XXXVIII. ONLY CHILD

She forgot to charge her phone last night.

"This day's already going so well," she sighed, plugging her phone charger into the outlet.

Taking her bag from her swivel chair, she placed it on her bed and fished out her power bank. There was no guarantee that it was also charged, but Gyeoul was willing to take her chances. She tucked her hair behind her ears as her fingers grazed the familiar surface of her Mang power bank. As she pulled out the power bank, she didn't notice that she grabbed a folded card along with it until she set the power bank on her nightstand.

Last night, she was worried that Yongsik actually did take three hours with what he was doing and went back for her (a bit of a stretch, but she'd feel guilty if that was the case). Checking her phone, she opened her message app to see if she had any unopened messages from him.

But there was none, proving that he did forget about her.

Gyeoul sighed, putting her phone back down and shaking her head. She laid back down on the bed, staring at her ceiling in thought. Sleep cleared her head and she was left with an assumption. Yongsik was probably not over his ex-girlfriend. The look on his face last night said it all. But who was she to judge when she still had strong feelings for the person who had her heart without being aware of it?

Get a hold of yourself, Gyeoul, she told herself, sluggishly sitting up. Her eyes landed on her Mang power bank and saw a small folded card underneath it. She pulled it out and read it, her mouth forming an 'o' as she realized it was the same card from the bouquet Eunho gave her on Valentine's day. 'You are the dream fulfilled' was written on the card. No name of the supposed recipient, and no name of the giver, no nothing, only those romantic heart-fluttering words.

She hadn't an idea as to why she kept that card while she gave the bouquet to her mother in her office in the gallery. The words written there were like love that had nowhere to go. She felt that if she threw it away, that love would wander aimlessly into a graveyard of all the words that could have been said.

Putting it back down on the nightstand, she stood up and went to the bathroom to fetch her small watering can. Before she would start her day, her first responsibility was to water her plants, especially the one Taehyung bought from Namjoon. Gyeoul would hide away in another country if Namjoon found out that she was treating his bonsai recklessly. Plus, it was a gift from one of her dearest friends, she'd want to keep that gift alive for as long as she could.

"Good morning," she whispered to the plant as she poured an adequate amount into the soil. "I hope you grow well."

Moving on to the growing bonsai, she checked if the soil was still wet. Upon feeling that it wasn't as wet, she poured water on it. "Hello, good morning to you too. It's you, especially, that needs to grow well, little baby."

Putting the small watering can on her windowsill, she looked down at her desk. Her eyes magnetized to the notebook where she stuck the sticky note that came with her newer plant. She wiped her hands on her pajama pants and opened that notebook, pulling out that small note that shouldn't have made her heart flutter.

"Holy shit?" she breathed out, her eyebrows suddenly knitting together in slow suspicion. She walked back to her nightstand and picked up the card. "Holy shit."

She had to sit down to properly comprehend what she was seeing. Either she was being delusional or the guy Eunho bumped into was Taehyung. No wonder the writing seemed familiar, she's seen it hundreds of times in the scribbles of song lyrics he showed her in their after-work hangouts. The way the hanging consonants were written was consistent in both the note and the card, and the way each character connected was unmistakable.

It was the same handwriting, there's no doubt.

But why? It confused her and if she tried to think about it more deeply, she might end up losing her mind.

Laying down on the bed, she was back in the same position as before. She stared at her ceiling, massaging her temples to try to make sense of everything.

If it was indeed Taehyung that Eunho bumped into on Valentine's day, then it would only make everything complicated. She assumed that it was her he was supposed to give the bouquet to since he knew that her favorite flowers were white carnations, and the late morning on the same day when he asked her when her class would end. His actions towards her the past year spoke louder than words. Who would he fall for if not her? But it didn't make sense.

If he liked her, then why would he reject her?

She was connecting the dots, but at the same time, she wasn't. She was clueless, but not entirely. Was it possible that he liked someone else? What made him push her away? Gyeoul groaned, setting the note and card aside and curling up into a ball.

It's been a month, he probably already moved on, Gyeoul thought to herself.

