XXVIII. SANTAE CLAUS

The holidays were said to be the happiest time of the year.

For idols, it wasn't the case.

While the majority of the people would be with their families and traveling to places they've always dreamed of going, idols would be stuck attending many award shows and year-end events. Instead of stressing about the ornaments falling off of the Christmas tree, they had to stress about the mics that would fall off while they were performing vigorous choreography. Instead of worrying about whether or not the house's floor was vacuumed already, they had to worry about how slippery the stage they were dancing on was because the last thing they wanted to happen was to get injured.

For idols, the holidays were some of the saddest times of the year because those were one of the times when they missed their loved ones at home the most.

At least for this year, Taehyung gets to celebrate Christmas Eve with his family.

"Damn it."

But before he can go ahead and have fun with his family, he has to go through one obstacle: contribute something to the dinner table that's not just a bottle of wine.

"Why isn't this brain working?" Taehyung muttered, looking at a website of possible recipes like it were an endless string of subjective questions in a test he didn't study for. He laid down on the couch, "Come on, brain, think of something."

Taehyung exited the app and was greeted by his wallpaper of his childhood friend. He bit back a smile.

The sound of the smart lock opening made his ears perk up. Speak of the devil. Gyeoul walked into the living room with a bag lazily slung over her shoulder. She didn't say anything but groaned loudly as she curled herself into a ball on the other couch, closing her eyes as if she was ready to go to sleep.

"You're tired?"

Gyeoul hummed, "I couldn't really sleep last night." She sighed, eyes fluttering open.

He fixed his position so he could see her better. "If you were tired, then you should have told me. You came all the way here," he reprimanded in a gentle voice. She only smiled back at him. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

Overthinking about you.

Ahn Gyeoul was many things, stupid is not one of them. Imagine a tall brick wall, that wall represents their friendship. When the moment comes and Taehyung doesn't feel the same way about her, that wall will collapse into nothing. Even before she found out that Taehyung was her xiaolongbao, he was someone that she knew she would be friends with until the very end. In a long imaginary list of things Gyeoul cared about the most, his name was on top with a little brown heart next to it. He was an idol too, so if word got out even just about her close friendship with him? Game over.

Was she stupid? No. But was she an idiot? Most probably.

But if anything, she was hopeful.

Hope wormed its way to her heart with every delicate little smile, every little tease, every little touch, every little look that lingered a second too long, all of it. God, she knew it was going to hurt so much if he didn't feel the same way.

She swerved the topic, "You know, for years after I left Daegu, waiting for the holidays to come felt different. It would eventually come, but it wasn't the Christmas I was waiting for. Christmas without you felt somewhat empty. When I grew older, I just figured that the spirit died with age."

"I feel the same way." He smacked his thighs as he sat up properly. "Well, we're together again," Taehyung grinned, standing up and putting his fist in front of her for a fist bump. "Let's bring that spirit back again."

Gyeoul smiled back at him and high-fived his fist. She stood up, "So, care to tell me why you called me over?"

Taehyung linked their arms, leading her to the kitchen as he explained. "I need help with cooking for our dinner tonight."

"Cooking for tonight?" Gyeoul clarified, raising her eyebrows at him. "You're becoming more and more like a chef these days."

He sighed, "I'm still the dishwasher, unfortunately. That's why I need your help." Fetching two aprons from the hooks by the side, he handed one to Gyeoul. "My parents are bringing food, your parents are making food, and I'm pretty sure Mr. Seo said something about his son's famous chicken cordon bleu. I want to contribute something at least." He put his apron on.

The dancer turned around after putting on the apron and Taehyung tied the strings around her waist for her, making sure to keep it loose. "Your family is just happy to be able to celebrate with you today." Once he finished with her strings, he turned around and she did the same for him. "But if you really want to put yourself through this, then I might as well endure the same." She patted his shoulders, pretending to dust them off.

"It's not like you have a choice, I mean, you're already here."

She laughed, shaking her head, "I was trying to be sweet."

