curve into a crooked smile as he lets out an air of a chuckle.
"What are you trying to accuse me of exactly?" There was an edge to his tone. I noted his change in demeanor as his eyes never wavered. I grab the piece of paper and wave it in front of him.
"This," I stated, he watched the paper in my hand, his expression unreadable. "It's not funny."
"Well, you are not finding me laughing about it." He replies sarcastically and I felt like slapping him senseless, in front of all these people. I shove the paper back in my bag.
"You know what? This was a mistake. Should not have called you. Go, enjoy your sick joke but just so you know. I will never stop looking for her." My voice shook as I realized I was on the verge of tears. I stood up and grabbed my cup before walking away before he gripped my arm.
"You think I have?" He asked as I pry my arm away. I was not about to make a scene inside a coffee shop. The strong wind greeted me when I got outside as thunder rumbled in the sky above. Great, just fucking great.
I start to walk to god knows where, the tears eventually falling. What had I expected? That he would say 'you got me, she's actually just chilling at my parents house in the country' ? I laughed bitterly, causing some of the passer by's to look at me strangely. I stopped when I reached the end of a less crowded street, my hands gripping my coffee cup harshly.
Maybe I just wanted someone to blame. Someone other than me. That was why I managed to convince myself Jasper had something to do with it when all along he could have really been in love with Jasmine. I wipe the tears away as drops of rain started to fall down on me. I cried harder.
"I am so sorry Jasmine. I am so sorry." I sobbed, wanting nothing but to release all the heaviness I felt. All the guilt. I feel someone take my cup away from me as the rain seemed to stop falling.
"God, didn't expect you to be such a cry baby, blondie." I glanced up through tear stained eyes to find a familiar blond standing in front of me. His eyes were trained on the pavement. One arm held my coffee and another held the umbrella that was keeping as partly dry. My urge to hit him vanished as I noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Suddenly, I felt a wave of sympathy. I had Nathan to help me get through, did he have someone? Or had Jasmine been the only one?
"Are you going to continue staring at me like that or are we going to get out of this rain?"
I found myself leading him to my car. We sat in silence for a while as I tried to stop my crying. He leaned his head on the head rest as I started the engine, turning the heater on.
"I'm sorry." I managed to say after a while. He simply shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't blame you for suspecting me. I don't exactly have a clean reputation." He smirked, although he was far from being happy.
"You really have no idea about the note, do you?" I asked him as I stared at drops of rain that filled the windshield.
"Nope."
I nod. Now what was I supposed to do? Some sick bastard was sending me notes with things that only me and Jasmine would know. Maybe it was Mark, or Sasha. Anyone who had been there that day. This was like some twisted version of Pretty Little Liars. Only, my notes were not signed by an 'A'.
"Care to tell me about it?"
I turned to him in surprise, almost forgetting he was there. His eyes were trained on me and it was enough to tell me he was serious. He was willing to listen.
"Start from the beginning." He instructs and I do. I tell him everything from the day she disappeared to the note and its significance. I found myself opening up to him more that I had with Nathan. I found that he did not need to be burdened with such things. He had already sacrificed enough of our relationship because of Jasmine. Jasper listened without interuption, he just stared out the windshield as I talked. We sat in silence for a long while after I finished. Then suddenly he lets out a deep breath.
"You think she's alive?" He asked, although I could hear the difficulty of asking the question from the tone of his voice. I waited for a moment before giving him a nod. I know she's alive. I'm sure of it. My answer seemed to be enough for him before he prepares his umbrella to leave.
"I can drive you home." I said, almost too quickly. Like I was afraid of being left alone. He seems to think about it for a moment before he agreed. I knew he had a motorbike, but I could not send him out under this weather. Besides, I really did not want to be alone.
I was actually a little bit surprised when we arrived in our neighborhood. I knew he lived close but not three houses away from mine close. I hid my surprised look as we stopped in front of their driveway. I see the living room light on and wondered who was there. From what I heard, his parents weren't here. I was answered when the door swung open and out came the sheriff that interviewed me that day. Where they related?
"Thanks for the ride, blondie." Jasper says beside me and for a moment I actually forgot he was there. His eyes fall on me for a moment before he runs a hand through his dark hair, almost like he was having a hard time saying something. I heard the door unlock and he was out, drenching himself under the pouring rain. He had not even bothered to open his umbrella. I actually found it amusing to find a guy with an umbrella, especially Jasper. He turned away from the car, paused, and turned back around to tap at the window. I notice the sheriff looking over at us from the front door, his eyes narrowing.
I open the window as he leans in. The smell of rain and wet earth filled the car and I felt the cool air. I fought the urge to complain how he was leaving drops of rain in my car. His hair had grown darker as it plastered on his head and face. Drops of rain slid down his cheeks. His eyes seemed to become more striking under the dull color of the world. He looked at me and I waited patiently for what he was going to say, my eyes flickering on the tiny drops on the passenger sit.