There was still that photoshoot later, and Hayoon will be there. If there was anyone she could ask about the situation other than the other idols, it would be Jin's fiancée.

❆

'A private host, a private toast, to new horizons. Never mind what I had to do to get these diamonds.'

Gyeoul had to hold back a laugh while she posed for the camera, but she couldn't mask the glint in her eye that made it evident that she was thoroughly amused. Weirdly enough, the song put her in a mood that was perfect for the theme of the photoshoot.

With the first four buttons of the white button-up shirt she was wearing undone, Gyeoul sat on a chair with her legs crossed. She was wearing Saint Laurent for the coming May issue of Mythos Magazine. The clash of the rogue vibe of the unbuttoned dress shirt and the sleek elegance of her black suit and trousers was only accentuated by the messy yet chic style of the waves of her long hair. Her heels and her jewelry, especially, had a huge contribution to boosting her ego. They were unique and it made her feel like a villain who should be spoiling her lover with diamonds and pearls.

As conceited as it might sound, Gyeoul knew she looked incredibly alluring.

'He love me, he give me all his money, that Gucci, Prada comfy, my sugar daddy.'

"You're doing great, sweetie, keep doing your thing," Hayoon praised, taking photos of Gyeoul as the model changed her poses. "That's right, keep feeling yourself. You're the daddy here."

If it was any other photographer, Gyeoul would definitely be weirded out, but she's been working long enough with Hayoon to consider her a close friend. Gyeoul smirked slightly at the praise.

Gyeoul uncrossed her legs and positioned them far apart as if she was a guy who took too much space on the train, leaning slightly back on her chair. Hayoon positioned the camera lower. Gyeoul looked down at the camera, making sure to keep her gaze sultry.

Hayoon's eyes widened, her grip on the camera faltering. Her reaction to Gyeoul's much too sensual gaze made the videographer screech at her.

"Noona, that would have been the A-Cut!" he whined.

But the woman ignored him and kept her attention on Gyeoul, "Holy shit, for a minute there I thought you were going to eat me alive." She smiled at the younger woman, getting down into position again. "Do that again." Upon her command, Gyeoul did it again, and this time, the photographer was prepared. Hayoon smiled, "Would you like to take some unofficial photos to see what you look like? We can take them using my phone and I'll send them to you later. Just don't post it anywhere."

Gyeoul smiled for a moment, but not too much because she didn't want to create smile lines. "I'd appreciate that. Thank you, eonnie."

The older woman pulled her phone out of her pocket, handing it to the videographer, much to his dismay.

After that, she changed into another outfit, then another, then another. In between those shoots, she participated in a short interview about life and career, the usual interviews for the magazines, because they were running short on time. But despite the growing stress due to time constraints, the whole photoshoot went swimmingly with equal efforts and ego-boosting music.

The busy day managed to distract Gyeoul from her nagging thoughts about Taehyung, but the images of the note and card were still floating in the back of her mind.

Hayoon pursed her lips, waiting for the many pictures to finish sending to Gyeoul's phone and looking absent-mindedly at the wall in front of them. While Hayoon was off in her own world, Gyeoul studied her with a gentle smile on her face. Knowing that the kind woman was Jin's wife-to-be made a wholesome warmth in her heart.

"Do you have somewhere to be soon?" she suddenly asked as the photos were all sent to her phone.

The photographer playfully narrowed her eyes at her, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm engaged, so I can't go on a date with you."

Gyeoul chuckled, "Don't get too ahead of yourself, I'm not hitting on you." A small laugh bubbled out of the photographer's lips, shaking her head 'no.' "There's something I kind of want to talk about with you."

"Is it something serious?" Hayoon asked, her smile faltering. "If it's something with the way I work, then I recommend telling me as soon as you spot anything that I can improve on or things that I need to be called out on—"

"No," Gyeoul quickly interrupted, her eyes widening as their conversation escalated into something she didn't anticipate. "I wanted to ask you about, you know, relationship advice." Her voice dropped at the last two words as she looked away to contain her embarrassment for asking such a question to her.