Taehyung gasped dramatically, "Were you?" He cupped her cheeks, squishing them. He cooed, talking in a baby voice as if she was Yeontan. "My sweet, sweet Gyeoul is making me feel so special."

Gyeoul glared at him and karate-chopped his hands away from her face.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to search for recipes. "Hello, welcome back to my cooking channel! Today, we have a very special guest. You might know her as the other half of VGOVGO or Winter Bear, whichever you prefer," he started to say like he was filming for a video. Turning to her, he said, "Please introduce yourself."

"Yes, hello, everybody. My name is Ahn Gyeoul. Thank you..." Gyeoul trailed off, squinting at Taehyung to figure out what channel name she was going to use. "Thank you, Cooking Tata, for inviting me today."

'Cooking Tata' snorted, "You need a name too. Should I call you... Cooking Gaga?"

Gyeoul let out a boisterous laugh, making Taehyung's smile wider. She feigned a painfully forced smile, scrunching her nose at him, "That sounds a little weird so let's stick to 'special guest,' okay?"

There was a certain intimacy with the way they worked. Comfortable conversations were exchanged between them the whole time, accompanied by the soft jazz that played in the background. It was natural to them. Gyeoul made a home out of his space, so much so that she knew where everything was placed. Taehyung was attentive to the dancer without needing to look directly her way. He'd hear her grunt slightly and he'd be by her side right away to open the jar she was trying to open, take her place whenever her arms would get tired while manually mixing the batter, and so much more.

Even Gyeoul's own house had traces of him everywhere. She had a drawer in her room now reserved especially for his things.

By chance, perhaps they were a married couple in their past lives. Would that explain how they were so much like home to each other?

Whenever the song would be too upbeat, they would temporarily abandon their tasks and dance, making his kitchen light their disco ball. But then they would realize that they would get too carried away and go back to the food they were making before they could smell something burning.

'No other love can warm my heart, now that I've known the comfort of your arms.'

Gyeoul's ear perked up as she heard something clang against metal from behind her. Soon after, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she saw that Taehyung was bowing down with his hand outstretched in front of him.

"May I have the pleasure of dancing with you, Cooking Gaga?"

She snorted, "I was considering it until the 'Cooking Gaga,' so it's a no for me."

Taehyung grinned toothily, standing back straight with his chest puffed out. "Alright with me, I'll just dance on my own."

With that, he closed his eyes and held out his arms in front of him as if he had a partner. He then started to side-step and twirl around the kitchen while Gyeoul watched in amusement. She would have thought that he would stop after a few lines, but no, the idol just kept on going.

Until he bumped his hip on the corner of the island.

Gyeoul burst into laughter before approaching her friend. Taehyung was laughing-crying, clutching his hip, and placing his forehead on her shoulder. She replaced his hand and gently massaged his hip as she ruffled his hair with her other hand.

"You're such an idiot."

Taehyung laughed, pulling his head away from her. "How was I supposed to know that the corner was there?"

"You could have opened your eyes and watched where you were going, darling."

He smiled, "But then I wouldn't have felt the meaning of the song to the full extent."

"The only thing you felt was pain."

Taking the hand that was on his hip, he raised it to hover above his lips. "Then make me happy." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Can I have this dance?"

"You can but you may not."

Taehyung groaned, shaking his shoulders, "Ahn Gyeoul." He pouted at her. "May I have this dance?"

She smiled, "You may."

"Too late, I already changed my mind," he teased, dropping her hand and walking away. But then he couldn't resist and went back to her side in an instant. "I'm kidding, let me just play the song again."

Once he did, he positioned himself in front of her, gently placing his hand on her back on pulling her closer. They avoided each other's eyes, unable to look at each other without smiling like fools. Chest to chest, they swayed from side to side.

Usually, Taehyung would be someone who wasn't afraid to shy away from eye contact, but when it came to Gyeoul, it was difficult. Not in a way that he can't manage to meet her gaze, but it was the way he knew he'd be falling deeper than he already had. He couldn't allow himself to indulge in such pleasure any further, but she made it so easy to fall for her. 