"Yes?" I finally speak, unable to relax under his gaze any longer. He crosses his arms and rests it on the window.
"I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this," he began and I don't know why those words hit a something, "I never stopped believing she's still alive too. If you ever need anything, you now know where to find me."
He didn't give me a chance to answer as he pulls away from the car with a small smile that seemed to just emphasize his jaw before running inside the house. I stared after him until he disappeared behind the door. The sheriff waves at me and I find myself waving back before shutting the window. I stared at the droplets on my chair for a second before reaching in the back seat for a towelette.
I wiped the droplets. Traces of Jasper. I would have never imagined this in a million years. Why was I so nervous? And guilty. I thought about Nathan as I drove back to my house, relieved to see my parents car parked in the driveway. I park my cat behind theirs and turned off the ignition but made no movement to get out.
Why was I feeling guilt? I just drove the guy home. It wasn't like we did anything. We barely talked. I looked at the rear view mirror, shocked at how dull my blue eyes were. And how horrible I looked. Is that a pimple?
There was a rumble of thunder before I finally get out of the car, running towards our front porch. I try to dry myself off, wiping my shoes on the welcome mat. It was still pretty early in the afternoon but because of the rain it felt like it was nearly evening. I wrap my coat tighter around me, not bothered by the fact that it was wet. I glance down a few houses from ours where I had just been. I could only make out the tree that grew in their front yard.
I shake the thoughts away. What was wrong with me? God I cannot be crushing on Jasper. That's just bad. I pat on my pockets for our key, knowing that my parents were firm believers on locking doors. I let out a groan when I could not find it. I ring the door bell and knock on the door.
I waited until I grew tired of ringing the bell. My parents might be asleep. I let out a breath before glancing over to my car. The keys might be in there. I prepare myself for another onslaught of rain.
I reach the car and fumble with the handle, almost slipping on the pavement. I open it and search the seats for the key. I find it under the drivers seat and cursed under my breath. Taking the towelette, I wiped the car seats I had gotten wet. Hearing a few cars pass by. I close the car with a huff and don't even bother to run back to the front door. I was soaked.
I held on to the key, looking at it with a frown before marching straight back up on our front porch only to stop dead on my tracks.
I stared at the purple petals of its long form. A lavender laid across the mat where I had stood not minutes ago. My heart hammered in my chest as I spun around, my eyes darting to the empty streets. The rain was not even loud enough to drown out my own heart. I was shaking and I wasn't sure if it was because of the rain, and the fact that I was wet, or there was another flower on our doorstep with a small package.
I took tentative steps towards it. Bending down, my hand reached for the bloom almost afraid it would burn me. I untied the small package from the flower and stared at it for I don't know how long before the door swings open and my mom stands in her nightdress. I glance up as she rubs the sleep off her eyes and stares down at me with furrowed brows.
"Pat? What are you doing down there?" She asked and examined me a little more before her eyes grow wide.
"You are absolutely soaked! What has gotten into you!" She was practically screaming but I couldn't hear her. Let alone understand what she was saying as my hands clasp around the small package, crushing the flower in the process. I don't speak or give her an answer as I run to my bedroom, leaving a very confused mom by the door way. I hear spot run after me as I practically throw myself inside my sanctuary. I throw the package and flower on the bed as I strip off my coat and sweater, leaving my shirt. I take off my boots and sink down on the floor and cry.
I didn't know why I was crying. I just did. I cried until I couldn't and with tear stained eyes, I glance up and look at the small neatly wrapped box on the bed. Perhaps it was from Nathan? Perhaps I am just overthinking things? With those things in thought I crawl my way towards my bed, reaching out with shaky hands.
I undid the wrapping slowly, afraid of what I may find and nearly dropped it when I saw a small portion of my 'gift'.
It was a watch. I knew it immediately as I have seen that watch a lot of times. On the arms of someone who is presumed dead. I would know that white leather strap anywhere. With the flower pattern. I push myself away from the thing as I noticed the white strap was stained. Stained with something dark like dried blood.
Jasmine never took that watch off. Never. I get up with broken limbs and try to search for my phone. I tapped endlessly on the screen and didn't even realize who I was texting before I hit sent. I stayed in my corner, watching the unwrapped gift from where I sat. Spot sat next to me. Even he seemed afraid of going near it.
I heard the door ring and heard faint voices before hearing steps on the stairs. I sat there until a knock was on my door. I forcefully wiped the tears away and stand to sit on my desk chair before my mother steps in. She looked worried.
"Hey, honey," she began as my eyes fall on the shifting figure behind her, " a friend is here to see you." There was an edge to her voice as she mentioned 'friend' and I couldn't blame her for who stood behind her was the last person anyone would want to be 'friends' with their daughter.