Hayoon sighed in relief, "I don't know about you, but I'm the best advice-giver I know. My friends don't think the same way because they ignore it and go back to their godforsaken walking red flag boyfriends like idiots." She puffed her chest out slightly with pride as she smiled at the younger woman, "Trust me, everything will be right in your life if you listen to your eonnie, I can assure you that. But if it doesn't, then... I'm sorry?"

The dancer couldn't hold in her laugh. "Those types of friends are the ones I want to just—" she made a gurgling noise while acting like she was trying to squish something. Hayoon laughed, making Gyeoul beam at the sense of accomplishment she felt when she did. "It's nothing that serious. I'm just caught between crossroads and I don't know which way to go."

"Okay," Hayoon nodded, looking around the area they were in. They were still in the reception room in the photo studio and the walls were thin. She didn't know how dire Gyeoul's situation was, but she didn't want anyone eavesdropping or leaking out any sensitive information. "What do you think about talking in my car? We can even order from a drive-thru. I'll take you back here since you took your car."

Following the photographer to the parking lot, Gyeoul hummed, "I'm an only child, but I feel like you'd be a good big sister."

"I'm actually the youngest of five siblings," Hayoon replied with a cheeky smile, "I don't know. The older sibling energy must have rubbed off from my fiancé."

Gyeoul smiled, knowing exactly what she meant.

Hayoon pressed the button on her keys and the car's lights blinked, signifying that it was unlocked. It was Hayoon that got to the car first to put away the RJ plushie she had buckled on the passenger seat and put it in the backseat just in time as Gyeoul opened the car door.

"I'm craving some McDonald's today. Think about what you want to order. My treat," Hayoon grinned, turning on the radio and the Careless Whisper instrumental started to play.

Gyeoul blinked, "I think you're craving something else." She playfully gasped, covering her mouth, "Are you trying to seduce me? You're engaged!"

A few minutes later, they made it to a McDonald's drive-thru, and they then ordered food that was much too excessive for the two of them. Even though Hayoon already said that it was her treat, Gyeoul felt guilty for leaving her to pay for all that food alone, so she managed to persuade Hayoon to split the pay at the last minute. Not long after that, they went back to the parking lot of the photo studio and stayed there.

Neither initiated the conversation they were supposed to have as they ate, too busy reveling in the delight of unhealthy fast food while making insignificant chatter about the horror stories they heard when they were younger. Soft tear-jerking ballads played in the back, contrasting the rowdiness of the two women who had already tuned out whatever was playing on the radio.

It was when the atmosphere of the car finally died down did Hayoon ask her about it, "So, this relationship advice, how can I help?"

Gyeoul vowed that this would be the last time she would get advice from anybody for the rest of her life. It's been happening too many times now, and she didn't want to grow dependent on other people's standing than her own.

"I like Kim Taehyung."

Hayoon choked on air.

"And I think at some point, he liked me too."

The photographer's eyes widened, trying to make her brain keep up. "Of all the things I expected you to say, that was at the very bottom of the list. A little warning next time would have been nice." She reached into the paper bag and handed Gyeoul a small box, "Here, have some nuggets."

"Thank you," Gyeoul said as she accepted the kind offer.

Hayoon nodded back at her, "Not to be rude or anything, but why are you trusting me with this?" The dancer gave her a meaningful look that said it all, making her gasp. "Oh my god, you know. How did you know? Did he tell you?" Hayoon blinked, realizing that she might be overreacting, "Wait, how do I know that you know what I think you know?"

"I figured it out last year that you and Jin-ssi were together. There were a lot of things that hinted at it, but they were subtle so you don't have to worry about it."

She then went on to explain the loose threads that made her figure out their relation to one another, starting from the half of the contact name that she accidentally read, the exchanged sim trays, and the Taehyung's umbrella that Jin once borrowed. Hayoon listened intently, her mouth gaping at each word passing. As the dancer listed everything, she felt a pleasant combination of being intimidated and impressed. Intimidated that Gyeoul was smart enough to figure it all out with just a few pieces of evidence. Impressed that the younger woman revealed nothing about the relationship she deduced, that she never even told her and Seokjin because she thought it wasn't her business.