He wanted to throw away all his worries and show her his desperation. Love me. Hold me. Kiss my soul and take it from me. Go against the world with me. He knew that he couldn't.

But he did anyway.

Taehyung loved her against all reason.

The thoughts of her that plagued his head will remain there forever. Only for him. No matter how much he wanted it to be more, it was something that he had to put up with. Besides, they were just friends anyway.

"No other lips could want you more," Gyeoul sang softly, surprising her friend. Taehyung now looked at her with a hint of a smile on his face. She met his gaze, "For I was born to glory in your kiss, forever yours."

Taehyung wanted to tease Gyeoul into oblivion for singing to him willingly. 'Who are you and what have you done to my Gyeoul?' he wanted to ask. But the melody and the lyrics weighed him down. Her eyes held the warmth of the promise of love. And her lips. He gulped, closing his eyes and subconsciously pulling her closer. He wanted to stay there forever.

The moment their noses brushed, Taehyung could feel his heart beating past his chest. Or was it Gyeoul? Was she, perhaps, as dazed as he was? He felt her tighten her hold around his shoulders, ever so slightly bringing her mouth closer to his to the point that he could feel the heat of her breath. He could feel himself almost swooning there and then.

Kiss her, you fool, his heart told him.

He opened his mouth to risk it all and ask for permission.

But as the corner of his eye caught something on the counter, something else rolled out of his tongue.

"Yongsik."

Gyeoul could barely comprehend his statement, her mind clouded with the desire to go against her better judgment and lean a few centimeters closer to close the gap between them. "What?"

"Yongsik is calling you."

The dancer blinked repeatedly, his words slowly processing in her mind. She inwardly sighed. So close yet still so far. He was right there. All the world was gone and there were only the two of them that existed. It would have been a dream come true, but now all she would be able to do was keep dreaming.

She pursed her lips, sighing inwardly and pulling away. Checking her phone on the counter, she confirmed that Do Yongsik was indeed trying to contact her. She answered the call, narrowly avoiding Taehyung and his eyes as she went to the living room to save herself the embarrassment.

"Hello?"

With a sigh, she sat on the couch, dropping her head back on the headrest.

"You sound tired, did I call at the wrong time?"

"No, not at all. I'm glad you called, actually," Gyeoul quickly denied, pinching the bridge of her nose as she thought back to her almost-kiss with Taehyung.

"That statement alone already made my day."

Forcing a small, awkward laugh, she asked him, "So, why did you call me?"

"I wanted to ask how you were."

Gyeoul clicked her tongue, "You wanted to ask how I am?" She pursed her lips, closing her eyes. "Well, I could be better, that's for sure. I'm alright. What about you?"

"I'm feeling a lot more single no thanks to you. Yunseo brought your friend home and they've been flirting in front of me for two hours straight."

"I'm glad they're getting along well. Danbi's been telling me about their first date last week. She said that it's like she's met the one."

She could hear Yongsik hum from the other side of the line. "I know how that feels."

Unsure of how to respond to that statement, Gyeoul changed the topic, "Good for you. Well, I'm actually doing something right now, is it okay if we talk some other time? I'll be seeing you in a few days to rehearse anyway."

"Of course, I'll be seeing you then."

She smiled, "Alright, happy holidays, Yongsik. I hope you enjoy your day."

"Happy holidays, Gyeoul."

With that, the phone call ended. Gyeoul tossed the phone on the couch. She felt guilty for sounding a bit rude to Yongsik and for trying to end their conversation too soon. Her head kept replaying the moment before Yongsik's name was uttered and how she wanted it to go much further.

Composing herself, she took a deep breath and went back to the kitchen. When she got there, Taehyung was already cooking again.

Gyeoul clenched her jaw. Who was she to assume that Taehyung's actions were intended to go beyond their platonic boundary? As if nothing happened between them, Gyeoul went on with her tasks. She assumed it was just a spur of the moment driven by the heavy romance weaved through each note of the song.

They made it look like they forgot whatever happened, but in truth, it was the only thing repeating endlessly in their minds. Bringing it up would only make things awkward and would possibly put a dent in their friendship.