I fake a smile before giving her a nod. She hesitantly looks at me before taking a step back to let Jasper come inside my room. She gives me a look before her eyes follow Jasper.
"I'll be downstairs if you need anything," her eyes never left him as she closed the door, but not close it fully. Mom had work during the evenings, so she would sleep from morning until night. She was probably going to get ready for work.
I sat uncomfortably on the chair and listen as she went down the stairs. Jasper stood near the door, his hands in his pockets. He had changed into a plain gray shirt, that seemed to hug him and dark sweat pants. What the hell was I thinking asking him to come here??
He looked at me expectantly before his eyes fall on the flower on my bed. He turns to me, worry in his features before his eyes fall on the package near his feet. I saw his jaw tense, his arms turning into fists at his sides before he bent down to pick it up. Exposing a bit of skin on his waist. God. I averted my gaze and stared out the window, it was still raining.
He opened the package fully as I continued to stay quiet.
"What the fuck is this?" He seemed to say and I turn to him with a shrug. He takes out the watch and examines it in his hands, " Is this supposed to be funny? Who do they think they are sending shit like this?"
I stand up, closing the door slowly. I turned to him as he seemed to bore down on the object in his hands. I couldn't even look at it.
"Should we call the police?" I suggested, " That could be evidence." My voice broke at the word. Evidence of her death. He seemed to be in deep thought for a moment before he shakes his head.
"No, not yet," he says as he wraps the watch back into its package, "this could very well be a prank. The police are practically useless with these things. How do you even propose to explain it to them?"
I stared at him, unable to speak as his eyes seemed to hold me in place.
"You do know you are one of the last people who saw her, you're still considered a suspect or a confidant." He says matter of fact and I found that I had nothing to say to contradict him on the matter. "And what would they think after finding out you called me, the number one suspect on her missing case? There is even a rumor that I had gotten her pregnant and hid her far away because I didn't want the child," he muttered as he seemed to be carrying the weight on his shoulders. I take the package from him and keep it in my drawer.
"Okay," I give him a small nod," Okay. Will keep it a secret for now."
We stood in silence for a while before he seemed to notice something on my bed. Another note.
How do you know who to trust?
I stared at it from behind him as he seemed to burn the note by his gaze. He crumpled it in his palms before turning to face me again, making me jump backward in alarm at how close he was.
"Wha-," I cleared my throat," What do you think it means?" I asked. He gave me a forced shrug which I found odd.
"It means, someone is going through so much effort to scare you," he says, " you have any names?"
I thought of a few who would hate me. But everything is all in the past right? I am a changed person. Surely they weren't trying to bring up the past again?
"Well you look guilty," he teased and I grew red with the smirk on his face despite the seriousness of the situation.
"I'm only teasing, blondie-"
"Stop calling me that."
"Oh, you're allowing me to call you patty now? Isn't that a little too formal?"
I shove him with my arm but he doesn't move so I settle for an eye roll. Doesn't he take anything seriously? I think I may have made a poor choice in asking him to come here. Then his arm was on my shoulder and I turned to face him, his teal eyes serious.
"Hey," his voice lost all its humor and lightness, "we'll figure this out."
We'll.
I nod dumbly and when the rain had died down, he left home. My mother was in the kitchen, discreetly watching us as we sat in the living room. Spot liked him immensely. He even settled on his lap instead of mine.
It was actually easy to talk to Jasper. So easy that it surprised me. I don't normally talk or make friends. That's what Jasmine did. Jasper was actually a pretty cool guy and I didn't mind the fact that he seemed to easily ease me of my worries. He knew about what was happening and it was comforting to have someone in the know. Someone to talk to. Although I still had my issues and suspicions.
I watched him walk down the street back to his house before I close the door behind me. My mom was waiting by the kitchen door, ready for questions.
"Not tonight," I say before she could even speak, " I'll explain someday. You should go, mom. You'll be late."
Just then my dad climbed down the stairs, fidgeting with his tie.
"Honey, we have to go." He says to my mom, " I'll miss my flight." He then turns to me with a smile.
"Hey, darling," he gives me a kiss on the forehead before he heads to the kitchen. My mom hesitated before sighing and I knew I had won.
They left before 7 in the evening and I watched them go. Preparing vulnerable as they left. Someday, I'll have to leave this house and look for my own place. When I graduate. I let out a sigh before locking the doors and windows, Spot walking around after me. I take my dinner up my room and distracted myself with my laptop. We had class tomorrow but I was already done with all the homework needed to be done.
I scrolled through my newsfeed and ended up in Jasmine's Facebook profile. My heart constricted as I glanced at the trash bin by my desk. It still had the ashes of the note and flower that Jasper burned awhile ago.
Who do I trust?
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