"You should become a detective," Hayoon breathed out as Gyeoul finished. "Do you mind if I tell Jin that you know? You know, just to be fair. I'll tell him everything you told me."

Gyeoul smiled and nodded, "It's okay."

"So back to Taehyung? I heard from Jin that you two are pretty good friends. From what he's told me, I think Taehyung really did have a big crush on you. What do you mean by 'at some point?'"

"Well, I confessed to him last January, and he rejected me, like, a month later. That long time period assured me that he was sure of his decision."

Hayoon grimaced, "A month is pretty long."

"Then on Valentine's day, after I taught a class, Yongsik, the guy that I worked with for a music video, asked me out. Yongsik was someone who flirted with me every chance he got ever since we started working together. I told him that I'd think about it, and he left. After Yongsik left, a friend approached me and gave me a bouquet of my favorite flowers saying that a guy that he bumped into told him to keep it."

"Okay, this is a love triangle. I got it."

"A week later, I went to hang out with Taehyung in his studio and the topic came up. For absolute closure, I made the desperate move of asking him what I should do. He told me to date Yongsik."

"And are you now dating this Yongsik guy?"

Gyeoul hummed, "For a little more than a month now." She took a deep breath. "There was a card in the bouquet that I kept because it felt wrong to throw it away, and last month, Taehyung gave me a seedling with a sticky note stuck on the flowerpot. I only noticed this morning that the handwriting is the same."

"Holy shit?"

"Holy shit." Gyeoul bit into a chicken nugget to give herself a small break. The number of emotions whirling through her mind was colossal. "And I don't think Yongsik is over his ex."

Hayoon furrowed her eyebrows, "What makes you think so?"

"Last night, we saw her and he ran after her. He told me to stay and I did."

"Don't tell me that he left you? That ass!"

Gyeoul pursed her lips into an awkward smile, "He kind of did? But he's far from being an ass, he's really nice. I don't think he really meant to forget about me. He and his ex looked like they had some unresolved issues. It's okay, I called Taehyung and he took me home."

"Even so! That's a dick move." Hayoon pouted at the younger woman, feeling more protective. She reached inside the paper bag and pulled out a few napkins, wiping the barbecue sauce on the corners of Gyeoul's mouth. "Please tell me he at least apologized." Gyeoul averted her eyes and the older woman gasped, "That bitch!"

The dancer chuckled, "Tone down the swearing, it's not much of a big deal."

"It is a big deal, babe. If Jin left me and forgotten about me because he ran after his ex, we would have fought. Unless he had a perfectly good explanation, he'd be sleeping on the couch. Dating someone who's not over someone they're initially in love with is bound to end badly one way or another. You and Yongsik will have trouble with this, you're only going to hurt each other."

Gyeoul nodded understandingly, "Do you think that Yongsik is really over his ex? Or am I just finding an excuse to break it off with him?"

Hayoon sighed, her eyes soft as she looked back at Gyeoul's dark irises. "Finding a reason to break up is a reason to break up, sweets." The dancer nodded, biting into another nugget. "Talk to Yongsik as soon as you can and break things off. Talk to Taehyung and finally get together with him. Boom, problem solved."

"It's been a month, what if Taehyung doesn't have those feelings anymore?"

She shrugged, "Then he doesn't, we can't force someone to love us back. The most important thing is you talk to Yongsik and clear the air between you two. It's your choice, but if I were you, I'd break it off. At least then there wouldn't be any heartbreak involved in the future."

If Gyeoul wasn't an only child, she always imagined having an older sister that wasn't far off her age. They'd fight over every little thing and reconcile right after. She imagined that she and her older sister would go to bars and Gyeoul would be the one to keep her in line. Her sister would be supportive yet stern when she sees something that needs to be taken action. Her older sister would be someone she can talk to about everything there is to do with her love life. She'd be the one to raise a judgemental eyebrow at her old lovers when they pass by them in a public place.

"How did you two make it work?"