About half an hour later, Taehyung stood with his hip leaning on the island, staring out the window. Gyeoul noticed this while she was stirring their hot chocolate. She stood beside him to see what he was seeing, handing him his mug. They finished with the food a few minutes ago and decided to take a breather before they get ready to go to her house.

It was snowing.

The gentle falling of the snow reminded her of the song that came out earlier that day. She grinned, poking his arm. "Hey, snow, it's coming today," she sang, making her singing voice deep to mock his baritone voice.

His eyes widened by a fraction, "You listened to it already?"

"Of course I did," Gyeoul mused, grinning at him. "Even memorized it top to bottom."

Taehyung smiled to himself, looking down at the floor. He hoped that the apple of his cheeks wasn't as red as he felt it to be.

Upon noticing his flustered reaction, she changed the topic. "Are you ready for our parents to meet?"

"Oh god," he groaned, shaking his head. "I don't think we'll be able to make it out alive."

❆

"So you're telling me—" Ryuwon shifted in her seat, giving the two friends a disbelieving look. "—that after all this time, you're still not together?" She turned to Mihyang with raised eyebrows. "Am I hearing this right?"

"I've been thinking the exact same thing since October!"

Gyeoul and Taehyung gave each other a look.

Taeri stood up, a dramatic gasp leaving her lips. "Oh my goodness, Yeontan, that's an ornament, not a ball!"

The two mothers turned to the little dog in alarm and Taeri gave them the go-signal to run away.

Mr. Seo laughed as the two joined him on the other side of the living room. "I hope they're not ruining the Christmas mood. My wife did it with my daughter all of the time with her ex-girlfriend and now she's decided to take the single path until she passes. I understand how it might be stressful for the two of you."

Despite the demanding work schedules, Taehyung and Gyeoul managed to find the time to collaborate and find a good retirement home in Seoul so he could be closer to his children. For now, the old man was to stay with his eldest son for the holidays. Since he was going to celebrate Christmas on the day itself, the two invited him to their family dinner on the eve so they could all catch up. To express their gratitude, his children offered the two money and food. They denied the money right away but agreed to the food.

"We learn to tune it out after a while," Gyeoul responded, smiling sweetly at him.

Taehyung nodded in agreement, watching as their mothers now decided to change the topic of their conversation.

"I got it to work!" Taeju cheered, jumping up excitedly.

Sangkyu, who was glued to Chuwon's side the whole time in the kitchen, jogged to the living room to see that the contents of Chuwon's old video camera were presented on the TV screen. He looked at his son in awe, to which Taeju responded with a smug brush of his shoulders. Sangkyu smiled proudly, raising his hand for a high-five. The youngest Kim boy simply bumped his forehead on his father's palm.

Chuwon followed soon after, jogging to the living room with some sauce still dripping from the ladle he was holding. "He got it to work?"

"I got it to work!"

Mihyang stood abruptly from the couch, "Yah, Ahn Chuwon, you better get that ladle away from the couch or so help me."

Breathing out a laugh, Gyeoul raised her hands, "Don't worry, I'll do it." She disappeared from the living room and went to get the things to clean the splatters.

"Oh my god, Tan!" Taeri exclaimed, trying to pry the little ornament from the dog's mouth. For real this time. "That's not a ball!"

Taehyung almost bolted to the other side of the living room to take the ornament from Yeontan's mouth.

Ryuwon let out a loud 'oh!' as she watched the video Taejun picked from the many videos. She patted his head, "Look at how little the two of you are. Taeri's the prettiest potato I've seen."

The teenager playfully narrowed her eyes at her mother, "No wonder I used to cry every time you held me."

She scrunched her nose at her, wrapping an arm around her daughter's neck and putting her into a playful headlock. Taeri laughed, trying to wriggle out of her mother's arm as she was ticklish there.

Taeri stopped as she saw three older kids fighting silently in the background. She laughed, looking at her Taejun. "You were such an ugly kid."