Hayoon smiled softly at the younger woman, "We made it work through effort. Nothing comes easy, we just love each other so much that giving up isn't an option." She leaned forward, brushing her finger below Gyeoul's chin. "Talk to them, especially Taehyung. If you never try, how will you know that it wouldn't work out?"

She also imagined having a younger brother that was two to three years younger than her. He'd be annoying and sometimes endearing. She imagined a little brother that would always make fun of her and fight her over food. Gyeoul would come to every event that needed someone in the family and she would tease him in front of his friends. He'd be her biggest fan. He'd try to be protective of her in front of the lovers she would bring home but would be the type of person to trade her for a bag of chips.

Gyeoul could confide in her friends and she trusted that she could, but opening up to someone like Hayoon touched on a different category of comfort that she rarely felt with her mentors, seniors, and older friends. She has already grown attached to the photographer.

"Okay, I'll talk to them."

❆

You are the dream fulfilled.

It was the middle of the night, and there was still a room with open lights in the Ahn family household. Gyeoul read it over and over again, holding the card next to the note and relentlessly comparing the handwriting to make sure her feelings weren't clouding her wits.

Suddenly, she felt her phone vibrate on her thigh. Putting the items down on the floor where she sat, she checked the notification.

TAEHYUNG
gogo

TAEHYUNG
i summon you

GYEOUL
i'm no demon for you to summon

TAEHYUNG
why do you act like it then?

GYEOUL
wtf are you saying im literally an angel

GYEOUL
BUT ANYWAY

GYEOUL
to what do i owe the pleasure of getting summoned at midnight of all times

GYEOUL
aren't you supposed to be home

TAEHYUNG
i was on my way home and i thought of you

TAEHYUNG
hoping you'd be awake yanno?

GYEOUL
cant really sleep tonight i dont know why

TAEHYUNG
where are you?

TAEHYUNG
what are you doing now?

GYEOUL
i'm at home

GYEOUL
and im sitting on the floor thinking about life and other stuff

TAEHYUNG
could you come outside for a moment?

She put the note and card down on her bed. Confusion rose to her senses. Gyeoul pushed herself off of her bedroom floor and walked over to her window to see if he was just messing with her, only to see a familiar black car outside her house and Taehyung casually leaning on the hood of the car, looking up at her window with his phone in his hand.

As soon as her head peeked out of the window, the idol raised his arm and waved at her with a large smile on his face. The dancer returned his smile, shaking her head in disbelief. Gyeoul leaned back, taking a random jacket from her closet and quietly closing her bedroom door shut. She hurried off to get out of the house, making sure to sneak on her toes to not wake up her parents seeing as it was already late at night.

Gyeoul took her slippers off and shuffled into the first pair of sandals she could find. As she opened the front door, she already saw a giddy Taehyung waiting outside the gate while holding a plastic bag full of what seemed to be midnight snacks up. She grinned at him and stood before the bars of the gate.

"Hey, I would have thrown stones at your window, but I didn't want to risk breaking your flowerpots," Taehyung greeted as she opened the gate as silently as she could. She faced him, tilting her head with an inquisitive glint in her eyes yet her smile made it obvious that she was amused. "Would you like to go see stars with me?"

A breathy laugh escaped her, "You came all the way here in the middle of the night just for that?"

"Well, the last time I was with you on your stargazing spot on the stairs, there weren't any stars in the sky. So, I thought that I should take my chances now when there's a few."

Gyeoul bit the inside of her cheeks to contain her smile and invited him in, quickly closing the gate after them. "What if I was already asleep? What would you have done then?" She put a finger to her lips and they went to the black metal staircase on the side of her house that led to the rooftop, the flashlight of her phone helping her lead the way.

"It's your last day of leave tomorrow and you don't sleep early on days like this." He smiled at her even though she couldn't see, moving the plastic bag so it would rustle. "Plus, I brought snacks to make it all worthwhile."

"I know. That's the only reason I didn't leave you outside."

"How sweet of you to be so kind."

They stopped at a specific step in the staircase that gave them the perfect view of the city lights and the barely visible twinkling stars above them. She sat down, giving Taehyung space to sit beside her. He sat down and opened the bag, taking out banana milk for each of them, along with a box of Pepero, and giving it to his companion.

"There aren't many stars tonight. Sorry to disappoint."

"It's okay, I'm right where I want to be," Taehyung replied, looking at her rather than the view. He smiled, trying to fight the overwhelming urge to tuck her hair behind her ear. No, she's dating someone, remember? He longed to tell her how beautiful she looked that night, but all he could do was clench his teeth and look away. "I heard from Jin-hyung that you figured out that he's engaged. Congratulations, you're less of an idiot now."

Gyeoul playfully narrowed her eyes at him, "It's like you're asking me to throw you out of my house."

He grinned, "So, how's your day?"

"Oh, tell me, oh yeah, oh yeah," Gyeoul sang, her voice cracking slightly. Taehyung stifled a laugh by biting down on his Pepero stick. "It was great, actually. I have some pictures taken from Hayoon-eonnies's phone, do you want to see them?" She was already pulling out her phone and opening the gallery.

She handed him the phone and left him to swipe through the pictures. Taehyung's jaw dropped as he saw the first picture, "Gyeoul, do you have any idea how divine you are?" He swiped and was attacked yet again. It was a photo of her manspreading in a suit and a dress shirt that was barely buttoned. "With all due respect, you look very daddy here. No kidding, like, your lap looks comfortable here."

Gyeoul snorted, "That sugar daddy song was playing in the background while that was being taken."

"It's accurate. I'm one step closer to asking you to spoil me."

She shook her head with an amused smile, sipping her banana milk as Taehyung kept swiping through her phone.

Taehyung sighed with an idiotic smile as he swiped through the photos he had already seen again, "You're heavenly, Gyeoul." He pointed at her phone with a smile, "Do you mind sending these to my phone?"

Snatching her phone away from him, she gave him a smirk, "You're going to have to wait for May like everyone else."

"Don't I at least get some best friend privileges?" Taehyung asked, making that adorable face that he knew she couldn't resist.

Conceal, don't feel, Gyeoul, she thought, daring to meet his eyes. But the moment he gave her that boxy smile she loved so much, she gave in. Sighing in defeat, she handed him her phone and let him do the process himself. Taehyung let out a small noise of victory as she conceded. He pinched her cheek before taking the phone, typing in the passcode and readying his phone in his other hand.

Gyeoul leaned back, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of the metal of the next step digging into her back. A subconscious smile appeared on her face as recalled her talk with Hayoon. She was going to make things right, but not tonight. She was going to talk to Yongsik first before anything else. After that, she was going to talk to Taehyung again.

And if he rejects her again, she knew she'd be somewhat fine with it. Looking at him basking in the glow of the city lights and the moonlight, she knew everything was going to be alright. His presence alone was a comfort blanket to her. In situations where she wanted to give up and lose to her problems, Taehyung's smile shined a certain light that made her want to conquer the world for him. If friends were all they were going to be, then she'd be okay with that.

"You're staring at me."

She blinked, turning her head away. "I zoned out." She heard him chuckle as he gave her back her phone. A smile stretched wider across her lips as she heard the sound. "Thank you for always being here for me."

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows, "So suddenly?" He leaned forward, scanning her features in concern. "Are you okay? Did something happen in the photoshoot? Is it Yongsik? What's wrong?"

"None of the above. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you. You're my favorite person."

A beat of silence passed.

Gyeoul looked up at the sky, trying to locate the brightest star and grinning as she saw it twinkling at her as if it knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Guess what."

She hummed, looking down to face him. "What?" Her confusion only increased as a wide goofy smile grew on his face.

"You're my favorite person too."

The whole world paused to let the scene unfold. She smiled at him and he smiled back at her. And without saying anything, the two kindred spirits simultaneously looked away and looked up at the stars.

NOTE

bts was at the white house today and i feel so proud, they did so well hgegdyedbdyey

song(s) mentioned in this chapter — sugar daddy by qveen herby | careless whisper by george michael | boy with luv by bts