Gyeoul was helping her father and Sangkyu set up the table as a heated fight started to brew between the youngest siblings while the eldest child sat on the floor and peacefully watched the contents of Chuwon's camera. She licked her lips at the sight of snow crabs on a serving dish. It's been so long since she last ate them.

She walked up to them to call them over for dinner, but as she got there, she got distracted by the video playing on the TV screen. Sitting down beside him on the floor, Yeontan immediately ran to her lap.

The dancer grinned and picked the little dog up, cradling him in her arms.

On the screen, it was her first big competition in Seoul. Her father was filming her dancing to the loud music, but what was louder than the music was her friend's cheers.

"AHN GYEOUL! AHN GYEOUL! AHN GYEOUL! GO, PENGWENG!"

Gyeoul smiled fondly and turned to Taehyung. She brushed her finger under his chin, leaning her shoulder on his. "My first fan."

Taehyung leaned back into her, shifting his position so he was laying his head on her shoulder. In turn, she leaned her cheek on his head. "After everything that'll happen tonight, can we—"

"Dinner's ready!" Sangkyu called.

The dancer was the first one to be up on her feet as she remembered the reason why she went to the living room in the first place.

Mr. Seo approached the table and Gyeoul pulled out a chair for him. He smiled at her and sat down. Taehyung approached them, pulling out a chair for Gyeoul and sitting down across from her. Ruffling his hair as a silent 'thank you,' she sat down and waited for the others to settle so they can finally eat.

"Who made the beef?" Mr. Seo asked, leaning slightly on the table. "It looks good."

"It was Taehyung, actually," Gyeoul answered proudly, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

Taehyung shook his head, "She helped out a lot. We made this together."

"Oh, how sweet," Taejun cooed, reaching across the table to pinch his older brother's cheek. Taehyung swatted his hand away. "Did he make you do all the work?"

"It was more the other way around," she answered. Taehyung grinned, holding his hand up for a high-five and she fist-bumped it. Gyeoul turned back to Mr. Seo, "Would you like some beef?"

"Not if you want me to have a heart attack."

She laughed awkwardly, reaching for another dish, "The chicken then."

Mr. Seo laughed heartily, "Thank you, Gyeoul."

Gyeoul sat back down and started with her meal, her and Taehyung doting on the old man with what he wanted and doesn't want to eat, gently scolding him when he wanted to drink the whiskey Sangkyu and Chuwon were sharing, but giving him a small portion of wine. Taejun and Taeri were having the time of their lives with the stories Mihyang and their mother told them about the petty fights between the 95-liners when they were kids.

As they were eating, Taehyung couldn't take his eyes off Gyeoul in front of him. He observed how she would only eye the crab a few times but not get any servings for herself.

"You don't like crab?" he asked, getting one serving and putting it on his plate.

Gyeoul gulped down her food, "I do, but it's too much of a hassle to crack it so I don't usually eat it."

Taehyung hummed, nodding his head. Gyeoul thought that was the last of their conversation and kept eating her food.

He expertly cracked the crab's leg, something that traumatized Namjoon the last time they ate seafood together, and placed the meat on her plate.

Lips parting, she looked up at him. The moment he felt her gaze on him, he smiled but didn't meet her eyes.

Without saying anything, she kicked his foot under the table as a thank you.

❆

It was the happiest Christmas he experienced in a while. Spending it with his fellow members wasn't terrible, but there was something different when he would spend it with his family. It felt complete, the very day he's imagined to happen only in movies. But above all, he appreciated how he spent it with Gyeoul. The very person who made his days special when they were kids and the same person that sprinkles her magic to his gray days in the present.

His family was scattered along the living room, taking a few more moments in each other's presence before they had to go. Mr. Seo was picked up by his son, much to his dismay, and left the party early. Taehyung sat on the floor, trying to listen to whatever drunken nonsense his father and Gyeoul's mother were spewing out. His younger siblings were playing around, Taeju was drunk and crying about how adorable Yeontan was while Taeri filmed the whole thing. Chuwon and Ryuwon were passed out on opposite sides of the couch. And Gyeoul...

Looking around, he noticed that Gyeoul was nowhere to be found.

Suspecting that she was probably in her room, he took his gift for her from the bottom of the Christmas tree.

Taehyung knocked on the door, waiting for her 'come in!' before entering the room.

Gyeoul was sitting on her swivel chair by her desk, a neatly wrapped gift placed on top of it. The idol sat on the bed, observing her unreadable features.

"Why are you way over here?"

He grinned at her, "Things were getting boring without you." Raising an eyebrow at her, he then asked, "And you? Why are you here?"

"Am I not allowed to? This is my room," Gyeoul answered. She smiled slightly, leaning back on her chair and moving herself from side to side. "I got used to small dinners and lonely holidays. I just needed to recharge my social battery for a while." She took a shaky breath. "And I needed some space to think."

She looked at the clock and saw that it was already midnight. This is it, she thought.

"Do you mind if I ask you what about?"

She didn't answer, reaching for the wrapped gift on the desk and handing it to him without leaving her chair. "For you."

Taehyung accepted the gift and handed her his. The dancer didn't open his gift yet, leaving it on the desk and watching him open the gift.

Gyeoul waited until he opened the gift and saw what was inside. The idol was careful, opening it tape by tape as if he was going to reuse the gift wrap in the near future. He looked up, trying to see if he got a reaction from her, but she only leaned back on her chair, no sign of impatience on her features. He pouted when he realized that she wasn't snapping at him anytime soon.

He now ripped off the wrapping paper and saw that she gave him a record. His lips parted, looking at the image of a polar bear with red tulips, the background was brown.

"I compiled a bunch of songs that reminded me of you," she explained, pursing her lips into a tight smile.

Squinting his eyes at the last line of the list of songs, he blinked repeatedly, "Winter Silence by Ahn Gyeoul?" He looked up at her, his eyes wide, "You made this one?" What a coincidence, he wrote a song for her for Christmas too. Slowly, his mind tried to wrap itself around the fact that the same woman who was more than embarrassed about her songs on SoundCloud would write a song for him. Only for him.

Gyeoul laughed, nodding her head as she looked at her feet. "For your ears only. It's not much since I haven't produced a song for so long now. I had a lot of help from my old bandmate." She gulped. Here it goes. "Other than that, I also made the cover of the record. It's the same one I was working on the drawing tablet you saw last time. There's actually a hidden meaning to the color brown there—"

She got cut off by a loud sniffle.

Looking back up at him, she saw him wearing an unflattering expression. His whole face was scrunched. His eyes were squinted, brimming with tears, the corners of his mouth tugged downward into a pouty frown. She was pretty sure that there was already a line of snot dripping from his nose. He remained unmoving, the only evidence that he didn't turn into a statue was that he was shaking like a wet chihuahua.

She blinked, wondering what came over him. Did he not like the gift?

"Taehyung, are you o—"

Taehyung placed the record on her bed and tackled Gyeoul to the ground, his arms and legs wrapped around her like he was a child. "You put too much effort!"

Gyeoul laughed, feeling relieved. "I thought you hated it—"

"Never!" Taehyung adjusted their positions and gently cupped her cheek to make her meet his teary eyes. Gyeoul's heart was palpitating because of her surprise and the close proximity between them. "I love it, you have no idea how much I do. I love y—" He took a deep breath, smiling tenderly at her. "I love it so much that my brain can't function. You're not even in line with song-making."

Reaching up to his face, she wiped his tears away as she tried to control her laughter. "If you love it that much, then why are you crying?"

He burst into a harder fit of tears. "I got you a wallet."

Gyeoul wrapped her arms tighter around him, smiling back at him. "I'm sure I'll love it."

Everything was all over the place. It wasn't like how Gyeoul planned it out in her head at all. But at least Taehyung was happy, that's all that mattered. Her confession can wait because there was no way she would ruin it if by chance he didn't feel the same way.

Another place, another time.

NOTE

here's a cute namu to make your day!

on a random note, yoongi in the that that mv lives in my mind rent free.

❝What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Haters gonna hate, players gonna play.❞

song(s) mentioned in this chapter — no other love by jo stafford | snow flower by bts v